I am a minority. I am a lesbian in a straight world. In my career, I am a woman who works in a man’s world. In these ways, I am just one of us. However, I am a minority in our community because I am the mama to two boys who have no genetic connection to me AND yet, I have no intention of adopting them.

Many non-gestational parents (NGPs) in same-sex relationships would envy my option to complete a second parent adoption (SPA). I live in a state where it is legal. I also live in a state where, as long as we never leave the state, the boys are as legally mine as they are my wife’s. Slowly, this is becoming the normal.

There are so many “what ifs” in this land of non-gestational parenthood. What if my wife left me? What if my wife were to pick up and run 60 miles across the border where the boys aren’t mine? What if we are on vacation and she and the kids are in a horrific accident? The list goes on. No matter how I explain myself, someone will find another “what if.”

Parents will debate both sides of many issues. Will you co sleep or not? Will you breast feed? If you breast feed, how long will you do it for? Will you vaccinate? In these debates, there is your right, but there isn’t a right. No matter what you decide, you do it because you love your children. When I listen to NGPs argue for SPA, I hear silence on my side of the argument. I hear people list the “what ifs” as “if” because I don’t worry about them, I don’t love my boys enough. I hope in that sharing our story, I break a silence for so many that also navigate NGP parenthood sans an SPA.

I should make something clear. This IS NOT my side of the debate. Truthfully, the argument to do an SPA is pretty darn good. The choices I have made probably cannot stand up to the “what ifs.” It is strictly my side of the story. It’s a side I have a feeling many NGPs share.

I met my wife almost 10 years ago. We both were raw after being cheated on. On our first date, we set the boundaries of what any future relationship would look like for us. We wanted a partner who would go through anything with us and who we would want to go through anything with. There was one exception. Cheating. I fell for it twice in past relationships. She was lucky enough to only make the mistake once. We both knew what it felt like for it to be coming. The distance you felt even in the same room. The sudden lack of ANYTHING in common. We agreed that if we were with the right person, and that feeling started to creep in, we would stop it.

The failure of past relationships taught me that relationships are hard. We were really fortunate to find each other. Of course, it was easy in the beginning. Bliss. If only all relationships could stall forever in the honeymoon period. Naturally, life goes on and the reality of how difficult it is to stick by someone, no matter what, hits.

We are a spontaneous couple. We have made many big decisions in split seconds. I’m pretty sure we’ve never walked into a car dealership without getting a car. For this reason, we don’t walk into that many dealerships. There was the time we bought windows from a guy who approached me in the clothing section of a department store because they looked nice. Of course, I mean the windows, not the guy. Our second house, it fit our criteria so we bid over the asking price and allowed the seller’s realtor to talk us out of our own inspection. Now, when we find another thing wrong, we remind each other, this is a house our boys love.

We had talked about children for a long time. The talk got more serious as we finished our post graduate degrees, merged bank accounts, bought our first house and, of course, got a few dogs and a cat like all good lesbians in suburbia. I told her I wouldn’t have children unless we were married. Being a lesbian is good birth control. It prevents spontaneity in even the most manic couples.

So the wedding planning began and went on and on and on. If you are married, you might agree that the act of planning a wedding is loaded with ups and downs. The shear nerve it takes to arrive at the altar alone shows you love someone. Then you say those words. In front of almost 200 witnesses, we said the words we agreed on years before and were living every day. Through sickness and health, good and bad, until death do us part.

That lesbian birth control. You don’t come home from your honeymoon with a baby in the womb. We had to decide on who would carry. What would we carry? The other’s egg? The sperm of a known donor or an anonymous donor? Once we decided she would carry and we’d use an anonymous donor, it felt like we still hadn’t made any choices. Which bank? What color hair? We were picking things in a donor you don’t even pick in your spouse.

So we made our decisions and moved forward. I was there every time she was inseminated. I was there when we got our “BIG FAT POSITIVE!” I probably worried more than she did about “the pregnancy” in the beginning. I was at every appointment. I tore out all the carpets in the house because she couldn’t stand the odor of old dog pee (that we cleaned and cleaned and cleaned). I painted the nursery and assembled the furniture. I was there to hold our first son skin to skin moments after he was born. He didn’t grow in me, but no one who knows us ever questioned if he grew in my heart. He was genetically like my wife but that made him no less mine. At some point, we decided together, against SPA.

