Like most kids, my own childhood ideals of love and partnership were shaped by Disney movies, sappy ballads and fairy tales. Typically (and traditionally), the rough and wild boy snapped into shape and fell in love with the beautiful girl (usually a princess) as they lived happily ever after in some elaborate mansion, under a rainbow, with no mortgage, love handles or life interruptions.

Happily Ever After.

Man, no wonder we’re so screwed up when our relationships end or run far past their expiration date, leaving us hurt and confused. We’re programmed to rely on the fantasy-induced idea of “forever and ever” to fix our problems. After all, we’re entitled to our “happily ever after” with our “one,” right?

Relying on the idea of “the one” and “happily ever after” [typically] isn’t reality, but it’s blissfully forgotten as we stumble our way into passionate, earth-shattering love with rose-tinted glasses on.

However, people grow and people change, even in relationships, especially in relationships.

Growth can mean lots of things — a career change, facing childhood issues or trauma, becoming spiritually enlightened, moving or simply discovering different things that make you happy.

Here’s the thing I’ve learned: You can support these changes with your partner (this also means giving them time to grow), complementing and incorporating one another in life’s shifts while the other route, what can tear and once love-filled relationship apart, is when partner involvement is ignored or unwanted. With this latter route, someone becomes confused and feels left out, which typically results in bitterness about their partner’s change or who they have “suddenly” become without any form of participation.

Please don’t get me wrong, we don’t need to be involved in every aspect during our partner’s life developments and transformations — they are their own person on their own journey, regardless of their relationship with us. However, when we fail to allow room to give support or simply communicate during these times, it can easily and unknowingly carve a pathway of mistrust and disconnection.

It can also signify our role in that relationship is done. Even that relationship you thought would be one of those happily ever afters.

The night my girlfriend and I broke up, she asked me with hot tears streaming down her face, “what if you’re the one? What if I’m making a mistake and letting the one go?” Instead of letting my ego overwhelm me with a harsh and emotion-filled comeback, these words came to the surface,

“I really don’t think there is the one. I think there are lots of ones. You will be fine, I was here when you needed me. You’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

She might have been shocked by my response (and maybe a little comforted). I was shocked. I had thought she was my one from the moment I saw her but, over the past year our relationship was everything but picture perfect or even alright. Individually, we had changed drastically and without any involvement from one another.

The fairy tale misrepresentation of reality and ideals on forever wasn’t playing out in our favor anymore. Our own “to infinity and beyond” couldn’t fix the damage we created.

Most of us enter a relationship to give and receive love. For some of us, that love and partnership is a beautiful (and fun) catalyst for us to learn a great deal about ourselves. When the relationship ends and the fantasy is over, it is our growth and clearer understanding of ourselves that is the real result of that connection.

This is the hardest lesson a broken heart can learn. This is an ego-less understanding, which takes an enlightened heart to see. It is when our hearts are crushed, trampled, and gently reconstructed that enlightenment enters us and those once rose-tinted glasses turn into high definition Ray Ban’s.

My own life journey has already been filled with people whom I loved and learned from, once making my heart swell with intensity and later broken into thousands of pieces in its end. Looking back, I see these relationship as a doorway that opened my eyes, heart, and also made room for the next love or adventure.

I don’t know if there is the ultimate one for me. And I’m OK with this. If someone else can enter my world, to make me grow even more with their love, lessons and final exit, that would be fine with me.

However, if someone enters my life and remains by my side for the rest of my time on this earth, learning and growing, I would warmly welcome it. (What a lovely thought!)

For few people, there are relationships where love enters and remains a literal forever, through years of all sorts of growth — sharing life together during good and bad (and every moment in between). It’s these kinds of stories of eternal love that are amazing and also somewhat mythical. My paternal grandparents represent this forever — they’ve been together for 60 years — gone through ups, downs, and still remain crazy in love, even during a time when one of them is slowly dying of cancer.

I’m not against happily ever after, it can exist, but it’s not the experience most of us have had — no matter what fairy tales, religion or love songs tell us.

People enter and exit our life like a beautifully orchestrated play. With these well-timed introductions and departures we are given the opportunity to grieve the loss, rebuild, and grow (and also build walls — not recommended)

Our ideals on happily ever after or the one are likely to change as we shift through life, learning and expanding from connections with others and yourself. Perhaps, some will find themselves in their own forever relationship. Either way, we’re always growing, to recognize this and learn from life’s transformations is just as beautiful as any Disney movie ending (tweeting birds and rainbow-filled sky not included).

