Image via Saint Harridan

“If you’re dating a woman who looks like a man, then why don’t you just date men?” We femmes hear this question far too often. Granted, most of the time we get this question it is just some jerk trying to get under our skin, but as unbelievable as it may sound, there are still some people who look us in the eye and ask because they truly wonder. The moment someone asks why I don’t just date men, they are telling me that they have no understanding or appreciation of what it means to be a woman. People with these questions are saying that their idea of a woman is based solely on physical appearance.

If we put traditional ideas of masculine and feminine on two ends of a spectrum, most of us fall somewhere in between. It is society, the  media, and the idea of “traditional roles” that put men on one side and women on the other. My spectrum does not have men. I am a lesbian, and being attracted to the more “masculine” end of the spectrum does not change that. At its core, when someone asks the question, “If you’re dating a woman who looks like a man, then why don’t you just date men?” what they’re really saying is, “You’re dating a woman and she does not fall within my limited mold. It makes me uncomfortable and so does your sexuality.”

Read more at TaggMagazine.com

Tagg Magazine is a print and online resource for LBT women in the DC Metropolitan and Rehoboth, DE areas

The post On loving butch women first appeared on Lesbian.com.

So, about those butch-femme bedroom dynamics…

There’s a huge rumor floating around about us femmes that our skills often fall short in the bedroom. I resent the phrase “butch in the streets, femme in the sheets,” which not only leaves a bitter taste in my mouth but also perpetuates inaccurate stereotypes about the intimate relationship between self-expression and sexuality. What does that even mean…femme in the sheets? Just because we’re femmes doesn’t mean we can’t roll up our sleeves, pour on some elbow grease, and put in some hard work under the hood. After all, why should butches get all the fun? Rosie the Riveter is surely riveting in her grave.

It’s not just us femmes who get mislabeled. Even butch women face unfair expectations to deliver once the bedroom door is closed. Well ladies, it’s time we set the record straight and alleviate some of their pressure to perform as well. . If we always expect butch women to bring home the bacon and femmes to provide the dessert, then what makes our relationships any different than that of the mainstream straight world?

Read more at TaggMagazine.com

Tagg Magazine is a print and online resource for LBT women in the DC Metropolitan and Rehoboth, DE areas.

The post Femme problems: Labels and libido first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY BUTCH JAXON

Butch is single. Isn’t she? I committed in a post late last year that Butch would stay single. It’s easier, I thought. After all, I need to keep some things for myself. Right? Plus, it is a lot of fun to flirt. No harm or anything. Just fun. Only it’s getting harder for Butch to be single. Butch has always been close to me. Not exactly me, but close. Butch is more confident than I am. More flirtatious. More fun, too. But, as Butch, I talk about things that really happen in my life. About thoughts that I really have. About my kids. My parents. My friends. Always. And yet, Butch is separate. I did that to protect myself. And my kids. My parents. My friends. And any woman I might be lucky enough to date.

But, I also put out a call to the Universe asking for what I want in my next partner. It was a pretty detailed list. I said I hoped I’d be lucky enough to find her someday. Well, I did. Or rather, She found me.

I haven’t wanted to share this, and so I’ve really not been sharing much at all. I haven’t posted anything in over a month. That ends now. So… I am not single. And, neither is Butch. I won’t tell you about her, though.

But, oh my gosh. I wish I could tell you about her! If I could, I would probably start out by telling you that she is beautiful. Gorgeous, really. She has style and dramatic flair. Everyone sees her. She turns heads when she walks anywhere. Men flirt with her. Butches would too, if I wasn’t standing there (trying to look even taller and bigger than I am). My friends all tell me how gorgeous she is — in that way that reminds me she’s out of my league. (I’m sure they don’t mean it that way, but my rampant insecurity, well, you know.)

She has curves. And freckles. Sigh on both counts. She is funny, and charming. Thoughtful and considerate. She is kind. Like so kind that I sometimes think she must be teasing me — but, she’s not. She is the nicest woman I have ever kissed. And, adorable. When she smiles and laughs it melts my heart. She is smart. Scary smart. Fiercely independent. Strong. Sassy. And sophisticated, well-traveled, open-minded, but not full of herself. Just a touch of uncertainty which makes her gorgeousness and brilliance tolerable.