No. 2 made his entrance exactly 20 months later. We bought the bigger car, the bigger house. We were prepared. It all went off without a hitch. That was, until he decided to be born during a flu epidemic. My wife developed chorioamnionitis. The medical team decided it could be the flu. This meant that once our second son came out, he was taken away from her immediately. She would not be able to be within 15 feet of her for the next day. I was the one that pulled the rocking chair as far away from her as I could, took him against my skin and cried as I told him how amazing his mommy was and how proud we should be of her.

I followed him to the NICU and watched as his sugar plummeted from the hot womb he was pushed out of. I thought he was going to die. I didn’t have her there with me. I believe it is for the best now. She didn’t need to see him like that. For a second time, I was on the birth certificate as parent No. 2. For a second time, we decided together, against SPA.

If someone asked me if they should go through with an SPA, I’d tell them to research it for themselves and go with their gut. Those “what ifs” I mentioned above. They happen. NGPs lose their children in nasty break ups. Birth mother’s find themselves with no right to seek financial support from the person they thought was as much the parent of their child as they were. SPAs are not wrong. They are wonderful for those who want them.

In our world, we have so many friends who have gone about making a family different than us. We so carefully and perhaps selfishly picked out our boys. Our friends have selflessly been given children from the foster system. In our state, it’s a system we’ve seen hold kids in limbo for years, not adoptable but not able to live with their birth parent. We celebrate when these friends finally get a green light and get to adopt. It’s something I’d like to let them have as their own moment.

Although we are spontaneous, we have made many very conscious decisions to protect our boys more than an SPA can. We have decided to go to counseling and invest in each other so that they may be surrounded by love. The counselor looked at us cross eyed the first session and still does. She can’t figure out why we go there. I think it’s cheaper than date night. We have decided to live in a state and specifically a school district that is welcoming to same-sex couples and their children so they don’t feel too different. We make every effort to make sure family and friends understand the pronouns we use. We don’t hide. We expose them to every normal. We celebrate our version of normal every day.

I am a minority within a minority because I won’t let a piece of paper define me. I am without a doubt, mama. I have an incredible wife. She carried two amazing little men into this world for us. We decided years before children that the other was the one worth fighting for. Marriage and children are not easy. For us, they give back in what seems like much bigger ways than what we sacrifice for them.

So that is us. That is what our NGP non SPA life looks like from behind my eyes.

With 10 years, the birth of two boys, some pricey windows, a few nice cars and many dogs and cats behind us, we have barely started going through the everything in life together. We can’t keep them little forever.

Michelle Circe lives in Rochester, New York, with her wife and two sons. When she isn’t busy as an emergency medicine physician, she enjoys traveling and spending time with her family.

The post Why I decided not to adopt my sons first appeared on Lesbian.com.

There’s probably a day or a week to recognize or celebrate just about everything we can imagine. This past week, many parents throughout the world, and many of my good friends and I have celebrated something very close to our hearts, International Babywearing Week 2014. I find it only fitting to share a bit about how babywearing has changed my life as a parent, and our lives for the better as family.

Babywearing, for me, started as a hobby. It was something to learn and challenge my brain as a stay-at-home mother of a 20 month-old and a newborn. It was, and always has been, a way for me to feel like I could meet the needs of both boys by myself. Having Terry close to me and happy meant I could still focus on playing and being there for Blake. It’s a pretty awesome feeling to know just when you are feeling overwhelmed, a simple wrap or carrier can save the day and make you feel like you can conquer the world. Babywearing has become more of a lifestyle for us, because of how important we realized it could be, on so many levels.

Many people don’t understand babywearing. Having a baby or toddler wrapped or tied to your chest, side, or back, can definitely invite lots of confused stares. More often than not, if strangers or friends decide to comment, it involves some sort of criticism about how much we are “spoiling” our children. I’ve heard things like, “Were you a kangaroo in a past life?” Or, “Is he ever going to learn to walk?”

Once in a great while you have the encounter with someone who really gets it. One day at the post office the clerk commented, “Wow, he’s so happy being up at your level and seeing everything that’s going on.” He then went on to talk about how unhappy children get when they are rolled up to the counter in a stroller where they are hidden from sight. Don’t get me wrong, we have a stroller or two too, but how awesome is it to have the opportunity to also allow your child to experience everything with you, from a safe, comfortable place?

