Illustration by Lee Ely

Dear Femme,

I’ve been single for two years. It seems like every time I start dating someone, things go smoothly for one or two months and then she just disappears! I don’t get it. I don’t have sex with anyone until I think they are really interested (definitely not on the first date!) and everything always seems to be fine until the other person stops returning my calls. I’m not a needy person, I don’t call or text my dates every five minutes but I pay enough attention for them to know I am interested. What am I doing wrong? Thanks for your help!

Two Month Chump

Hi TMC,

Thanks for writing! I’m sorry to hear about your predicament, it’s a pretty tricky situation. I don’t know much about you, but I’m going to try to give you the best advice possible.  There are several different possibilities.

1)      It’s not you, it’s them: What type of women are you choosing to date? What is the common thread? Do you tend to choose women who have just gotten out of long-term relationships? Do you gravitate towards women who aren’t looking for a long term partner? Try to find out on the first or second date if your date is emotionally available or just looking for a good time. Usually you can just trust your instincts on this one. If she starts crying into her ice cream about her ex-girlfriend, she’s probably not ready to date anyone seriously. That’s your cue to cut her out or put her into the friend zone. This is the best way to ensure you don’t get your feelings hurt down the road. You have to look out for those red flags before you invest your heart into someone.

2)     It’s not them, it’s you: What signals do you send to your dates? Are you sending out “let’s just be friends” vibes? Do come across as not wanting to be in a long-term relationship? Are you so concerned with coming across as ‘needy’ that you come across as disinterested? Listen to yourself when you talk, do you talk about your ex too much? Do you talk about traveling the world with no ties or commitments to anyone or anything? These are red flags to girls who are looking to settle down with someone. If a month has passed and the girl is still around, talk about a future that applies to both of you.

3) You haven’t met the right one yet: It sucks, but dating is a numbers game. There’s a chance that the relationships you have had have faded out because she just wasn’t the right one for you. When you meet the right person, things click into place. I know that after being single for awhile, it’s hard to imagine that happening so easily, but when you meet the right person it won’t be this hard.

4) Be yourself, be spontaneous: TMC, it sounds like you have your dating game down to a science. You have rules for yourself about when to text and how often and when to have sex, etc. Is that really you? Be yourself, follow your instincts instead of going by the book. Throw the book away. Do whatever you want and ask your date if she’s in for the ride.

Good luck, TMC and let me know if it works!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

For more illustration by Lee Ely, visit their Behance page!

The post Ask the Femme: Two Month Chump first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY KATY RAY

Whether you’re like me, and have been living with ex-iety for years, or you’ve just begun to show signs of this post-traumatic relationship disorder, there is always a better relationship out there, waiting for you. And it is that kind of hope that keeps me going this holiday season. But no matter how long it’s been, ex-iety can and will strike at any moment, with or without warning. So how do we cope with it? I have found three simple solutions to help me manage my ex-iety this holiday season.

Read the reasons at TaggMagazine.com

Tagg Magazine is a print and online resource for LBT women in the DC Metropolitan and Rehoboth, DE areas.

The post Coping with holiday ex-iety first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Or maybe you’re twins. Or you’re Tegan and Sara.

BY SARAH TEREZ ROSENBLUM
AfterEllen

My ex’s new girlfriend looks like me. That’s what my friends say.

“It’s because she’s not over you,” one tells me.

I’ve always bristled at the idea that my specific personality traits, ethnic background, astigmatism, fashion missteps, and intellect when added together might render me a concise package, deceptively easy to categorize and understand. I’ve been referred to as a skinny jew, a smart hottie, and yes, a sexy librarian. Nothing wrong with any of these descriptions. Who’s going to fight smart skinny and sexy, the sibilant trinity? Turns out, I am. Or I did. For years.

Read more at AfterEllen.com

AfterEllen is the pop culture site that plays for your team

The post When your ex dates your lookalike first appeared on Lesbian.com.

The ladies of Dykeotomy weigh in on how breaking up, or just taking a break, can impact your relationship in the long run.

The post Dykeotomy: Are we breaking up or taking a break? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

I recently broke up with my first-ever girlfriend. I’m in my 20s, came out relatively “late” and had never been (figuratively or literally) with anyone until this gal. We were together for several months, and had lots of fun times.

I began to notice incompatibility issues and communication problems and wanted to break up with her but wasn’t sure how. I spent two weeks crying and worrying and not sleeping because I was so afraid of hurting her. I texted asking if we could go for a walk, and she must have known something was up because she responded by jumping the gun, breaking up with me over text, and refusing to grant my request to talk in person.

Read more at After Ellen.com

AfterEllen is the pop culture site that plays for your team.

The post Moving on after an immature break-up first appeared on Lesbian.com.

When you quit a corporate job, a company will usually conduct an Exit Interview to see how they could have made your time there a better, more enjoyable experience. I had a friend quit a job recently. She was unhappy for a long time. She always complained about the way she was treated, the lack of development and upward mobility, and the constant micro managing. Sometimes you have to let it all out, so I really hoped she would get an exit interview.

My writer’s light bulb immediately brightens up as I thought what if our relationship break-ups had exit interviews? Do you think our egos, tempers, and emotions could handle having a raw conversation about the real issues and why the relationship went south? Could you sit face-to-face, eye-to-eye and be honest outside of the angry shouting matches that occur with a lot of break ups? This would be quite an amazing opportunity for the improvement in your next relationship.

Read more at TaggMagazine.com

Tagg Magazine is a print and online resource for LBT women in the DC Metropolitan and Rehoboth, DE areas.

The post The breakup files: Ex-it interviews first appeared on Lesbian.com.