This opposites-attract, edge-of-your-seat lesbian romance is a glossy, sexy and fun romantic drama guaranteed to earn a fresh array of fans for veteran writer-director Nicole Conn (More Beautiful for Having Been Broken, Elena Undone, Claire of the Moon)

“The sexiest lesbian film of 2012.” — Curve Magazine

“Sizzling, romantic drama.” — SheWired.com

“A fresh, empowering chic flick that starts out with natural humor and evolves into an erotic journey… Yes, there is lot of sex, but it didn’t feel gratuitous. It felt natural, a tough accomplishment for a film about essentially one woman’s affair with a call girl.” — TAGG Magazine

“(Features) a bold, beautiful, unleashed performance by Niven and a star turn from drop dead gorgeous Clark.” – Frameline, San Francisco LGBT Film Festival

“Conn’s film upends traditional prejudices regarding a woman’s age, beauty and sexuality through depicting tender and joyous lovemaking.” – BeyondChron.com

“Raw, moving, and often humorous.” – OUTFEST, Los Angeles LGBT Film Festival

“The performances of Clark and Niven add so much depth and humanity, pain and bliss.” – My LGBT Plus

“Hugely entertaining… and it’s HOT. The leads have fantastic chemistry.” – Birds on the Blog.com

“A strong supporting cast and astonishing performances by the film’s central leads will enthrall audiences.” – Philadelphia Q Fest

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A scene from Jane Clark’s latest feature film, “Crazy Bitches”

BY CANDY PARKER
Lesbian.com

I know what you’re thinking. You already have enough crazy bitches in your life, right? But if I told you that filmmaker Jane Clark wants to introduce you to some “Crazy Bitches” that include Cathy DeBuono, Guinevere Turner and Candis Cayne, wouldn’t you try to make room for just a few more? Yeah, that’s what I thought, and you’re in luck as Clark wants to do just that as she prepares to unveil her second feature film, “Crazy Bitches,” the follow up to her multiple award-winning “Meth Head.”

“Crazy Bitches,” a suspense/horror/comedy in the tradition of “Scream,” introduces us to seven women and their best gay guy friend who head to a remote ranch to enjoy a little down time. One by one the old college friends are mysteriously picked off, done in by their vanity, poor cellular service and horrendous decision-making.

Clark, who wrote and directed “Crazy Bitches” and previously produced the lesbian film favorite “Elena Undone,” spoke with us about her inspiration for the film, the perils of fly pest strips on set and what lies ahead for her with “Crazy Bitches” and beyond.

“Crazy Bitches” makes its film festival debuts this summer with screenings at Frameline SF, Thursday, June 26, 2014, 9:30pm at the Victoria Theatre and at Outfest Los Angeles, Thursday, July 17, 2014, at 8:30pm at the Ford Theatre.

“Crazy Bitches” is a departure from other films you’ve written and directed. Why did you decide to go the comedy/horror/suspense route with this latest project?

Most of my script ideas generate from an experience in my life and “Crazy Bitches” is no different in that way. I was having lunch with a friend, and she said something and I remember thinking, “I can’t believe you just said that to me.” Only it wasn’t to me. It was about her and she was trying to make herself feel better about some aspect of herself. But in the process what she said hit a nerve of insecurity in me and felt a little bit like a knock. I never said anything. I knew she hadn’t meant to hurt me. But it stayed with me, and from that experience “Crazy Bitches” was born. It’s morphed a lot since the germ of the idea, but that is the core. The damage we do with thoughtless words to the friends and family we love.

I am seriously not at all sure when I decided that idea was best represented in a horror movie. I shy away from horror movies because I get too scared. But here I am, and I have to admit I really enjoyed the process.

“Crazy Bitches” will screen at Frameline, the San Francisco International LGBT Film Festival, on June 26. When can we expect to see it available outside the festival circuit?

