Happy Holigays! 2016 has been a rough year, but the holidays are the time to reflect back on the good and appreciate your loved ones. Here are some of our picks to show your loved ones you

SONY DSC- Image via Pintrest

care this holiday season!

Make a Donation in a Loved One’s Name

It’s not a surprise, but with the upcoming administration, a lot of funding to important social and environmental programs will be cut.  Many people are making donations to the ACLU and Planned Parenthood in preparation for this. These are both great places to donate too. Also, consider the person you are giving this gift too. Do they love animals? Would the ASPCA be a good place for you to donate? Is their favorite cause hunger in America? Or giving women in third world countries safe access to learn?  Donate, donate, donate. Help make the world a better place.

Books!

Support queer artists and writers by giving out books. Not only will it give your friends a good reason to step away from Netflix, it will support LGBT artists. Check out our recommendations here!

A Subscription to Wolfe Video

Are you tired of watching ‘prestige’ television about dramatic straight people? I am so tired of that you guys. If one more person tells me to watch “This is Us” or asks me if I’ve seen “50 Shades of Grey” I’m going to rage puke. Get your friends a subscription to Wolfe Video, a distributor of LGBT entertainment an watch all your favorite queer movies and TV shows. Take a “time out” from #straightpeopleproblems and focus on #queerpeopleproblems!

Comfy and Functional Athleisure 

Hanging out in workout clothes doesn’t mean you have to go workout anymore. Which is why workout clothes are the best gift for both the gym bunnies and the couch potatoes in your life. SeeJaneRun has awesome apparel and workout gear to help your friends and family stick to their New Year’s Resolutions of getting in shape.

Non-Gendered Undies

Get your sexy genderqueer or masculine of center friends TomboyX undies. Choose from all kind of boxers and briefs and get something with some rainbow trim that they can whip out this summer for Pride! Use promo code LESBIAN.COM to save 15 percent when you shop through March 31, 2017.

Are you inspired?! What are you buying your loved ones this year? Anything I left off the list?

The post 2016 Holiday Gift Guide first appeared on Lesbian.com.

As a child my father was a soldier and would spend long periods of time in the field. We would not see him for days (sometimes even weeks) on end, and when he’d finally come home – dirty and exhausted after working with heavy artillery – he still had the energy to smile and hug his three young kids.

He finally left the army to have a more stable home life and we all settled in Peoria, Illinois. He began a new career as a mechanic, as he’d always taken an interest in machinery. The transition was tough though, and his first job as a tire tech didn’t pay much. So he ended up working three jobs to provide for me, my sister, my brother and our mother. Finally, a better paying mechanic job in Richmond, VA opened up. We all packed up our belongings and made the trek to our new home on the east coast.

Things went along just fine until we hit another rough patch. My father and mother divorced a few years after the move when I was fourteen. We didn’t see much of my mother after that, but my father continued to do the best he could to raise three teenagers all on his own. He worked as many hours as his company would let him and picked up overtime whenever he got the opportunity just so he could give me twenty bucks to go to the movies with friends, buy a prom dress for my sister, or a new video game for my brother. Another year or so after my parents’ divorce, we had a house fire in our two-story cape-cod style home. The fire originated in the upstairs of our home, across from my bedroom. My sister and her boyfriend (now husband) were sleeping in her room downstairs, my father – also downstairs – was in the kitchen cleaning when he heard a strange crackling noise. I was home sick from school, asleep in my bedroom upstairs, when I heard my father screaming.

“Fire! Abby! Wake up – you have to get out of there!” was what made me spring from bed and rush to my bedroom door. I hesitated a moment as I stared at my closed door – what was I supposed to do again? Nothing made sense. Everything was so surreal. I heard my dad scream my name again – the panic in his voice made my blood run cold. Without thinking I swung open my door. I immediately felt the heat hit my skin.

The next thing I saw haunts me to this day. My door frame looked as though it was melting. Black sticky pieces of paint dropped from overhead and fell at my feet while I stood paralyzed, staring. Beyond my door was nothing…just a thick gray-black wall…smoke. I finally snapped back to reality. This is happening. My house is burning with me in it.

“Dad!?” I called.

“Abby, Abby – You have to run; you have to get out of there!”

A tiny whimper escaped my throat. “I can’t…Dad…I can’t see anything!”

