Congratulations! You’re engaged and now it’s time to plan that wedding. But maybe you’re someone who loves wedding traditions and wondering how to incorporate these aspects into your own wedding. Look no further as I’ve picked out some of the big traditions that are commonplace in weddings.

Full disclosure: I am not married nor have I planned a wedding before, but I have attended many. I am a self professed wedding planning addict as I absolutely love weddings and providing tips and tricks to my friends who are planning weddings is a little hobby of mine.

The entire concept of a wedding is centered around the idea of a man and a woman coming together as a couple. So, there are far more things you may have to rethink and mold to fit your wedding, but below are few of the big ones that most couples like to have in their wedding.

The key to all of these concepts is communication. You and your partner have to be open about what you absolutely do and don’t want in your wedding to make fair decisions about your big day. Also, as a couple, you need to be open with your guests and let people know that you’re having a wedding your way, traditions or not, and the purpose is to come together to celebrate a union of two people who love each other.

THE CEREMONY CONFIGURATION
Which bride should be at the altar waiting? Who should walk the other bride down the aisle? Before you start to think about these questions, start with deciding on what type of ceremony you want to have for your wedding.

You might want a traditional set up in a church or chapel. If this is the case, you have a couple of options. The traditional configuration usually has each family sitting on a particular side, the wedding party up front, one bride at the altar and the other is escorted down the aisle by a father or parent figure.

Another set up is to have both brides walk towards the center from side aisles to meet in the center together. I’ve always liked a completely opposite arrangement and have guests surround the couple in a circular fashion. First, decide on what you and your partner envision your ceremony looking like, hear each other’s ideas, and go from there.

THE WEDDING PARTY
The wedding party is very similar to the ceremony space. While having a wedding party is a traditional aspect to include in your wedding, it’s definitely not a must. A lot of people decide to have a maid of honor and best man or not have anyone at all. If you decide you want a wedding party, then ditch the labels (best man, groomsmen, etc.) because it will just place folks in certain gender boxes unwillingly. The concept is still there, so collectively as a couple decide on a number, divide it in half and go pick out your closest friends and family to be in your wedding party.

Definitely be sure to make it clear (if you decide on this) that you don’t have a maid of honor and the responsibility of the bridal shower and bachelorette will not fall on anyone in the wedding party. For some people, the anxiety of being in a same-sex wedding may lie in being unsure of what your role is in the entire wedding production. To ease this anxiety with your wedding party, be clear about what you expect and envision form your wedding party for your wedding to be perfect.

WARDROBE CHOICES
So you both want to wear wedding dresses — that’s awesome! Maybe one of you wants to wear a suit — great! Or you both want to do something in between.

Whatever your fancy, pick outfits that you’re comfortable wearing. If you decide to go the traditional wedding dress route, make sure to find one that suits your personal style and the overall theme of the wedding. Stick to a budget on the dress as well, particularly if both brides are wearing dresses as this can be a good chunk of the wedding budget.

If you decide to go the suit route, there are tons of options out there. Everything from a traditional tuxedo to a more laid-back white suit can be found for women to wear.

Regardless of what you decide to wear, the most important thing to is to buy clothes that fit you properly or plan on getting the items tailored. This makes a huge difference, as you will most likely be photographed repeatedly all day and you want to look your best. This goes for the wedding party as well. Keep in mind what your wedding party would be comfortable wearing when deciding on their clothes. When your clothes fit properly and you love what you’re wearing, you feel your best.

TOSSING THE BOUQUET
If both brides decide to have a bouquet, then you’ll have two to toss at all the eager guests hoping to catch one. My suggestion for this is either toss the bouquets together at the same time, or toss one early on in the reception and the other later.

MUSIC
Now, I’m sure most people don’t see this as a traditional wedding idea, since pretty much everyone has music played at their wedding; however, this is one way to personalize your wedding.

For me, I love the idea of an all-female band (or even better an all-female queer band) as I love supporting my fellow women musicians.