We are aiming to take it out pretty quickly, actually. We’ll play the LGBT, horror and straight fest circuit through the fall (we will be at Outfest next on July 17th at the Ford Amphitheater) and then if all goes as planned we’ll release in January or Feburary of 2015.

Your previous film, “Meth Head,” which you directed received a number of awards and was met by audience and critical acclaim. Did you feel any pressure coming off that success as you started production on “Crazy Bitches?”

Oh yeah. It’s scary, honestly. You can’t help but think, ‘what if “Meth Head” was the best I could do?’ But you can’t afford to have any doubt going into a production. As soon as the trigger is pulled and money is starting to be spent, all you can do is take a deep breath, dive in and give it all that you have.

Now that the film is finished, what I am learning, however, is that even though I sometimes joke that “Meth Head” is it’s own type of horror film, “Crazy Bitches” and “Meth Head” are two different animals. They have different trajectories and can’t be judged side by side. One is a serious and stark look at addiction; the other is sheer entertainment. We did some focus groups on “Crazy Bitches” as I was editing and I had to get used to people yelling in the middle of the film. Things like “The red-head is next! or” “Don’t go in there!”

Which filmmaker in the horror/suspense genre do you admire the most?

As I mentioned, I really didn’t watch a lot of horror movies before I started working on “Crazy Bitches”, except for the classics like “The Shining’ and “The Omen” and “The Exorcist.” Even those I didn’t see until I was an adult, and at home with the lights on. But once I decided to go for the genre, I re-watched all of those older classics, a ton of new films, and a few slightly older ones like “I Know What You Did Last Summer” and the “Scream” series, which I felt might be closest to the tone of “Crazy Bitches.” I can’t say I have a favorite, although I thought “The Shining” was a brilliant example of suspense versus horror. A recent thriller/scary movie that I thought was really well done and very simple was “House at the End of the Street.”

Ultimately, though, I was a little on my own because while there are some horror and suspense elements, there is also a lot of humor. The film almost borders on absurd at times, because I push the boundaries of believability, not necessarily with the murders but with the situations and behavior of the characters.

We sometimes hear tales of odd happenings on the set of horror films. Were there any strange doings on the set of “Crazy Bitches?”

The place we shot at, Great Spirits Ranch, has been deemed to be a very spiritual place actually. Tibetan monks donated a yurt to the owner because they felt its spirituality so deeply. My DP and I spent the first week of night shoots in the trailer on the grounds so we could maximize our work time together and I can tell you it is quite peaceful when no one is around. And I had thought that beautiful energy would gift us with a lovely peaceful production. But somehow the shoot went the complete awry.

We had a llama get loose and pigs oinking and interrupting shots. We spent a good 3 hours mucking around in horse manure to shoot one scene, and another we were in the sun without a trailer nearby for the entire day on the hottest day of the summer. We had a serious fly problem at lunch because of the horses nearby. (I caught my hair in a fly strip more than once). On top of all of that we had all kinds of equipment failure — the electricity in the trailers didn’t work, the prop knife didn’t squirt blood, the camera overheated — the list is too long to even go into.

I keep thinking the spiritual gift of the ranch was to challenge my strength and perseverance.

Who was the biggest prankster on set?

Honestly, there wasn’t much pranking, though there was a lot of laughter. When you are shooting a film in 15 days, with on average six cast members on set at any given time and eight pages of dialogue to get through, there really isn’t much time for fooling around. Though I have a feeling that if you asked one of the actors they’d have a better answer. They all genuinely enjoyed each other, became friends through the shoot, and still hang out together a year later.

You’ve worn many hats both in front of and behind the camera – from actress to writer to producer to director. Which of these was your favorite? Which role do you enjoy the least?

I like them all, though Producer is probably my least favorite. I love acting and would gladly jump into a role if anyone asked! But I hated auditioning and the insecurity of that process. Once I get past the treatment, writing is really fulfilling. Once past the first draft, it’s a lot of fun. Directing is probably the most joyous for me because I love every inch of the process, from planning out the shots and imagining the film coming together in my brain, to rehearsing with the actors and watching the characters come to life. I love the collaboration overall, actually — not just with the actors, but with my DP and my key team. Each person bringing talent and creativity to the script in a more complete way than I can ever imagine on my own.

