What would be your best piece of relationship advice?
My two favorite sentiments expressed about love are, “Love is the condition when someone else’s happiness is more important than your own.” And “In a good relationship, both people should feel like they got the better deal.” Those are my litmus tests for whether I’m with the right person. Luckily, I feel both are true for me and my partner.

If you could wake up tomorrow with one talent or skill you don’t presently have, what would you want that to be?
I’ve always wanted to finish my studies in French which I, regrettably, abandoned in college. This way, if comedy doesn’t work out in the states, I could move to France and become the lesbian Jerry Lewis.

Do you have any phobias? (please enumerate with embarrassing details)
The woman I’m dating was straight up until she met me. So, I’m a bit phobic about our strap-on. I want her to like it, but I don’t want her to like it TOO much. One time we were using it and she was getting really into it; Her dirty talk got so graphic that it actually made me paranoid. I stopped abruptly and was like, “You DO realize this isn’t a real penis right?!” After that, I couldn’t continue because I totally lost my erection.

Name five people, living or dead, who you would love to have at a dinner party.
That would have to be an eclectic group of my all-time favorite powerhouse female performers: Doris Day, Judy Garland, Sandra Bernhard, Emma Thompson, and my longtime teacher and mentor, Broadway legend Betty Buckley. The most important question is, what would I wear?!? I would need to find the right look that said, “I’m obsessed with you, but not a stalker.”

Jessica Inserra is an LA-based stand-up comedian whose irreverent humor explores, among other things, themes from her life as a gay woman growing up in a colorful New York Italian family. Jessica recently commemorated 25 years of being out, having burst through the closet doors at the tender age of 14. Now she can be seen performing her unique brand of brash, edgy comedy at The Comedy Store, as well as other venues in and around Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Seattle. Originally from New York City, Jessica is a classically trained actress and singer who began her creative education as a child in Manhattan’s Neighborhood Playhouse School of Theatre. She went on to attended Laguardia High School for Performing Arts, and continued her training at prestigious arts institutions such as Stella Adler, T. Schreiber Studio, and The Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in London. She is currently working on her own one hour stand-up special entitled, Jessica Inserra, Pretty Gay.

Jessica will be appearing live at The World Famous Comedy Store this coming Friday, March 8th at 7PM. For more information on Jessica’s future performances, follow her on Instagram @jessinserra

The post Fast 5 with comedian Jessica Inserra first appeared on Lesbian.com.

You know Weinstien and Spacey, and Louis and Tambor,
Lauer and Charlie, and Franken and Roy Moore
But do you recall,
The most harmful predator of all?

Donald the groping gasbag
Had some really tiny hands,
For those that had to feel them,
Jail should be the place he’d land.

All of the media perverts
Had to quit and lost careers;
Meanwhile, the sleaze ball Donald
Screws us like a racketeer.

Then one foggy Christmas eve,
Mueller came to say:
“Donald all your lies and fraud
Make your case severely flawed.”
Then all his buddies made deals,
They began to cop a plea,
Donald the gas bag groper
Enjoy the penitentiary.

Jennie McNulty was named one of Curve magazine’s Top 10 lesbian comedians.

The post A new take on ‘Rudolph:’ Donald the groping gasbag first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Here is why we have not been visited by aliens. Not because they don’t exist, of course they do. But, to quote the old SNL “Wayne’s World” duo, we’re not worthy.

Let’s say you’re from another planet and seeking intelligent life forms. Obviously, you’ve figured out space travel. You’ve either got really fast transport devices or have nailed the whole suspended animation thing. You are, as they said on Star Trek, “boldly going…” You love to study and learn. You love what we call science.

Or, perhaps, you’re looking for a new place to live and, if earth doesn’t meet your metabolic criteria, you fly over. But if it does, you hover and check us out. And, after a few circumnavigations, your computers decipher our languages and you can see just what this rock is all about.

Our alien pals see war and terrorism. Perhaps, it’s why they left their own digs. Perhaps, it seems to them a rather confusing aspect of evolution that hasn’t yet been weaned out. Or, perhaps they think it’s a really, extra-violent, group version of MMA fighting.

They see gender inequalities and must wonder why this whole planet does not worship, much less treat unfairly, the half that continues the species. Maybe they think the female, is just being kind to the plodding, less complicated other half. Or maybe even in space, everyone blames their mother for their issues.