Born a true Texas girl, Bethany U-Hauled to the beautiful, history-drenched city of Richmond, Virginia, for long distance love that eventually ended. In addition to obsessing and writing about Richmond’s food scene (restaurants, festivals, and trends), she’s a connoisseur of painting, aromatherapy, indie music and English accents. Find her stuff at Grub Like A Girl and One Check Or Two.

The post Dismantling Disney’s ‘happily ever after’ first appeared on Lesbian.com.

No matter if you’re a master in the kitchen or your cooking skills are ho-hum, it’s likely your meals, preparation and eating habits shift with the different phases in your life.

For me, childhood was filled with homemade Texas-style meals made with love by my parents (yep, both of them). In college, it was heaps of creamy chicken ramen, grilled zucchini on the George Foreman, and too many Coors Lights. Shifting to being in a relationship for the past 4-and-a-half years, I became a ninja in our beautiful kitchen. Most meals were made with the help of Pinterest, my two hands and something that’d make my girlfriend happy (think mac & cheese, vanilla bean cake and enchiladas).

Now that I’m single, much has changed, including eating and cooking.

In my recent short-term sublet, I had trouble befriending my small kitchen. Although I made a crack pie and baked chicken, I wasn’t ready to get back into it again. The act of cooking had so many emotional strings attached to it that I wasn’t ready to face.

However, after too many Lean Cuisines, bowls of Special K Red Berries and bland salads, I grew bored. And thin.

Once I moved into my new place (with one sexy looking kitchen), I’m starting to re-learn the joy of cooking again.

So what does one eat when they’re single? Well, this is the part I’m slowly discovering. I’ve adjusted my recipes and portions to steer away from huge and extravagant meals, but I still aim to make something that makes me happy, satisfied and feeling good.

In my hunt for easy, wholesome recipes and ingredients (of course, this means getting lost in my new grocery store plenty) I’ve discovered and fallen in love with quinoa.

Yep, the grain that’s hard to pronounce.

In short, quinoa falls in the grain family, but are actually edible seeds that are packed with protein, fiber, iron and vitamin B2. Not only is it amazingly good for you, but it makes a great foundation for meals and can replace less healthy ingredients (processed carbs, white rice, etc).

Here are some easy creations I’m obsessing over at the moment that involve my (new) favorite supergrain:

Quinoa + red apple + dried cranberry + red onion + blue cheese + balsamic + pepper

Chopped kale + quinoa + hard-boiled egg + avocado + sun-dried tomato + almonds + goat cheese + oil + vinegar

Baby greens + quinoa + black beans + tomato + avocado + shredded cheddar + Catalina dressing + Greek yogurt + crushed blue corn chips

Quinoa + arugula + fresh corn + black beans + apple + pico de gallo + avocado + grated cheese (gouda is my favorite with this one) + Sriracha

Quinoa + banana + maple syrup + milk or butter

Greek yogurt + quinoa + fresh berries + honey

The discovery of creating meals just for me has been a learning process and something that I’ll look back on with a smile. Everyday, a new kitchen tool unearths, a new idea incorporates into my meal and my inner kitchen maven returns.

Born a true Texas girl, Bethany U-Hauled to the beautiful, history-drenched city of Richmond, Virginia, for long distance love that eventually ended. In addition to obsessing and writing about Richmond’s food scene (restaurants, festivals, and trends), she’s a connoisseur of painting, aromatherapy, indie music and English accents. Find her stuff at Grub Like A Girl and One Check Or Two.

The post Cooking for one: How I got my groove back first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Dating.

This is one word that’s been unfamiliar in my mind and vocabulary for the past five years. Stumbling into “Singledom” after the dissolution of the relationship with my girlfriend has catapulted this word back into my world, usually the moments when people ask, “Are you starting to date?” For me, this simple word takes on so many different emotions.

You might find yourself in the same boat.

Weeks, months or even years after your breakup, the thoughts of dating, from putting yourself out there, setting up a date and riffing over surface subjects like work, your hometown and hobbies might be overwhelming. For some, it might be exciting. For me, the word itself made me slightly queasy.