After the energy and excitement on set, I go into what I affectionately call my cave, and get peaceful and singular again, to edit the film and put the final piece of the puzzle together.

Though you are straight, many of the films with which you have been involved have feature LGBT characters. Why do you think you’re drawn to these types of projects?

I am a big believer in following the path that unfolds in front of me, rather than setting a path and refusing to veer. So my filmmaking journey has been dictated by the stories that presented themselves to me. There is a long, connected evolution from film to film to film, that it is too long to explain here. But if I did you would see the logic and sense to it.

But ultimately and most importantly, I don’t really see my films as straight or gay. I see them as stories about interesting and empathetic characters who excite, inspire or move me.

Do you have any other projects in the works right now? What’s next for Jane Clark?

I am setting up a film in Paris called “Slate & Kelly” based on characters that my dear friends John W. McLaughlin and Cathy DeBuono created. It’s about two misfit detectives who are forced to work together to solve a string of murders in a drag club. It’s a sort of classic crime caper with the twist that the detectives are a gay guy and a lesbian. We’ve got a really good French supporting cast and are just beginning to look for the U.S. leads. We’re hoping to shoot that in Spring 2015, dependent on financing.

I am also working a script for on a horror/comedy to star Candis Cayne, which if I can pull it off, should be a hoot.

And I’ve got a spooky, sexy romance — sort of a reverse ghost story — that I’ve written and am beginning to develop.

Is there anything you’d like to tell our audience that we haven’t asked you about?

Just come see the movie! It’s a fun ride that hopefully will have you laughing at the characters and looking over your shoulder when you get back to your dark home.

Learn more about “Crazy Bitches” at www.thecrazybitchesmovie.com and get a sneak peak behind the scenes of the film in the promo trailer below.

The post Jane Clark wants to introduce you to some ‘Crazy Bitches’ first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY CANDY PARKER

Have you ever asked a young child what they want to be when they grow up? You get answers like, “I want to be an astronaut-quarterback-firefighter” or “I’d like to be a doctor-race car driver-ballerina.” We hear this, smile and nod, thinking “how cute.” We dismiss the idea that someone could possibly grow to thrive in multiple diverse and challenging arenas.

Well, the next time you hear an answer like that, think of Cathy DeBuono — you may not be so quick to smile and nod.

I doubt if you would have asked 5-year-old Cathy DeBuono the question she would have answered, “I want to be an actress-empath-athlete-radio host-psychotherapist-filmmaker,” but that’s exactly what she grew up to be.

Early on DeBuono excelled as an athlete, attending the University of Kentucky on an athletic scholarship where, as middle blocker on the volleyball team, she set several school records. She went on to win two gold medals at the U.S. Olympic Festival in 1991 and 1992 before a knee injury forced her to abandon the court.

From there she pursued an acting career, a path inspired and encouraged by college friend Ashley Judd, who cast DeBuono in a school play. With acting credits which include three seasons on “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine,” roles in the lesbian film favorites “Out at the Wedding” and “And Then Came Lola” and stints on “Chicago Hope,” “Becker,” “Exes and Oh’s” and much more, there’s no debating that DeBuono transitioned nicely from athlete to actress.

Along the way, DeBuono returned to school to pick up her Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology. She went on to develop a thriving psychotherapy practice, employing both her clinical training and gift as an empath to assist her clients.

These days you can hear her every Monday at 3pm PT/6pm ET on “Cathy is In,” her successful talk show on LA Talk Radio. DeBuono is joined by comedian Jennie McNulty in playing host to an array of interesting guests for an hour each week.