Then they focus on one of the more developed of areas on this planet — our good ole U. S. of A and investigate. They see the Kardashians and reality TV and have to circle us twice more, never really figuring that one out. They look at our current election debates, speeches and proclamations and wonder why one side seems to be taking it so much more seriously than the other. And then they learn about our “Bathroom Bills…”

CUT TO: Interior Spaceship Hovering Earth
(Translated for your convenience)

Alien 1: So, the ozone layer protecting them is depleting, the essential fluid covering 70 percent of their planet is becoming poisoned, corruption amongst their leaders is rampant and they’re worried about who goes in what room to eliminate their waste?

Alien 2: Yep, apparently, they are scared.

Alien 1: Of what?

Alien 2: Not sure, some sort of spontaneous attack.

Alien 1: Why there? Why then? Other than elimination, don’t they usually just read or do their — what do they call it, ‘Faceblocking’ while they’re in there?

Alien 2: Either that or Instagriming but, yes, that’s the place where some think they will be in immediate danger.

Alien 1: From what?

Alien 2: From what the indigenous species of this planet called “Two Spirits.” Not even a huge portion of the population either, but they’ve been around forever.

Alien 1: Is there some sort of precedent for this projected assailment?

Alien 2: No, but they seem to be an easily distracted group. They don’t waste much time on evidence for their conclusions.

Alien 1: Well, if their response to that orange blowhard with the bad head fur is any indication, I think we could probably land here and just take over fairly easily.

Alien 2: True, but is it worth it? We’d have to work soooo hard to get these creatures up to speed. And, I’m not sure we’d even have enough time. In a few billion years, their sun becomes a red giant, their oceans boil and we’d have to leave again. This planet is just not worth flipping. Let’s move on.

Alien 1: I guess. But it’s just so cute here — wouldn’t take much of a remodel at all.

Alien 2: I know but, despite what the space Realtors tell you, it’s not simply “location.” You have to consider all aspects of the location, like the other residents of the neighborhood. This village is full of idiots.

Alien 1: I guess, you’re right but I still don’t get the bathroom thing.

Alien 2: Agreed, it’s completely illogical. They have real brain glitches regarding their waste. They build themselves little private rooms with locks for this universal activity, like they’re hiding it. And then they carry around canine feces in a bag.

Alien 1: Ha! I know. But I still don’t get why they think they are at risk, just what is it they think will happen?

Alien 2: Maybe they’re afraid someone might make them think.

Alien 1: Must be why the females go in pairs.

Alien 2: Hmmm, could be.

Alien 1: Yeah, but they sure could used our technology for harnessing all that solar power being shot at them.

Alien 2: They have it. They just prefer to use oil, coal and gas despite the harmful by-products they release. It’s killin’ ‘em, actually. I told you they make no sense.

Alien 1: That could explain the bathroom thing …

Jennie McNulty was named one of Curve magazine’s Top 10 lesbian comedians.

The post Why aliens give our planet a fly by first appeared on Lesbian.com.

I had an interesting experience at my show last weekend. I come out every show. I think it’s extremely important. It may seem passé as more and more places are moving toward equality and/or providing more protections for the LGBT community. But, let’s face it; there are still a lot of places where it’s not cool to be openly gay. In some places, it’s even dangerous. So, I feel that if I can make a room full of people laugh; make them like me; make them see I’m just like them (minus the homophobia part); it might just make a difference. So I come out on stage every time, well, almost every time.

I made an exception when I performed for the US Military in Iraq and Afghanistan (among other bases) in the 2000s. I went several times. They were the most rewarding and exciting shows I’ve ever done. (Except that one that you saw – that was my favorite.) We signed contracts with clauses that indicated we were to perform relatively clean material and not be political or controversial. So I didn’t do any “gay” material at all for those shows. I didn’t change pronouns; I just didn’t say anything about relationships at all.

Occasionally, in the course of talking to the crowd, I outed myself in answering a Soldier’s playful salvo from the crowd with, “You got a sister?” And I wore more rainbow stuff than a newly out divorcee and a 5 year old kid combined. I remember distinctly a female soldier in Iraq saying to me, “I like your bracelet.” It was one of those little rubber rainbow ones you get at pride. So those two things made me feel a little less guilty – “Hey, it was in my contract. I’m normally Super Queer but, what could I do?” Was that a rationalization? Yes, probably, but I did continue to get military gigs and, thus, I became an overseas asexual. I’m sure there’s a dating app for that.

