BY EBONI RAFUS

The title of Yoruba Richen’s award-winning documentary documenting the fight for marriage equality in Maryland, “The New Black,” has a double meaning. On the one hand, the title speaks to the idea that some believe that gay rights, and in particular, marriage equality is the civil rights issue of our time, ergo that being queer today is like being black in the 1960s. The idea that gay is the new black is offensive to many black people as it suggests that the struggles that black people face due to race are in the past (i.e. we live in a post-racial world) or that the fight racial justice can somehow be usurped or replaced by the fight for LGBTQ rights. On the other hand, Sharon Lettman-Hicks, Executive Director and Chief Executive Officer of the National Black Justice Coalition (NBJC), a civil rights organization dedicated to empowering Black lesbian, gay, bisexual,and transgender (LGBT) people, offers another meaning. Lettman-Hicks speaks passionately, striving to create a more inclusive black community. She believes sexuality is a taboo topic in the black community and would like to change that. She says, “With the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t tell for the military, we’re ready to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in the black community.”

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The post ‘The New Black’: Documentary looks at queer black lives in America first appeared on Lesbian.com.

There’s been a lot of buzz around the internets lately about Femme identity. I am unsure where the controversy began but I think it had something to do with this post on how to spot a queer Femme by Fuck Yeah Femmes. The curator of that Tumblr sent me a message asking me the following question:

Hi Bevin! I’m glad you liked my list of femme traits and tell-tale signs, I am interested to hear what you think could be appended to the list! Some people commented that the list was not “inclusive” enough and I definitely didn’t intend it to be definitive. Those are only my ideas, certainly a broader picture will emerge if many different femmes give their perspective as well. So here goes: “Ways to Tell a Queer Femme is Queer?” “Ways to Get a Femme Girlfriend?”

FYF certainly didn’t write a definitive list. I mean, it’s totally subjective and I read it as a playful narrative, almost a fantasy sequence. I love it because I see so much of my unbounded Femme sisters in it. I also understand the question about determining whether a queer femme is queer. It can be so frustrating to feel that we are “hiding in plain sight” and the chance to teach someone how to see us is really exciting. (As a side note, I plan to answer “Ways to Get a Femme Girlfriend” in a later post.)

Spot a Femme in the Wild. The Femme author in her natural habitat, on stage. At my birthday party doing 9 to 5 at Rock N Twang Karaoke at my second favorite BBQ restaurant in NYC,Hill Country BBQ. It was so fun. I’m wearing a lei made of cookies and sex toys, a gift fromKit Yan.

The problem is, there is no one “us.” Identities like Femme are deeply personal and there’s no one way to be Femme. There are certainly overlapping characteristics and generalizations that exist–which is how we find each other and create community. Tenderly paw in paw we find ourselves a niche (or several) in queerdom. But it is essentialist to say “This is a trait common amongst Femmes,” because as soon as you think you’ve isolated one commonality about Femmes you’ll find a whole pile of Femmes who belie that trait. This is simultaneously awesome and complicated when you’re trying to spot a Femme in the wild.

Spot a Femme in the Wild. The Femme author in her secondmost natural habitat, the dance floor. Photo by the ever so talented Amos Mac at Stay Gold in San Francisco

Personal identities are fluid. I’m in my thirties and while I settled into Queer Fat Femme about a decade ago, there are a few permutations I enjoyed for awhile but have since moved away from. I don’t feel comfortable with the term “High Femme” anymore. I think some people use it to mean ever so very Femme or indicate some extreme extent of feminine expression. I’m totally a girl who will wear bright make-up at all times of day or night and I feel completely comfortable over-dressing for any occasion because my self-expression matters more to me than fitting in. However, using the term “High Femme” just sounds like hierarchy to me.

I totally understand that it is a term steeped in history and tradition, and anyone who self-identifies as High Femme is fine by me. But in terms of my Femme expression and identity, I prefer to think of us as living in this gorgeous glittery rainbow venn diagram of overlapping adjectives, none “higher” or “lower” than another semantically or otherwise.