You’ll also find DeBuono hard at work on her latest project, an as yet unnamed documentary about her encounter with a serial predator, the woman he ultimately killed and the stories of the women who survived to help put him behind bars.

I managed to corral this renaissance woman long enough to get her to answer our Fast 5 questions for the week.

1. What’s the last book you read?

“The Holographic Universe” by Michael Talbot and “Vulture: Profiling Sadistic Serial Killers” by Dr. Deborah Schurman-Kauflin.

2. If you could host a dinner party and invite any five people – past or present – to attend who would be on that guest list?

My Mom, Lily Tomlin, Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball and Betty White. I can only imagine the beverages I’d be spewing involuntarily through my nose every few minutes.

3. What celebrity would render you totally star struck if you were to meet him/her?

Once a while back, I was in the museum of natural history and I saw Susan Sarandon accompanying her son’s grade school class. Nothing else in the museum that day was nearly as compelling a sighting.

4. What’s the last movie you went to the theater to see?

You know something, I don’t remember! I believe it was “The Conjuring” with Lily Taylor.

5. Window or aisle seat on the airplane?

Being six feet tall, it’s the aisle for me! I’d rather accidentally trip flight attendants with my long legs from time to time than not be able to fit in my seat. I’m also far too squirmy to be stuck on the inside.

Be sure to keep up with DeBuono’s doings by visiting her website and following her on Facebook and Twitter.

The post Fast 5 with filmmaker (and much more) Cathy DeBuono first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Question for Cathy? Post in the comments below or send it over.

BY CATHY DEBUONO
CathyIsIn.com

Hi Cathy,
My name is A., I have been following your article, “The reality of self-transformation” on Lesbian.com. I like your description of the gap. It is a good way to describe the in-between place of awareness and manifestation. The article caught my attention because of the situation I find myself in where I am feeling an overwhelming sense to change how I approach and experience life, but am still experiencing the confusion and am overpowered by habitual patterns.

Some background: I am 45, an artist, nature photographer, web designer, astrologer and a junior in college who is still struggling to figure out where I fit in and what the fuck it is that I am supposed to be doing on the third rock from the sun.

The last three years have been very stressful. My partner, T, has been struggling with numerous surgeries and final stage renal failure. She’s been on the kidney transplant list for almost three years and will be starting dialysis in the next two weeks. She is tired and getting weak.

I am her assistant and caretaker. I do whatever she needs, whenever she needs it. I haven’t been able to hold a job in three years because her medical care requires a free schedule. Along with that, I have been in and out of serious depression for the last few years and very reluctant to admit it, much less to want to deal with it or ask for help.

I have been living in a constant state of danger awareness or hyper-awareness for several years. My edges are frayed and worn. I feel guilty for the constant struggle with the urge to disappear in the middle of the night and just start over. I am angry. I isolated myself and stopped communicating with friends because the myriad of emotions I go through in a day are exhausting. I am tired. I do not want to be where I am. The urge to escape is overwhelming, simply uncontrollable. I surf the internet when I need to work. I play Xbox to be someone else. I self-medicate. I feel trapped, lonely and anxious all the time. I barely sleep.

At one moment, I decided that if I was going to live through this, I needed to get some space and be me, the idealist, the dreamer, then, I disconnected and unplugged myself from the constant drone that chronic illness creates. I am different in silence.

So back to the gap, I became aware of the need to change. I’ve made several changes; I started connecting with friends again, more creative time, regular exercise, better diet, and less alcohol. I hike five miles in the mountains daily. I have lost 25 pounds. Physically, I am in better shape now than I was four years ago.

The need to be free is greater than ever. And then, confusion reigns, I cry every day, I barely sleep, I self-medicate and feel as if every day is a battle to stop the end of the world. Why? Because I am in the gap, the in-between, yet tethered, T is still sick and I do not know how to be free until she is.

Thanks for the article. The positive light that you are and the work you do are appreciated. Thank you.

A.