“Listen to me – you hear my voice?” he said with urgency. “You have to get out of there, just run toward the sound of my voice.”

I took one last deep breath; I could no longer see – I just felt the heat of the flames engulfing our home – and I ran down the stairs, out of my house, and onto my front lawn where my father, sister, and her boyfriend were standing. I swung around to see flames bursting through our roof.Moments later, my father and I were rushed to the hospital. I escaped, for the most part, unscathed. My father, who’d attempted to battle the flames, suffered the worst. He’d singed off a lot of eyelashes and eyebrows, got a few burns, and was hospitalized overnight to be treated for smoke inhalation. I looked at him lying there in a hospital bed and tears spilled from eyes as the realization that my father had just saved my life sunk in.

Thankfully, insurance helped to take care of a lot of what we lost. However, we were still out of our home and as the date of completion to restore our house kept getting pushed back; we bounced from one temporary apartment to another. After we’d finally moved back home a company came along and wanted to buy up all the houses on our street so that they could build a big group of new stores. Feeling as though it was inevitable my father decided to just sell his home and buy a two bedroom condo. At that point, my sister and I had moved out and it was just my dad and my brother left to live in the condo.

Over the years he has opened his little place that should be a bachelor pad to more than one of his adult children when they’ve hit hard times. He has provided a home to multiple pets and cared for them long into their senior years. His condo has suffered from his generosity – from the toddler hands of his grandson peeling back wallpaper and hair-dye splattered onto bathroom walls to old dog accidents on his carpet and so much motor oil and car grease stains from his long, hard days working on cars. He tries his best to keep his little place in good shape, but after so much manual labor and not much cash in his pockets at the end of the day…there just isn’t much he can do.

My father still works hard – too hard. He often suffers back injuries and was even bed-ridden for days on end. He doesn’t like to talk about his hardships or ask for help, but because I worry so much, I pry a little. Recently, he’s hit some tough times. His car is in desperate need of repairs (or replacing at this point), and the bills have piled up.  Though I’m not sure he’d admit it, he can’t possibly work as hard as he did fifteen years ago. I worry for my dad’s future, but he just smiles and says it’ll all be just fine.

This is a man who gives and gives…and when there’s nothing left…he still finds a way to give more. He has never asked for much of anything and is still so grateful. He says that his children are his greatest accomplishment. He doesn’t ever let us forget how proud of us he is, and a few days ago when I mentioned being a bit short on Christmas spirit; he reminded me that things always get better and that the work I do is meaningful and important. He told me to keep my head up, gave me a big bear hug that only dads can give, and told me he loved me.

My father, my hero, deserves so much more than I can give…but I’m hoping this Christmas that by sharing this story, maybe, just maybe, a few folks out there will help me help make his home just a little better for him.

I cannot express how much this gift would mean to him. All I can say is that I can’t think of a more kind and generous human being who truly deserves a little Christmas miracle. Please consider contributing today.

The post A soldier, a father, a hero first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY ABBY WALLER

Meet Queer Abby, our new advice columnist, feel free to ask her anything in the comments below or write to her directly at abagailwaller@gmail.com.

There’s just something about Christmas. I can’t deny it…I don’t try to. I really do love it.

Christmas fervor is a force stronger than me and it really makes no sense. I mean, work is a thousand times busier, it’s colder than a snowman’s balls outside, and I’m more broke than ever.

Still though, I find myself wanting to decorate my home as if Christmas lights boned like bunnies and their offspring perched themselves on every hook, ledge, or surface throughout my house. I want to wrap presents while drinking hot cocoa, watch Christmas movies and listen to holiday music on vinyl that I scored from thrifty spots around town.
And that right there is the thing I might love most of all — Every year my family and I get together for what we call “A very Thrifty Christmas.” Basically, we all get together on Christmas day just like millions of families across the country, but instead of giving each other iPads, SUVs with giant bows on top, and other stuff we can’t afford…we give each other handmade items or items scored from thrift stores.
I’m a big fan of thrift stores – what’s not to like?

1. They’re environmentally friendly. Seriously. Do you have any idea how much clothing ends up in landfills? Apparently, 10.5 million tons. Barf. When you shop at a thrift store; you’re supporting the whole reduce, reuse, recycle ethos.
2. Uh hello…they’re hella cheap! I just won’t ever find any fault in trying to save a buck. I scored some rad Michael Kors boots for $40 at a thrift store that originally retailed for around $300.
3. They’re filled with Nostalgia. I constantly come across stuff in thrift stores that brings back oodles of childhood memories. Remember New Kids on the Block or the Spice Girls? I’ve spotted Spice Girl dolls with super tousled hair and bedspreads adorned with the faces of the boys from NKOTB.

