A few nights ago, I had a major shift in my life. I made the decision to cut off all of my hair to face the judgments I held within about being a “lesbian.” I despise labels and believe that instead of gay, straight, bi or transgender, we are all just souls living a human experience meant to love and cherish everyone and every moment. I grew up learning and believing that men married women and that men were supposed to have short hair and women were to have long hair. It was just how it was and the only women who could get away with short hair were grandmas and the people others called “dykes” or “lesbians.”

As I hit my young teen years I started to become aware of the fact that I only got butterflies around women I found attractive. The guys were all totally chill and I had so many guy friends but that’s all they were. I never felt any emotional pull or feelings towards them in that kind of way. So I had to open myself up to accept who I was despite not understanding why I was that way. I made a vow (in my judgmental young mind) to never look like what others called a “lesbian” or a “dyke,” meaning I would never have short hair because I did not want to lose all of my femininity.

Well, seven years ago I happened to meet and fall head over heels in love with my now-fiance Samantha Stewart. She is a free-spirited, gorgeously stunning woman who was the complete opposite of everything I knew and everything I believed I had ever wanted. Oh the irony! She never wears heels, refuses to wear a dress on our wedding day, but she loves to not match and strut her style.

A few years into our relationship she decided to surprise me with a new haircut. She spent hours in the bathroom (yes, she is skilled enough to cut her own hair). When she walked out, it was a moment I will never forget. I saw her beautiful long brown hair on the floor and her standing in front of me with hair so short she could spike it if she wanted to. I didn’t say a word and just started bawling my eyes out.

I was in complete shock. From that moment, she knew I no longer found her as attractive with short hair as I did with her long hair and it took me so long to shake the raw honesty I was emitting through my energy. It broke her heart, shattered her confidence – and because I unintentionally hurt the one person I would give my life for, I became very depressed and angry. Who the hell did I think I was?! To hold such judgment over something as stupid as hair?!?!

Since that day she has cut her hair many times and I have found that she is still the same person and is so beautiful regardless of the length of her hair. I also took a step back to ponder those who are just as judgmental as me yet face chemo and lose all of their hair. How do they feel and what life shift did or are they going through? So I made the ultimate, very tough decision to cut off all of my hair to face what I judge most and find the authentic beauty within myself.

Because it is easy to judge ourselves, it is easy to judge others. But by loving ourselves unconditionally, I believe we can love others just as much without judgment. This haircut, I will admit, is hard to deal with. I do not feel feminine and I do not feel pretty, but what I do feel is me – the me that is no longer hiding behind my hair and superficial beauty. And I hope that others will be moved to make a personal change in their life as well to be a part of the change they wish to see in the world. We are all beautiful and each and every one of us deserves to feel proud and comfortable in our own skin. I am not my hair, I am not my skin, I am not my sexuality – I am my soul that lives within and I am now free.

The post I cut off all of my beautiful hair to face my own judgments about being a lesbian first appeared on Lesbian.com.

(Photo courtesy of Zoe Amos)

BY ZOE AMOS
Lesbian.com

It took me a long time to develop my gaydar. Thankfully, I’ve got it now, well, most of the time anyway. I still have a problem identifying femmes, not all femmes, and, honestly, I have a problem with butch-looking women who happen to be straight.

There are a lot of lesbian women out there who not only don’t identify as either femme or butch, but blend in with hetero women to the point that the thought “is she or isn’t she?” doesn’t cross my mind.

I believe I fall into this invisible category. Women who have strong gaydar admit I don’t present as obvious, or that it would have taken them more time than usual to figure me out, while assuring me they would have and besides, my lengthy, bouncing stride gives me away. Some have said my invisibility is due to the fact I was previously married to a man, and, although that was a long time ago, these women believe there is some lingering effect, or affect, that causes me to blend in with the multitudes.

I don’t like to admit that I’ve guessed wrong about a woman’s sexual orientation, but it has happened on a few, dare I say, embarrassing occasions? Since then, I’ve learned to be quiet, to not make overt assumptions. Instead, when curious, I edge in to the conversation. For example, I might mention dining with my girlfriend as a way to open the door for the other woman to reveal, “Oh, my wife and I love eating there, too!” or some such thing.

