Lesbian.com : Connecting lesbians worldwide | weddings

Drawing on wedding traditions for your special day

shannon — Mon, 12 May 2014 13:30:42 +0000

Congratulations! You’re engaged and now it’s time to plan that wedding. But maybe you’re someone who loves wedding traditions and wondering how to incorporate these aspects into your own wedding. Look no further as I’ve picked out some of the big traditions that are commonplace in weddings.

Full disclosure: I am not married nor have I planned a wedding before, but I have attended many. I am a self professed wedding planning addict as I absolutely love weddings and providing tips and tricks to my friends who are planning weddings is a little hobby of mine.

The entire concept of a wedding is centered around the idea of a man and a woman coming together as a couple. So, there are far more things you may have to rethink and mold to fit your wedding, but below are few of the big ones that most couples like to have in their wedding.

The key to all of these concepts is communication. You and your partner have to be open about what you absolutely do and don’t want in your wedding to make fair decisions about your big day. Also, as a couple, you need to be open with your guests and let people know that you’re having a wedding your way, traditions or not, and the purpose is to come together to celebrate a union of two people who love each other.

THE CEREMONY CONFIGURATION
Which bride should be at the altar waiting? Who should walk the other bride down the aisle? Before you start to think about these questions, start with deciding on what type of ceremony you want to have for your wedding.

You might want a traditional set up in a church or chapel. If this is the case, you have a couple of options. The traditional configuration usually has each family sitting on a particular side, the wedding party up front, one bride at the altar and the other is escorted down the aisle by a father or parent figure.

Another set up is to have both brides walk towards the center from side aisles to meet in the center together. I’ve always liked a completely opposite arrangement and have guests surround the couple in a circular fashion. First, decide on what you and your partner envision your ceremony looking like, hear each other’s ideas, and go from there.

THE WEDDING PARTY
The wedding party is very similar to the ceremony space. While having a wedding party is a traditional aspect to include in your wedding, it’s definitely not a must. A lot of people decide to have a maid of honor and best man or not have anyone at all. If you decide you want a wedding party, then ditch the labels (best man, groomsmen, etc.) because it will just place folks in certain gender boxes unwillingly. The concept is still there, so collectively as a couple decide on a number, divide it in half and go pick out your closest friends and family to be in your wedding party.

Definitely be sure to make it clear (if you decide on this) that you don’t have a maid of honor and the responsibility of the bridal shower and bachelorette will not fall on anyone in the wedding party. For some people, the anxiety of being in a same-sex wedding may lie in being unsure of what your role is in the entire wedding production. To ease this anxiety with your wedding party, be clear about what you expect and envision form your wedding party for your wedding to be perfect.

WARDROBE CHOICES
So you both want to wear wedding dresses — that’s awesome! Maybe one of you wants to wear a suit — great! Or you both want to do something in between.

Whatever your fancy, pick outfits that you’re comfortable wearing. If you decide to go the traditional wedding dress route, make sure to find one that suits your personal style and the overall theme of the wedding. Stick to a budget on the dress as well, particularly if both brides are wearing dresses as this can be a good chunk of the wedding budget.

If you decide to go the suit route, there are tons of options out there. Everything from a traditional tuxedo to a more laid-back white suit can be found for women to wear.

Regardless of what you decide to wear, the most important thing to is to buy clothes that fit you properly or plan on getting the items tailored. This makes a huge difference, as you will most likely be photographed repeatedly all day and you want to look your best. This goes for the wedding party as well. Keep in mind what your wedding party would be comfortable wearing when deciding on their clothes. When your clothes fit properly and you love what you’re wearing, you feel your best.

TOSSING THE BOUQUET
If both brides decide to have a bouquet, then you’ll have two to toss at all the eager guests hoping to catch one. My suggestion for this is either toss the bouquets together at the same time, or toss one early on in the reception and the other later.

MUSIC
Now, I’m sure most people don’t see this as a traditional wedding idea, since pretty much everyone has music played at their wedding; however, this is one way to personalize your wedding.