Hi A,

I read your letter and had the overwhelming need to remind you that every thing you just described, all the thoughts you are having and your being’s all-around response to the position you have been in as the caretaker of someone with a serious chronic illness, is absolutely “normal.” Allow there to be enormous relief in knowing that you are experiencing the effects that almost all primary care givers of the chronically ill experience. Perhaps you already knew this.

Allow there to be some kind of relief in knowing that your feelings of being trapped, isolated and anxious are there because you are trapped and isolated. I hope you aren’t also feeling guilty or shameful because of these feelings and thoughts. That would be a useless burning of your emotional and spiritual fuel. It serves no purpose and only depletes you further.

I was elated to reach the part of your letter where you turned a corner toward exercise every day, more nutrition and less booze. These things are so important, so simple, in that how to incorporate them into our lives is not at all abstract. Yet those few things are nearly impossible for so many folks to manifest, let alone with consistency. Allow yourself to breathe in the relief of observing your own capacity for the discipline to make that happen despite the weight of depression. It’s an enormous skill to remember you have. Now, you are getting to observe it.

It may seem I’m taking a moment to point out the obvious. Whether these things have occurred to you or not make no difference though, my aim was, to at least wrangle your consciousness today for as long as it takes just to read this email and have it focused on those few simple truths. Breathe them in.

When we are caring for someone in the position that T is in, we are challenged in so many ways to be selfless that sometimes we can go too far and forget that any consciousness we focus at ourselves doesn’t equal “bad.” I’m speaking to the part of your letter where you mention hyper-awareness, the on-guard night watchman in you. Decide to allow him/her to change shifts at the end of the day and allow your full consciousness to abandon all else. For a few minutes a day, “shift” your consciousness only toward the being it is manifest in this lifetime.

At a certain time of night, literally and simply, go inward. Breathe slowly and deeply for “shift change.” You are reminding your consciousness, on a very deep un-awake, automatic pilot level, to snap out of it by joining you, and only you, for just a few minutes in the present moment. Just breath, just release. There is no right or wrong.

I feel that’s all I was meant to tell you at this time. You are in such an important and tender place in your life today. Confusion is part and parcel of the experience of navigating such tender times. Tomorrow, it will be different. Many tomorrows from now it will be different in ways you couldn’t possibly foresee from here. So do not attempt to; that is futile, it creates anxiety, want and worry.

I hope this hasn’t just added confusion. Be well. Be present. Although tomorrow is coming very quickly, you’ll never get there today.

Further, I’d like to encourage you to seek a support group for caregivers of the chronically ill. I think you would do very well to join one of those for many reasons. You are in a bit of a suspended existence, sort of in a bubble. The ironic thing is that this is such a common experience for people in your position that connecting for just an hour a week with others who can actually identify with you is huge. I think it’s a great idea for you.

If there isn’t a support group specifically of that description anywhere local, look for other kinds of support groups. Support at its core is made up of the same stuff. You don’t want to find a group totally out of the ballpark, but there may be something that is still very appropriate for you to join. The group facilitator should be able to help you assess that before hand.

Beyond that, with the internet our fingertips, I can guarantee that if you devote a few minutes to finding an online support group for primary caregivers of the chronically ill, you’ll find them in abundance. Just be sure to choose one that isn’t fully anonymous and is facilitated to at least some degree by a professional.

Remember, and I believe A, that you get this, the gap can be a moment in time or an elongated period in our lives. Either way, all that is required of us to navigate it is to not control it, but to become as still and present and observational of it as is possible and to keep our heart aligned in love and good intentions — and make our choices one at a time. The rest absolutely takes care of itself.

Cathy

“I am an empath, actor, therapist and a firm believer in truth over diplomacy.” — Cathy

For more, visit www.CathyIsIn.com

Tune in to “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show” LIVE! with co-host comedian Jennie McNulty, MONDAYS at 3pm PT/ 6pm ET only on LA Talk Radio.

Listen here: archived episodes.