Being same-sex parents, I think babywearing also serves an extra special purpose for our family. My wife Michelle has struggled over the last few years with the fact that she isn’t biologically connected with our boys, and what that could possibly mean for her ability to bond with them. (You also have to keep in mind that she is a physician, which means her brain is very science-oriented). What’s really amazing is the bond that can be created instantly when babywearing. Michelle and I have witnessed it with our family, and so many friends we have connected with through babywearing. There were many times when Terry was a newborn and it seemed the only thing that would calm him down was nursing. Until we discovered babywearing, that became very frustrating for all of us. Babywearing has some very magical powers that can sometimes sooth even faster than milk, believe it or not. Something about being close, secure, feeling your warmth, and hearing your heartbeat makes everything better in no time. It doesn’t matter if you are a biological parent, a non-gestational parent, an adoptive or foster parent, a grandparent, or a friend. Babywearing creates an instant bond that lasts much longer than the time you spend with the little one wrapped to you. It creates a very addictive closeness to your little one that leaves you feeling empty as soon as they aren’t there anymore.

I could go on and on about the 695 reasons why I babywear.

• Because with two very small children, how else will you safely navigate the grocery store and actually have space to put things in your cart.

• Because when you have two children and only two hands, you really, really need your hands.

• Because wouldn’t you rather have a comforted sick little one than a crying sick little one? Let me tell you about all of the teething days that are made so, so much easier with the ability to “carry the cuddle.”

• Because sometimes running through the airport is so much easier without a stroller.

• Because it just feels right.

• Because why not be able to still take your non-napper on an outing while still letting a newborn sibling nap safely and happily?

• Because, because, because…

Aside from the benefits babywearing has had for our family, I can’t even begin to explain the amazing comfort I feel from the community we have built all over the world with babywearing friends. When you babywear, but not everyone around you does, there is a sense of instant community with other parents you meet through facebook and other online forums dedicated to babywearing.

We learn from each other, support one another, and get to know each other and life’s joys and struggles. Some of my closest friends live across the world, but we talk daily and may never get the chance to meet in person. We celebrate our lives, watch our children grow, and suffer losses together in a way that can’t be explained in words.

Babywearing has given me this incredible community that I never, ever imagined or expected. I’ve recently become an administrator of a group of babywearers that has over 22,000 members today, and gets more requests daily. When at first I knew nothing about babywearing, it seemed to be more of an “underground” culture. Today, it feels like it is all around me, and as I said, a lifestyle, not just a helpful tool.

I’m thankful for what friends have taught me, so that I am now passionate and share with others the joys and benefits of babywearing. I recommend it to anyone and everyone who may think it might help your life in some aspect, for whatever reason. No matter where you are, you can probably even find a local babywearing group with a lending library and educated, certified babywearing instructors to teach you anything you want to know. Go ahead and try something new, you just never know what it might bring. Oh, and happy babywearing.

Shannon lives in Rochester, New York, with her wife, Michelle, and two sons, Blake and Terry. She recently quit her job as a full-time, stay-at-home mom. Shannon and family enjoy traveling, rescuing dogs and cats, and tracking down trains, boats, garbage trucks or whatever the latest toddler fascination may be.

The post Wear your baby for optimum bonding first appeared on Lesbian.com.

I quit my job as a stay-at-home mom, and finally, I don’t feel guilty about it.

Staying at home with our two boys has been the absolute most difficult job I have ever done. I’ve had difficult jobs before. When Blake was three months old, I took a full-time position as a visiting professor at a college 30-minutes away, while still completing work on my doctorate at another university an hour away in the opposite direction. I was never home, Michelle and I almost never saw each other, and Blake was in full-time daycare with a nanny who would pick him up daily and stay with him until I could get home. I pumped breast milk in random locked offices and while driving along the highway to and from work.

When Blake turned one, and we knew we would be trying to have another baby, I had to take a step back. I knew I was missing so much of Blake’s life, and the idea of having a second child go through the same meant having two kids, who basically would never see their parents. If I kept going with my career, our family wouldn’t be able to go in the direction we wanted it to, and staying home seemed like the healthiest, wisest option for our family.

It made sense for me to stay home. Financially, it couldn’t be the other way around. And, if I was going to be pregnant and possibly having another baby during the school year, I wouldn’t be able to finish the year of teaching anyway.