For me, I love the idea of an all-female band (or even better an all-female queer band) as I love supporting my fellow women musicians.

Another suggestion is include more lesbian music artists or female artists to have that female presence articulated through your musical selection. Don’t be afraid to include unknown artists or individuals that people won’t know in your musical playlist. As long as you get people dancing to a groove, no one will care that they don’t know the words.

HONEYMOON
Picking a honeymoon location is a task many forget to focus on when planning a wedding, but it is one of the most important decisions. After all the action of your wedding, you want to make sure you have a comfortable and safe place to unwind with your betrothed.

The important takeaway here is to select a location that is LGBT friendly. Sadly, there are many locations where homosexuality is a crime or frowned upon. Double check that the country you plan to travel to will be a friendly location for your and your wife to relax and unwind. If you and your partner decide to travel abroad, check out the laws regarding homosexuality and the cultural norms in the country you want to have your honeymoon.

Now that I’ve got your creative juices flowing, check out some of these resources to help plan the wedding of your dreams.

• Popular wedding sites have tons of resources for any type of couple. My favorites are The Knot and Wedding Wire.
• Websites that specifically cater to same-sex couples are great starting points for looking up local resources in your area. Check out these sites Rainbow Wedding Network or Purple Unions for lesbian wedding resources.
• For honeymoon locations, there are many websites that lists out great lesbian-friendly vacation and honeymoon spots. Here are few to check out: Travel and Leisure magazine, Purple Roofs, The Knot gay-friendly honeymoon list and Equally Wed.

Remember, at the end of the day, it’s your wedding and whatever you and your partner decide to include in your wedding should make you both happy. It’s your day of love and it should be as perfect as your union together because true love should always be celebrated.

Jenn B. holds a Master in Public Health with a focus on women’s health as well as a Bachelor’s degree in psychology.

The post Drawing on wedding traditions for your special day first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Make your wedding glamorous on a shoestring

shannon — Thu, 08 May 2014 15:22:02 +0000

BY SHANN CARR
Lesbian.com

Here are some simple tips to make sure your wedding has all the panache you want without spending a Bridezilla amount of money. In exchange for saving loads of money, you will have to do some extra work.

The most common time of year for weddings is spring and summer, so don’t rule out flowers that bloom naturally in your area. A friend of mine in Oregon had a wedding when roses are abundant and she realized that about 30 of her friends and family grew some sort of rose in their yard. Early in the morning of the day of her wedding, guest after guest, brought bunch after bunch of fresh cut roses to her mother’s home. I have never seen such an extravagance of flowers at any wedding before or since. Her friends were thrilled to contribute to the splendor of her day. Her Mom and a few friends, spent the morning drinking champagne and arranging the broad variety of roses into vases with ribbons bringing a lovely continuity to it all.

Also, don’t underestimate the impact of flowering trees. The jacaranda, lilac and quince come to mind first. By using branches as long as 6-feet tall, you can strike a breathtaking frame to the area where you will be standing to get married.

For other mood-setting decor, click here to learn how-to make a beautiful backdrop for an altar or the head table. This is a bunch of busy work. It only requires string and wax paper, but looks beautiful and ethereal, if you make enough of it. You can do it while you watch TV.

While we’re talking crafty stuff, here is a link to cover some simple, yummy, glazed donuts with edible glitter, which looks amazing. We just did it at a wedding and the donuts were gone, POOF, like it was a magic show.

It is expected that you will provide drinks, including alcohol. That can get pretty spendy. As for hard liquor, create one fabulous signature cocktail and showcase it.

My favorite wedding drink is my own creation called the Honeymoon. It is vodka, orange (or pineapple) juice, passionfruit juice and 7-up. It tastes like a trip to Hawaii. It’s clean, crisp and distinctive. Want to make it more special? Muddle some fresh mint in water and freeze one minty ice cube for each drink.