That brings me to this past weekend. I was working at a Marie Calendar’s Restaurant – don’t laugh, they’ve been doing comedy every Friday and Saturday in this little pie shop for over 18 years and it’s actually quite a good little room. It seats about 75 – 90 people; it pays okay; it’s only 35 miles outside of LA and you get a pie. How can you beat that? I was filling in for a last minute cancelation and was “featuring.” In the comedy world that’s the middle act: there’s an MC, then a feature act, then the headliner and I was the feature. A short, cushy 30 minute set where the crowd is warmed up and the pressure’s more on the last guy. And, you get a pie.

On Friday night, there was a non-profit women’s group and their husbands in attendance and I would guess the average age was about 50-something. They made up about 85% of the crowd. Any comic reading this is cringing. Big parties can sometimes be a pain in …well, you know where. The only thing worse is a bachelorette party. (And, to whatever company makes those penis straws, please stop.) But, these guys were fun. Really fun. They were there to have a good time and they did. There was a woman in the front row – I can’t remember now why, but I dubbed her “Bong Hit Betty.” She was in her 70’s and I have no idea what her real name was but, for the whole show – even for the headliner – she was Betty. By the end of the night, even her friends were saying, “Bye, Betty.” It was fun. And, did I mention the pie?

And here’s where the guilt sets in – no, not about the pie, about my set. I was having such a good time playing with Betty and her pals in the group; I was shocked when I got the light. That’s your 2 minute warning. A small stage light or flashlight or some signal that you only have 2 minutes left. And, unlike football, it really means 2 minutes. I wasn’t anywhere near done. I had only gotten to about half of what I was going to say. And, I hadn’t yet “come out.”

So, what to do? Do I stop what I was talking about and cram in something about my girlfriend? Or just blurt out, “Two guys walk into a bar – not me I’m gay.” It would have felt forced. Where I was in the set was a perfect place to wrap up. Performance-wise, I shouldn’t switch gears at the point. So I didn’t. Alas, even the pie didn’t assuage the guilt.

Why? I just gave you perfectly legitimate reasons for not coming out in that show. It was, professionally speaking, probably the better choice. It made more sense in the context of my set and made for a great finish. And I could have lived with that were it the only reason. But, I have to admit. Deep down –okay not even that deep – there was a part of me that, when that light went on and I had to make that choice, just didn’t want to. I had a feeling that I would have dropped down a notch or two in their opinion of me as a comic and person and, at that point, I was on quite a roll.

Honestly, they would have liked me just fine. They already did. Betty and I even smoked a joint afterward (I’m kidding – she did, I had to drive). Seriously, it most likely wouldn’t have affected anything. Hell, they might even have queer grandkids and bought my DVD for them. But in that moment, I just didn’t have the energy or guts or desire to do what I feel is the right thing because I didn’t want this room full of strangers who really liked me, to look at me differently. I’m not usually like that. As I said, I come out all the time. It never feels like an effort. It was just something about that night, that crowd, whatever. I don’t really know why.

Stand Up is funny. It is quite an intoxicating feeling to make a room full of people laugh and I’ve been doing it for long time now. There’s nothing like it. But, it’s not about us, the performers. We have a wonderful opportunity to say something. Technically, our job is to make you laugh and, if we do that with fart jokes or existential brilliance it doesn’t matter to those laughing. The audience just wants to laugh. But, in this game of comedy, I feel like I cheated. The ref didn’t make the interference call and I won. So, I guess I’m throwing a flag on myself – fifteen yards for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Perhaps, I should have started this, “Dear Diary,” or “Bless me readers for I have sinned.” But I shall finish it with this: I did come out on Saturday night. I had the MC bring me onstage with this intro: “Your feature act is a big old queer who’s done gay cruises and pride shows. She’s taking donations for Pflag after the show and she’s a lesbian. Please, welcome the very gay, Jennie McNulty.” Okay, no I didn’t really use that as an intro. But I did do my gay material. And, they liked me just fine, a lot in fact. And I got another pie. This time it wasn’t humble.

Jennie McNulty was named one of Curve magazine’s Top 10 lesbian comedians. She can be heard weekly as co-host of LA Talk Radio‘s “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show.”