So, every “Thrifty Christmas” I like to get thrifty with it. You literally have no idea what you’ll find. The holidays shouldn’t be about fighting some soccer mom at Target for the hottest toy of season to give to your kid who’ll appreciate it for three weeks and then decide they want a laptop instead. It should be about family. It should be about laughing, having a good time with the ones you love, and just enjoying being around each other.

So, pass the eggnog…actually, no don’t, eggnog is totally gross. Make me a sparkling cranberry cocktail and put on The Santa Claus or Elf. I’ll snuggle under a blanket with my lady and then head out to treasure hunt for the perfect thrifty Christmas gifts.

The post Queer Abby: Gettin’ thrifty with it first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Hi Femme,

What do you do when 95% of your family is embarrassingly racist and your girlfriend is non-white? I’d like to begin a conversation about their overt racism (which they see as “jokes”, but it’s beyond offensive) without starting a war. They know not to say anything about my girlfriend’s nationality, but they insult every other group! It makes us so angry.

Sensitive in Seattle

Hey SIS, I think almost all of us can sympathize with this dilemma. It sounds to me like even though your family is calling these statements jokes, there’s a hint of truth that comes through and is making you and your girlfriend crazy. And it totally should! Even though we live in an age where everyone is telling us that political correctness is killing comedy, all too often off-color jokes are just a convenient way to disguise racism.

Here’s a quick lesson in how not to handle this. Once upon a time, a very young Hot Femme went home with her white girlfriend for Thanksgiving. At the dinner table, two family members were talking about their Latina cleaning ladies and laughing at them; their accents, their attractiveness level, everything. I totally lost it and cursed everyone out…like graphically. I also lost any sympathy anyone would have had for me by not acting like a lady, or whatever. The lesson here is to never lose your cool, because once you do no one will listen to what you are trying to say. If I was you, here’s how I would proceed:

1. Approach a few of the most emotionally intelligent members of your family one-on-one. Maybe that’s your mom, aunt, cousin, uncle- and explain to them that this is something that’s really bothering you. Don’t point fingers, but do mention some specific instances that back up your feelings. Chances are this news will travel through the family grapevine and the offending parties will soften their behavior when you’re around.

2. The next time someone says something offensive and says “just kidding” just say something along the lines of “I know that’s a joke and I don’t want to ruin everyone’s good time, but racial jokes make me uncomfortable.” If they press you just laugh and say “If you said that joke in front of a [insert targeted ethnicity] person, you would make them uncomfortable. So you need to rethink if it’s a ‘joke’ you want to tell at all.” If the person doesn’t stop, leave the gathering. It doesn’t need to be an angry dramatic exit, simply state that you aren’t comfortable participating in this conversation and you’re going home to watch The L Word. If you keep everything smiles and honey, it will be hard for people to come at you with serious vinegar. Chances are only a few of your family members really even enjoy the ‘jokes’ and the rest are just going with the flow because they don’t want to speak up and make things awkward.

While  I don’t think that will stop your family from making jokes entirely, if you stick with it eventually they will stop doing it in front of you, if for no other reason then they don’t want you to leave. Will they call you sensitive and too politically correct? Yes, but who cares! You’re being awesome. Last bit of advice, don’t even bother bringing your girlfriend into this. Make it about your feelings so no one can displace any hurt or anger onto her. I hope this helped! Let us all know how it goes.

xoxo

Hot Femme

Have a question? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

The post Ask the Femme: My Family Makes Racist Jokes and I Hate it! first appeared on Lesbian.com.

The gift itself (Photo: Zoe Amos)

BY ZOE AMOS
Lesbian.com

Miami Herald humor columnist, Dave Barry, occasionally reports implausible facts, and to be sure his readership doesn’t think he is trying to be funny, he adds, “I am not making this up.” Gentle readers, what you are about to read is absolutely true. I am not making this up.

