Coming from a predominantly white, conservative area of the world (Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada) with more trees than people, I hid my sexuality from my single mother, from everyone until the past several years. I thought marrying a man was the right thing to do for my daughter, so I did it. I remember signing the marriage license with lackluster.

Fast-forward to 2013 and I met someone who would change the course of my life. I recently married the love of my life and finally had to come out to my mother who, to my surprise, didn’t skip a beat about the whole thing. I actually think, looking back now, she knew more than I cared to admit. My marriage came as no surprise to her at all and she treats my wife like a daughter (and then some).

As a mixed race lesbian, my childhood and teen years weren’t exactly smooth sailing, to say the least. I looked forward to adulthood because I believed that I would be accepted for who I was in the adult world and I could escape the ridicule and shunning I experienced for years.

The recent terror attacks and threats aimed at the LGBTQ has been particularly challenging for me to cope with and brings back a great deal of memories in one form or another. The other side of things is that I’m somewhat in the spotlight as a Celebrity Numerologist, two-time bestselling author and featured columnist for LotteryUSA.com (with over 8 million visitors per month). I’ve been on major media and if you google my name, you’ll find over 40,000 pages of Michelle Arbeau. I feel like I’m a moving target for judgment of all kinds.

There’s an extra fear factor of coming out of the closet and being completely open when you’re in the spotlight in some way. I worried how my publishers would feel, if I’d still get media interviews, and how my fans and clientele would feel that their favorite numerologist was a lesbian.

I had come out to myself but it was time to come out of the closet all the way. I decided to nonchalantly post something on social media and held my breath it would be well-received. To my shock and delight, no one disapproved, not a single soul. Given the fact that I have a lot of social media followers, that’s saying something.

As horrific as the recent attack in Orlando was and the attempted attack in West Hollywood, do we continue to live in fear of being ourselves? Hell no. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from not only being gay but being mixed race is that it’s worse to hide it than any other way. There will always be people who will hate you for one reason or another, whether it’s because you’re gay or because you’re simply wearing the wrong shirt. Hatred is everywhere but I want to leave you with one quote from a special older friend I had years ago that applies to this situation in a round about way. He told me this: “The recessions have never affected me because I never believed it was about me.”

We can live in fear or we can believe that an isolated terror attack toward the LGBTQ community isn’t about you, your friends, loved ones, etc. It won’t happen to you, it’s not a part of your reality. As terrible as it is, this was someone else’s path, not yours or mine.

Walk tall, stand proud and believe that your path is a different one than these terrorists want us to believe. Who has the right to decide it is ever wrong to be yourself?

Michelle Arbeau is an internationally recognized Celebrity Numerologist, author, inspirational speaker and radio/tv host. She has a Hollywood clientele base that includes Twilight vampires, Big Bang Theory actress, Pirates of the Caribbean actor, NBC Director, Celebrity stylist and many more.

A media favorite and considered an expert in her field, Michelle is frequently a repeat guest on national outlets such as CBC Radio, CTV Morning Live and Breakfast Television (media list). For more info, visit Michelle Arbeau online.

The post Coming Out When You’re Already in the Spotlight first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY EMILY
Team Dattch, the lesbian app

I recently moved out of my family home into a flat in London. Because I’ve been told that I’m an adult and should do that. My arrested development has lasted long enough. It’s time to have a bed I can have sex in that is not in the room next to my parents.

So I set about flat-hunting and found a great place in East London with some nice German people. Well, they seem nice; I don’t know them properly yet and they don’t know me, which means, at some point, they’ll find out that I’m gay.

Since I’m a femme, I’m unfairly afforded passing privilege and have to continually come out to most people I meet. Sometimes, this leads to a pleasant conversation with someone about how their sister is gay or they live next to a lesbian couple. This is fine with me as they’re just trying to say, “Hey, I get it. That’s OK by me,” the only way they know how, which, when you think about it, is far from being the worst response a person could get.

Other times, people like to crack a joke out of discomfort, give you a cheeky wink or ask you awkward questions. I know their brains are just exploding as they try and suppress the urge to just scream in my face, “BUT HOW DO YOU SEX?”

Again, I can handle these responses. What I’ve had almost no experience with is a truly negative reaction to my telling them I’m a lezzer; I’m completely unprepared for this event.