More than the standard dating awkwardness, you might not be ready to move on. It’s likely your heart has a hole in it, the size of Texas, where she had been. Not saying you want the relationship back, but imagining bringing another person into your life, when at the same time, frantically managing post-breakup healing might not feel right.

Listen to your heart and head on this one, ladies.

While so many lesbians tend to fall into another relationship (or in bed) at lightning speed after their breakups, some of us take the time to refocus our attention on ourselves. This process isn’t easy (me: hell no!) and can be lonely.

Hopping into another relationship will temporarily alleviate your heartache, making this the ultimate easy route. However, if this is your path, it’ll only put your pain on delay — almost a snooze button for harsh reality.

Besides working through the standard post-breakup agony, investing time in building yourself up again will only contribute to making you a better partner for the future.

To be honest, in the past, I’ve found someone else quickly after my heart was broken (incidentally, by the same ex. Whew, I wish I would have learned then!). I think most of us have, right? This time, the thought of being with someone is one of the last things on my mind (besides that pile of dirty clothes on my floor waiting for laundry day). The first thing on my mind? Me. This is how I know my relationship was monumental for my growth and all I’m learning (good and bad) has spun out a person who is healing instead of diverting reality.

Recently, I confided to a friend I thought I was ready to date. Hell, I’d been on the right path, being social, finding some kind of happiness again and healing my wounds. It wasn’t until a recent gathering, where something triggered me back to that shitty pain, that I realized I’m still struggling. I’m still hurt.

Does this mean I’m not ready?

Possibly.

If you’ve gone through a whirlwind in your own breakup and are in this limbo of “Am I ready? Am I not ready?” Give yourself a break. Avoid feeding into what your friends, our community and society are expecting from you. You might not be ready for dating and that is quite OK.

In fact, it’s kind of bad ass.

So, here are my thoughts, if something happens, it happens. If you’re not ready to actively look or put yourself out there, then don’t. Having your heart crushed and reconstructed has likely given you a clearer vision of what you want, what you don’t want and what you deserve (you deserve a whole lot!) in a future partner.

If this serendipitous universe puts someone in your path now, even during your process of recovery, acknowledge it.

I’m discovering in life, connections with people (friendships, relationships, business, etc.) occur at random moments, which might not make much sense in the beginning, but will give you that a-ha moment later on. Maybe this will happen with someone who will enter your fragile world, maybe it won’t.

Give yourself the time you need before entering the dating scene. This great big world has a plan for you bigger than you can imagine.

Born a true Texas girl, Bethany U-Hauled to the beautiful, history-drenched city of Richmond, Virginia, for long distance love that eventually ended. In addition to obsessing and writing about Richmond’s food scene (restaurants, festivals, and trends), she’s a connoisseur of painting, aromatherapy, indie music and English accents. Find her stuff at Grub Like A Girl and One Check Or Two.

The post When to start dating after a break up first appeared on Lesbian.com.

One of the many things my breakup left me was the choice of what to do with our beautiful vacation to Tulum, Mexico. My ex and I went back and forth, deciding whether we’d refund the trip, keep the tickets and try to reunite our love in Tulum or bring a friend in one of our places.

Eventually, our trip was cancelled. However, my inner voice urged me not to refund my plane ticket, to take this opportunity and go solo. So, in a week, refunded our beautiful and romantic all-inclusive hotel room at the swanky Dreams Resort for a cheap (and very different) alternative, camping in the Tulum jungle for $40 a night.

Once I arrive in warm Cancun, Mexico, I get on a shuttle to take me along the two-hour journey along the Mexican coast to Tulum. A mother and daughter from Canada ride with me. The daughter is going to be the maid of honor at her friend’s wedding in Playa del Carmen. After talking to them for a bit, they discover I am traveling alone. They seem uncomfortable at the thought of a woman doing it solo in foreign country. I didn’t tell them my story — what had brought me here and what I would gain here.

After dropping off the Canadian ladies to their mega resort, I hop in the front seat next to the shuttle driver, Johnny. For an hour, we talk about his children, working at Buffalo Wild Wings (which we both had done), and his stressful job as a shuttle driver. I had met a friend, someone I would have never known if I wasn’t traveling on my own.

I say goodbye to Johnny as I check into my campsite, Turquesa Jungle Camping. The friendly and fabulous host walks down a winding tree-lined path to show me to my orange tent, surrounded by thick palm trees. I tell him “gracias” and sit in my tent, suddenly immersed in unfamiliar silence. I wonder how I’m here, in the jungle, in one of the most beautiful places on earth, alone.