I would also tell you that her friends call her a mermaid. She loves the water. She is crafty and likes to sew. She likes to go out and have fun. Wants to travel the world with me, and cuddle on the couch. She loves to play with my kids and that goes a long way. My kids adore her. And she them. I am pretty much over the moon.

Butch and Femme hands

So She found me. For the life of me, I don’t know why She did or what She sees in me. It’s definitely a Beauty and the Beast thing we’ve got going. (She corrected me, “It’s not a Beauty and the Beast thing, it’s a Beauty and the Butch thing.”)

It’s too bad I can’t tell you about her. She really is amazing, but you’ll just have to trust me.

So, not only am I not single (and neither is Butch), I am in love. And so is Butch… With an amazing, sexy, gorgeous, brilliant, kind, funny, charming, adorable, independent, passionate Femme.

It’s Butch to be found by the world’s most amazing Femme and to recognize you’ve been found. I hope you are as lucky as me. Be Butch.

ButchOnTap is written by Butch Jaxon, a fledgling writer who has been a lesbian her whole life. Butch was raised in San Diego and is an accomplished lawyer. She loves to write, play any kind of sport or game, consume any kind of entertainment and is frequently found drinking lattes in a bookstore or discovering new beers at local micro-breweries.

The post ButchOnTap: She found me first appeared on Lesbian.com.

One of the photographs from Wendi Kali’s “Butch/Femme Photo Project” (Photo: Wendi Kali)

BY GLENNISHA MORGAN
Huffington Post Gay Voices

Photographer Wendi Kali shot almost 100 people in 35 cities as part of her new “Butch/Femme Photo Project,” which she’s deemed an exploration of lesbian identity. As The Advocate reports, the project is an effort to archive modern “butch” and “femme” existence. Kali, who is a lesbian, says she initially explored her own identity (which she describes as butch) and couldn’t really relate to what she found.

Read more at Huffington Post Gay Voices

The post Lesbian photographer’s ‘Butch/Femme Photo Project’ first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Meet Barbara and Jake, currently living in Florida. Jake was a performer with Butchlesque, a performance troupe driven by music-and-fashion that explores female masculinity as interpreted by butch and masculine-of-center women. Barbara, the writer behind FemmeFairyGodmother, was instantly smitten.

Jake, left, and Barbara.

Jake and I met through Twitter. My friend Kim is the producer for a show called Butchlesque. In May, I was looking at the contestants for the show as she put up the pictures. I saw Jake’s picture and tweeted Kim: “Holy hot butch, Kim! Who is THAT?” She told me that Jake was single and on twitter, so I followed her. We started to chat a little, then she DMed me. We then started talking on the phone, every night, for hours. We lived 1300 miles apart so we had to talk on the phone to get to know one another.

In July, Jake had a business trip to Chicago and I joined her for the week. We had an amazing time! We continued talking and started video chatting. I flew to Florida twice to visit, met her friends and experienced bits of her life.

I got a new job in August, so I expected to stay in Michigan for at least three years. As luck would have it, things went to hell in a handbasket at my job and I decided to leave after 8 weeks. Jake and I talked about it and decided that we didn’t really want to wait for three years… so I packed up and moved to Sarasota, FL at the end of October.

I was putting a lot of faith in Jake and it could have been disastrous. It hasn’t been. The thing that let me know this was the right choice and the right person was that I didn’t have one single misgiving, not one red flag. It wasn’t a case of me ignoring the red flags, either. They just weren’t there. I’ve had relationships where I wasn’t able to be authentically me, for whatever reason. In this one, I decided I was just going to be exactly who I am, good, bad, ugly and she’d either fall in love or she wouldn’t. She did! She says it’s the same for her. I feel passion, excitement and love and at the same time calm, loving, and connected. As soon as we met in person, we knew.

I think that those weeks of talking on the phone for hours was the key for being sure of this relationship. We got to know each other in a way that we might not have if we were in person because, let’s face it, sex frequently gets in the way.

We’re spending this new part of our relationship building a strong foundation. We have very similar values and needs and we wanted the same thing from a relationship. We both needed romance to be accompanied by a friendship that is deeper than that. That’s exactly what we got.

I’m a loud-mouth femme and the child of southerners (which explains a lot about me, I’m told). Jake is an old-school Southern butch, IT professional, mother of 2 and a poet.

The post ‘Real-Life Love Stories’ #3: Thanks Twitter and Butchlesque! first appeared on Lesbian.com.