Is this splitting hairs? Likely. Do I care? No. My personal identity is exactly that, personal and individually tailored to who I am. It gets to be as nuanced as I care for it to be.

Also, let’s keep in mind the heart and loins are complicated entities, their relationships with the individuals they’re attached to change often. We’re all going to be queer for a long time* and probably do queer really different twenty years from now.

Fancy Femme? Flamboyant Femme? Giant Eyelashes Femme? How Many Blingies Can I Fit in My Hair Femme? I Do the Opposite of Coco Chanel and Add One Accessory Before I Leave the House Femme? Photo by Dee Dean Leitner from the Hard French Winter Ball.

Discussion of fluidity aside, let’s get down to brass tacks. How do you spot a Femme in the wild? I’m going to approach it from a different angle, which is share with you how I determine if someone is queer in the wild (leaving Femme out of it momentarily).

One thing I do is assume everyone is queer until they out themselves as straight. Straight people don’t have to worry about the pronoun game, and generally not particularly strategic about telling you genders of the folks they do it with. This game works for me a lot, especially because I typically out myself right away. Usually when you do that your fellow queers will find some way to out themselves and you’re basking in mutual rainbows of recognition.

When this doesn’t work and I spot no visible gay signifiers (Ani DiFranco tattoos, gay lady jewelry), I either ask them directly or ask their friends.

Asking directly works for me because I have the sort of inquisitive personality and ability to put people at ease that nine times out of ten makes people feel okay telling me things. This is why I am a talk show host. However, this doesn’t always work and going to the friends to find out is great. This is also what I do when I want to know if someone is single and I am too shy to ask them.**

Now to deal with the Femme question. I think a casual, “So do you identify as Femme?” directed at the person is okay, but this question needs to be addressed with a lot of sensitivity and care. You may be Femme positive, but the person in question may not. I remember being told, just after coming out, “You’re a LIPSTICK lesbian!” and I felt so shamed about it! I didn’t know there were Femme positive communities out there, I didn’t know being feminine could be empowering and get me laid.

Casually dropping hints about Femme positive websites you visit or events you’ve been to/wish you could go to is a nice way of fleshing out identity and creating a safe space for that kind of stuff. Also a nice way to heavily hint about queer stuff.

And here’s the thing I’ve discovered through my personal relationship history anecdata: I’ve never seriously dated anyone who was Butch identified. I am super Butch postive, lord knows I love me a fat Butch. But, what I find attractive in another human is far more complicated than even personal queer identities. So if you’re out there looking to “spot” a queer Femme, I mean, maybe the Femme part isn’t as important. You do you, go to the kinds of events that have the kinds of people you want at them (or start those events), the right people are going to cozy up to you and you’ll be basking in the magic of the great rainbow queer venn diagram in no time.

*Hat tip to Glenn Marla for that nugget.
**Friends are great for the single question, too, because they’ll give you the real scoop. Relationship status is sometimes even more complicated than identity. “Poly but complicated rules,” “Single and totally off the market dealing with serious life stuff,” “In five long distance relationships and only looking to date locally.”

Originally published on QueerFatFemme.com

Bevin Branlandingham is your femmecee at QueerFatFemme.com where she chronicles the relentless pursuit of her joy.

The post Ways to tell a queer femme is queer first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY LUCIEN MAE

The practice of asking someone’s Preferred Gender Pronoun (PGP) has been making the news these days. Mel Reiff Hill is the co-creator of “The Gender Book,” on the intention behind the practice, ways to support trans and genderqueer people in your community, and the (exc)uses of grammar. Hill’s experiences with feeling validated and supported by the practice of asking for PGPs, as well as his awareness that gender non-conforming people and their friends and family alike experience difficulty in talking about the issue, inspired him, and a few collaborators, to create the book.

Being asked what pronoun you prefer grants genderqueer and gender nonconforming people the chance to be seen for who they really are, and represent themselves in a way that aligns with their gender identity. “The Gender Book” project has recently launched an Indiegogo campaign where you can pre-order hardcover editions of the book, as well as support the collaborators in making this community resource available online. 