I walk to the beach, look into its clear waters, search for some inner peace. I don’t find it so I find dinner instead at an amazing seafood restaurant called Simple Tulum. The bartender and staff make me feel warm and welcome. Through a few cervezas and amazing grilled mahi, I realize my experiences on this trip will be just what I need. That night, I walk the dark tree-lined road back to my tent.

The next day, I rent a bike to take a 10-mile ride to the mystical Mayan ruins. Unfortunately, I’m not thrilled by history or monuments. However, people-watching (especially tourists), I am a huge fan of, so the ruins made an excellent place for one of my favorite activities. Tulum is a place for any kind of person — families, newlyweds, gays, and plenty of sexy Europeans. It’s one of those place where no labels exist. Everyone seems to be enjoying just being free.

Hell, this is the kind of place where you can avoid “boob jail” and go bra-less all week, hold hands with your lady without a stare, go topless on the beach, or let your kids play naked in the ocean. This is why I adore Tulum.

Enough of the emotion of why this place is spectacular. Let’s get to the activities.

THE CENOTES
Beautiful and dream-like, these underground cave-like bodies of water (around five in Tulum) are filled with crystal clear water. They’re not to be missed. Not all of them are under the earth’s surface, like my favorite one, Casa Cenote. Take a paddleboard and snorkel trip through this one and it might become one of your favorite vacation memories.

THE FOOD
I can’t stress enough how delicious the food is here if you eat at the right places. Hartwood, Casa Jaguar and Gitano are all sexy places (think candlelight outdoor dining, fresh farm to table food and drinks, with a dash of hot hipsters), but they’ll cost you a pretty penny. Stray from the hotel zone to downtown Tulum for great and cheap food that’ll knock your socks off. My favorites are Taqueria Honorio (only open during the day) and Antojitos Mexicanos for tacos, El Camello for seafood, and the famous Flor de Michoacan for popsicles, juices and other sweet treats.

Passionfruit growing

Vegan or health nut? I stumbled upon a hidden gem after yoga. A raw food stand nestled in a pink hut on the property of the Ahau Hotel. Adan, who owns it concocts a smoothie of passionfruit, pineapple, ginger and other good stuff I can’t remember. He tells me about their new dairy-free coconut yogurt he makes along with their handmade chocolates and pizza. He even shows me to the garden where I find myself under a structure that holds beautiful passionfruit vines.

THE ZEN
Tulum is home to yogis, shamans and free spirits. Many hotels and spas offer yoga in the mornings for around $12 to $20 per class. The class I took at Ahau Hotel was mind blowing (the gorgeous instructor had something to do with this, I’m sure). Actually, it was the best yoga experience I’ve had so far. There’s also a chocolate, wine and yoga event at Ahau on Wednesday nights at 6pm. Don’t say no.

Mayan clay

I recommend pampering yourself with a Mayan clay massage. Both times I’ve been to Tulum, I’ve gone to Mayan Clay Spa. Mayan clay, indigenous to the region is used as a detoxifier, regenerator and healer of the skin. It might feel a little weird to have someone slap and massage clay over your body and hair, let it harden and wash it off, but I promise it feels amazing. Not only will it make your skin soft, it heals acne, diminishes wrinkles, helps sunburns and conditions the hair.

THE BEACHES
Crystal clear waters? Soft white beaches? Tropical flowers and palms? Check. Many people walk or run the stretch of beach, some let their dogs play in the salty waters, others frolic with their lovers in the waves, while many women shed their tops and let it all hang out. However you do it, the beaches and scenery here is lovely. If you’re staying at a hotel on the beach side (unlike my tent resort on the jungle side), you’ve got it made with lounge chairs, beds and food and drink service.

If you’re not staying at a beachfront hotel, Aura Beach (around five miles down the main hotel road) lets you rent chairs and umbrellas all day under $15. They also serve booze and food, so you’re good to go!

My own trip to Tulum was quite an experience.

Most people I met on my journey told me how admirable it is that I’m traveling on my own. Women with their significant others exclaimed they would be doing the same if they were single. I don’t want to toot my own horn but, looking back I can’t believe I did what I did, from experiencing raw moments in the hot jungle, finding happiness in conversations with wonderful people and facing post-breakup pain on a vacation intended for a completely different purpose.