I’d love to think I’d have some bad-ass retort and that my brain will switch into ninja mode, conjuring up some witty, biting, life-altering sentence that just destroys and turns them into a pillar of salt that I can casually kick over and walk away from. However, I anticipate I will mostly fumble my words, leave awkwardly and cry in the toilets. Not that this isn’t a valid reaction to a homophobic, personal attack but my ego would like to believe I’m capable of the former.

So how could I tell the two strangers I’m now living with that I’m gay? It’s not like they’re casual acquaintances at a party who I can verbally obliterate then abandon; I have to live with these people, which is what stopped me just taking a deep breath and saying, “I’m a lesbian.”

I’ve never been great at breaking news to people; I blurt things out or try to cover things with humor. I admitted to my mum that I was a smoker by leaving a message on my bedroom door:

“Mum, those cigarettes you found were mine. I didn’t tell you because I’m a pussy. As you can tell from this note.”

Very mature.

In my effort to be a proper grown-up, it would probably have been a good idea to just drop something casually into conversation and see if my flatmates pickup on lesbo clues like “girlfriend,” “Candy bar,” “Tegan and Sara.” But with English not being their first language, I couldn’t bank on that working.

On my first day in my new flat, I sat in the kitchen with my flatmates, a guy and a girl, and we got to know each other a little bit. They asked me where I worked and I saw my opportunity. Dattch, a dating app that’s just for girls definitely implies lesbo, so I went with it. But then there was nothing; no conversation followed and no real acknowledgement of what I was trying to say. Maybe they didn’t get it.

I then thought of a convenient way to tell them I’m gay without actually having to tell them. I brought a friend over to the flat, introduced her to them, we had dinner and then had sex in my new room. Because that’s how grown-ups deal with things. I REGRET NOTHING!

Dattch — The Lesbian App is out for iOS and Android. Loved by Lesbian.com, AfterEllen and Autostraddle, we are the social platform for all things gay. Free download!

The post How to (not) come out to your flatmates first appeared on Lesbian.com.

In one of the most irony-filled stories to make the rounds in a long while, a social media specialist in Utah was fired for a blog he wrote about homophones.

For those unfamiliar with the term, homophones are words that sound alike, but which are spelled differently. Think of “sell” and “cell;” “sleigh” and “slay;” “two,” “too” and “to.” Clearly, a homophone has nothing to do with one’s sexuality – a fact that appears to have escaped Clarke Woodger when he fired Tim Torkildson for a blog the latter wrote on the topic.

So where’s the irony, you ask? Well, Woodger just happens to be the owner of Nomen Global Language Center, an English language learning center based in Provo. One might assume that the owner of an institution which charges a fee to students to whom it purports to instill the basics of the English language would actually know the basics of the English language. That’s ironic point #1 (and I’m hoping all you Nomen students saved your receipts).

For ironic point #2, we have the fact that in his you’ll-no-longer-be-working-here announcement to Torkildson, Woodger complained, “Now our school is going to be associated with homosexuality.”

Now I may be wrong about this, but I’m guessing that we’d not be hearing about this story, nor would Newsweek and other major news outlets be reporting about it, if Woodger hadn’t terminated Torkildson.

So congratulations Clarke Woodger of the Nomen Global Language Center. Through both your ignorance and homophobia, you, not Mr. Torkildson, managed to ensure that your school (using the term ever so loosely) will, indeed, forever be associated with homosexuality. Don’t believe it? Just try Google-ing “Nomen Global Language Center.”

Now I’m wondering if someone should attempt to explain dangling participles to Mr. Woodger before he again embarrasses himself in a similarly unfortunate event.

The post Homophones for homophobes first appeared on Lesbian.com.

What did you miss this week in the world of LGBT news? Check out our Lesbian.com round-up and you’ll be ready to gather ’round the rainbow-colored water cooler to talk about four of the biggest, best and most interesting stories for July 13 – July 19.

MLB teams with Athlete Ally

With the annual Major League Baseball (MLB) All-Star game as a backdrop, the league announced the expansion of its association with Athlete Ally, an organization committed to ending homophobia in sports.

According to a statement from the league, MLB, in conjunction with Major League Baseball Advanced Media (MLBAM), has formed a strategic alliance to provide education and training on respect and inclusion in the workplace.