Another suggestion is include more lesbian music artists or female artists to have that female presence articulated through your musical selection. Don’t be afraid to include unknown artists or individuals that people won’t know in your musical playlist. As long as you get people dancing to a groove, no one will care that they don’t know the words.

HONEYMOON
Picking a honeymoon location is a task many forget to focus on when planning a wedding, but it is one of the most important decisions. After all the action of your wedding, you want to make sure you have a comfortable and safe place to unwind with your betrothed.

The important takeaway here is to select a location that is LGBT friendly. Sadly, there are many locations where homosexuality is a crime or frowned upon. Double check that the country you plan to travel to will be a friendly location for your and your wife to relax and unwind. If you and your partner decide to travel abroad, check out the laws regarding homosexuality and the cultural norms in the country you want to have your honeymoon.

Now that I’ve got your creative juices flowing, check out some of these resources to help plan the wedding of your dreams.

• Popular wedding sites have tons of resources for any type of couple. My favorites are The Knot and Wedding Wire.
• Websites that specifically cater to same-sex couples are great starting points for looking up local resources in your area. Check out these sites Rainbow Wedding Network or Purple Unions for lesbian wedding resources.
• For honeymoon locations, there are many websites that lists out great lesbian-friendly vacation and honeymoon spots. Here are few to check out: Travel and Leisure magazine, Purple Roofs, The Knot gay-friendly honeymoon list and Equally Wed.

Remember, at the end of the day, it’s your wedding and whatever you and your partner decide to include in your wedding should make you both happy. It’s your day of love and it should be as perfect as your union together because true love should always be celebrated.

Jenn B. holds a Master in Public Health with a focus on women’s health as well as a Bachelor’s degree in psychology.

The post Drawing on wedding traditions for your special day first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Safe sex is not often a conversation that is had between two women in a sexual relationship, or for women who identify as lesbians have with themselves. But, this topic is just as important as other specific health aspects.

A recent case of HIV being transmitted between two lesbians in a monogamous sexual relationship, as reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), has resurfaced the topic of safe sex between women who sleep with women (WSW). Although it is rare for women to transmit HIV to other women through sexual contact, sexually actively women (and really people in general) should be educated in how to protect your body because a healthy sex life begins with your overall well-being.

WSW should be aware of how to protect against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), get routinely tested and having an open conversation with sexual partners about their sexual history. For WSW, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, mouth to vagina, vaginal fluids, menstrual blood and sharing sex toys. The most common STIs that can be transmitted between WSW are bacterial vaginosis, chlamydia, genital herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), pubic lice, and trichomoniasis. While all of these STIs can also be passed between women who have sex with men, WSW are at a higher risk for this subset because of the nature of sexual contact.

So, how can you protect yourself against STDs before you’re doing the deed? Go get tested! Planned Parenthood has a great online checker to suggest when you should get tested. Also, make sure your sexual partner gets tested. And more importantly, have an honest conversation with your sexual partner about their test results and sexual history. Don’t be afraid to ask, “Have you been tested for STDs?” before getting down to business. Your sexual health is impacted by every person you’re sexually active with, so it’s important to know this information before the clothes come off.

What test should you get to protect against STDs?

• Pap Smear: Women who are in their 20s should get a Pap test every 2 years and women 30 and older should get a Pap test every 3 years.
• STDs: Get screened for all the STDs if you’re sexually active, especially with multiple partners. This should be done at the very least annually, even if you’re in a monogamous relationship. The Office on Women’s Health has a guide you can print out and take to the doctor to help start the conversation on getting tested for STDs.
• HIV: Knowing your status is important and it’s recommended to get tested yearly. A lot of places offer free or discounted testing that is done on-site, especially during National HIV Testing Day.

How can I protect myself and my partner during sex?

• Barrier methods: for oral sex try dental dams, saran wrap or slip open condoms. When inserting fingers during vaginal or anal sex try using gloves.
• Cleaning: wash your hands before engaging in sex (especially under the fingernails) and clean sex toys before each use, especially when switching between vaginal and anal use.

Remember, sex is about having fun and getting your groove on. But that doesn’t mean talking about getting tested, and sharing your sexual history, has to be formal and uncomfortable. Honesty is always an attractive quality and there’s no better way to turn on your partner or prospects than by laying it all out there.

