photo credit: via photopin (license)

BY NATASIA LANGFELDER
Lesbian.com

Dear Femme,

First of all I want to say that I’m not a lesbian, I’m Pansexual.I hope you will still answer my question. I’ve been with my husband for over five years now, married for three. We are both in our 30s. I thought that we have always been open and honest with each other. I thought that we had a great sex life. We have toyed with the idea of a threesome with another woman. It never really worked out though. We didn’t find another bisexual girl who we clicked with. I hope that’s enough background for you to understand my problem.

My problem is that my husband has a paid Ashley Madison account. My friend and I were playing around and entering emails of all the men we knew into one of those search engines for it. She put in my husband’s email address and it popped up. I confronted him about it and he said that he was using it to find a third for us. I asked him why he would keep it a secret instead of having us out up a profile together. He didn’t have an answer but he said that he didn’t meet anyone off it and that if someone had messaged him he would have told me. I’m shocked and I don’t know what to do. I thought we were open and honest and he went behind my back!  Right now we pretending it never happened. But I can’t bring myself to be intimate with him. What should I do? I just want my life to go back to normal.

Sad in Seattle

Dear Sis,

Of course I take questions from pansexuals! lesbian.com is inclusive of the entire queer community. Now! Onto your real problems.

I am so so sorry to hear about your husbands actions. For those of you who have been on vacation for the last few weeks, Ashley Madison is a website for married people (mostly men) who are looking to have discreet affairs. The massive leak of Ashley Madison users information was a huge violation of privacy and could change the way we use the internet. I would definitely caution people to avoid using sites that will match email accounts to Ashley Madison accounts to check up on relatives and parents.

Back to Sis- You are allowed to feel confused and hurt and sad and mad. Feel your feelings right now, as deeply as you can. Your life isn’t going to go back to the way it was before your husband violated your trust. However, I do believe that you and your husband can take steps to rebuild your relationship. You can start by accepting the way you feel and embracing it so that you can eventually let it go. Pretending that everything is fine is just going to create an emotional bottleneck that will cause your relationship to implode.

Sit your husband down, tell him that you can’t ignore the problem. Find a queer friendly, sex positive couples therapist in your area. Work together to find the time in your schedules to go and the funds to pay for it. Tell your husband you love him and you need him to be 100% committed to fixing the damage to your relationship- that means being totally honest and transparent with you.

Also, maybe try to take a step back and work through why he signed up for Ashley Madison. Was he feeling insecure in your relationship? Was he feeling out of control at work? While we all have to take responsibility for our actions, we don’t exist in a vacuum and there are so many nuanced reasons for the actions that we take and the roads we pursue in life. As long as your husband works hard to regain your trust, and you keep an open mind, I see no reason why you can’t work through this. However, if your husband keeps his walls up and refuses to see a therapist with you, you need to consider your next steps. Staying with a dishonest partner can wreck havoc on your psyche. Put your happiness first and trust your instincts.

Good luck, Sis! Let us know how it works out.

Xoxo

The Femme

Have a question for me? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

The post Ask the Femme: My Husband has an Ashley Madison Account first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY NATASIA LANGFELDER

The way I see it, the honeymoon was invented so that couples could have a sanity check after all the chaos of wedding planning. There’s nothing better after months of sweating the details together than to get away with your new spouse and laugh over all the highs and the lows. After all, when you are lying on a beach with a margarita even that moment when your Uncle Pete spilled his red wine on your wedding dress will seem funny.

Obviously, your honeymoon should be fun, stress-free and safe. That’s why it’s important to select an LGBT friendly destination in which to engage in your standard newlywed PDA. It’s also great to “vote with your wallet” and spend your dollars in places that support the LGBT community.

We’ve put together this list of six fun and LGBT-friendly destinations perfect for your dream post-wedding getaway.

Hawaii

Hawaii is awesome because they are proponents of marriage equality and it’s part of the United States so you don’t need a passport to get there. Also, it’s absolutely gorgeous. If you want to kick back and have a no-fuss, beach-filled vacation this is the place for you. You can also tap into your adventurous side with a surfing lesson or by visiting a volcano.

Canada

Remember Canada? It was where gay people use to go to get legally married before we finally started to win the fight for equality here at home. If you’re into winter sports, check out one of the many beautiful resorts that offer skiing and snowboarding.

Spain

Same-sex marriage has been legal in Spain since 2005. There are numerous bars and restaurants that cater to the gay clientele all over Madrid, Barcelona, Sitges and Ibiza. Spain offers a good mix of relaxation and adventure. Couples can spend a few days at the beach and also travel between cities easily by rail to do some hardcore sightseeing.

Brazil

Sao Paola, Brazil is famous for throwing the largest pride parade in the world, the “Parada de Orgulho GLBT de Sao Paulo.” The week before the parade itself, which is held on a Sunday, is chock-full of pride parties and events. If you and your love are party people, this is your scene.

France

Paris is the city of love, so of course they have marriage equality laws in place. While France is a little bit of a cliche for honeymooning couples, some things are cliche for a reason. Divide your time up and spend half of it touring the city of Paris and then head down south to experience the beautiful countryside and vineyards. This is also a great pick for wine lovers.

Iceland

Iceland quietly started recognizing same-sex marriage in 2010. Lately, Iceland is working on getting the word out about their tourism business. If adventure is your bag, go to Iceland with your beloved and climb a glacier, bathe in the romantic glow of the Northern Lights and then soak up some culture by visiting a museum or two.

The post Lesbian-friendly honeymoon spots first appeared on Lesbian.com.

“Good Morning America’s” Summer Concert Series lands some of the biggest pop stars in the game like Mariah Carey, Carly Rae Jepsen, and the latest addition to the series, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. The beloved rap star and his producing partner performed their hits, including “Thrift Shop” and “Same Love,” live on the nation’s number one morning news program on August 16. But what made this concert especially memorable wasn’t the thousands of fans watching Macklemore in Central Park — it was the surprise marriage proposal that occurred during one of the commercial breaks.

Val Dallas and Kara Toomey, a lesbian couple, attended the concert with a rainbow sign that read: “Same Love: 1 Year Anniversary.” During the show, Dallas, who was standing behind her, changed the sign to read “Can I propose to my girlfriend on stage?” Toomey didn’t know Dallas had changed the sign and soon the couple was called up onstage.

Read more at Huffington Post Gay Voices

The post Lesbian couple engaged during Macklemore & Ryan Lewis concert first appeared on Lesbian.com.

With federal recognition of same-sex marriages now established, some experts are asking what gay partners can do to maintain an institution that many consider to be fatally desecrated through widespread divorce.

As it stands, marriage contracts are a messy business when relationships break down, both on a personal and financial level. In fact, the divorce industry is a thriving sector in itself. The rate of marriages ending in divorce is more than 50% for first-time spouses and more than 67% for second-timers.

Read more at dot429.com

The post 10 questions to ask to help avoid divorce first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Cynthia Nixon (right) and her… wife!… Christine Marinoni. What do you think they call each other?
Photo: HRC/ WENN

BY MEG STREIT
AfterEllen

Ever since I got married in January, I seem to have developed a bit of a stutter. Every time I have to introduce my wife or make reference to her (which feels like it is at least once every hour), I find myself stammering and tripping over the word “wife.” What is my problem? Why can’t I just say “wife” proudly and audibly like a self-respecting married lesbian?

Read more at AfterEllen.com

AfterEllen is the pop culture site that plays for your team

The post Wife? What to call her once you get married first appeared on Lesbian.com.