This story begins on a bright sunny day a few weeks back. Hanukkah, the Jewish festival of lights, would begin at sunset. Hanukkah is a minor holiday, but it is not without its traditions. People eat potato latkes (fried potato pancakes) served with sour cream and applesauce, play a game with a spinning top called a dreidel, and give little presents to the children including Hanukkah gelt, literally gold or coins, or more likely, chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil. Candles placed in the menorah are lit each evening in remembrance of a time when one day’s worth of oil in the temple lasted eight—a small miracle.

On that bright sunny day as I gazed out the sliding glass doors at my home, I heard a clatter on the roof. It sounded as if something had fallen and was bouncing along the shingles as it made its way down. Quickly, I slid open the door and saw a hawk soaring low overhead. The gift it dropped onto my roof rolled over the gutter and fell into the garden before me.

The hawk flew out of sight. I walked a few steps to see the object. It was light brown, a bit mud-caked and looked man-made. I picked it up and knew immediately what it was – a carved wooden dreidel! What an amazing gift!

Was it a coincidence I received a dreidel on the first night of Hanukkah? Did it come from a spirit sending me a message? And if so, from whom?

I cleaned up the dreidel and pondered its meaning. It was very old, and it seemed like it could be from the 1950s or 60s. There was a hint of paint left on it and most of the words were obliterated. Usually a dreidel has a Hebrew letter on each of the four sides telling the player what to do in the game – put in a coin, take out half the pot, do nothing or take all. The letters also translate to mean, “A great miracle happened there,” a reference to the temple. This dreidel had six sides and the writing was in Spanish.

At this point, I should mention my Jewish heritage. Most of my relatives escaped the pogroms in Russia and immigrated to the United States around 1900 or shortly thereafter. As a child, I celebrated holidays, but didn’t attend temple. Slowly, many family members quit observing altogether, including me, although I consider myself to be a spiritual person. This event seemed to combine religion and spirituality.

I posted a picture of the dreidel on Facebook to get feedback and received dozens of comments. Some thought it was a good luck omen and suggested I buy lottery tickets. Others expressed their amazement at this timely gift. My mother thought the gift was a message from my grandfather, who took Judaism seriously.

While the meaning of this unexpected gift is open to interpretation, it reminded me of my heritage. Over the past weeks, I have kept the dreidel on my desk where I see it often. I am grateful for my ancestors who risked their lives to flee oppression. I recalled the stories my great-grandmother told of leaving Lithuania by boat at age sixteen, and how she had to adjust to a new country and learn English. I was reminded that religion and spirituality don’t always make sense. Sometimes things just happen. What I know is, I was given a Hanukkah gift and I will treasure it always. That is a small miracle.

Addendum: On the day after Christmas, I was near my sliding glass doors when I heard a soft thud against the glass. I looked outside and a few feet from where I found the dreidel, I found another light brown item of similar size. Curious, I picked it up. It was a small dinner roll with a beak-shaped triangle missing. Had the same hawk delivered a gift of bread? This is when I decided to share my story. I am not making this up.

Link to how to play dreidel: http://www.wikihow.com/Play-Dreidel

Zoe Amos brings her lesbian point of view to articles and stories on diverse topics. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter. “Superior” a novella, is now available on Amazon. Read her short stories on Kindle and Nook. Check out her other life at: www.janetfwilliams.com.

The post From A to Zoe: I am not making this up first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Whew, the holidays are winding down.

The presents are unwrapped, that momentary what-do-I-buy-my-sister panic has subsided, and we’re sure the eggnog turned out fine in the end.

Hopefully your finances are intact too. But, just in case you’re suffering from a mild budgetary hangover, we’re here to help.

Read more and view the “lessons learned” slideshow at LearnVest

LearnVest is the leading personal finance site for women. Our free Money Center will help you create a budget. Our free bootcamps will help you take control of your money, cut your costs or get out of debt. And our premium financial plans–managed by LearnVest Certified Financial Planners–can help you chart a course for the future you want.

The post 8 money lessons you can learn from the holidays first appeared on Lesbian.com.

(Photo: Mike Ruiz)

Mary Lambert’s voice deserves its own zip code. She can fill an arena with her fiery-yet-tender vocals. Lambert, who performed “Same Love” with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis is confirmed to perform next April at the 24th annual Dinah Shore Weekend. Nicknamed The Dinah, it is billed as the biggest lesbian event in the world. Her single, “She Keeps Me Warm,” was released last summer.

You were invited to perform at The Dinah in April 2014. Congratulations! Do you already have plans for your performance?