This wasn’t my first time in Tulum. I went last September with friends, this time alone, and am already planning for another adventure later this year. One day, I’ll have the amazing experience to bring my future partner and family here.

I could go on forever. Tulum is this good. For me, it was healing and everything I needed to take a nice time out.

It’s an uncomplicated place, full of positive energy, beautiful people, and simplistic grace. Can you tell I highly recommend it?

If you’re going to Tulum, here are a few travel suggestions:

1. Get pesos or pay with your card. Paying in American dollars lands you a crappy exchange rate and incorrect change back. You can do this at the two ATMs on Tulum Avenue (Scotiabank or HSBC). Also, the ATMs along the hotel zone are not safe and charge you an arm and leg in fees.
2. Rent a bike or a car. Taxi fare will add up, if you’re getting out of the hotel area on the regular. Biking will make you look cute anyways. Plus, it’s a great workout.
3. Sunscreen (lots of it). It’s easy for your pasty American ass to get caught up in the Mexican sun, but the next day it’ll hurt like hell.
4. Don’t drink the water. Enough said.

Born a true Texas girl, Bethany U-Hauled to the beautiful, history-drenched city of Richmond, Virginia, for long distance love that eventually ended. In addition to obsessing and writing about Richmond’s food scene (restaurants, festivals, and trends), she’s a connoisseur of painting, aromatherapy, indie music and English accents. Find her stuff at Grub Like A Girl and One Check Or Two.

The post A couple’s vacation transforms into a solo odyssey first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Alas, you’re not losing it every 30 minutes. Once the intense sadness and cry-fests from your recent break up has coursed its way through and flipped your once safe world upside down, a new and unknown journey on the road to recovery starts to begin.

For me, it’s the first time, in a long time, I’m connecting back with me. At the same time, I’m gently healing the parts of myself, damaged by the emotional, physical and spiritual neglect I experienced in our unstimulating relationship.

It’s no surprise that we sometimes lose ourselves in our partner. Luckily, some of us cling to some form of consciousness, so we don’t lose ourselves completely. However, the parts of us that were lost likely were also damaged.

But every day, you come back alive. The more alive you become, it’s likely the more you see the relationship in a different light. The more you see it this way, the more you’ll resent her. The more you resent her, the more you try to let it all go and forgive her. This 24-seven cycle is what I call growth, my friends.

Being single is so interesting. From cooking dinner for one and watching whatever you want to seeing whoever you want, this whole me-myself-and-I thing settles in.

During my own journey, I’m not morphing into someone I’m not distracting myself with people who don’t know the genuine me. This is a good time to even put some acquaintance-types of friends on pause because they don’t nurture your growth. Their whole “you just need to sleep with someone, that’ll help you get over it” answer might not be the solution you want to hear.

The switch from a unit to individual is spiritual, if you let it be. By using the word spiritual, I mean a deep, blind dive into a sadness-drenched, physically painful, obsessive self-doubting whirlwind and, now, the start of a rebirth. The old and the new you start to collide.

One of my favorite things I’ve read (and re-read) is the concept of “conscious uncoupling” from Gwyneth Paltrow’s blog, Goop. This is some deep stuff and with an open mind, you might get the idea. Of course, we don’t feel this zen about it all the time.

Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami write in their article on the Goop site: “It seems ironic to say that a marriage coming apart is the cause of something else coming together, but it’s true. Conscious uncoupling brings wholeness to the spirits of both people who choose to recognize each other as their teacher. If they do, the gift they receive from their time together will neutralize their negative internal object that was the real cause of their pain in the relationship. If we can allow ourselves this gift, our exoskeleton of protection and imprisonment will fall away and offer us the opportunity to begin constructing an endoskeleton, an internal cathedral, with spiritual trace minerals like self-love, self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. This process allows us to begin projecting something different into the world because we’ve regained a missing part of our heart.”

Your exoskeleton will shed everyday and your eyes will open every hour. One day, they’ll be so open that you’ll be thankful your relationship crushed your heart and spirit for that time.

So, while your getting used to the new quietness, there’s a strong self-revolution on its way. A better you — a little smarter, maybe more cautious, but a mended spirit, broken and reconstructed, all on your own.

