Four lucky couples have the chance to tie the knot this fall in Seattle with the “Marry Me in Seattle” campaign.

The campaign is to celebrate the passage of Referendum 74, which legalized same-sex marriage in Washington in December 2012, and the support for marriage equality in Washington that followed.

There are still a few days for four lucky couples to be randomly selected for an all expense paid four-day trip to Seattle and wedding on the first Wednesday of the month between September and December this year.

The campaign kicked off July 1 and ends July 31. More >

The post Say ‘I do’ in Seattle first appeared on Lesbian.com.

The pair who turned 53 on Thursday (as in, they have the same birthday) wed at San Ysidro Ranch in Montecito, California.

Etheridge sang a never-before-performed song she wrote for the “Nurse Jackie” creator. The couple has been dating since 2010.

All of Etheridge’s kids, Bailey Jean Cypher, 17; Beckett Cypher, 15; and Miller Steven Etheridge and Johnnie Rose Etheridge, 7, played a role in the wedding.

Chelsea Handler, Rosie O’Donnell and Jane Lynch were among the celebs in attendance.

The post Etheridge debuts song for her new wife at wedding first appeared on Lesbian.com.

My partner recently gave me promise ring, which prompted a lot of discussion about promise rings within the lesbian community and in general. Most of discussion revolved around the difference between a promise ring and an engagement ring, which I actually found to be kind of shocking.

The obligatory social media post about the new shiny piece of jewelry on my left hand clearly stated that it was not an engagement ring because people started to ask when we were getting married the moment I wore the sucker out to a group gathering of friends.

For me, I left like I was defending the purpose and validity of my promise ring, which made me start to think, are promise rings not relevant to my generation?

In this digital age, where people have become accustomed to instant gratification on just about everything, has this demand for information become the norm for every aspect of our lives? Having found myself in a situation where I not only had to refute the notion that I was engaged, but defending the choice that neither my partner nor I wanted to be married at the present moment, threw me for a loop. What happened to being content with waiting?

Many of our friends and people we talked to after explaining the concept of our promise ring (jewelry to signify our commitment to each other until we get married) still found the concept to be archaic and meaningless. The idea of waiting to get married after being together for a couple of years and also getting a piece of not-so-cheap jewelry to signify that, seemed to mystify people.

After talking more with people, it became apparent that promise rings did not seem to be in line with the average expectation of the course of a relationship, specifically for lesbians. Apparently, the order of operations was, you date for a little bit, you get engaged, then you get married all within the course of a couple of years. If you wait too long, then obviously your relationship isn’t solid enough for getting hitched. If you go too fast, then you’re viewed as impulsive (especially for women). But, what about the middle ground? There’s nothing wrong with taking the time to reflect and appreciate the enormity of a decision of getting married.

While there is the joke that lesbians move towards a monogamous committed relationship too fast, is this really the norm in our community? or are we turning myth into a so-called reality?

Personally, I’m more surprised when I meet a lesbian couple and they’re married, merely because I don’t see marriage as the end goal for every romantic relationship. But I was kind of shocked that people assumed that since I’m with a woman and it’s legal to get married where I live, why wouldn’t I just go and get married.

Luckily, I’m an understanding person and I have friends who are interested in understanding my thoughts. I patiently explained that while eventually we would get married, right now wasn’t the time because we are happy the where the relationship is at this moment. At the first party where I wore my promise ring, this explanation was shortened to “if it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it” by the end of the night.

The entire experience of having discussions about my ring has taught me to believe even more strongly in one of my many life mantras: Do you. I don’t need to justify my decision to not get married right now, but I’ll explain it to people who matter most to me in my life. But everyone else just has to deal with my pretty promise ring. Whether it’s an engagement ring or a promise ring (or something else), just rock it.

So, what do you think: Are promise rings dead?

Jenn B. holds a Master in Public Health with a focus on women’s health as well as a Bachelor’s degree in psychology.

The post Is the promise ring obsolete? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Every married couple has issues keeping their family and friends happy on their wedding day. But let’s face it, gay couples have it so much worse. We have to deal with homophobic family members, challenging traditional customs, marriage rites and breaking gender norms. We have to do it all on a day that’s going to be both amazing, stressful and amazingly expensive.

