Jenny Block is the master of female orgasm and her latest book, “The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex: All You Need to Know About Masturbation” hit bookshelves this May. Block has made a name for herself with her previous books, “O Wow! Discovering your Ultimate Orgasm” and “Open” as a sex positive queer writer, who specializes in women’s empowerment through orgasm.

Block’s female positive sex advice has been featured on leading websites such as Huffington Post, Playboy, Bustle and many more. She has also been called to appear on TV, and has been featured on the Tyra Banks Show and The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, to name a few. Jenny I sat down to chat about her latest book and masturbation as self care.

How did you come up with the idea to write “The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex”?  

I was researching for my second book, “O Wow!” and I had interviewed about 150 women and was mesmerized by the answers. It occurred to me that part of the issue is that they were not masturbating. So I starting asking people if they were masturbating. My poor friends would like to have one brunch without me saying “pussy” out loud!

Women act as if masturbation is a mystery that we shouldn’t be talking about. They don’t make the connection that you need to do it yourself so you know what you need when you are with a partner. Women assume all orgasms should be with a partner.

What was your process for writing this book? 

I did so much research. It felt like an immersion course, it was like when you are learning a language. Read everything I could get my hands on. While I was talking to everyone [about masturbation] I did become a bit of a hermit. I was a college writing professor for about 10 years. There is a lot of writing and re-writing that goes into it. My students would freak out when I told them to throw out 2/3s of what they write.

Photo by Steph Grant – www.stephgrantphotogrpahy.com

I really loved that this book was written by a queer woman, most self-help books aren’t. But there’s a lot of value in a queer woman explaining how women get off. How did you decide how to approach this subject to make it accessible for all women? 

I live in a sex positive bubble and sometimes make assumptions that everyone is on the same wavelength. But sometimes the most well-traveled, lovely people don’t know much about how to get themselves off. It was really a matter of getting my own head out of the sand and taking the temperature of what is really going on out there with women.

Masturbation is the barometer of what’s going on in a woman’s life. Is she stressed? Is she putting herself last? When you are busy and stressed, the first thing to go is self care. Things like eating healthy, exercising and masturbating go out the window. It’s the first thing to go! And that’s terrible!

When we are stressed we give up all the things that help us take care of ourselves. It’s all the same as eating properly and working out. It’s just as important. I don’t get upset about brushing my teeth at night. Masturbation is included in self care and we aren’t taught that. Taking the time and energy to take care of yourself is so important

Don’t feel well? Masturbate! Stressed out? Masturbate!

Yes! That’s so true and so important. 

All that Brock turned shit going around. Lack of value.

If we talked about masturbation maybe we could elevate women in general. Women don’t talk about masturbation, or we don’t do it, or we don’t value it. People always say, ”Oh women can go without it,” when they talk about sex.

There was even an entire Seinfeld episode about masturbation. The men in the show thought Elaine would win, they even wanted to exclude her from the contest. But she was the first one out!

You describe intimate experiences with partners in the book- did you tell any of them they were going to be mentioned beforehand? What did they think of being included? 

That’s almost the thing I lead with! I should get a t-shirt that says, “be careful you might end up in my next book.” I’m really up front with that. People think it’s funny. Even if we are just friends, you’re warned if you hang out with me in any way, things can be very public.

My partner now is relatively conservative in that way. I told her I’m not writing erotica. If I write about how good she is in bed she will be embarrassed. But it’s better than saying she’s bad in bed!

When I was reading this book, I was thinking that it would be really beneficial to straight women. Have you been able to reach out to straight readers? 

I have a good straight following! I hate to be that queer girl that is like, “We do everything better than you do.” But I’ve been on both sides, and I’ve never had to tell a women it’s two inches away from where you think it is.

My book gets sequestered in the LGBT section but it’s probably more needed by straight people.

Which is crazy, because it’s a general self-help book for women. Masturbation isn’t just for gay women. Just because it was written by a queer woman, doesn’t mean it should automatically be shelved in the LGBT section. 

There was a sad comment on my second book. One woman told me we are past all this and we are all sex positive. I was like, “Oh honey, you have no idea.” She said my book about female orgasm was not necessary and that scared me even more. I feel really responsible as a lesbian with all the “secrets.” I feel like we should share them.

One time, I ended up out with three or four straight couples after a reading. The men were looking at their partners saying, “Why don’t you tell me this stuff?” And it was earth shattering for me. We [queer women] are always with our community. It’s not a conversation queer women are having. In the straight community they are saying, ““Of course you can get off in 13 seconds of penis in vagina intercourse and nothing else. That’s what they show in all the movies. That’s what’s in the magazines.”

I’m a writer who sleeps with women. I’m not a queer writer. I want people to know I’m queer, definitely, but it is confounding because this book is universal.