At first, staying home seems like a dream. All the time in the world, endless playing, getting to watch your children grow into amazing little humans every single minute and no stress of having to go to work. It is everything every parent on the planet wishes they could choose to do, and I will forever be grateful that I had the chance to do it. But if you’re like me, staying at home, just wasn’t “me.”

It’s one of those things you don’t ever want to admit.

“How could you possibly choose to go back to work instead of spending more time with your two sweet boys?”

It isn’t something to complain about to friends who wish they didn’t have to work.

“You’re so lucky. I wish I could stay home every day with my kids.”

Really, I couldn’t and shouldn’t have ever complained. My life as a stay-at-home mom was more than perfect. I was always around for my wife’s days off. We could travel whenever we felt like it, and we did. I’ve been more than spoiled. But it didn’t mean I was truly happy.

I tried to admit out loud for months how much it just didn’t make sense for me anymore. Each time, I was reminded of how I must have been mistaken. Each time, I was brought back to a place of just being silent, because how could I possibly ask for anything more?

As if motherhood isn’t filled with enough guilt and self-doubt, the thought of giving up on being full-time mom brought on more self-criticism than I could handle. How can I possibly admit that I don’t want to spend every minute with my boys, without feeling like a bad mother? I need to go back to work, for me. This decision has been selfish, and one of the first I’ve made that has been all about “me” since becoming a mother.

Staying at home has been dangerous, and almost toxic, to me, to my marriage, and to my family. I am in no way criticizing stay-at-home parents. Staying at home IS THE most difficult job I have EVER done and have EVER known. But it doesn’t work for my brain. I will forever be in awe of the parents who do it well, and make it look so easy.

I’m not the kind of creative parent to set up projects or space for imaginative play. I’m not the parent to teach all the right lessons, sing all the right songs or tell all the right stories. I can give all the love in the world, but when you live with a self-criticizing brain like mine, it just isn’t enough.

I began to resent Michelle. Resent. I resented her every time she could leave the house on her own. When she had stories to tell about work and conversations with coworkers. As if I blamed her for forcing me to stay home and lose all connections to friends, colleagues and adult interaction. I didn’t get married to live in a “traditional” family. I never pictured myself as a woman to stay home and let someone else support me. That isn’t me, and I allowed myself to be angry at Michelle for putting me there.

I love our boys with a deeper love than I ever knew possible. I loved my time home with them and the relationships and memories we built. I am forever fortunate for all the moments I shared in their young lives. Moments that no one can ever take away from us. But, for the well-being of our family, I’m here to admit, I’m going back to working outside the home. Somehow, for some of us, it just has to be OK to say, “I can’t do this 100 percent of the time.”

I’m a parent. It’s the greatest job I’ve ever had. But I need to be me, too.

Our lives are completely changing again over the next few weeks. The boys have just started going to “school,” and I finally feel good about handing them over to other loving, caring adults who will teach them so many amazing things. Work has begun for me, although at a much more manageable pace than before, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

For once, I’m letting go of the motherly guilt. There is no doubt in my mind that these changes are perfect for all of us.

Shannon lives in Rochester, New York, with her wife, Michelle, and two sons, Blake and Terry. She recently quit her job as a full-time, stay-at-home mom. Shannon and family enjoy traveling, rescuing dogs and cats, and tracking down trains, boats, garbage trucks or whatever the latest toddler fascination may be.

The post ‘I quit!’ Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t for everyone first appeared on Lesbian.com.

I keep saying I’m going to start a blog. From the time Blake, now three, was a baby, I’ve wanted to record and remember the little discoveries that excite him, and the ways that he makes even strangers smile. And then suddenly, 20 months later, Terry was born.

It finally hit me that I really SHOULD have written something about those moments, because seeing a new face react and new hands explore the world, I slowly forgot when and how Blake did those things. I’ve always wanted to write something for them. To look back and have records of the moments that mattered most to us, even though they wouldn’t remember them. And for my wife, Michelle, to be able to look into the moments she had to miss while busy at work. These moments are precious, but the details are too quickly forgotten.

But this blog is different. It’s more for me, and you, to explore parenthood. A rare moment in the life of a mother, but this moment, is about us. Moms. Parents.

One thing I can promise, is that I am no expert. I will never claim to be a perfect mother, or even to know the best way to do something. I won’t claim to know the best recipes that’ll have your kids BEGGING for more. I won’t talk about Pinterest projects that my kids make perfectly, because, A. Pinterest? and B. an organized project? I don’t pretend to have it all together, and I never will. If you look at our home, you’ll see that’s true.