The post To come out or not to come out: Is there pie? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

As time goes by … that was great song, by the way. Did you know it was written in 1931 for a Broadway play, “Everybody’s Welcome,” and its first verse included a reference to Albert Einstein and time as a fourth dimension? When it was used in the movie “Casablanca,” the film that made the song famous, they removed that first verse. I guess they thought of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, they wouldn’t be talking about the time-space continuum at Casablanca. In fact, almost all subsequent recordings of the song removed that first verse.

Anyway, as I was saying, as time goes by, you see patterns develop in your life. For example, I notice that my house gets remarkably clean this time of year. Maybe it’s spring and the need for a new start. Closets organized, yard work done, CD collection alphabetized and individually dusted. Right around now, I make Martha Stewart look like a lazy Beverly Hills housewife. Oh, that reminds me, I should probably alphabetize the spice rack too for the four times a year I cook.

There just seems to be so much to do around this time of year. And, I find myself, unlike any other time, doing it all. Maybe Spring brings out the best in me. I’m normally a very successful procrastinator. One of the things I just finished yesterday was making the list of my New Year’s resolutions — for 2013.

I’ve spent several hours researching this phenomenon. It turns out I’m not alone. In fact, I bet some of you reading this article right now are experiencing this very same thing. It’s why you’re reading this. It turns out we are avoiding a date. Not a “date, date,” a specific date. April 15th. Tax Day.

Every year I swear I’m going to keep current and organized all year long so it’s easy to do “next year.” And, every “next year,” I sit before a hundred stacks of receipts from shows all over the country. Well, actually, I don’t sit there long, I’ve got very important yard work to do. Those weeds won’t pick themselves, you know.

But the day is here. The bell must be answered. Uncle Sam needs his paperwork. Or, as I like to call it — my creative writing assignment. “Of course, the toilet paper’s deductible. I thought of a joke sitting there, didn’t I?”

So, my friends, the time has come. I must leave you now. No more time to research mildly interesting facts about movies. No more trying to take the cat for a walk. No more ironing my practice jersey. I have to file this damn thing. Because, if I don’t I’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon and for the rest of my life. (By the way, that’s another quote from Casablanca — look it up. I did.)

THAT’S IT! I must now sit down, in front of that pile of papers and forms and receipts and just do it. Just pick up that pen and file … an extension.

Jennie McNulty was named one of Curve magazine’s Top 10 lesbian comedians. She can be heard weekly as co-host of LA Talk Radio‘s “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show.”

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The recent signing of The Religious Freedom Restoration Act, by Indiana Governor Mike Pence, is causing quite a stir. I’m not a political expert but, as far as I can tell, the law’s alleged intent was to keep people from having to receive rainbow colored communion wafers. Nobody wants a rainbow colored body of Christ. They’re supposed to be white — just like Jesus.

OK, actually, this is serious. Indiana’s new law allows people and public businesses to use the excuse that their religious beliefs have been “substantially burdened” by dealing with us heathen gays. So, they don’t have to. And, should they be sued, this law “restores their religious freedom.” Love the sinner, just don’t do business with them.

The governor, the lawmakers who drafted Indiana’s version of this bill and other Fox News-watching folk, all claim that this Act does not sanction discrimination. But, if Bubba, from Bubba’s Wedding Blossoms, doesn’t want to do the flowers at a gay wedding, he can use this new law to say no. And, technically, businesses can now put up a “No Gays Alowed” sign (I’m assuming they’d spell it wrong) to keep us out of their establishments. They’ll not have us substantially burdening their creed. Who knew we were so heavy?

In fact, one Indiana pizzeria, “Memories Pizza” has already said that, should gay couples want them to make pizzas for their homo nuptials, they would not. Because, it’s what Jesus wouldn’t do. Well, that is a blow. I guess poor Bruce and Michael will have to settle for caviar and champagne. A gay wedding without pizza? That’s like a think tank without a Kardashian in it.

The Federal Religious Freedom act (and those of most of the other states that also have this law), contains language that does not allow it being used to discriminate. Indiana’s does not. Indiana does have laws to protect against discrimination, but sexual orientation is not one of those classes protected.

So, how can this happen at a time when gay marriage is becoming legal all over the country and the LGBT community is seemingly making great strides toward equality?

It’s because of that really. This is a political tantrum. “Fine! Some of you are allowed to marry now — then we’re gonna do this! We’ll show our constituents we’re the same bigoted folks they elected.”

Fortunately, many of our allies as well as huge corporations have stepped up and spoken out. Indiana is being ridiculed on the late night shows. The CEO of Apple, Tim Cook (who is gay), wrote an opinion piece in The Washington Post, harshly criticizing the bill.