I like to say that I am uniquely qualified, because I did live on the other side of the fence. Theoretically I was a practicing hetero for some time- I know what it is to sleep with men. I would like more straight women to read my book. Straight women find the writing the most profound, queer women are like “right on.”

The community at large thinks of being queer as a lifestyle. But we are all people just trying to figure it out. I get asked relationship questions, it’s a little different, but it’s still two human beings trying to live. The straight community can learn a lot from the queer community meanwhile the straight community has all these rules they have to life by.

Any final thoughts for our readers?

I would like to see the fun put back in sex! If you don’t laugh once during sex you are doing it wrong. Women say they could “never tell” xyz to a partner. But sex should be fun! There’s so much pressure to be hot and have hot, crazy, wild, sex. But good sex involved being connected to another person or humans. Making sex fun again is part of my mission as well.

In the name of women’s empowerment- I want to remind women that masturbation and orgasm is both their right and their responsibility. Masturbation is part of taking care of yourself. Every average, healthy woman should be masturbating.

As I say in my book, “Your orgasm is your responsibility. No one else can make you come. Another people can help facilitate your orgasm. But they can’t make you come. If you can’t make yourself come, you can’t expect anyone else to be a part of making you come. How can your partner help you if you don’t know how it works yourself?”

You heard Jenny! Go out and masturbate! You can find Jenny at her website, www.thejennyblock.com. Purchase her books on Amazon, and like her on Facebook.

This interview has been edited and condensed. 

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Safe sex is not often a conversation that is had between two women in a sexual relationship, or for women who identify as lesbians have with themselves. But, this topic is just as important as other specific health aspects.

A recent case of HIV being transmitted between two lesbians in a monogamous sexual relationship, as reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), has resurfaced the topic of safe sex between women who sleep with women (WSW). Although it is rare for women to transmit HIV to other women through sexual contact, sexually actively women (and really people in general) should be educated in how to protect your body because a healthy sex life begins with your overall well-being.

WSW should be aware of how to protect against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), get routinely tested and having an open conversation with sexual partners about their sexual history. For WSW, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, mouth to vagina, vaginal fluids, menstrual blood and sharing sex toys. The most common STIs that can be transmitted between WSW are bacterial vaginosis, chlamydia, genital herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), pubic lice, and trichomoniasis. While all of these STIs can also be passed between women who have sex with men, WSW are at a higher risk for this subset because of the nature of sexual contact.

So, how can you protect yourself against STDs before you’re doing the deed? Go get tested! Planned Parenthood has a great online checker to suggest when you should get tested. Also, make sure your sexual partner gets tested. And more importantly, have an honest conversation with your sexual partner about their test results and sexual history. Don’t be afraid to ask, “Have you been tested for STDs?” before getting down to business. Your sexual health is impacted by every person you’re sexually active with, so it’s important to know this information before the clothes come off.

What test should you get to protect against STDs?

• Pap Smear: Women who are in their 20s should get a Pap test every 2 years and women 30 and older should get a Pap test every 3 years.
• STDs: Get screened for all the STDs if you’re sexually active, especially with multiple partners. This should be done at the very least annually, even if you’re in a monogamous relationship. The Office on Women’s Health has a guide you can print out and take to the doctor to help start the conversation on getting tested for STDs.
• HIV: Knowing your status is important and it’s recommended to get tested yearly. A lot of places offer free or discounted testing that is done on-site, especially during National HIV Testing Day.

How can I protect myself and my partner during sex?

• Barrier methods: for oral sex try dental dams, saran wrap or slip open condoms. When inserting fingers during vaginal or anal sex try using gloves.
• Cleaning: wash your hands before engaging in sex (especially under the fingernails) and clean sex toys before each use, especially when switching between vaginal and anal use.

Remember, sex is about having fun and getting your groove on. But that doesn’t mean talking about getting tested, and sharing your sexual history, has to be formal and uncomfortable. Honesty is always an attractive quality and there’s no better way to turn on your partner or prospects than by laying it all out there.

Jenn B. holds a Master in Public Health with a focus on women’s health as well as a Bachelor’s degree in psychology.

For inspiration, visit Passion Sense.

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Dear Michael,

Valentine’s Day is here and I’m going to be celebrating with my partner of 15 years. We’ll go out for an intimate dinner and then — nothing. While our friends see us as the perfect couple — and in many ways we are — we never have sex anymore. We have a beautiful home, a garden, two children and a dog; enjoy snuggling on the couch while we watch a movie and cooking together; have lots to talk about, and are best friends; but the spark has been gone for some time.

Is there any way around this? We’re not eager to open our relationship because we’re fearful of how it might affect our marriage and our family. We both miss sex and certainly find other people attractive. In fact, we find each other attractive — we’re both in great shape. But having sex somehow clashes with our relationship. I know this may sound crazy, but it seems strange to even think about being sexual with someone I love so much and feel so close to.