Jenn B. holds a Master in Public Health with a focus on women’s health as well as a Bachelor’s degree in psychology.

For inspiration, visit Passion Sense.

The post Let’s talk about (safe) sex first appeared on Lesbian.com.

As women who are sexually active with other women, lesbians are often ignored when it comes to specialized medical treatment and health information. Women who sleep with women (WSW) are a sexual minority when it comes to research attention, specialized care and prevention focus. Unfortunately the result is that there is still a lot to be learned and understood about the specific health concerns for lesbians.

The majority of women’s health focuses on conceiving a child and giving birth, which leaves out a huge part of the health and well-being of WSW. Regardless if you plan on having child or not, for lesbians and everyone in between, it’s important to be an advocate for improving your own health. This means making the most out of your visits with your primary care physician and gynecologist.

For WSW, going to the doctor can be a frustrating experience because either you (as the patient) feel uncomfortable and not empowered to be open about your sexuality; or the doctor refuses to offer specific types of care based on your sexuality. Anyone who doesn’t feel like they can talk honestly about their sexual history with a medical provider greatly limits the quality of care a doctor can provide. Doctors can only help you with problems they are aware of and know about; more importantly they can’t prevent health problems without knowing the full story about who you are as a patient. Your health is a combination of a multitude of factors like who you interact with, your environment, the medical history and genetics. The more your doctor knows about all of these factors, the better your chances are at preventing major health problems from occurring in the future.

So how can you make the most out of your doctor’s visit? Here are a few tips on how to feel empowered to be your own health advocate:

• Come out to your doctor. While this can be incredibly uncomfortable for some women, this is the most important thing you can do to better inform your doctor. Whatever label you use — lesbian, queer, bisexual — explain to your doctor how you identify and what it means. This will help ensure that you receive the best care specific to your needs.

• Be honest about your sexual history. Telling your doctor if you have been sexually active with men, even if you identify as WSW, is important. Making this clear is key, as your doctor may wrongly assume that if you identify as a lesbian that you have not had sex with men. Again, this may be an awkward topic for discussion, but an important aspect of your sexual history. Also, don’t try to skimp on those numbers. Be honest about the number of people with whom you’ve been sexually active.

• Don’t be afraid to be the expert. The internet can be a wonderful tool and you should be empowered to use it. Nationally recognized organizations and health-focused government agencies are great places to start researching any type of health topic. Also, don’t be afraid to stand your ground on getting tested or screened for specific health issues, even if your doctor doesn’t feel you need it. A perfect example of this is getting tested for certain STDs and HIV/AIDS. Many lesbians, myself included, have experienced doctors’ refusal to test for STDs and HIV/AIDS because of our sexuality. Remember you are the patient and you can be firm in your request to be tested for anything you feel is necessary.

• Bring support if you need it. This can be an uncomfortable experience for some, so bring a friend or family member along. Sometimes having someone there to be a source of support can make you feel more at ease with being open and honest with your doctor.

Are you still hungry for more information about lesbian specific health issues? Here are some of my go-to places to look online for up-to-date information, the latest research and journal articles, and all around great sources of information.

The Mautner Project of Whitman-Walker Health
A national organization dedicated to the health of women who have sex with women, The Mautner Project has partnered with Whitman-Walker Health to provide excellent resources and care to lesbians.

The Lesbian Health & Research Center
This lesbian health focused organization is partnered with the University of California, San Francisco, and offers great resources for patient, healthcare providers and other important stakeholders.

Office on Women’s Health
The Office on Women’s Health is part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) and offers a large of amount of women’s health information some of which is focused on lesbian and bisexual women. While some of the information is limited, this is a great place to go to see where the government is focused on regarding lesbian health.

And of course, Lesbian.com! Check our Resources page and our Health channel to find more information about your health.

Jenn B. holds a Master in Public Health with a focus on women’s health as well as a Bachelor’s degree in psychology.

The post Lesbians: Take charge of your health! first appeared on Lesbian.com.