Marc Benioff the CEO of Salesforce (the largest tech employer in the state) cancelled all events planned in Indiana and told employees they would not be asked to travel there. The proposed $40 million expansion of the “Angie’s List” headquarters has been put on hold indefinitely. (And, hopefully, the governor’s office was given an “F” on their site.) My personal favorite response, although it may not pack the political punch of a tech company not bringing a $9 million convention to the state, came from Stephen King who tweeted: “Indiana’s Freedom Restoration Act is gay discrimination, pure and simple. You can frost a dog turd. But, it’s still a dog turd.”

Frosted feces aside, it’s great to see this support and the speed with which it came. But, it’s really a wake-up call for us. We need to remain diligent and aware in our path to equality. Those that hate us will use any tactic they can think of to keep us from getting the rights to which we are entitled. And, if they can throw God into it, that’s even better. It’s not hate if it’s done in the name of God.
So, should we get the federal right to marry this summer, remember: it’s not over ‘til the fat lady sings a Melissa Etheridge tune in a rainbow dress at a gay wedding in Indiana catered by Memories Pizza. Wait, check that. Let’s nix the pizza and go with the caviar and champagne. And, we’ll let Bruce and Michael plan it. I mean, seriously, who does weddings better than gays? Well, maybe Jesus. That “water into wine” trick makes him the ultimate wedding planner.

Jennie McNulty was named one of Curve magazine’s Top 10 lesbian comedians. She can be heard weekly as co-host of LA Talk Radio‘s “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show.”

The post Indiana law offers wake-up call after LGBT gains first appeared on Lesbian.com.

It might have been about a choice of bread for a sandwich, but, in the second episode of “Meals with Mary,” Mary Dolan offers the advice: “Choose wisely, love depends on it.”

Mary Dolan is the 86-year-old, spicy, “former Vaudevillian legend” character created by the talented actor and comedian Petey Gibson. Mary Dolan is just like your grandmother, if your grandmother was a bawdry burlesque babe who may have slept with Bing Crosby.

Gibson, as the delightfully impertinent Ms. Dolan, hosts a popular monthly variety night in Los Angeles and has started touring with the show as well. And, when not wearing the wardrobe from a trunk of clothes inherited from Petey’s actual grandmother (named Mary, of course), Gibson has been lighting up the LA comedy stages (Last Comic Standing) and studying with the Groundlings. And, the latest Mary Dolan project is a really tasty morsel.

“Meals with Mary,” is a new crazy cooking web series created by Gibson and Satya Bhabha (“New Girl,” “Key & Peele”). Bhabha also appears in the show as “Kaz” the producer of the cooking show that we see briefly in the “show within the show” format.

According to Petey, “We put so much emphasis on the stars and not how something is made. I like the idea that every person in important and I like that we see not only the show, but what’s behind the scenes — kind of like ‘The Larry Sanders Show.’”

Also starring in the show is Ruby Hanger who plays the chef that Mary works with and is the perfect foil for Mary’s brazen, unabashed barbs. And, amongst all the sassy comedy, some great, easy recipes are featured leaving you hungry not only for more comedy, but for whatever the Dynamic Ms. D is actually dishing up.

You may be wondering why Lesbian.com is featuring someone named Petey. Or, perhaps, you may have noticed that I have yet to use a pronoun in this story. I met Petey when we were both working in Provincetown. Petey was Jill Gibson then and was performing with the Boston based group, All The Kings Men (Play in the Gray, Huffington Post).

When Petey moved to Los Angeles, I welcomed the chance to use his talented stash of characters to perform on some shows I produce out here. I was making up a flyer to advertise the show and he said, “I’m going by Petey now.” I assumed it was another of his characters and made the flyer with “Petey” in quotation marks. On the night of the show, he told me, “No, I mean I’m not going by Jill anymore, I’m going by Petey.”

I said something profound, like, “oh, OK, no quotes. Got it.” But, in my head, I thought, “so, I guess you are transitioning then?” But, that seemed like a rude question to ask and, I figured, eventually, it would all become clear and didn’t say anything else.

It’s not like it’s a problem for me or I don’t “get it.” I actually do, very much, “get it.” At the risk of sounding like the racist who says, “I’ve got a lot of black friends…” I really do have a lot of very close people in my life who have transitioned. But I wasn’t sure here. And, my main question was just that damned pesky pronoun. Which one do I use? And, why am I having such a hard time here? Was I born in 1926?