It’s so great! I’ve never been there (Palm Springs) and I’m really excited to be a part of it. It’s an accomplishment.  It’s up there in terms of things I’ve always wanted to do. I feel really privileged to have been asked. It’s still so far away that I don’t know yet about specifics yet. Hopefully, my record will be out.

The holidays are around the corner. Are you looking forward to any special holiday traditions? What is your favorite Christmas carol?

Yay!  I love Christmas so much that I’m obsessed. I just moved into a new apartment and the first thing I did was I bought a little Christmas tree. It’s just boxes and more moving boxes and a little Christmas tree! I get to be home for eight whole days and I’m so excited. I’m taking my family on a ski vacation. I don’t want to just buy them something. I want to spend time with them. One of my family’s Christmas traditions is that Christmas Eve we open up pajamas, which we all wear that night. They’re matching and it’s hysterical! We don’t know ahead of time what they are.

Read more at TheSeattleLesbian.com

The Seattle Lesbian online magazine reaches more than 188,000 readers per week globally

The post Mary Lambert’s holiday plans first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Single for the holidays? Don’t fret enjoy it! (Photo via GimmeSomeOven)

BY ERIKA STAR
AfterEllen

Christmas is a magical time of year. That is unless you’re single, then it’s an freaking fantastic free-for-all filled with a million different versions of the forever creepy “Baby It’s Cold Outside” and being bombarded with the idea that the holiday requires a significant other. NOT TRUE! Truth is, Christmas is one of the most popular times of year to unload that pesky relationship, second only to spring break obvi. Being single around the holidays allows you the luxury of wearing ALL of the shiny, dangly, holiday encrusted outfits, or, stretchy pants. Also, whether you decide to make some questionable life choices at your own work party, or as a wingman to a friend somewhere more discreet, you are fully able to bat your eyes any direction you’d like. Being alone is way better than being in a terrible relationship. Instead of mourning the loss of whatever failed relationship you just got out of, be glad you’re not wasting any more time on the wrong person! Here’s to fresh starts and ringing in the New Year with someone totally worthy of your love: YOU.

Read more at AfterEllen.com

AfterEllen is the pop culture site that plays for your team

The post Why being single for the holidays is great first appeared on Lesbian.com.

“Santa, You Owe Me”, from all-female country rock force Antigone Rising, is a witty, sassy take on getting your just desserts for doing Santa’s dirty work. In addition to sharing stages with The Rollings Stones, Aerosmith, and the Allman Brothers Band, Antigone Rising has also traveled to the Middle East as cultural ambassadors for the U.S. Embassy and founding member Kristen Ellis-Henderson was featured on the cover of Time Magazine’s groundbreaking Marriage Equality Issue..

The track’s lyrical sarcasm is perfectly blended with shuffling rockabilly drums, ho-ho harmonies, and a fuzzy blues-rock guitar solo that belongs on the naughty list. A welcome break from Christmas clichés, “Santa You Owe Me” is also a great portrait of the band’s smart country attitude captured on their forthcoming EP and new video, “That was the Whiskey”, co-written with Nashville song writer Lori McKenna (Faith Hill, Little Big Town, Hunter Hayes).

Read more at Curve

Curve, the nation’s best-selling lesbian magazine, spotlights all that is fresh, funny, exciting, controversial and cutting-edge in our community.

The post Antigone Rising does Christmas: ‘Santa You Owe Me’ first appeared on Lesbian.com.

(Photo: Getty Images)

BY EBONÉ E. BELL
Tagg Magazine

Holiday festivities and traditions entail considerable pre-planning and, in turn, generate a lot of questions— especially when friends, family and significant others are involved.

The usual questions and issues surrounding holiday preparations can become a little more complicated, however, when you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT). That’s why we went directly to the LGBT etiquette expert himself, Steven Petrow, to provide advice on the dos and don’ts surrounding various activities during this festive season. All of the helpful tips appearing here are excerpted from Steven Petrow’s “Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners for Every Occasion: The Definitive Guide to LGBT Life” (Workman, 2011).

Find out the etiquette on bunking together at moms, holiday cards, hosting parties and more at TaggMagazine.com

Tagg Magazine is a print and online resource for LBT women in the DC Metropolitan and Rehoboth, DE areas.

The post Holiday etiquette for lesbians first appeared on Lesbian.com.