Born a true Texas girl, Bethany U-Hauled to the beautiful, history-drenched city of Richmond, Virginia, for long distance love that eventually ended. In addition to obsessing and writing about Richmond’s food scene (restaurants, festivals, and trends), she’s a connoisseur of painting, aromatherapy, indie music and English accents. Find her stuff at Grub Like A Girl and One Check Or Two.

The post Single ladies, it’s time to fall back in love with you first appeared on Lesbian.com.

I remember the first time I met her. It was magical. I felt like I had come home.

Two years into our blissful long-distance relationship, I U-Hauled my love-infested self over 1,300 miles from Houston to Richmond, Va., to be with the woman with whom I would spend my life.

For five years, my girlfriend and I combined our two different lives into one. We made a home in the suburbs (not my choice, but I compromised), adopted two dogs that instantly became our children, and celebrated life events together, including career changes, a new niece and my brother’s battle and remission from cancer. We even looked at engagement rings.

Over the past year and a half, things shifted. As with any relationship, people grow.

For us, we grew, but in the most opposite directions and with neglect for one another. She didn’t let me in on her growth. I exhausted myself, trying to put us back together, but I couldn’t. I lost myself in her disassociation and it left me bitter and lonely. In turn, she couldn’t understand my desires and needs.

Of course, there’s more to the story of the breakdown in our once love-drenched relationship. There’s always more. Everyone’s own breakup deserves a novel. It’s a spiritual event so complicated, raw, and deep that it transforms one’s life on every level.

Terminating a relationship is going through the emotions of a death. It is the most underrated kind of pain, you know, the I-feel-fucking-crazy-then-what-kind-of-mistake-did-I-make kind of pain.

However, with lots of time, the right mindset and support, you will discover that it gets better. While immersing myself in YouTube self-help videos, articles and meditation, I’ve come across advice and words slightly easing this crazy pain. I find it worth sharing for other ladies going through this heartache and eventually a rebirth of a new you.

Feel it all and let it out
Cry, write crazy shit in your journal, get angry, eat or not eat. Feel what you feel and be OK about it. Own your emotions. I became visibly upset in the middle of the grocery store on my first single-person-grocery trip in my new neighborhood and I embraced it. Yeah, I probably looked mentally unstable, but that’s OK.

Give yourself a break
You combined your energy, body and life with another human being and the sudden change is mind-boggling.

Take baby steps
There’s nothing wrong with your Tegan and Sara-infested cry nights.

Be kind to your mind
You might have a case of the coulda, woulda, shouldas. For example, “I could’ve been more accepting about her fill-in-the-blank, then maybe this would’ve worked.” No. This is one of the most agonizing ways of thinking and can torture your mind for hours and even make you physically ill.

Forgive yourself
Let go of blame. Realize you are a good person, a great person, in fact.

Shift your focus
When these overwhelming thoughts surface, focus your energy on a something else. Clean your place, call a friend or go on a walk. These are toxic thoughts that deserve no attention.

Separate yourself
Your broken heart and confused mind cannot start to the road to any phase of recovery when you’re still living together, texting or having multiple bouts of breakup sex (oh-so good, but so confusing). For some, this might be clean and swift for others, this can be a lengthy back and forth process.

Hide her status
Social media plays a big role detaching ladies. Now is the time to unfollow, unfriend or take a nice hiatus from it all. No matter how much you want to see what she is doing. Why go through hurt you can prevent?

Make an agreement about the pets
If you shared animals, this part is hard. Decide how to split your pets or establish some kind of joint custody arrangement. Unfortunately, no one really wins here.

Detach what was once attached
Train yourself how to release mental attachments, from the future you thought you would have together to trying to control her reactions (or her reactionless reactions). You might feel the urge to send emotion-filled texts, get even by having a one-night stand or con your ex into feeling guilty about the breakdown in your relationship. I assure you, none of this will move you forward.

Buddhist teachings consider releasing attachments to outcomes (past, present or future) will lead to a more peaceful existence. Your relationship coming apart is the cause of something coming together for your future. Exciting thought, isn’t it?

Find your groove
Always wanted to try spinning? Did she hate Chinese food or your group of friends? Do the things you’ve wanted to do, maybe even the things that caused problems between you and her. Experience and find love for yourself again through things you enjoy.

Finding your thing doesn’t mean finding a hook up either, this will only be depressing since they won’t look at you or touch you the way she did. Time for that will come later, heal yourself first then the world will find you someone else again, all with time.