After 2 or 3 shows of introducing Petey sans any pronoun, I thought, “OK, this is dumb. Just ask.” But, it felt weird. At that point, we’d worked together a lot since he told me and it was kind of like that awkward feeling when you can’t remember someone’s name but you’ve known them forever and you’re just too embarrassed to ask.

Three stand up introductions without a pronoun is hard enough, but I couldn’t do this entire blog with no pronouns so, I put on my big girl pants and called.

“Uh, Petey, uh, well, so, uh, OK, dumb question: What pronoun do you prefer?”

“Thanks for asking,” was the cheerful reply. “I don’t really care.”

“I answer to either,” he said with a chuckle. “I feel very ‘in between.’ As a young dyke, I tried to be tougher and more held back — a lot of those butch ideals — I don’t know, I’m just not good at being tough. I’m a 5-foot-two emotional person! Parts of me do feel female and I don’t want to reject that.”

“So, you feel that you relate to the Trans community, but wouldn’t necessarily call yourself Trans?”
“I do — big time — relate to the Trans community. And, I feel like the Trans community has broadened and really makes room for gender-queer people. Which is not a word that I’m afraid of. I think gender-queer makes a lot of sense. I guess I don’t make a lot of pronouncements about it, I feel like I kind of live my life and I’m pretty comfortable being right in the middle of things. My dog calls me ‘Dad.’

“Whenever I’ve think about having kids someday, I’ve always thought, ‘Oh, I can’t wait to be a Dad.’ But I also don’t know if it’s true to myself to completely transition my whole body. I don’t feel female. But, I don’t feel comfortable making a hard and fast statement like, ‘I am a man.’ I don’t feel that way either. Which would be a lot easier I think, in some ways, if I did.

“There is such a huge spectrum. And, I think when people think of transgender people, it’s like, ‘you were a woman, you rejected that 100 percent and now you’re a man.’ I think that is usually very untrue. And, a lot of the Trans men I know really value the body and the life they had before. It’s not a rejection of that.”

So, there ya go. Well, that was easy. I should have just asked a long time ago. To paraphrase Mary, “Just talk to people. Life depends on it.”

Currently in pre-production for season 2, you can catch all 8 shows of Meals with Mary but, in old school style (would Mary do it any other way?) one week at a time. You can get caught up on the tasty shows you missed and tune in on Wednesdays for the next hilarious home cooked concoctions. And, to see Petey as Petey, check out episode 7 of Transparent, “Trans Got Talent” in which Petey plays “Butch the slam poet.”

Jennie McNulty was named one of Curve magazine’s Top 10 lesbian comedians. She can be heard weekly as co-host of LA Talk Radio‘s “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show.”

The post Gender-queer comedian Petey Gibson and his hilarious ‘Meals with Mary’ first appeared on Lesbian.com.

By now you’ve heard that Charles Manson and a 26-year-old woman he’s since renamed “Star” are getting married.

Ding dong the bells are gonna chime. The bell that is, that signals all prisoners back to their cells. Insert here all the well-deserved observations that there’s a 54-year-age difference; they won’t even get conjugal visits because he’s serving a life sentence; and, of course, “mass murderers can marry and gays can’t?!” Well, mass murder orchestrators to be precise but, still.

But is she crazy? Who are we to judge? Is she in love? She’s been visiting him weekly since she moved, at age 19. to the city in which he’s incarcerated and began writing to him three years prior. Sounds like love. She was attracted to his ATWA (Air Trees Water Animals) philosophy. See there? Somewhere between the LSD and the stabbings lurked a nascent environmentalist. His softer side. She’s dedicated. She once shaved her hair and cut an “X” into her forehead in protest to his being put in solitary confinement. Out here in LA we use botulism in that spot. Who’s crazier?

Although, it seems silly for her to want to seem younger for a man 54 years her senior, maybe she does have issues.

She’s not thinking clearly. Not about her nuptials. That’ll be the easiest wedding in the world to plan. They’re only allowed 10 guests, won’t need a caterer and can easily be registered at the prison commissary. But what about her future?

Most likely, Charlie will die before her. And, virgin or not, she’s set a really low bar for subsequent mates. Really, who can’t top a mass murdering, octogenarian loony? What will her match.com profile say? “I really believe in knowing where my husband is every night.”