Let’s run through some scenarios that Lesbian.com readers have inquired about and how to handle them. The goal here is to make your day as special as possible for you, while still minimizing drama where you can.

THE WEDDING PARTY
My BFF is masculine of center, but the rest of my bridal party are wearing dresses. Should I make her wear a dress too?

No. Not unless you don’t want a BFF anymore. You might have an arbitrary notion of what your wedding party needs to look like, but the people who make up your wedding party should be more important than aesthetics.

We both have femme best friends, is it OK to have two maids of honor or should one of us change?

Don’t change. It’s your wedding, you don’t want to look back on it and realize you didn’t have the right person standing up for you.

But my coworkers will freak out if they see women dressed like “men” in my wedding party.

That’s fine. They might care for about five seconds, but you can’t change important aspects of your wedding to make acquaintances feel more comfortable. If you’re worried about what your coworkers will think, tell them it’s going to be a small wedding and leave them off the guest list.

Help! I have a lot of friends who are really important to me and I’m worried people will feel left out if I don’t include them all.

The easiest way around this problem is to just fill the wedding party with siblings or cousins and call it a day. If this isn’t an option, maybe sit down with a few people and see if their feelings would be hurt if they were left out. Let them know that being in your bridal party is going to involve a lot of money (bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding dress) and a lot of time. Tell them that you understand if they don’t have time to commit to it.

Honestly, a lot of them will be glad you gave them a chance to opt out and it will leave you with a super committed bridal party. Um, unless they all say yes. In which case, congratulations on knowing such generous people.

FAMILY FEUDS
Help! My mom is mad that I’m going to wear a wedding tux instead of a wedding dress! How do I make her OK with this?

Chances are, if your mom knows you, she knew this was coming. Sit her down, maybe make her some fancy tea and tell her that you’re sorry your wedding won’t look like she pictured it in her head. But that you are glad she can be there for you as you declare your love for your partner and you are excited to share this special day with her. Then tell her that she really, really needs to stop talking about you wearing a dress, because it’s not going to happen and she needs to respect your choice.

My aunt, uncle, cousin, grandfather or other family member is against marriage equality. Do I have to invite them?

This is a very personal decision. Personally, I chose to invite all of my family members to my wedding, even the ones who are pretty vocal about the fact that I’m “going to hell.” For me, it boiled down to courtesy. I wouldn’t leave anyone out of something important as my wedding. In the end, the people who disagreed with my lifestyle chose not to come. I’m glad I was the bigger person.

If that tactic will work for you, I highly recommend it. If you won’t be able to sleep at night because you know aunt Mildred is going to throw biblical pamphlets at you during the ceremony and great-uncle Bob is going to start screaming about how it “ain’t right,” then don’t invite them. Don’t lie awake at night worrying someone might make a scene at the wedding. Don’t let them ruin your day. If another family member asks why cousin Eugene didn’t get his invite yet, tell them you were respecting his beliefs as he has stated he would be uncomfortable at a same-sex wedding.

THE CEREMONY
How do we find an officiant for our ceremony who doesn’t have any religious affiliations?

Ask around. Ask all your married friends, gay or straight, if they used a secular officiant. If none of them have recommendations, ask any of your current vendors if they have any recommendations. Most wedding vendors in the same location work with each other fairly often and are quick to recommend people with whom they enjoy working.

If that fails, use google. Seriously. Then meet with the officiant a few times to make sure you are comfortable with him or her.

Is it hypocritical to have a religious wedding even though most religions are quick to oppose marriage equality?

Nope! No one can dictate how you practice or express your faith. Go for it and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.

My fiancee and I can’t agree on who gets to break the glass before we kiss. How do we decide?

Um, each break a glass. Don’t let the wedding party play any tricks by putting shot glasses or another hard to break glass in there, it can go right through girly wedding shoes.

Have more wedding drama? Leave your questions in the comments and we’ll answer.

The post The queer girl’s guide to managing wedding drama first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Makeup is a loaded subject. Is it just for femmes? Can I be femme and hate makeup? Can I wear makeup if I’m masculine of center? Are all women acquiescing to a ridiculous societal standard of beauty by smearing chemicals into our pores?