Also, it is OK to buy a simple red and white wine without having to be too fancy. Go to Costco or Trader Joes. No one will hold it against you. Leave them with nothing to drink, and there will be a curse on your union. I’m kidding, of course.

Now, go get married.

Shann Carr is a comedian and wedding officiant based in Palm Springs.

The post Make your wedding glamorous on a shoestring first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Shay and Yolanda, the new traditional family

shannon — Tue, 06 May 2014 14:45:49 +0000

BY EMILINA MINERO
Lesbian.com

Traditional family. Traditional marriage. We hear these terms hurled in protest against us. Traditional is a misnomer. It’s used in place of heterosexual. There is no traditional, heterosexual or same-sex, marriage or family. Like people, all families and the ways in which we get married are diverse and unique. The modern day family and marriage reflects that diversity.

Shay and Yolanda Franco-Clausen are one example of modern day love. Four months after same-sex marriage became legal in California they got married, surrounded by their three kids, best friends and family.

Shay and Yolanda are great examples of what love looks like. They founded PlayNice Productions in 2013, a nonprofit that creates inclusive LGBTQ events open to the whole community.

Under the umbrella of PlayNice, they also developed the P.L.A.Y.C.E. Bay Area Community program and the Nice Play Youth Basketball program. P.L.A.Y.C.E. stands for People Living As Your Community Examples. It’s an outreach program that has already implemented adopt a family, beach and neighborhood clean ups and #TheGivingProject. Nice Play Youth Basketball is a six week little to no cost basketball camp for kids to teach leadership skills, provide a safe space and bring kids together to create and foster friendships.

Shay and Yolanda are active community members and one example of what a loving family looks like. We got to chat with Shay about her wedding and the importance that family and community play in her life.

How did you feel when you heard same-sex marriage became legal in California? How did the ban on same-sex marriage impact you?

My older brother called me at 6am, June 26, he said, and I quote, “Hey sis, you and that sexy lady of yours can get married now!” It meant so much to us because if anything would happen to one of us, like so many other same-sex couples, we have no legal rights to all we have worked hard to create together. We refused to get married in other states that it was illegal in, so when Prop 8 was taken down, we just cried and cried. Finally, I can marry the woman of my dreams. The day we found out that same-sex marriage had been legalized we felt that we were one step closer to being an actual part of the larger community, the everyone community.

How did it feel to have your kids be part of your bridal party and to have them not only be an integral part in your wedding, but to be able to witness and experience your wedding day with you?

This day was long awaited for them. They knew our fight, as they face their own discrimination for having same-sex parents. The whole day they cried with lots of emotions, as they are advocates for equality, just like their moms. The feelings that were behind our wedding and having our kids witnessing it, as parents, is hard to describe. We are the luckiest parents because our kids can see the relationship that we have without any bias.

You were going to get married on the old Bay Bridge before it got destroyed. What significance did that have for you?

Unfortunately, the vandalism that happened three days before our wedding stopped that from happening. However, the designer of the bridge and his wife surprised us with a tugboat decorated with trees, rose petals and crew. So we got married under it with San Francisco in our background. We did have lots of trips on the bridge, which we will hold close to us. It’s a part of our history and of our wedding. It was significant because we were able to get married in a place that others won’t be able to replicate. It was amazing to know that our wedding will always carry a story.

What tips do you have for other same-sex couples planning their wedding?

Find the venue first. Use all your resources, meaning friends and connections. You never know who may have a yacht, mansion or space you can get for as little as nothing. Check Facebook. One tip that I would share with same-sex couples is that it is the most beautiful day so make sure you are surrounded by people who love you because you will want to look back on the day you married your wife or husband.

Family and community are hugely important to you both. What about family and fostering community and inclusivity impassions you and how does that show through in your work with PlayNice Productions?