Watch Cathy’s films on demand:
And Then Came Lola
A Perfect Ending
We Have To Stop Now

The post How do you care for yourself while caring for a chronically ill partner? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Photograph by Stephen MacGillivray

BY CANDY PARKER
Lesbian.com

What do a “Twilight” vampire, “Big Bang Theory” actress, “Pirates of the Caribbean” actor, NBC Director and Hollywood celebrity stylist all have in common? They are all clients of celebrity numerologist Michelle Arbeau.

A native of Canada and newly minted Californian, Arbeau is an internationally recognized celebrity numerologist, author, inspirational speaker and radio/TV host. Numerology allows Arbeau to combine her love of numbers with her passion for helping others find purpose.

Arbeau released two books in 2013, “The Energy of Words: Use the Vibration of Language to Manifest the Life You Desire” and “Soul Numbers: Decipher the Message from Your Inner Self to Successfully Navigate Life” and is a media favorite, regularly appearing on CBC Radio, CTV Morning Live and Breakfast Television. Arbeau can also be heard on LA Talk Radio as a guest on Cathy DeBuono‘s “Cathy is In” radio show.

We forgot to ask Arbeau if she thought our “Fast 5” would be a successful feature, but she did agree to answer a handful of questions for us.

1. What song can you not get enough of right now?

I really dig “The Monster” by Eminem ft. Rihanna. I can relate to it on so many levels. I drive my partner crazy in the car because she hates it. But the radio station we listen to plays it often so I always crank it up.

2. What are you most looking forward to in 2014?

I made the move to Los Angeles after finally getting my 0-1 visa in December (I’m Canadian) so I’m giddy with excitement for 2014. My multi-book tour is just starting, working on some docs with a fabulously crazy director (good crazy) and I want to write my third book this year. That’s just a few things I’m working on. I’m a very restless person who always has to have my hands in the next project or I go stir-crazy. I usually have a zillion things on the go at once.

3. What would be your best piece of relationship advice?

For many years of my life I was a people-pleaser who gave away my personal power and self-respect to pretty much everyone. The one piece of advice I would give anyone in any relationship is to be sure there is respect present. Whether it’s a partner, friend, family member, co-worker, etc. – it doesn’t matter. We’re all human beings and absolutely deserve respect. It’s the cornerstone of any connection.

4. What was the last movie you went to the theater to see?

“Carrie.” I’m not a big fan of any kind of TV/film unless I can walk away from it feeling like I learned something from it. Entertainment for pure enjoyment is something I rarely do but sometimes I like to watch paranormal-related TV/film because I’ve always been fascinated by the realm of the supernatural.

5. If they started offering free trips to the moon tomorrow, would you sign up to go?

Absolutely! I’ve always been one to jump on a plane or in the car at a moment’s notice to chase a chance opportunity, making seemingly random choices that most people would think were crazy but going with my gut has served me well in building my platform/career.

I’m a firm believer that anything is possible and the moon/space is the ultimate example of a vast expansion of endless possibilities. A trip to the moon would be the ultimate risk-taking thrill – I’m in!

Be sure to follow Arbeau on Twitter.

The post Fast 5 with celebrity numerologist Michelle Arbeau first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Ready to go! (Photo courtesy Dana Brenklin)

BY DANA BRENKLIN
Lesbian.com

As I begin this story, let me tell you, I am not a cyclist. I know no more about a bicycle than peddling, stopping and starting.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let me begin. I host a lesbian-centric online radio show and after two successful interviews with two awesome women and supporters of the show requesting her, I thought I’d try soliciting actress Traci Dinwiddie. Well, once we began corresponding she invited me to ride with a team (T-Bugs) of people for AIDS/LifeCycle 2014, called Team Goodisness.

I’ve always wanted to be sort of a fitness guru or maybe just get in great physical shape but that wasn’t in the cards for me as a child or even as an adult up until now. I was something of a sickly child and adult, among other things, however, I am not anymore. So, I researched this ride and saw how passionate Traci was about what she was doing and after much thought and anticipation, I said yes.