Let’s not delve too deep into that today other than admitting that as humans we all have a bit of an ego and we like to look our best. On you’re wedding day, when you are going to be in about a million pictures, makeup is the best way to achieve that.

I know. You’re a boi and you don’t wear makeup. Let’s be real. Do you want to remember the horrible stress pimple that popped up the night before the big day? You don’t want that pimple in pictures, commemorated for all time. So let’s get to it.

Clear skin and defined features are the best way to give good face without getting too fussy about it. I’m going to recommend light foundation, concealer if you need it, brow gel/pencil and clear mascara. This will perfect your skin and make your eyes stand out with out anyone realizing that you’re actually, gasp, wearing makeup.

If you are prone to oily skin, or if you have a summer wedding and you might be sweating through your tux, give yourself a quick once over with a translucent powder. Physicians Formula is available at any drug store and the price is right for anyone on a wedding budget. Finish the look off with a little of your favorite lip balm.

If you want to go crazy you can add a little guyliner, Shane style. Personally, I can’t resist a boi in guyliner.

Pro tip: If you’ve never applied makeup before, have someone else do it for you on the big day. Maybe a member of your wedding party, a sibling, cousin or BFF who is good with makeup. Don’t be shy. Whomever you choose will probably be flattered that you are trusting them with your face on the one day everyone will be looking at it.

FACEPAINT FOR ALTERNA-FEMMES
The femme community is usually painted with the same brush, which is crazy because there are as many different ways to be femme as there are stars in the sky. If you are femme and don’t usually wear makeup, follow the same advice I gave the bois and even out your skin tone and accentuate your eyes. Maybe add a touch of lip gloss in a color that will subtly enhance your lips and a swipe of blush on your cheeks to complete the blushing bride look. You’ll still look like you, only more radiant!

Normally bridal looks are heavy on neutral tones and traditional up-dos. If you are a lady with a love of stylized feminine looks, you might want to go for something more dramatic. Pick your favorite, can’t live without beauty product and build a look around it. It’s your wedding and the only rule is to look fantastic. Let’s break some rules.

Brides tend to be told to stay away from a red lip. But if you love to rock a signature red lip, wear it on your wedding day. I recommend starting the day with a quick lip exfoliation. If you are getting ready at home, mix sea salt and olive oil and gently scrub your lips with your finger. In a pinch, gently rub your toothbrush over your lips while your brushing your teeth in the morning, then moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!

Remember you are going to be doing a ton of kissing on your wedding day. So wear something that won’t rub off on your partner. I swear by Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics Lip Tar. It stays all day (sometimes even until the next morning) and won’t rub off on your partner as long as it’s dry. You can also try a lipstain, like Covergirl’s Outlast Lipstain. It won’t even feel like you are wearing lipstick and you can reapply gloss or moisturizer throughout the day without losing color. If you are going to be using a new color or product, give it a few test drives before the big day.

Brides are also usually steered away from a dark smokey eye in favor of a more natural look. But if the smokey eye is your jam, there’s no need to skip it.

For some women, neutral colors are traditional and gorg and for others they are a snoozefest. Don’t feel like you can’t express your personality by adding your fav colors or bling to your look. Check out some of my recs below.

The post Lez get married: Makeup for girls and bois first appeared on Lesbian.com.

With marriage equality making major strides across the country, the burgeoning same-sex wedding industry is attracting a wide range of companies with years of experience in the wedding business.

One of the largest family owned jewelry chains in the country, Rogers & Hollands, is expanding its demographic reach and marketing to include the LGBT community by adding a new wedding jewelry collection created to celebrate marriage and equality.

The premier jewelry chain, which operates several stores throughout the Chicagoland area and throughout the Midwest, has just announced the addition of Rony Tennenbaum’s Jewelry collection to its bridal cases in both its Woodfield Mall location in Schaumburg, and in downtown Chicago’s Water Tower Place stores.

With stores across Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota, Kentucky, Ohio, Tennessee, Missouri and Wisconsin, Rogers & Hollands believes that adding the Rony Tennenbaum collection will allow them a wider outreach and include same-sex couples as part of their all-inclusive accepted family of consumers.