“Athlete Ally will work not only with players, but also with front office personnel on these issues,” MLB Chief Operating Officer Rob Manfred said.

MLB commissioner Bud Selig also named former outfielder Billy Bean, who came out after he retired, as the league’s first ambassador for inclusion.

“We’re not here to change the way people think—We’re here to give them the opportunity to make the best decision,” Bean said. “This is not a desire to find out information about players or encourage them to do something they’re not ready to do. It’s to protect them and let them make their own decisions and be the best players they can be.”

Selig was joined in the announcement by Lutha Burke, sister of late major league outfielder Glenn Burke who came out to his teammates and team owners during his time with the Dodgers, but didn’t come out publicly until two years after leaving the game.

Selig told reporters he wished “our game had someone in place to whom Billy and Glenn could have turned when they played; a friend, listener, a source of support.”

CDC reveals LGBT health survey results

On Tuesday, the Centers for Diseases Control and Prevention (CDC) released data from the National Health Interview Summary, the government’s premier tool for assessing Americans’ health and behaviors. For the first time, the annual survey included a question regarding sexual orientation, allowing researchers to examine how one’s sexual preference may affect health-related behaviors or status.

In the survey, only 2.3 percent of respondents identified as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Another 1.1 percent indicated they were “something else” or “didn’t know the answer” and 96.6 percent identified as straight.

Data indicated higher rates of cigarette smoking and binge drinking among the LGB population as compared to straight people, as well as higher rates of serious psychological stress among bisexuals.

Some LGB health advocates have questioned the CDC survey figures, noting that the 2.3 percent identifying as LGB is slightly lower than other recent surveys, such as a 2012 Gallup Poll in which 3-4 percent of those surveyed identified as gay, lesbian or bisexual. The CDC health data was collected in face-to-face interviews, a setting in which respondents may be less likely to openly reveal their orientation.

David Mariner, executive director of the Washington, D.C., Center for the LGBT Community, told USA Today, “”I think regardless of whether the number is this number or higher, we’re still talking about millions of Americans that are disproportionately affected by a lot of health indicators.”

St. Louis cop sentenced for harassing LGBT couple

Former St. Louis police officer Jeffrey Leveque was sentenced this week after pleading guilty to a misdemeanor charge of harassing an LGBT couple last January.

Leveque, 45, was accused of accosting Meg Hensley and her transgender male partner Kendan Elliott, over the display of a gay pride rainbow flag. Leveque and another man parked outside the couple’s home and yelled threateningly at them as they tried to leave for work.

According to court documents, Leveque was sentenced to one year of supervised probation and could face six months in prison if he violates the terms of his probation.

According to the St. Louis Dispath, Leveque served with the St. Louis Police Department from 2001 to 2004 before resigning while under investigation by Internal Affairs for an unspecified allegation.

Lesbian sheriff candidate in New Mexico dies suddenly

Mylessa Denny, an openly lesbian deputy sheriff in New Mexico who received statewide attention for her bid to become the first elected female sheriff in the state since the 1960s, died suddenly Tuesday. New Mexico State Police believe a “medical episode” contributed to Denny’s death.

Denny, 39, was found on the ground next to her squad car shortly after completing her shift at 4p.m., apparently having collapsed as she was getting into the car.

Sheriff Dennis Cleaver said, “It’s a terrible shock for our department and our community … We’re all in shock.”

In a recent interview, Denny, a U.S. Army veteran said, “I don’t have an agenda. I am openly gay, which is kind of odd for a small town. I believe you should run on how well you can do the job and not the fact that you are male, female or gay.”

The post LGBT week in review: MLB names ambassador for inclusion, CDC releases LGBT health data first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Hello,
My name’s R* and I am new here. I’m 18 and my mom is homophobic. I came out as a lesbian years ago, I really want to tell her, but I don’t know how. I know she will react badly, but I just want her to know.

Ahh, coming out. Coming out is something LGBT people have to do everyday to varying degrees. No one ever tells you that when you are a little baby queer do they? Every time you meet someone new you will have to come out. It’s going to happen at work, at the doctor’s office, in line at the grocery store. Coming out isn’t a singular act. It will be a rolling theme of your life. Eventually, you will get so used to it that you will barely notice when it’s happening anymore. The hardest people to tell are usually your own parents. You only get one shot to tell them and you want to make sure you do it as sensitively as possible.