Any ideas?

Read the expert’s advice at Washington Blade

Washington Blade is America’s leading gay news source.

The post Rekindling romance after the thrill is gone first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Lesbian vlog community favorite Arielle Scarcella and friends take another shot at explaining what lesbians do behind bedroom doors.

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BY KELLY MORRIS

According to a new British survey saying that women are far more adventurous, better informed about sex and less afraid to experiment than men, the number of women having lesbian sex has jumped by 400 percent since 1990.

The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles said that in 1990, four percent of women admitted to same-sex experimentation and just two percent said the experience involved genital contact. Now, 16 percent of British women said they have lesbian sex, and eight percent involved intimate contact.

“Almost all of the ‘straight’ women I know have had lesbian snogs, furtive feels, one-nighters or full-on flings at some point in their lives,” British sexpert Dr. Tracey Cox told the Daily Mail. “It’s becoming so commonplace, it’s got a lot of people horribly confused. Most of the women I know thoroughly (some really thoroughly) enjoyed the experience but have remained straight.”

Read more at TheSeattleLesbian.com

The Seattle Lesbian online magazine reaches more than 188,000 readers per week globally

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YouTube favorite Arielle Scarcella interviews her lesbian friends to find out their thoughts about strapping on.

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“Girl Sex 101” is an innovative and unique project created and spearheaded by Allison Moon and illustrated by kd diamond. Described as “a road trip in a book,” “Girl Sex 101” seeks to combine fiction, comics and sex education as a resource for queer women in a way that no other sex education tool has done before.

Moon notes that “Girl Sex 101” embodies “feminist, pleasure-positive, and consent-oriented sex education to help women of all orientations and experience levels understand their bodies and those of their partners.” It also features the opinions, expertise and experiences of over a dozen educators in order to make “Girl Sex 101” an expansive and inclusive resource for all queer women, regardless of how they identify.

Read more at Huffington Post Gay Voices

For inspiration, visit Passion Sense.

The post ‘Girl Sex 101’ offers unique resource for lesbians first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Can you call yourself a lesbian if you sleep with men?
What about if you won’t kiss them?
What about if you..

Share your thoughts in the comments. Play nice!

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Solid red on both hands. Switch.

BY BEVIN BRANLANDINGHAM
QueerFatFemme

One of the things I love to do with my blog is help my dear readers learn how to see Femmes in the wild. I also like to help folks communicate desire. I also hope everyone reading this blog gets as laid as they want to, and if that is very laid it is helpful to know how to communicate desire. There’s this trend happening amongst Femmes that I want to hip y’all to. In order to encourage you to follow it if that is your calling and, more importantly, look out for so you can see what is being subtly communicated to you!

Okay, first of all, let’s review the hanky code for those of you who are living under a gay rock and have not been peeking out from behind it. The hanky code is a way of visually indicating sexual and/or kink desires to other folks without having to introduce yourself. Like, “Hi, I’m Bevin. I like biting.” Way less smooth than just saying, “Hi, I’m Bevin,” while throwing a 2-3 second lingering eye contact the way I try to do when I am being my most Femme predator self. A houndstooth hanky delicately slipped into the back left pocket tells all without having to put words to it, leaving your words to do other things.

Here’s a great synopsis of the very vast hanky code from the awesome blog Flagging Opinicus Rampant. I also highly recommend a read of that blog’s about page for a more feminist read on the hanky code, and I am highlighting this quote from their about page for the good basic reminders of what flagging does and does not do:

Basic Rules of Flagging
Flagging is not consent.
Flagging means being cool with being propositioned, being rejected, and having the capacity to reject.
Flagging is pan gender (you can’t assume someone’s junk from a flag).
There are no anti-flags.
Flagging is slut pride.

Flagging is great because it’s a pro-active “this is what I like.” It keeps things positive. Also, it’s hard to communicate from a hanky that you’re into doing a certain act only under certain circumstances, like I’m houndstooth often but I really have to be super attracted to someone in order to bite. But since biting is only some people’s thing it is nice to know when that compatibility exists.

Me, flagging wild heart: switch (on both hands).

Anyway, onto the trend. Flagging with nailpolish!! Usually an accent finger on the corresponding hand. I love it!

Hankies are a great accessory and the fact that they can communicate desire is wonderful. I know some masculine spectrum folks who flag literally every day.

As a Femme it can be really hard to play the hanky game. I used to use my bra strap sometimes, like tuck a hot pink hanky in the back so it flapped around, letting everyone know I was both into a certain activity and also prepared in case someone needed a hanky.