Rony Tennenbaum Jewelry has been sending a strong message of inclusiveness to the LGBT community for almost a decade. As a wedding jewelry designer for over 25 years, Tennenbaum’s unique wedding and engagement ring styling is built with fashionable timeless features and driven by a strong sense of sentiment. Tennenbaum recognized the lack of attention the LGBT community was receiving in wedding jewelry and designed his brand to showcase high end designs beyond stereotypical rainbows and triangles.

More than just a designer, Tennenbaum understands the need in educating a generation of retailers as well as consumers who are facing new traditions and etiquettes. His outreach to the community on “The New Etiquettes of the Rainbow” is a step in teaching both retailers and consumers about the new options in wedding jewelry etiquette. He also consults about making educated purchases.

As these etiquettes are being written by the LGBT community, visionary retailers such as Rogers & Hollands are seeking out Tennenbaum’s expert understanding in the culture, tastes and needs of the LGBT community, as well as the jewelry and diamond worlds.

Already distributed in states such as: Connecticut, New York, Illinois, Florida, Washington and Virginia, Tennenbaum is thrilled to be adding his line of wedding jewelry to the Rogers & Hollands chain. In his opinion, the stores already have a strong loyal following and the outreach to include the LGBT community will only strengthen their foothold as a bridal destination.

At the helm of his brand, Tennenbaum is not only breaking the mold with his designs, but is also using his expertise and message behind his jewelry to be in the vanguard of a new generation of jewelry consumers, and taking with him any pioneers who wish to join forces with him and his message on the journey.

The post Rogers & Hollands adds LGBT wedding jewelry first appeared on Lesbian.com.

So you want to get married to another girl. Congratulations!

Now that the feds legally recognize marriage between same-sex partners and states are slowly but surely getting on board, it’s a great time to finally get hitched to the woman or boi of your dreams. Let’s start with the most fun part, the clothes.

OUTFITS FOR BUTCHES, BOIS AND STUDS
Finding a wedding outfit for a masculine of center ladyqueer can be really hard. It’s not for the faint of heart, but neither is marriage. There are a few different routes you can go.

The first is to get a bespoke suit made, which is super expensive, but worth it if you know you will get a lot of wear out of it. If you are going to get a suit made, go do your research. Learn about the fabrics, shape and cut you want. Find a queer friendly tailor. Either ask your queer friends where they got theirs or post on a few Facebook groups and ask for recommendations.

If you’ve learned anything from reading Lesbian.com, it’s that gays love helping other gays and driving business to ally-owned businesses.

The next option is to get a man’s suit or tuxedo tailored to your body. Many starry-eyed queers just grab a man’s suit and don’t make any alterations to it. This is a big mistake. Off the rack clothing is never going to fit anyone (except the size model) perfectly. Your body isn’t mass produced. It’s unique.

The last option I’m going to suggest, is to actually find a woman’s suit and tailor it. You knew that was coming. You can either find a whole suit or mix and match a black jacket and pants.

A white suit is also really popular. The only trick here is to be careful with the mix and match. You don’t want to mix two different whites or a white and an ecru. That would be a disaster.

Pro tips to keep in mind so you don’t drive yourself (and the soon-to-be missus crazy)
• No one’s body is a perfect fit for off-the-rack clothing.
• Be patient and be kind to yourself.
• If you are marrying a femme, remember that your outfit is just as important as her dress.
• Wear the undergarments you plan to wear on the big day to all your fittings.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help, ask your queer friends if they have a tailor or have recommendations for queer-friendly vendors.
• Wear something that you feel super sexy in that is also comfortable enough to wear for hours.

ALTERNA-FEMMES
So you’re femme and you’re getting married, but you don’t want to be a traditional bride because screw tradition. You’re queer, fabulous and completely in love.

Let’s address some fun choices that aren’t exactly traditional.

Pink: Ever since Kaley Cuoco got married in a bright pink dress women have been debating over whether or not pink is appropriate for a wedding. If you like pink and it looks better on you than white or cream, go for it. Go all over pink or go for an ombre look like Gwen Stefani did at her wedding in 2002.

Rockabilly: 50s hairstyles and swooping winged cat-eyes look great on everyone as does the classic hourglass silhouettes from this time period.