Surround yourself
Rely on your friends and family for support. See a counselor. Discover or hone in on your hobbies, work or volunteering. Be busy, but don’t use it as a cover up to distract yourself from your reality and emotions. Go through the ups and downs, but channel them productively.

Avoid alcohol in excess
Also, drowning your sorrows in massive amounts of alcohol should be avoided. It’s the toxic catalyst that sends that drunk “I miisss u. do u miss me?” text at 1am that will send you 10 steps back.

Embrace your journey
Slowly, things will get better. Celebrate those moments when you don’t lose it when someone mentions her favorite restaurant or you take up running and loose a couple of pounds, sexy you.

A lyric of a Stars song (which has nudged me along my own journey) says it all: “Live through this, and you won’t look back.”

“If you love yourself, you will let her go”
This is something I tell myself when I’m woken to a dream about her not wanting me anymore, when I hear that Rolling Stones song we loved, or thinking about how I’ll never get to kiss her again.

Through your own up and down battle with your mind, unpredictable future, and broken past, remind yourself that you’re a good person and likely your ex was also a good person, but that doesn’t mean you were good together.

Born a true Texas girl, Bethany U-Hauled to the beautiful, history-drenched city of Richmond, Virginia, for long distance love that eventually ended. In addition to obsessing and writing about Richmond’s food scene (restaurants, festivals, and trends), she’s a connoisseur of painting, aromatherapy, indie music and English accents. Find her stuff at Grub Like A Girl and One Check Or Two.

The post Cutting cords: Break-up survival guide first appeared on Lesbian.com.

We’ve all been there, enjoying dinner or out grabbing drinks and it happens. You suddenly find yourself surrounded by “interesting” tablemates.

From the sniffling sick folks who sit arm-lengths away (instead of being at home in bed) to fighting couples (half their meal is a fight and the next half is silence), we’ve all been there.

I get it. People are different. To each their own, but in the middle of an open and sexy dining room is not the time or place to unleash your loud gossip, inappropriate sex jokes or lash out at your server.

Last week, while having dinner at a newly opened restaurant it happened — all around me. Maybe it was because I was dining in the heart of the Richmond suburbs or the diverse mix of folks that flock to a new restaurant.

My friend and I were seated next to a husband, wife, toddler and their friend. To keep it brief and accurate, there was a lot of vocal fry, “and I was likes” and Richmond socialite name-dropping. These were the type of folks who proudly spoke above normal volume levels, wanting nearby diners to listen to their oh-so-fascinating lives.

While the wife was in the ladies room, the husband complained to the wife’s friend about the bar scene in this particular area, loudly confiding, “There were no hot women.”

Awkward ears.

I’ve got no problem with your married-but-lady-looking ways, but please don’t boast about it when I’m nearly elbow-to-elbow with you. During the same dinner, the folks sitting on the other side of us treated their server like garbage (I hate this with a passion) and deconstructed their beautiful burgers by removing the bun to make them low carb. Is Atkins still a thing?

To alievitate these situations, engage in a deep conversation with your own dining companion(s) or grab a cocktail to soothe even the noisiest table of ladies who lunch.

Or, turn lemons into lemonade and embrace the experience.

Here’s a prime example, while having dinner with my dad in a low-key eatery, we sat close to a semi-intoxicated redhead perched at the bar. The conversation with her friend was loud and intense, at times yelling. Her life story and relationship woes poured out of her mouth as she shoveled in warm mac and cheese.

It could have been easy to become irritated or throw a few eyerolls, but, after some time, we became captivated by her poignant words, phrases and life philosophies. So much so that we started keeping a log of the real serious stuff that was practically Pinterest-quote worthy. My favorite from her?

“It’s impossible to know who you are, unless you know who you were.”

Damn right.

As a child, my hero, Mr. Rodgers softly sang “won’t you be my neighbor?” This was the approach we were all supposed to take, right? Maybe I feel differently about dining out but after all, we’re all just people, trying to enjoy good food under one roof.

Born a true Texas girl, Bethany U-Hauled to the beautiful, history-drenched city of Richmond, Virginia, for long distance love that eventually ended. In addition to obsessing and writing about Richmond’s food scene (restaurants, festivals, and trends), she’s a connoisseur of painting, aromatherapy, indie music and English accents. Find her stuff at Grub Like A Girl and One Check Or Two.

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