Comments on: ‘You’re my best friend! How can I be homophobic?’

By: Cindy Zelman

Cindy Zelman — Thu, 04 Jul 2013 03:28:08 +0000

HI Karen,

I’m sorry it took me so long to find your comment. It’s a great comment and I agree with everything you say. I’m actually afraid of those so-called-friends who think homosexuality is a sin but they will love you anyway. Big of them. Anyway, you said it all very articulately. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Cindy

By: Karen

Karen — Sat, 18 May 2013 11:42:12 +0000

For me, the up-close-and-personal betrayal of a friend is far more damaging. It’s easier to dismiss the religious zealots and other bigots carrying signs as just plain nutty strangers. But the simmering homophobia of a friend, someone who socializes with you, knows how you live and is close to you in every way, is more sinister, and more hurtful. So many times, I’ve been painfully surprised by people I thought were friends who, after becoming parents, shield their children from me, or who stand on a soapbox proclaiming the sanctity of traditional marriage. True friends support and love you, without conditions. It’s impossible for me to remain friends with people who claim to love all there is about me except for “that one thing.”

By: Cindy Zelman

Cindy Zelman — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 01:01:22 +0000

Hi Robin,

Well, I couldn’t agree with you more and “betrayal” is a great word for what I was trying to describe. I gave so much to my friend (and yes, she gave to me) so I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t see that I was not “evil.” The cool Gloria never thought that of me, but the religious one always did. I don’t know how these “progressives” as you term them reconcile all this conflict.

We do have a long way to go before there is acceptance among the straight community, but overall, I’ve seen so much progress compared to 30 or 40 years ago — in a strange way, that makes it all the harder to have a friend betray you now in the 21st century.

Robin, thank you for your honest and thoughtful comments, and thank you for reading the post!

Cindy

By: Robin

Robin — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 20:16:52 +0000

I don’t feel endangered by either type of bigot. I do, however, feel more betrayed by those who claim to care. I once had a close friend who stopped talking to me immediately after finding out I had an interest in dating women. It literally made me sick to my stomach to think of how much hate she felt toward me at that moment.

There are a lot of people—including the self-proclaimed “progressives”—who support you on one hand and privately hold contempt for you on the other. Yes, we have some support on paper from the hetero community, but I feel we’re a long way from true acceptance.

That friend of mine, by the way, was Catholic. I’ll name the religion. I’ll name it because regardless of what faith is practiced, the anti-gay sentiment is there. And those who say they don’t practice “that” type of Christianity, and pick and choose their beliefs as if they’re ordering from a take-out menu, are in deep denial about the source of their beliefs.

As for those of you who stopped talking to someone simply because she/he loves another human being, just know the pain you caused is more of an evil act than anything you’ll ever find in that “good” book of yours.

By: Cindy Zelman

Cindy Zelman — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:29:21 +0000

Hi KD,

Thanks for reading and thanks for your insightful comments. I think you’re correct about the fear. For some people, there is a lot of selective reading that goes on in relation to the Bible. All men are supposed to marry a virgin, I believe, or there will be hell to pay. I don’t think those who are homophobic give the same weight to that issue. I’ve personally always wondered how people can read the bible so literally and not understand it as a document of its time. But I know many who would disagree with me. I don’t hang out with them anymore.

By: KD

KD — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 02:59:21 +0000

I think there is a lot of fear hiding behind religion. People can use passages from their religious text to explain away their discomfort with what they don’t understand. “God said so… end of story.” Almost as if they took the time to educate themselves about this thing that they don’t understand, they would find themselves trapped “on the dark side”, and would lose those they care about and maybe even get locked out of Heaven along with the gay folks. What would one do with a bunch of gay folks for eternity? Guilt by association, and sentenced to Hell. They can’t take that risk, so they keep their gay friends at arms length and tell themselves they are so darned progressive and cool to have a gay friend… at least until a gay friend calls them out on their homophobia.