Black: Black is a girl’s best friend. It’s slimming and dramatic. If you don’t want to go full black then consider adding black accents, such as lace or a sash.

Romper: J. Crew introduced a romper into their wedding line and everyone freaked out.

If you have a playful side, a romper is the perfect outfit for a beachy or woodsy wedding.

Boho: Whether you go with a long flowing boho dress or a mini, bohemian styles can help make your day feel less formal and stuffy while still allowing you to feel gorg.

Hi-Lo: The high-low hem trends has made it all the way to wedding attire. It’s fun and trendy.

You might have some regret when you look back on it 40 years from now, but you’ll always remember how great your gams were back in the day.

The post Lez get married: Style guide first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Congratulations! You’re engaged and now it’s time to plan that wedding. But maybe you’re someone who loves wedding traditions and wondering how to incorporate these aspects into your own wedding. Look no further as I’ve picked out some of the big traditions that are commonplace in weddings.

Full disclosure: I am not married nor have I planned a wedding before, but I have attended many. I am a self professed wedding planning addict as I absolutely love weddings and providing tips and tricks to my friends who are planning weddings is a little hobby of mine.

The entire concept of a wedding is centered around the idea of a man and a woman coming together as a couple. So, there are far more things you may have to rethink and mold to fit your wedding, but below are few of the big ones that most couples like to have in their wedding.

The key to all of these concepts is communication. You and your partner have to be open about what you absolutely do and don’t want in your wedding to make fair decisions about your big day. Also, as a couple, you need to be open with your guests and let people know that you’re having a wedding your way, traditions or not, and the purpose is to come together to celebrate a union of two people who love each other.

THE CEREMONY CONFIGURATION
Which bride should be at the altar waiting? Who should walk the other bride down the aisle? Before you start to think about these questions, start with deciding on what type of ceremony you want to have for your wedding.

You might want a traditional set up in a church or chapel. If this is the case, you have a couple of options. The traditional configuration usually has each family sitting on a particular side, the wedding party up front, one bride at the altar and the other is escorted down the aisle by a father or parent figure.

Another set up is to have both brides walk towards the center from side aisles to meet in the center together. I’ve always liked a completely opposite arrangement and have guests surround the couple in a circular fashion. First, decide on what you and your partner envision your ceremony looking like, hear each other’s ideas, and go from there.

THE WEDDING PARTY
The wedding party is very similar to the ceremony space. While having a wedding party is a traditional aspect to include in your wedding, it’s definitely not a must. A lot of people decide to have a maid of honor and best man or not have anyone at all. If you decide you want a wedding party, then ditch the labels (best man, groomsmen, etc.) because it will just place folks in certain gender boxes unwillingly. The concept is still there, so collectively as a couple decide on a number, divide it in half and go pick out your closest friends and family to be in your wedding party.

Definitely be sure to make it clear (if you decide on this) that you don’t have a maid of honor and the responsibility of the bridal shower and bachelorette will not fall on anyone in the wedding party. For some people, the anxiety of being in a same-sex wedding may lie in being unsure of what your role is in the entire wedding production. To ease this anxiety with your wedding party, be clear about what you expect and envision form your wedding party for your wedding to be perfect.

WARDROBE CHOICES
So you both want to wear wedding dresses — that’s awesome! Maybe one of you wants to wear a suit — great! Or you both want to do something in between.

Whatever your fancy, pick outfits that you’re comfortable wearing. If you decide to go the traditional wedding dress route, make sure to find one that suits your personal style and the overall theme of the wedding. Stick to a budget on the dress as well, particularly if both brides are wearing dresses as this can be a good chunk of the wedding budget.

If you decide to go the suit route, there are tons of options out there. Everything from a traditional tuxedo to a more laid-back white suit can be found for women to wear.

Regardless of what you decide to wear, the most important thing to is to buy clothes that fit you properly or plan on getting the items tailored. This makes a huge difference, as you will most likely be photographed repeatedly all day and you want to look your best. This goes for the wedding party as well. Keep in mind what your wedding party would be comfortable wearing when deciding on their clothes. When your clothes fit properly and you love what you’re wearing, you feel your best.