I think for me, being a child at-risk and not having any opportunities or role models in my family. Being one in the community makes me feel like I am there for many teens who were lost like I was. We are creating spaces that people can feel welcome and at home at. This is why we created PlayNice Productions because this is our opportunity to teach people how to play nice. We create a “safe social space,” the words my wife uses, so those who feel trapped into exclusivity can find a place to be among people, no matter their gender, color or social class.

Tell me more about the concept behind People Living As Your Community Examples and what you hope to achieve with PlayNice Productions?

It is a program that takes in people from diverse backgrounds and different community members and brings them together to make a positive impact. The impact will not only help people in need, but it will also help people see and accept the diverse people that are offering community services.

Most recently, we adopted families for Christmas. People came together and donated many different resources and gifts to go to the diverse families who were elected by the community. We believe that we can help people find new ways to contribute to their communities and help it diversify and strengthen. We want to create leaders of tomorrow and reach out to at-risk teens and young adults that need to find a community effort to affiliate themselves with, at the same time teaching those leaders acceptance and the power of positivity.

You were recently chosen to be YMCA’s family for their first LGBTQ National Marketing Campaign. How does that feel? What impact do you think your family and this campaign will make?

YMCA is our local family gym. It is our recreation league, and our family’s little connection to other families. We volunteer as coaches. We teach Zumba, teach PE at some of their elementary schools and are really proactive to helping. I think that our family wasn’t accepted by the gym goers immediately, but because parents, kids, members and staff have seen all the work that we do there everyone had to recognize that we may not be seen as a traditional family, but we are a family who cares. We were mentioned by one of the staff members as a candidate that they should consider, and we ultimately became their family of choice.

The impact is something that is the most rewarding part. Our family is a multi-racial, multi-cultural, wide-age range family that will be seen on national ads. Our family of two moms raising three bi-racial kids in the Silicon Valley is still able to get up every day, handle all the traditional tasks of any family, raise wonderful, intelligent kids, start a nonprofit, donate additional time to other nonprofits and still be successful as a family that is never seen as successful or ever been represented. Our kids and kids that are like ours with two same-sex parents will be able to look at a commercial or a billboard and possibly see our faces, our family and know that they are not alone, and that they are not weird. [We could] possibly inspire others, and [help them] know that they can even go beyond their day-to-day and make a positive change as a non-traditional family.

The post Shay and Yolanda, the new traditional family first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Four tips for writing your wedding vows

shannon — Tue, 06 May 2014 12:30:56 +0000

BY SHARI ALTMARK
Lesbian.com

The best wedding present you can give the other is to take 20-30 minutes out of independent quiet time, preferably at least two or three weeks before the wedding, to write personal vows.

Sometimes easier said than done. Each person feels the burden of how to transform those big, life-altering feelings into a coherent string words. You don’t have to be Elizabeth Bishop to write memorable, meaningful vows.

There are no right answers. There is no such thing as perfect. Fear not, your goal putting your love into words is within reach. All you need to do is write one word at a time. Surprisingly, the words usually flow beautifully.

One thing that is paramount is that each of the brides or grooms doesn’t let the other person see the vows before they hear them during the ceremony. It looks classy if the officiant formats and frames the vows. It’s certainly something you can do yourselves.

Either way, it is extra special if your betrothed hears your vows for the first time at the ceremony. Also, instead of guests seeing you read from a shaky piece of paper or an iPhone, it’s nice if you’re holding a solid frame. It looks better in pictures and relieves you of the stress of having to memorize anything. I mean, you’re going to be nervous enough.

Here are four steps that will take you from blank canvas to beautiful vows.

Create an outline: Bulletpoint what’s important to say on that day?
Find your voice: What’s the overall tone? Funny? Mushy? It’s most important that it rings true for the two of you. Think of special moments from your relationship or every day life together and include snapshots of those.
Cut it down: Pick a length and stick to it. Try keeping it to two paragraphs. Anything longer than a minute or so will cause the audience to squirm. Once you’re done, time yourself reading it aloud and cut if necessary.
Put it aside: Once the phrases best capture the intended message, send them to your officiant or put them away until the day of the wedding.
For more tips and ideas, click here.