The last time I made a gaffe, I was selling books at a writer’s expo and chatting with the passers by, when a very butch-looking woman approached. We talked about her horse farm. She was a sturdy lass and I could imagine her doing all the hands-on work she described. She wore no make up, no belt, and a wash-and-wear hair style suited to a rancher. By the time she said Patricia Cornwell was her favorite novelist, a known lesbian writer, my gaydar, which must have been set to “stereotype,” had already registered a positive ID.

I thought to tell her about the stories I write under the Zoe Amos name. Her demeanor shifted dramatically and she informed me in no uncertain terms that she was at the event with her husband. In an attempt at a quick recovery, I suggested she might pass my business card to an interested friend before she walked away. My parting thought was a fantasy: I’d see her the following year and she would exclaim, “You opened my eyes! What a fool I’ve been!” Right.

And then, there are the femmes. Femmes are similar to butches in that they come in all shapes and sizes, but it’s how they decorate those shapes and sizes that makes all the difference. My girlfriend is a femme. She doesn’t wear make-up on a regular basis, but she’s very stylish and carries herself in a decidedly feminine way. Ruffles and frou-frou tops become her, which I like, and yet personally, don’t relate to for my own wardrobe. In a pinch, I borrowed a frilly shirt from her one day, but couldn’t wear it. Ack! Get it off of me!

This brings me to the topic of pedicures. Lots of women paint their toenails — butches, too, I hasten to add. My girlfriend and I were invited to a St. Patty’s Day party and, because it was warm enough to wear sandals, she had to paint her toenails. She showed me three bottles of green polish and asked me which one would look best. I’m an artist. I know color and two of these were the same. The third had a bit more yellow in it. This is where I part company. Sorry, I just don’t get it. Mistake! We bantered back and forth, and I told her to pick one. No one will notice if the color on your toes matches the color of your green shirt, will they? Or maybe other femmes notice. Do you? The color was pretty with her sandals and I complimented her. Other than that we were at a party with all gay women, I wouldn’t have singled her out as gay, but, of course, I knew she was.

Zoe Amos brings her lesbian point of view to articles and stories on diverse topics. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter. Read her stories on Kindle and Nook. Check out her other life at JanetFWilliams.com

The post From A to Zoe: The invisible woman first appeared on Lesbian.com.

What does a lesbian look like? What kind of stereotypes to people have about lesbians’ appearances? Check out these video interviews with straight people, made by the creator of “Girl on Girl” which will feature Lauren Bedford Russell of the “Real L Word.”

The post Straight talk: What does a lesbian look like? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

YouTube sensation HartBeat answers the perpetually annoying question posed to masculine-of-center lesbians: “If you love women so much, why don’t you dress like one?” Well, Hart has an answer to that one — and a watermelon bikini to boot.

The post A brilliant response to (silly) questions about butch fashion first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Check out Sara Gilbert’s way of addressing lesbian stereotypes on “The View.”

The post Sara Gilbert takes on lesbian stereotypes first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Is this your girlfriend?

BY ERIKA STAR
AfterEllen

You’ve heard the rumors, and they’re simply not true: Not all lesbians are cat people. Sure my Instagram feed proves otherwise, that my lez friends are all a bit obsessive and spend most Friday night’s lounging in piles of cats, but “The Real L Word” told me differently. They showed that any real group of lesbians includes an innumerable amount of dogs. I’ll go one step further and say that lesbians are simply, animal people. I will admit that I’ve enjoyed the company of a feline before, and have made attempts to cuddle ferrets, rabbits and birds. I guarantee there’s a lesbian out there right now who’s sewing a tiny, waterproof bandana for their little Nemo and even Ellen and Portia have horses.

Read more at AfterEllen.com

AfterEllen is the pop culture site that plays for your team

The post Let’s talk stereotypes: Lesbians and cats first appeared on Lesbian.com.