TOSSING THE BOUQUET
If both brides decide to have a bouquet, then you’ll have two to toss at all the eager guests hoping to catch one. My suggestion for this is either toss the bouquets together at the same time, or toss one early on in the reception and the other later.

MUSIC
Now, I’m sure most people don’t see this as a traditional wedding idea, since pretty much everyone has music played at their wedding; however, this is one way to personalize your wedding.

For me, I love the idea of an all-female band (or even better an all-female queer band) as I love supporting my fellow women musicians.

Another suggestion is include more lesbian music artists or female artists to have that female presence articulated through your musical selection. Don’t be afraid to include unknown artists or individuals that people won’t know in your musical playlist. As long as you get people dancing to a groove, no one will care that they don’t know the words.

HONEYMOON
Picking a honeymoon location is a task many forget to focus on when planning a wedding, but it is one of the most important decisions. After all the action of your wedding, you want to make sure you have a comfortable and safe place to unwind with your betrothed.

The important takeaway here is to select a location that is LGBT friendly. Sadly, there are many locations where homosexuality is a crime or frowned upon. Double check that the country you plan to travel to will be a friendly location for your and your wife to relax and unwind. If you and your partner decide to travel abroad, check out the laws regarding homosexuality and the cultural norms in the country you want to have your honeymoon.

Now that I’ve got your creative juices flowing, check out some of these resources to help plan the wedding of your dreams.

• Popular wedding sites have tons of resources for any type of couple. My favorites are The Knot and Wedding Wire.
• Websites that specifically cater to same-sex couples are great starting points for looking up local resources in your area. Check out these sites Rainbow Wedding Network or Purple Unions for lesbian wedding resources.
• For honeymoon locations, there are many websites that lists out great lesbian-friendly vacation and honeymoon spots. Here are few to check out: Travel and Leisure magazine, Purple Roofs, The Knot gay-friendly honeymoon list and Equally Wed.

Remember, at the end of the day, it’s your wedding and whatever you and your partner decide to include in your wedding should make you both happy. It’s your day of love and it should be as perfect as your union together because true love should always be celebrated.

Jenn B. holds a Master in Public Health with a focus on women’s health as well as a Bachelor’s degree in psychology.

The post Drawing on wedding traditions for your special day first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Here are some simple tips to make sure your wedding has all the panache you want without spending a Bridezilla amount of money. In exchange for saving loads of money, you will have to do some extra work.

The most common time of year for weddings is spring and summer, so don’t rule out flowers that bloom naturally in your area. A friend of mine in Oregon had a wedding when roses are abundant and she realized that about 30 of her friends and family grew some sort of rose in their yard. Early in the morning of the day of her wedding, guest after guest, brought bunch after bunch of fresh cut roses to her mother’s home. I have never seen such an extravagance of flowers at any wedding before or since. Her friends were thrilled to contribute to the splendor of her day. Her Mom and a few friends, spent the morning drinking champagne and arranging the broad variety of roses into vases with ribbons bringing a lovely continuity to it all.

Also, don’t underestimate the impact of flowering trees. The jacaranda, lilac and quince come to mind first. By using branches as long as 6-feet tall, you can strike a breathtaking frame to the area where you will be standing to get married.

For other mood-setting decor, click here to learn how-to make a beautiful backdrop for an altar or the head table. This is a bunch of busy work. It only requires string and wax paper, but looks beautiful and ethereal, if you make enough of it. You can do it while you watch TV.

While we’re talking crafty stuff, here is a link to cover some simple, yummy, glazed donuts with edible glitter, which looks amazing. We just did it at a wedding and the donuts were gone, POOF, like it was a magic show.

It is expected that you will provide drinks, including alcohol. That can get pretty spendy. As for hard liquor, create one fabulous signature cocktail and showcase it.

My favorite wedding drink is my own creation called the Honeymoon. It is vodka, orange (or pineapple) juice, passionfruit juice and 7-up. It tastes like a trip to Hawaii. It’s clean, crisp and distinctive. Want to make it more special? Muddle some fresh mint in water and freeze one minty ice cube for each drink.