For years I’ve said that I was going to be in the best shape of my life by the time I reached the age of 40. I claimed it, just as I claimed the year 2013 to be my year, just as I’ve claimed everything in my life, as I walk by faith, not by sight. With that claiming, I don’t believe it is in anyway a coincidence that I am involved with this year’s ride. Upon deciding to participate, I have had to change my diet and habits, just as I had intended before this journey dropped into my lap. I realize that this is no joke. I am not in the best shape. My diet has had to change, my exercising has increased, my coffee intake is less and my water intake is much greater.

The physicality of this undertaking is overwhelming, but I am on my way and nothing is going to stop me. I have never been able to take on a feat such as this in my life and I am nothing but grateful for the opportunity to give my heart, mind and body to such a cause. I am certain I will be forever changed when we sail through to the finish line and I know I will be helping my brothers and sisters suffering from HIV/AIDS live more abundant and healthy lives because of the money being raised.

So far, I have been on one training ride (28 miles) that I thought was going to kill me, but I am still here and more motivated than ever. Come along and take this daunting and exciting journey with me. I am truly inspired and I think you will be too.

Team Goodisness has a collective $300,000 goal to reach to help support people living with HIV/AIDS.

Each team member sets a goal for donations, which you can help them reach. Thanks for your generous support of Dana’s participation! To learn more about Team Goodisness, which includes Traci Dinwiddie, Cathy DeBuono, our own Shannon Wentworth, Nicole Conn and others, visit ToFightHIV.org.

The post Riding to end HIV/AIDS: Joining Team Goodisness and AIDS/LifeCycle 2014 first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Cathy DeBuono, licensed psychotherapist, empath, radio personality and actress you may know from “A Perfect Ending,” “We Have to Stop Now” and “And Then Came Lola” is here to help you sort out your deepest thoughts.

Read part one The reality of self-transformation, part 1: Kicking and screaming in the gap.

If making big changes in ourselves were easy, I mean evolutionary types of changes, we’d all be a perfect race by now. We talked about that in part 1. It behooves us as sentient beings to proceed on this front with real awareness that we will more than likely find ourselves confronted by and battling the anxiety of traversing that terrain.

In part 1, we learned that as the ego meets this new terrain and as it resists its habitual, automatic patterns of decision making, it will encounter a powerless state, more than likely experienced as confusion. This is the space in time that I refer to as the gap.

The gap is usually a state of severe discomfort, but I’d like to shift that perspective so we may make more room to receive it for exactly what it is, a tremendous opportunity for expansion.

When it comes to effecting change in our lives via self transformation, how far we go is entirely up to us and directly involves something called our free will. When our ego encounters the confusion (and often profound discomfort) of the gap, in order to choose growth and change, we will need to necessarily rely upon free will to suspend the ego’s habitual responses and to navigate the gap, instead, away from fear and toward the direction of our core potential where all other infinite possibilities are found.

When we experience the confusion that alerts us to the arrival in a gap, we know that our ego has just encountered a barrier to our core potential, within its own structure. Instead of automatically continuing on as before, it is here that we either engage in the opportunity to apply our free will or we engage in our previously practiced ego tactics thereby changing nothing.

So what is the “how” of applying our free will in service of accessing our core potential? The answers lies in mindful exploration of the actual cognitive components that form the infra-structure of our own ego. It is the automatic functioning of these components that we encounter when our previous and automatic responses to the world and people around us are doing their thing.

These components arise largely (if not fully) from the soil of other cognitive constructs that psychologists often refer to as our belief systems, the term means exactly as it sounds. These cognitive constructs are the ideology and thought patterns we hold that motivate us to make certain choices and engage in certain behavior. A very large percentage of these things become our second nature or our automatic way of seeing the world and ourselves in relation to it. In order to evolve on a personal level, the current functionality of our belief systems must be challenged and thoroughly examined by our own conscious process.