I also don’t claim to be an English scholar with a knack for writing and analyzing. On the contrary, I’ve studied Spanish Linguistics and am just as comfortable writing about all of this in Spanish. What I want to share, and hopefully learn about parenting, is all about heart. Surely, my brain can’t keep up with that most days after chasing two toddlers in different directions.

I am, however, a mom who likes to talk about my kids, my wife and our growing family.

I love to share ideas and stories with other parents. I find so much strength in the bonds I create with close friends who are also parents, experiencing the same challenges and successes of raising children. And being a lesbian, and how damn hard we had to work, or how much money we had to spend to make our families grow. We, lesbian moms, are fascinating and strong, with many stories and journeys behind the creation of our families. All same sex parents I have ever met,because we have to work to create a family, have admirable love and strength at the core of parenting. We don’t necessarily have more, or worse challenges than other parents, but they are unique.

Most days, I don’t feel any different than any other mom. The things I talk about with friends and ask advice about are the same issues all parents have when raising toddlers. On the other hand, we all have days, the frustrating days, where we are faced with the questions that point out the differences in our families.

• “Your husband must have that dark curly hair”- pointing to Blake. Try again. Yes, our donor has dark curly hair. Want to see a picture? Oh, the things I wish I had said.

• “Are you going to tell your children you used donor sperm?” Really? No, they’ll never know, right? We can hide it forever. UGH. Of course we’ll tell them.

I don’t mind at all the personal questions. How did we conceive the boys, who carried them, did we know the donor, etc. Those are things we are proud of, and will talk about on and on, so that our boys, too, will be proud of who they are and the story of our family.

Building a family has been a challenge, and the best decision we have ever made. It makes every day difficult, wonderful, tiring, exciting, defeating, and rewarding.

I bring this blog to you, other parents, or possibly future parents, as a place for love, laughs, and support in parenthood. This is my way of saying, “nice to meet you,” and “I’m glad you’re here.”

Please, take a seat and introduce yourself. Ask me anything. I look forward to what we may learn together.

Shannon lives in Rochester, New York, with her wife, Michelle, and two sons, Blake and Terry. She has been a full-time, stay-at-home mom for the last two years. Shannon and family enjoy traveling, rescuing dogs and cats, and tracking down trains, boats, garbage trucks or whatever the latest toddler fascination may be.

The post They call me ‘mommy’ first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Steph (left) and Brooke

BY NATASIA LANGFELDER
Lesbian.com

There are so many superstar moms to celebrate this Mother’s Day and each is special in her own way. Today, Lesbian.com wants to celebrate lesbian moms everywhere by introducing you to Steph and Brooke who are mothers to two amazing children, are foster mothers to two more and provided donor eggs and surrogacy for their best friends and sperm donors, Chris and Dakota.

They have been friends with gay couple Chris and Dakota for years. Brooke and Steph even lived with Chris when they were all in need of a roommate. The two couples had a firm friendship and when Chris found out that Brooke and Steph were thinking of starting a family he approached them and offered to help, and asked if they would consider doing the same for him.

With the spirit of generosity and kindness, the two couples embarked on their journey to create their “modern families.” I spoke with Brooke and asked her to share the details of their arrangement from legal rights, to logistics, to juggling boundaries between the two sets of parents.

How did you come up with this arrangement and hammer out the details?

Once Steph and I began talking about starting a family we sat down and decided what was most important to us. We both have a strong passion for kids and shared the same opinions on what kind of life we wanted for the future. We talked about our own childhood, and from that took both things we wanted to carry on to our children and things we wanted to do differently. During that process, we decided that we still wanted a male figure in our kids’ lives. We wanted this person to be okay with the child knowing who they were and be there for the big parts of their lives. Basically an uncle figure but with no obligations at all. Let me add a disclaimer here by saying we do not by any means believe that families who use unknown donors are in some way depriving their children, we just did what felt right to us and our family.

Once we talked we realized we all wanted our kids to know who their mother(s) and father(s) are and be present as an aunt/uncle-type figure in their lives, but with no financial or legal responsibility on the part of the donor or surrogate biological parent. So, once a child is born there is an adoption and signing over of rights.

How did you “do it”?