You are probably right to be worried about your mother’s reaction. People have a lot of highly charged feelings about LGBT people. Especially when it comes to their own children. Even people who are “OK with Gay!” can be upset if they find out their own child is gay. This goes for people of all races and religions. There probably isn’t a “best time” to come out to your parents. But there are sensitive, caring ways to do so.

Let me preface this by saying, if you live with your mom and she is your financial support you might want to wait until you are able to support yourself before you tell her. This way, if she throws you out for being gay, you can still take care of yourself. Living an honest life is great, but being homeless equals bad.

There is also a chance that your mom already has some idea that you might be a gay lady. After all, she has known you all your life.

So, after a nice dinner one night, tell your mom you want to have a serious talk with her. Sit her down and tell her that you love her and you know she loves you unconditionally. Then say something along the lines of “I’m a lesbian and I hope that won’t change the way you view me or our relationship.”

Be prepared to have to answer some tough questions, like: “Are you sure?” “How do you know?” “Have you ever been with a woman?” “How do you know you just haven’t found the right man?”

Let me tell you right now that you don’t need to have the answers to these questions right now, or ever. You don’t need to explain or justify yourself to anyone. The nuances of these questions for queer women are myriad and no one knows the answers. You are who you are, you love who you love.

My recommended response? “It’s just something I know in my heart.” Because it is. Be prepared for her to be shocked or hurt or mad. There is a chance she won’t accept you at first, give her time and patience. Offer her your love and acceptance, even if she withholds it. Don’t say anything to your mother that you will regret. Even if it seems like she will never come around to accepting you, chances are eventually she will get used to it. She will see that you are still her little girl and will grow into an amazing woman.

Good luck, R. Let me know how it goes.

Have a question for me? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com or send me a Facebook message!

*Name’s have been changed to protect anonymity
**Letter has been edited for clarity

Natasia Langfelder is just a girl, writing about girls in New York City. Read more of her work at Hot Femme in the City.

The post Ask the Femme: How do I come out to my homophobic mom? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

So, by now, even non-football fans know who Michael Sam is. He’s the the first openly gay player drafted into the NFL. He was the guy who was shown kissing his boyfriend when he found out he was going to play professional football. He was the guy chosen 249th overall who has gotten more press than almost all of the preceding 248 picks. Yeah, that guy.

Well, the homophobes have responded. In addition to all the predictable right-wing blathering, a Miami Dolphin player (Don Jones) tweeted “Horrible” in response to the kiss. He was fined, suspended and ordered to undergo sensitivity training. After eight days of said training he was reinstated. Wow, cured in eight days. It must have worked though because he apologized, admitted his behavior was unacceptable and offered to perform eight hours of community service fellatio at Miami’s next pride event.

A Dallas daytime talk show host stormed off the set after a discussion of the kiss seen round the world. Ironically, her big beef was that it was all for publicity. Hence, I will not be using her name. (But, for a visual, think Elisabeth Hasseltwit with a slight southern accent.) I’m not sure if she received sensitivity training or not. Between all the “Bless your hearts” and “I do declares,” it would be hard to tell down there anyway.

Donald Trump said it was “too much.” Holy comb-over Batman, if Donald Trump finds something excessive.

But what about us? Sure, the homophobes get their training to be able to see two men kissing without becoming excited but we will need to learn how to deal with the fourth grade humor that surely awaits us when the 2014 NFL season kicks off. You know what I’m talking about, the juvenile jokes, maybe not necessarily mean, but wherein we are the punch line. After all, the man’s job will be to “blow by” a “tight end” and “sack” the quarterback all while playing for the Rams. Thank God he didn’t go to the Packers. Did you chuckle just now? You won’t after the seven millionth time you hear it.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I will need training to not slap people. Sophomoric jokes annoy me anyway. When my people are the butt of those jokes, it could get ugly. So, I am getting ready by creating my own sensitivity program. And, if you think you might need help too, welcome to Samophobia Sensitivity Training.