Taking a real look for ourselves at the characteristics of our currently active belief systems and the bases for their initial construction allows us the option of adding consciousness to their reconstruction. Only upon contemplation of these perspectives can we begin to deconstruct them in order to consciously reconstruct them. You can only traverse new ground by building new roads.

When considering taking on the challenge of personal evolution, remember the more practiced the cognitive construct in question has been for us, the more patience and application of consciousness to this process you can expect to be required in order to transform it. Hence, the absolute necessity of free will. Without its constant application our unconscious, automatic cognitive constructs will only continue to assert themselves and manifest in the thoughts and subsequent choices that currently define our personal limits.

“I am an empath, actor, therapist and a firm believer in truth over diplomacy.” — Cathy

For more, visit www.CathyIsIn.com

Tune in to “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show” LIVE! with co-host comedian Jennie McNulty, MONDAYS at 3pm PST/ 6pm EST only on LA Talk Radio.  

Listen here: archived episodes.

Watch Cathy’s films on demand:
And Then Came Lola
A Perfect Ending
We Have To Stop Now

The post The reality of self-transformation, part 2: The necessity of free will first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Cathy DeBuono, licensed psychotherapist, empath, radio personality and actress you may know from “A Perfect Ending,” “We Have to Stop Now” and “And Then Came Lola” is here to help you sort out your deepest thoughts.

Question for Cathy? Post in the comments below or send it over.

BY CATHY DEBUONO
CathyIsIn.com

Part one of a three-part series

Have you ever wanted to change something about yourself or how you are in relationships or with other people, or anything like that?  Have you ever endeavored into looking closely at your flaws or weaknesses and endured what it took to gracefully navigate out of it?

Listen, if change were as easy as coming to the decision that one needs to be made, the whole world would be a very different place.

Deciding that we want to effect change in ourselves is one thing, engaging in actual effort toward achieving such change is another.

Once the decision has been made that we intend to transform ourselves at a core level, it would behoove us to spend a little time in mindful preparation of the inner obstacles we are likely to encounter along the way.

When our intention has truly shifted toward mindful participation in self-growth, as opposed to our previously relied upon and habitual methods of functioning, the result will necessarily lead to experiences that are inherently new and different. Between our current state of being and our goal state lies an area of negotiation that I like to call, “the gap.”

When we go beyond reading and talking about change and actually engage in trying on alternate perspectives and/or making completely new choices, we are necessarily going to encounter terrain we have habitually avoided.  The shear newness of this state of being can be recognized as confusion.

To be confused, in this context, is to be without the ability to locate one’s role and/or value within the context of one’s current situation and/or environment that has recently shed its previously held meaning, but has yet to redefine itself.

To be in a state of confusion is to essentially be rendered a completely ineffective force in one’s current situation and/or environment. The human ego will not likely tolerate the powerless experience of this new terrain without a bit of kicking and screaming.

The ego is the ration of our psyche that functions to assess the world around it, judge its pitfalls and opportunities and make survival choices accordingly. The ego is not going to go gently into powerlessness without forcing its well-practiced hand.

It is well worth the effort to incorporate the expectation of a sense of confusion as a necessary, unavoidable and non-negotiable part of the process of personal growth and change. Simply expecting your journey will likely include some internal (and possibly external) kicking and screaming can save you time and suffering. If you recognize the gap upon its arrival, then the world is your oyster.

“I am an empath, actor, therapist and a firm believer in truth over diplomacy.” — Cathy

For more, visit www.CathyIsIn.com

Tune in to “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show” LIVE! with co-host comedian Jennie McNulty, MONDAYS at 3pm PST/ 6pm EST only on LA Talk Radio.

Listen here: archived episodes.

Watch Cathy’s films on demand:
And Then Came Lola
A Perfect Ending
We Have To Stop Now

The post The reality of self-transformation: Kicking and screaming in the gap first appeared on Lesbian.com.