Shari Altmark is a secular wedding officiant, serving the GLBT community in Long Beach, California. She believes marriage was created for ALL people.
The post Four tips for writing your wedding vows first appeared on Lesbian.com.

‘We got married at the Grammys!’

Sidney — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 16:30:40 +0000

The couple at the Grammys.

BY TRISH BENDIX
AfterEllen

Seattle, Washington couple Brittany and Sally Pennington were captured on camera during their wedding last Sunday when the Grammys put on a mass ceremony during a performance of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis‘s “Same Love.” The track was up for Song of the Year, and had out lesbian vocalist Mary Lambert joined on stage by Queen Latifah and Madonna as is par for the course with the Grammys. Brittany said she saw a casting call for the event on Craigslist, which said it was “looking for couples who wanted to get married at a huge event.”

“I sent in our info and they called us right away,” Brittany said. “That’s when we found out it was at the Grammys but they didn’t tell us anything else. It wasn’t until the day before the Grammys that we found out it was to ‘Same Love’ by Macklemore and that Queen Latifah and Madonna were involved also.”

‘Lawfully Wedded Wives’ rethinks 21st century marriage

Sidney — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 12:00:34 +0000

BY GEORGIE KROKUS
Curve

In this new book’s 20 tales of love, sex and commitment – spiritual and scandalous, philosophical and trivial, heartbreaking and hilarious – women tell their same-sex wedding stories in heartfelt words and gorgeous photos. “In their own words, these are the voices of history,” said award-winning writer and San Francisco State University professor Nona Caspers, one of two co-editors of “Lawfully Wedded Wives.”

Caspers’ and groundbreaking filmmaker and oral historian Joell Hallowell’s interviews provide a moving and contemporary glimpse into the women’s decisions to wed, the meanings they assign to weddings and marriage, how their relationships changed as a result, and much more. ” this eclectic group of women had two things in common – a compelling reason to rush to the altar and a stack of wedding photos,” Caspers recounted. “Their intimate, personal stories document one of the most historic changes in civil rights in our time.”

Big trends in LGBT weddings revealed

Sidney — Sat, 16 Nov 2013 14:50:31 +0000

BY MORGAN WELCH
dot429

On November 12, LGBT consumer research company Community Marketing & Insights (CMI) released the results of a survey called “Same-Sex Couples: Weddings and Engagements.” The survey, a collaboration between CMI and The Gay Wedding Institute, uncovered many trends (both surprising and not) among those planning weddings in the wake of recent marriage equality victories.

Lesbian couples consistently had more expensive weddings than male-male couples; even those who were already married and only having a wedding to make it legal spent 15 percent more than male couples. (Whether or not this had to do with the expense of wedding dresses versus tuxedos was not explored.) 74 percent of same-sex couples preferred LGBT media as their source for wedding planning, such as selecting a venue or finding a flower vendor. However, personal recommendations were the most trusted source of information.

From A to Zoe: I do, I mean, I did!

Sidney — Sun, 29 Sep 2013 12:00:02 +0000

From left: Tamar Berg, “The Rev.,” Rhonda Shapiro. (Photo: Don Isbell)

BY ZOE AMOS
Lesbian.com

Regular readers of this blog may recall I became an ordained minister after Prop 8 bit the dust. I thought it would be fun to perform a wedding service and had a sense I might be good at it. A few years ago, I spoke with a friend of mine who performed weddings and she encouraged me to go for it. Back then, I didn’t have a compelling reason. It was the excitement of marriage equality in California that induced me to act.

My timing was good because shortly after my ordination, two women I had recently met, Tamar and Rhonda, announced their engagement, and to my delight, asked me to officiate at their wedding. They knew I was a writer and thought I could help them with their service. I interviewed them over coffee and took notes about what they wanted, how spiritual the service would be as opposed to religious or Jewish, what rituals, if any, would be included, and so forth. I tried to think of everything that might come up from logistics of who would hold the wine during the blessing to coordinating our outfits so we wouldn’t clash.