The fundamental basis of this training is getting the offender to recognize that his or her casual remarks are actually hurtful and could offend us. So, for example, when Michael Sam blasts through the line and tackles the quarterback with a few of his teammates and the guy in the seat next to you yells out a remark about Sam liking it on the bottom of the pile, simply point out that not all gay men are bottoms. Say: “Think of the logistics, Silly.” Then go into lengthy and graphic detail about the myriad of ways gay men have sex. The offender’s subsequent erection will be so pronounced he will have to excuse himself from the seat and you won’t have to hear anymore from him. It might not cure him, but does get rid of him in the moment so you can enjoy the game.

Should Michael miss a tackle and the lady in the seat next to you chides him to go cry in his boyfriend’s arms, simply point out to her that a man in touch with his feelings enough to not be afraid to cry is quite psychologically advanced. And, that you understand how she wouldn’t know since she’s not been with a man since 1974.

When you’re out in a bar and some guy boasts how, were he on the Rams team, he’d shower at home after practice. Tell him that you don’t blame him and you understand how difficult it must be to go through life with an excruciatingly small penis.

As you can see, empathy is the key here. Kindly, gently and lovingly showing others how hurtful words and tiresome jokes can feel. And, if it doesn’t seem to work, push them over the railing at the stadium.

Remember that this is a new program and, as with all new models there may need to be adjustments. But, we need to start somewhere. I will keep you posted if and when the curriculum changes.

Jennie McNulty was named one of Curve magazine’s Top 10 lesbian comedians. She can be heard weekly as co-host of LA Talk Radio‘s “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show.”

The post A guide to dealing with Michael Samaphobia first appeared on Lesbian.com.

The alleged homophobic note sent by a mother in response to a birthday invite from two gay dads was apparently all just a hoax concocted by a local New York radio station.

Earlier this week, the story of two gay dads from Baldwin, N.Y., went viral after Long Island’s K-98.3 publicized a supposedly bigoted note from the mother of a boy invited to their daughter’s birthday party. The note read: “Tommy will NOT attend. I do not believe in what you do and will not subject my innocent son to your ‘lifestyle.’ I’m sorry Sophia has to grow up this way. If you have an issue or need to speak to me: [number erased].”

Read more at Huffington Post Gay Voices

The post Homophobic birthday RSVP revealed as radio show hoax first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Russia officially welcomed gay athletes and spectators to the Sochi Winter Olympics, but in a country where it’s thought only 1 percent of gay people dare to live completely openly, it appears to be a hollow gesture.

“Dispatches”  gained unique access to the vigilante gangs that target gay men and women. The film depicts a country troubled by disturbing violence and distressing intimidation.

Six months after the Russian parliament unanimously passed a law to protect children from ‘non-traditional’ relationships, this film explores the terror that gay people in Russia are calling ‘hunting season’.

The post ‘Dispatches’ – Vigilante gangs and homophobia in Russia first appeared on Lesbian.com.

A letter that appears to have been written by a woman who had the word “lesbian” used as an insult against her by a neighbor is currently making the rounds on the Internet.

The mysterious woman who is, in fact, a lesbian, seems to have taped the letter to her neighbor’s door after hilariously reclaiming all of the stereotypes that she embodies. Check out the letter below.

Read more at Huffington Post Gay Voices

The post Lesbian pens clever response to homophobic neighbor first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Destin Holmes during a press conference. (Photo: AP)

BY LILA SHAPIRO
Huffington Post Gay Voices

On her first day at Magnolia Junior High in 2011, Destin Holmes remembers hearing whispers among other students asking if “it” was a boy or a girl. According to a federal lawsuit filed Tuesday. things got much worse from there. Holmes, who identifies as a lesbian, didn’t dress like most of the other girls in her school district in Moss Point, Miss. Holmes alleges multiple examples of discrimination by the teachers and being routinely referred to her as “it.” One teacher made her use the boys’ bathroom.

On Tuesday, the Southern Poverty Law Center filed a federal lawsuit against the Moss Point school district, school board and superintendent, and the Magnolia Junior High principal, Durand Payton, accusing them of targeting and harassing Holmes because of her gender expression and sexual orientation and violating her constitutional right to equal protection.

Read more at Huffington Post Gay Voices

The post Lesbian teen takes school to court over alleged discrimination first appeared on Lesbian.com.