We performed artificial insemination at home. Steph is a nurse so we were able to do everything safely. The boys would leave their “sample” or drop it by.

Do you get asked, “Is it hard to ‘give up’ your biological child?”

We have never looked at it as giving up a child. It feels like you are giving it back. There is nothing that can describe the feeling of a seeing a parent hold their baby for the first time and knowing you were able to give that to them. We all see each other as often as we can and are always there for the big events, birthdays, etc.

What was the hardest part of piecing together your “modern family”? What was the best part?

I think there were different hard parts for each one of us. With our first child it was definitely just trusting everyone involved. We are human and sometimes we don’t know how we will feel until we are put into a situation. It has actually gone remarkably smoothly over the years and it seems the only time anything has ever turned negative has been when someone not in our arrangement tried to involve themselves.

People tend to get wrapped up in the “fairness” of the arrangement and really have a hard time understanding why we chose to do things this way. We have learned the key is to be very honest, open and to make sure we stay true to what we wanted from the start.

The best part has been the ability to give each other such an amazing gift. It also amazes us how successful our situation actually was/is. There could have been so many things go wrong and things could have been a disaster but it really did work out the way we all wanted.

From left to right: Daniel (child), Dakota, Steph, Avery (child),Cooper (child), Chris, Brooke.
[Order of births and bio parents involved: Avery by Brooke and Chris; Cooper by Steph and Chris; Daniel by Dakota and Steph; soon to arrive in July is Joey (girl) by Brooke and Chris]

We make it a point to do Christmas and the kid’s birthdays together. It is really not much different than most families who have multiple stops on a holiday. We always make sure we get together though even if it is after the fact.

What do all of your families think of the arrangement?

I think we have all been blessed with great family members who have been very supportive. The hardest part has been for everyone to know exactly where they stand. Especially with the grandparents involved. With every child the parents of the “donor/surrogate” were never sure if they should come to the hospital or tell people they had another grandchild, etc., but regardless they always found their place and what made them comfortable. Needless to say all of our kids get extra spoiled from multiple grandparents.

What are you doing for Mother’s Day?

We are pretty laid back and, as with most of our holidays, we surround ourselves with family, food and just relax and enjoy. Even though we have children that have two moms and two dads and we consider ourselves a big family, we live our daily lives as two separate families. For Mother’s Day we will celebrate with our kids and our own moms, while the boys will do the same with their own family. We usually get a picture or a call from one another for well wishes on days like this since the kids are still young. When they get older and want to spend the day with that mom or dad then we will be a bit more involved.

Brooke and Steph continue to challenge traditional notions of family in more ways than one. In addition to their “bio” kids, the women are also foster parents to two little boys, who, for legal reasons, cannot be included in this article but the couple is pleased to see that the boys are thriving in their care. Many children in the foster care system have parents who are trying to pass fitness tests and get their children back, while others might find new forever homes. Either way, strong familial ties are essential for these children. In the Brooke and Steph’s view, there are “too many kids out there and not enough foster homes.” They are correct. The most recent data available from the U.S. Department of Health states that there are currently almost 400,000 children in the foster care system with over 100,000 waiting to be adopted.

While I celebrate my mother today, I also am going to take a moment to celebrate all our “modern families” and the people, like Brooke and Steph, who have given of themselves to make someone else’s dream of being a parent a reality. I hope you will, too.

The post Celebrating Mother’s Day with a beautiful ‘modern family’ first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Alicia Hardesty’s fiancé, Ashley, with her boys, Joshua and Nicolas

BY CANDY PARKER
Lesbian.com

Former “Project Runway” Season 10 star Alicia Hardesty is fighting for more than the title of top designer these days. She and her fiancé, Ashley, are locked in a custody battle for Ashley’s two sons, Joshua, 7, and Nicolas, 8, and have launched a GoFundMe campaign to assist with legal costs.

The typically private Original Tomboy founder/designer shared the couple’s three-year love story with the world, along with the tale of their alarming, though all too familiar, custody battle with Ashley’s ex-husband.