Also, it is OK to buy a simple red and white wine without having to be too fancy. Go to Costco or Trader Joes. No one will hold it against you. Leave them with nothing to drink, and there will be a curse on your union. I’m kidding, of course.

Now, go get married.

Shann Carr is a comedian and wedding officiant based in Palm Springs.

The post Make your wedding glamorous on a shoestring first appeared on Lesbian.com.

So you’re engaged. Great! I’m so happy for you. Your special day will be amazing, but you have to take the steps now to ensure a drama-free affair. Below, please find my checklist to an easy-peasy big day.

Please note, certain event venues will include everything you need, some are a la carte and some are simply a physical space. Of course, it’s easiest to choose a beautiful venue that will do everything you need, but if you have your heart set on your dream location, it’s worth it to put the leg work in and round up the vendors yourself.

ENGAGEMENT WEEK
Set a date. I know it seems quick, but drink that champagne, have a no-pants party to celebrate, then set a date. You’re going to need it for when you call everyone and they want to know WHEN IT’S HAPPENING. I recommend a date that’s 9-12 months away from your engagement date. You’re going to need time to plan.

Start a dream wedding binder: Communication is key in this step. Talk to your partner about your dream wedding day, listen to hers and smush them together. Have you always wanted an outdoor wedding and she has always wanted to get married in a church? This is a good time to find out. Remember to compromise. It’s her big day, too. Your wedding is the start of your life together, once the day actually comes it will be OK if you compromised on the napkin color when she’s reading her vows to love you forever. Get a stack of wedding magazines and tear out what you want. Or, do the digital thing and start a few wedding boards on Pinterest.

Budget: Talking about money is never fun (unless you have a ton of it), but talk about budget. What can you spend that won’t send you into a horrible debt spiral? Are anyone’s parents ready and willing to help out? Part of the reason I recommend taking a year to plan the wedding is because it will also give you time to put together a savings plan for the big day.

Guest List: I know, it’s so early, but you’ll be surprised how easy it is to bang out a tentative guest list. This part can be super stressful if you have a smaller wedding and have large extended families. Remember, a good number of people will say no. Weddings are expensive to throw and expensive to attend. So about 30 percent of the people you invite will decline. Some couples choose to have an A-list and B-list. You invite the Bs when space opens up from A declines. Like, if your future in-laws need to invite their BFFs to see their little girl get married, put the BFFs on your B list. I know it doesn’t seem nice, but it can actually help alleviate your stress. And it’s YOUR wedding! So do whatever makes it easier for you and your partner.

Put all your guests into an Excel spreadsheet along with their addresses. If you don’t know everyone’s address, start asking. This will come in handy when you are sending out invitations later.

9-12 MONTHS OUT
Pick a place: Start looking at venues. I know this seems far in advance, but big weddings are IN and the most popular venues will be booked this far in advance, if not further.

Interview vendors: Be sure to find out what services the venue comes with and what you will need to bring in. For example, if you choose a hotel, they will probably be able to provide most of the services you are going to need. You might only need a flower vendor. However, if you are getting married in an outdoor space, you need to consider questions like do I need to rent port-a-potties? I know. It sounds insane, but not all venues come with bathrooms. Make a list of the vendors you need.

The big ones are:

• Caterer
• Party rental company (chairs, tables, flatware, platters, table linens)
• Lighting
• Flowers
• Music
• Cake
• Photographer
• Videographer
• Hair and makeup
• Transportation (limos, shuttles)
• Valets and security

Pick a person: Decide on who you want to actually marry you. You want to do this early to ensure the person’s availability.

Pick a wedding party: This one is tough if you have extended family or a ton of close friends you don’t want to feel left out. If you have a sibling, the best thing to do is to make them your maid of honor or best man. No one can complain about being a bridesmaid instead of a MOH, if they are bumped for family. If you have two sisters, have two MOHs and ditto for brothers. The goal is for you to be supported by your closest friends with as little drama as possible.

Stationery: In this day and age, most of us only read about stationery in Jane Austen novels. But having a great stationery vendor is crucial if you want to make sure your save the dates match your invitations and your thank -you notes.

6-9 MONTHS OUT
Get an outfit: You want to start this process early so that you find the right thing and have time to have a few fittings. Two or three should be more than enough. Also, make sure your bridal party is getting it together, too.