To keep the ceremony fresh, I refrained from Internet research until the end when I looked up traditional vows for reference. Of course I changed them to suit the couple. None of this “obey” nonsense, “nurture” works better for two women, and “man and wife” became “wife and wife.” I sent them the script and they loved it! They said it was perfect and didn’t change a thing.

The ceremony was held on a private patio where supportive family members gathered in celebration. At the appointed time, we took our places and I read the service. I had practiced several times in the days leading up to the event. I didn’t want to miss a line and wanted to be sure I made eye contact with the couple and those present as a form of acknowledgment and inclusion.

As I read, I wasn’t expecting to see the attendees dab the corners of their eyes, though everyone knows people cry at weddings. And I wasn’t expecting the family to recite the blessing of the wine with me in Hebrew. And when it was over, we all said “Mazel Tov!” Congratulations! They were right — it was perfect.

In some Jewish ceremonies, another certificate is signed, a ketubah. The couple unrolled the document that looked more like a fine art painting with a prayer very much like their ceremony printed on it. One sister filled in names and dates, Tamar and Rhonda signed, and then I signed in the area marked “officiant.” It was a beautiful addition to the standard legal documents, and while the latter made it official, I felt spiritually connected.

We continued our celebration at a restaurant where we sat outside and had a marvelous time over lunch. We clinked our forks against the champagne glasses prompting the couple to kiss. It was a joyous day with perfect weather, in perfect company, and the couple got hitched without a hitch.

Zoe Amos brings her lesbian point of view to articles and stories on diverse topics. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter. “Superior” a novella, coming soon! Read her stories on Kindle and Nook. Check out her other life at: www.janetfwilliams.com

The post From A to Zoe: I do, I mean, I did! first appeared on Lesbian.com.

A gay girl’s guide to destination weddings

Sidney — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 14:00:10 +0000

Mignon Moore and Elaine Harley’s lesbian destination wedding in Los Cabos, Mexico in 2012 (Photo via BlackEnterprise)

BY JEANNINE BOTTORFF
Tagg Magazine

Destination Weddings have been gaining popularity over the past few years. They are great for many reasons. They give you the ability to pare down your guest list, to help you make your wedding a unique event, and most of all, to create an unforgettable memory for you and your partner. This holds true whether you are gay or straight, and now, there are an increasing number of countries around the world that feel the same way and want to welcome you on the happiest days of your lives.

Some of the most stunning locations are waiting with their crystal blue seas, soaring mountains and soft sandy beaches. One such place is New Zealand where same sex unions have just been legalized. They are expected an influx of people from all over the world and especially from their neighbor, Australia, where such unions are not legal yet. If you want your wedding to have a Latin vibe, why not Rio? Same sex unions are not legal throughout Brazil, but they are in Rio de Janerio. And of course, if you want to stay stateside, you can choose Rehoboth Beach, Delaware with its quaint seaside charm or Seattle, Washington’s laid back Pacific vibe.

Read more destination ideas at TaggMagazine.com

Tagg Magazine is a print and online resource for LBT women in the DC Metropolitan and Rehoboth, DE areas.

The post A gay girl’s guide to destination weddings first appeared on Lesbian.com.

British lesbian Olympians to wed

Sidney — Tue, 10 Sep 2013 17:00:20 +0000

Walsh and Richardson (Photo via Joebelle/Flickr)

BY KELLY MORRIS
TheSeattleLesbian.com

Kate Walsh and Helen Richardson placed third in the London 2012 Olympics. Now, with a five-year relationship under their belt, the two British Olympians are set to enter into a civil partnership on September 14, 2013.

Walsh, captain, and Richardson, a midfielder, became engaged in January and plan to have their ceremony in Henley-on-Thames, near where they live.

Though the entire hockey training squad is invited to the wedding, Walsh is hoping to avoid the “cheesy” guard of honor with hockey sticks.