Read more at dot429.com

The post Getting grammatical with ‘The Gender Book’ first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY ANDREA RAEL

Job applicants seeking a position with Colorado College will find five options for a question about gender identity: not disclosed, male, female, transgender and queer.  The question for the Colorado Springs-based private liberal arts college is voluntary, but the inclusion of the word “queer” on the application made 66-year-old John Kichi of Pennsylvania very upset and even prompted him to file a complaint with Colorado Attorney General John Suthers’ office, adding that he’s been discriminated against because of his sexual orientation. “It’s totally from the Dark Ages,” he says.

Colorado College’s Office of Minority and International Students defines queer as “an umbrella term describing people who have a non-normative gender identity, sexual orientation, or sexual anatomy — includes lesbians, gay men, bisexual people, asexual people, transgender people, intersex people, etc.” At another college group, The Queer Initiative, at the University of Colorado at Boulder, queer is meant to be self-empowering.

Read more at Huffington Post Gay Voices

What do you think you think about the transformation of words like “queer”?

Many feel it’s a progressive move intended to be inclusive. Others are afraid it will open up opportunities for discrimation. How do you feel about Colorado College’s choice to include more options than “male” and “female” for gender?

The post Colorado College under fire for use of ‘queer’ on job application first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Recently I’ve been working to correct a number of dysfunctional thought patterns and belief systems; things I assumed were specific to my personality, products of my singular past. However, I’ve begun to suspect that although some items on my list (for example #11: my irrational fear of puppet shows) are just mine, others have a systemic source. I came to this conclusion after a Huffington Post piece called Things Women Need to Stop Doingpopped up on my Facebook feed. I’d clicked through, figuring the list would feature things like wearing makeup to bed and being too excited about frozen yogurt—two things you’ll have to pry from my cold, dead hands. But reading, I started feeling like a giant magnifying glass was hovering over my apartment building. There were my, personal issues on this generic, mainstream list—maybe not word for word, but the gist was the same.

Read more at AfterEllen.com

AfterEllen is the pop culture site that plays for your team

The post You’re not crazy, you’re a woman first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY FRANCESCA LEWIS

I am always trying to crowbar a queer feminist reading into every morsel of popular culture I consume. Imagine my surprise when I decided to turn my lens on new Netflix series “Orange is the New Black”, only to find that my trusty crowbar was no good here.  There are many reasons I feel that way: Not only is the show populated by women, it is also about women. Never has a show passed the Bechdel Test with such monumental flying colors. The only other example that comes to mind, Showtime’s “The L Word,” mainly passes on a technicality – there are very few men in the lesbian utopia that is fictionalized gay LA. What’s interesting about OITNB is that there are many male characters and many women who like men. However, the majority of conversations between these women are focused on their identities, their hopes, their fears and, most significantly, their relationships. The show puts female camaraderie at front and center, which is refreshing and, hopefully, precedent setting.

To say that the show contains a lot of diversity is a laughable understatement up there with “Ellen is funny” and “Portia is beautiful.” Television has come a long way (at least on cable) in terms of diversity, with Showtime’s “Homeland” featuring a woman with a mental health condition as its extremely competent protagonist and HBO’s “True Blood” consistently making sure at least three persons of color are in the main cast of every season. OITNB, however, takes diversity to a new level. Its large ensemble cast has a varied list of ethnic and cultural backgrounds, reminding us that there are many different manifestations of “black”, “white” or “Hispanic”, as well as a number of sexually fluid and queer characters, similarly diverse in their representation. It is also the first high profile show to feature a trans woman played by an actual trans woman, a milestone that feels woefully overdue. Not to mention the show’s reflection of every different economical background imaginable.

Read more at Curve

Curve, the nation’s best-selling lesbian magazine, spotlights all that is fresh, funny, exciting, controversial and cutting-edge in our community.

The post Feminism, queerness and ‘Orange is the New Black’ first appeared on Lesbian.com.