I gave up flagging on my bra strap or purse strap awhile ago, but I still carry a vintage hanky with me wherever I go because they are endlessly useful. Summertime when you get a little sweaty (I mean “glowing”) after walking somewhere in the humidity. At the beach when I inevitably get sunscreen in my eyes. At the movies when I cry. On the subway when I accidentally listen to the saddest Lucinda Williams song and cry. When a friend tells a story and I cry. When another friend starts crying and I have a way to be chivalrous and nurturing.

As a Femme alternative I’ve seen this awesome accessory floating around, handmade hanky rosettes.

You custom order the rosette and leaf in whatever colors you want to flag with, pin it to your lapel or boot or clip it into your hair on the correct side and voila. Great for dandies and Femmes or Femme Dandies. But it’s twenty bucks and not as endlessly versatile as nail polish.

If you are a nail polish oriented Femme, as I am, it is likely you have a pretty big pile of nail polish in your fleet. Sinful nail polishes are cheap at Target and basically span the rainbow. I also really like Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear (that color is mint green, great on the left for Mommy tops). Also Nail Strips make complicated patterns possible, like houndstooth.

There is a whole Tumblr dedicated to Femme Flagging, with a forum for fleshing out new additions to the hanky code. Lots of folks have been doing one finger on one hand for the flag, but others have been doing two (or three) “fucking fingers” as the flag.

Flagging “glitter fist” which is basically my sexuality in a nutshell.

Cruise that tumblr! You’ll see so many different flags and femmespiration for it. I think the best part of the Femme diaspora is that there are truly millions of ways to do Femme, so because of that, there are infinite creative ways to use nail polish to flag. Also learning how to see Femmes is a practice, get some training in on seeing what Femmes have to communicate in their own words.

Some creative flags:

Daddy top into other POCs.

Kink & Sex Magic.

Extremely filthy thoughts.

I have been a fan of the accent finger for a long time, mostly because I love glitter polish but find the removal a hassle so it’s easier when it’s only on one finger. Thus, I tend to do an accent finger with glitter. But ever since Femme Flagging with nail polish has been trending my flags have been called out multiple places, including instagram and at parties, by other Femmes. It’s always really nice to be seen.

You may be wondering what’s the best way to call someone out on their flag? Here are a few guidelines:

1. Carry a hanky code around so you can decode what it might be. I think there are apps for this. A truly geeky ex-lover of mine had it laminated and gave me a copy. She was geeky in the hottest ways. Being geeky is sexy and it’s nice to say “Are you flagging red on the right?” knowing what the answer to that flag is.

2. Ask the Femme. “Hey. Are you Femme flagging with that manicure? What does that say?”

3. Ask the Femme. “Hey, I haven’t seen that color in awhile, what does that mean?”

Flagging dashed hopes.

4. Don’t yuck someone’s yum. If you determine the answer to not be your thing, it’s cool. Just say, “Wow, that’s interesting/cool/it looks pretty.” And remember, just because someone is flagging it doesn’t mean they’re trying to get it in with you.

5. Be open to conversation. The best part about flagging is the conversation starter it can be. It’s really sexy to be able to flirt through some flags you’re into. “I’m generally into light blue but always into light pink and grey flannel,” is a hot text.

So, anyway, keep your eyes peeled! Get creative! Express your desires!

Originally published by QueerFatFemme.com

Bevin Branlandingham is your femmecee at QueerFatFemme where she chronicles the relentless pursuit of her joy.

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Devi Ward

BY YANA TALLON-HICKS
Curve

In her book “Shake Your Soul-Song! A Woman’s Guide to Self-Empowerment Through the Art of Self-Pleasure” writer, sex educator, and certified Tantric healer Devi Ward says we to truly achieve sexual healing, we must consciously cultivate what she calls the Four Forms of Pleasure: sensual, sexual, spiritual and emotional. All of these profoundly benefit our physiological health. “When we experience the Four Forms of Pleasure, the natural chemicals that are released, such as serotonin and dopamine [responsible for feelings of euphoria, peace and happiness], make us feel better in every area of our lives. Of all the ways we can get our bodies to release these happy hormones–such as through exercise–the fastest and most powerful way to release these chemistries is through sex. This is a testament to the way the body is designed, to make sex healthy for us, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.”

“Trauma imprints in our cellular tissue and we hold it there, whether or not we’re aware of it,” she explains. “Traumatic events are shocks to the nervous system, and they get stuck in our tissues in a holding pattern. When we apply somatic healing techniques such as touch, movement and breath awareness, it stimulates the cellular tissue to begin releasing this trauma. The human body is designed to heal itself, and pleasure is a mechanism of the body. Pleasure is medicine.”

Read more at Curve

Curve, the nation’s best-selling lesbian magazine, spotlights all that is fresh, funny, exciting, controversial and cutting-edge in our community.

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