Get a free wedding website: There are a few really awesome free websites that will give you a space to provide information about your wedding to your guests such as where it will be, which hotels are nearby and where you are registered.

Book a hotel-room block: This is courteous for your out-of-town guests. It won’t cost you anything and will make sure no one is sleeping in their car.

Register: Go to stores and point that fun, clicky thing at all the things you want to fill your marital home. Don’t worry about registering being presumptuous. You are helping people buy you what you want without thinking about it too hard.

Send out save the dates: Include your wedding website URL so early birds can start preparing. Some guests will want to book their hotel rooms or send you an engagement gift as well as a wedding gift, so don’t skip those two steps.

Nail down your vendors: You’ve interviewed some vendors in each category and gotten proposals, now it’s time to commit. Sign some contracts and get deposits together. Pick people you are comfortable with, who you trust. If you can’t find any of those, at least choose the ones with a lot of good yelp reviews or who come highly recommended by the venue. Stay in constant communication with them throughout the process. Don’t be a bridezilla, but check in with them and make sure no one is falling behind on anything.

3-6 MONTHS OUT
Plan a honeymoon: More fun and way less stressful than planning the actual wedding itself.

Pick some music: Work with the DJ and / or band to put together a playlist. Be prepared to have to think about what you want to walk down the aisle to, what will be playing when you exit, what you want to walk in to, what you want to cut the cake to, etc. Any good DJ or band will work with you to make sure they can get what you want.

Plan a wedding itinerary: Put together a list of the events that need to happen at the wedding and when. For instance, the first dance will happen right after we are introduced, then we will dance with our parents, then the toasts, etc. Distribute this itinerary to all your vendors. Seriously all of them. It can’t hurt. If you have a wedding coordinator who comes with your venue or caterer, ask for help. They are experts and they are happy to help.

Seating arrangements: Diagram it out. Make sure grandparents are close to the restrooms and old college buddies are close to the bar.

Order wedding favors: Give guests something cute and small to remember your wedding by. Some couples give candles or wine glasses with the wedding date on them.

Finalize toasts and readings: Make sure that the people you want to lead the toasts and readings are committed to doing them, so you can write up and print your program.

Print stuff: Print invitations, wedding programs, wedding menus, place cards, table numbers. Print it all.

Send your invitations: Eight Weeks before the ceremony. I’m so serious about this. Exactly eight weeks so you don’t drive yourself nuts. Assign each of your guests a number (this should be easy, since they are all in a spreadsheet anyway) and write numbers on the back of all the RSVP cards because people are going to forget to write their names down.

1-2 MONTHS
Make sure your outfit still fits: Planning a wedding is stressful, it can cause people to gain or lose weight. Who knows what will happen. Get thee to your tailor.

Make sure your bridal party has things to wear: They have other things going on besides your wedding; don’t get upset if they don’t remember to get their dress fitted. Gently remind them.

ONE WEEK AWAY
Get your money, honey: It’s super annoying, but most vendors want cash money when the wedding reception is over. Put together carefully labeled envelopes with certified checks/money orders/cash. Give it to your BM, MOH or someone else who is super responsible and won’t rob you. Introduce them to your vendors, so they can get paid out at the end of the night.

Delegate: Assign the wedding party jobs. Have someone put together a box for wedding envelopes who will either give them to you at the end of the night or hold onto it until you get back, ditto for the wedding gifts. Have someone else in charge of getting people to sign the guest book. If you or your partner are wearing a dress that needs to be bustled, have someone practice bustling it. If you need help going to the bathroom in your dress, have someone who will hold it for you. Delegating is the key to keep your big day going smoothly.

Bachelor / Bachlorette party: Some die-hards still have this celebration the night before. I don’t think that’s the best way to look fresh as a daisy on your wedding day. Have it the week before and avoid being hung over in all your pictures.

Vendor check-in: Go over all the details with all the vendors. Every. Single. One.

Pack for Your Honeymoon.

THE NIGHT BEFORE
Hold a rehearsal and dinner: This is usually just for the bridal party and immediate family, but if you have out-of-town guests it’s nice to invite them as well.

Get some rest and get ready to party!

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