“When he found out about Ashley’s involvement with me, he wasn’t mentally prepared for the mother of his kids to be in a relationship with a woman. He proceeded to stalk my online social media accounts and threaten me through emails and voicemail — this is someone I’ve never seen or spoken with,” Hardesty explained on her GoFundMe page. “He went after members of both of our families, some of my closest colleagues, in an attempt to drive us apart. Ashley’s family was harassed, all while trying to understand her new found love for a woman. He wanted to make Ashley think she had no one, and that she would have to choose between me and her two precious boys that meant the world to her. His tactics didn’t work; they only brought us closer together, and now we find ourselves in a position where we’re fighting to be the family we want so desperately to be.”

The pair retained Christy L. Ho, Esq., an LGBT-friendly, Honolulu-based attorney specializing in civil litigation to represent them in the case. Ashley’s husband currently has the boys in Hawaii, refusing to allow them to even speak with their mother.

Ho recommended that Alicia and Ashley move either to Hawaii or Texas (where the boys are originally from) to wage the fight for “a fair and joint agreement” in the case and the couple has relocated to Texas as a result.

The absence of a Safe Child Act in Hawaii makes the battle all the more difficult.

“In Hawaii, they have weird laws about kids under a certain age; they can’t leave the island without both parents approval,” said Hardesty in an interview with Edge on the Net. “She doesn’t have visitation, and hasn’t talked to her kids in a month. She wants visitation to be equal at least. And he doesn’t take responsibility as parent to connect them with her.”

Hardesty is hoping to raise $10,000 with the GoFundMe campaign. All funds will go toward legal expenses, with any excess being used to cover travel costs to reunite Joshua and Nicolas with their mother.

The post ‘Project Runway’ star Alicia Hardesty needs you to ‘Choose love, not fear’ first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Lesbian couples who have families through assisted reproduction with donated sperm are more satisfied with their relationships and have less parental stress than straight couples who use IVF treatment, a new dissertation from Sweden’s Uppsala University finds according to a Health Canal report.

“Same, safe but different: Lesbian couples undergoing sperm donation” studies and compares the quality of the couple’s relationship, mental health and parental stress among lesbian and straight couples who undergo assisted reproduction. Catrin Borneskog, a midwife and doctoral candidate at Uppsala, says the findings are important because assisted reproduction is not available to same-sex couples in many countries, Heath Canal reports.

Read more at Washington Blade

Washington Blade is America’s leading gay news source.

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Disney’s Make Your Mark Campaign, which according to GLAAD aims to encourage children to make positive change in the world, recently aired a spot in which 14-year-old filmmaker Ben uses his creativity to join the fight against bullying. Ben’s message is to empower victims, which include himself and his friends, to have courage and seek the help of an adult if they need. However, his aim has been overlooked by some because of a certain detail of Ben’s life mentioned in the video — the fact that Ben has two moms.

Right wing media source NewsBusters, a Media Research Center project, has latched on to the fact that Ben has lesbian parents. Tim Graham, Director of Media Analysis at the Media Research Center, a company that proclaims itself “Leader in Documenting, Exposing and Neutralizing Liberal Media Bias,” has written a piece against the PSA, focusing on a blog article by Ed Kennedy for AfterElton.com, stating: “…the gays are thrilled by the channel’s ad campaign ‘Make Your Mark’ for featuring a 14-year-old named Ben, an aspiring filmmaker who made a film against bullying and ‘happens to have two moms.’”

Read more at dot429.com

The post Lesbian parents featured in new Disney PSA first appeared on Lesbian.com.

The American Fertility Association (The AFA), in association with California Cryobank, announced Wednesday a free seminar about family building for the lesbian community.

The Family Planning Panel will take place on Thursday, January 31, from 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM at The Brooklyn Community Pride Center, 310 Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn, New York.

Read more at TheSeattleLesbian.com

The Seattle Lesbian online magazine reaches more than 188,000 readers per week globally.

The post AFA offers family building seminar for lesbians in NYC first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Rosie O’Donnell, Michelle Rounds and newborn daughter Dakota

BY KELLY MORRIS
TheSeattleLesbian.com

Rosie O’Donnell became a mother for the fifth time on Tuesday.

The former “Queen of Nice” tweeted a picture of herself and wife Michelle Rounds with the newest addition to the family, daughter Dakota. With the picture, O’Donnell wrote:

“we r thrilled to announce the arrival of r daughter Dakota – #withloveandthanks – AMEN.”

Read more at TheSeattleLesbian.com

The Seattle Lesbian online magazine reaches more than 188,000 readers per week globally.

The post O’Donnell, Rounds welcome daughter first appeared on Lesbian.com.