Then again, maybe that’s her plan. To set a record for partnering with incarcerated killers. Tall dark and handsome? Sorry Star, we shot Osama. Or, maybe she marries the Menendez brothers. Oh, wait, they BOTH married AFTER they were put in jail. Lyle Menendez, in fact, has been married twice. Phil Spector? Sorry, Star, also taken. But who could resist that hair?

Why is it women fall for convicted criminals? Some psychologists say it’s a “mothering” instinct. Some say that it’s the belief they can save or change them. I say it’s an evolutionary response to weed out the weirdos. Carry on ladies! Keep those genes outta the pool, thank you.

And, in the meantime, when the attorneys for gay marriage are next asked to prove that gays getting married won’t defile the sanctity of marriage, they need only say five words to the judge: “Charles Manson. Now, define sanctity.”

Jennie McNulty was named one of Curve magazine’s Top 10 lesbian comedians. She can be heard weekly as co-host of LA Talk Radio‘s “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show.”

The post Orange is the new crazy first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Well, I can see why Jillian Michaels says she feels uncomfortable talking about being “out.” She doesn’t do it very well. But, maybe we should get off her back, unless you’re there adding weight for her push ups.

Apparently, in an interview for Health magazine she said, “…The gay thing has always been hard for me. When Heidi (her partner) and I are out, and somebody older asks, ‘are we sisters?’ I say, ‘we’re friends.’ I guess it comes from thinking that they will be shocked or disturbed. Look I wish I had some strapping football player husband. It would be such a dream to be normal like that, but I’m just not.”

Before you jump on MY back for defending her (I have a hard enough time doing push ups), let me point something out, clearly, she does have a hard time about “the gay thing.” And, I don’t think it’s just talking about it that’s difficult for her.

Look at what she’s conveying in just one short paragraph: She’s concerned what some random older person might think about her sexuality and that maybe it would be better somehow to be straight. But she’s still out! Clearly, it was a bad choice of words. Had she said “average” we might not have cared. Because we ARE normal. But, if we’re only 10 percent of the population (or 20 or whatever) we’re not average. Calm down, we’re above average! Relax and read on.

I think she was just trying to say it’s difficult but it’s not a choice. She is who she is. And, at least, SHE’S OUT. If she’s got internalized homophobia that’s still bugging her but she’s still out, more kudos to her.

My own homophobia kept me in the closet forever. And, when I finally did come out, I was out to everyone and didn’t care what people thought. But, it took me a LONG time. Part of the reason it took me so long was I didn’t see others like me. And, while my washboard abs have way more laundry on them than do hers, I would have loved to have had an example like that. A strong, sexy woman who’s gay and out. Saying that she is who she is and it’s not a choice.

There are a lot of celebrities who are afraid to be out. They don’t say we’re not normal because they don’t say anything at all. And, isn’t that worse? Admitting that it can be difficult sometimes because we are not like “everybody” else but we are who we are seems OK to me. We’re here. We’re queer. And, sometimes we say stupid shit.

I don’t know Jillian Michaels. I’ve never watched her show and I probably wouldn’t even recognize her if I saw her in the street (unless she was doing push ups with you on her back). So I’m not jumping to the defense of a friend or favorite. But, I think someone in a business that literally rates what the public thinks of you and who worries what some old fart might think of her about being gay and still comes out deserves a few points for that.

She should not, however, apply for our official gay spokesperson job.

And, I would also like to point out that I am a strapping football player, hint hint. OK, I’m totally kidding, I’m not strapping and she’s not my type, but if Julie Bowen ever talks about wanting a moderately muscled football player with bad knees, let me know.

Jennie McNulty was named one of Curve magazine’s Top 10 lesbian comedians. She can be heard weekly as co-host of LA Talk Radio‘s “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show.”

The post Jillian Michaels, I had a hard time with the gay thing, too first appeared on Lesbian.com.

photo by Robin Roemer

Comedian Julie Goldman is coming to women across the United States live. All summer long she’s been making women laugh at the plethora of women’s weekends that have sprung up alongside long-standing favorite women’s summer getaways.

If you haven’t gotten a chance to Julie this summer, it’s not too late. Julie loves the summers with all of the women’s weekends that get kicked off by The Dinah in Palm Springs, California, and flow through the United States, Europe and beyond the northern hemisphere to the beginning of fall.

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