The webinar registration can be accessed here:
https://ourfamily.z2systems.com/np/clients/ourfamily/event.jsp?event=105785

Our Family Coalition invites young queer adults seeking to build (or in the process of building)
intentional families, empty-nesters looking to see their generations’ stories told, and families
interested in empowering their queer and non-binary children. Panelists will be sharing the
stories of early LGBTQ parenting struggles, triumphs, and family values that led to the historic
shift in both the queer community and the American family.

“A generation ago, in the face of legal barriers and social invisibility, LGBTQ families raised
children by the power of love, imagination, and ingenuity,” said Lowey. “Our kids – now young
adults – have not only survived intact, they've thrived, not in spite of who their parents are, but
because of them.”

Panel topics will include: What does it mean to be a pioneering queer family; the superpower of
growing up in a queer family; and a roadmap of perspective and positivity for today's queer
families. A question and answer session will follow, along with a trivia game and prizes.

Featured Panelists:
In 1977, Donna Hitchens co-founded of The National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) which
was then called the Lesbian Rights Project. In 1982, Hitchens wrote, published the litigation
manual for attorneys defending lesbian mothers in child custody cases nationwide. In the
1980s, Hitchens and her wife Nancy Davis adopted two baby girls. Hitchens and Davis were the
first couple to attain legal adoption as same-sex co-parents in 1986. Hitchens became the first
out elected lesbian judge elected in the US in 1990. Currently, the couple enjoys grandparenting
their daughter and her wife’s 16-month-old baby.

Crystal Jang became the first out lesbian in San Francisco’s Chinatown in 1978, and the first out
Asian educator in the SFUSD (San Francisco Unified School District) in 1990. A community
bridge builder and activist, Jang co-founded Asian Pacific Islander Queer Women and
Transgender Community. Jang and her wife Sydney Yeong adopted a baby girl from China in
1996. Jang’s parents greeted them in Hong Kong, starting the first generation of openly gay
APILGBT families.

Moderator:
Robin Lowey is a speaker, author, filmmaker, and historian, whose work elevates the discourse
about the role lesbian history plays in advancing LGBTQ civil rights and social equity. Lowey and
her ex-wife each gave birth to baby boys in 1990 and 1996, respectively. A pioneering queer
parent and activist, Lowey is the founder of Lesbian Game Changers, a project that shares the
stories of LGBTQ+ role models who empower today’s youth to realize their full potential and
value in their careers, communities, and families. Sponsored by Our Family Coalition, Lesbian
Game Changers provides resource books and films that fill the gap in education about LGBTQ
history. Lowey’s book Game Changers was awarded Best New LGBTQ Book at the New
Generation Indie Book Awards.

Sponsor
Our Family Coalition is a 501c3 nonprofit that advances equity for the full and expanding
spectrum of LGBTQ families and children through support, education, and advocacy. It seeks to
create an inclusive and just world where all LGBTQ families with children have visibility and
opportunities to thrive as valued participants in our schools, institutions, and communities. It is
located at 1385 Mission Street in San Francisco.

The webinar will be recorded and available at
https://ourfamily.z2systems.com/np/clients/ourfamily/event.jsp?event=105785
by June 15, 2021.

The post Queer parenting pioneers offer roadmap for queer families, May 15 first appeared on Lesbian.com.

National Coming Out Day is over this year, but homophobia is still ongoing. A few years ago, a 13-year-old kid hung himself in the schoolyard at the same middle school that I attended. I remember my days in 8th grade there and how I desperately tried to pretend that I was not achingly in love with my female teacher. The week before that a 15-year-old girl at my old high school hung herself. I remembered causing trouble in those halls, showing up to class drunk and spinning donuts in the parking lot in my ‘65 Mustang. I was freaked out by the dykey PE teachers but at the same time longed to kiss my best girlfriend.

Ready for prom

I felt odd and different and I had a terrible secret. I worried that I would be ostracized and hated by my family and peers. I honestly believed that being gay was despicable. After all, I had a boyfriend. I was sure that making out with my girlfriend at our sleepovers didn’t really count as gay, anyway. Fitting in during those years was the most important thing in my life. I never contemplated suicide but I was indeed tortured by internalized homophobia. Luckily, by remaining in a semi-state of denial, I was able to channel my fear and anxiety into hell raising rather than suicide.

I wonder what pushed these kids over the edge 30+ years later at the very same schools. It seems that children in our culture are becoming increasingly isolated and disenfranchised by relying on television, computers and social media more than human interaction. I know that I have to work harder than ever to stay in tune and engaged with my own kids.

A headline in my local newspaper read, “Schools Urge Vigilance in the Wake of Recent Suicides.” The article went on to talk about keeping the lines of communication open with our teens and looking for the warning signs of suicidal depression. All good stuff, but there is so much more that isn’t being said.

Not a single word in the article was about bullying, common use of gay, racial and sexist slurs, incest, child abuse or drug and alcohol abuse. Those were the main issues my friends and I faced when we were growing up and I’m pretty sure they are the same issues that kids face today. Are these taboo subjects? Are kids quietly offing themselves because they think no one understands how they feel?

I’m a parent of teenagers, coached the local kids in sports and I’ve seen my share of troubled kids. I believe that my being out of the closet in the small community I live in is seriously a matter of life and death.

We need more organizations like Spectrum, the Marin County LGBT Center, to be invited into the schools. As a volunteer for Spectrum I go into the schools to talk about being a lesbian, and to help dispel myths and stereotypes about the LGBT community.

Helping the kids be more aware is one thing, but it needs to start with the parents and the educators. Adults need to name the problem and provide zero tolerance for hateful talk of any kind. Whether somebody seems gay, is overweight, has a different ethnic background, sucks at sports, walks with a limp or has a learning disability, we need to set the example of inclusiveness and teach our kids to look for our similarities instead our differences.

Until that day, kids will continue to take their own lives before they’ve ever had a chance to grow up. As adults, it’s our collective responsibility to lead the way by example. Living life out of the closet is not for everyone, but I am grateful that my friends and family accept me exactly as I am.

The post Troubled teens: Then and now first appeared on Lesbian.com.

I am officially a member of the ‘Sandwich Generation’. I still have a teenager at home and I help take care of my octogenarian parents. I’ve learned to roll with the punches. The good news is I’m finally past menopause so I’m no longer living in a “Hormone House”. A few years ago, my older son went through puberty with two menopausal Moms—whew! But that’s another story for another time.

I suffered a lot of loss at age 50—got laid off my job, my wife left me after 27 years, we sold our beautiful home, my best friend died. Ugh. But I was finally feeling ready to move on with my life. At first I couldn’t believe that I would ever be happy again. But once the ‘why me?’ voices quieted down, I realized that I was free to begin living the life I’d always dreamed of.

I was ready to travel! I went to the Dinah in Palm Springs, surfing with my older son in Mexico, visited old friends in Boston, cruised to Rome, Florence, Portofino, Monte Carlo, Barcelona, and St. Tropez, took multiple camping trips and went with Mom to Hawaii. It was all about meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones and spending time with family.

For my birthday, my son and I headed up to the mountains praying for snow—lots of snow. We barely survived the terrifying drive through a whiteout while slipping and sliding over the summit. That night we dreamt of being the first snowboarders at Squaw Valley, drawing clean lines in the untouched powder. We got up early and hurried to dig the truck out only to find that all the resorts had closed—too much snow! Be careful what you wish for. But honestly, being trapped in that cozy cabin with him all day, playing games, reading and watching bad TV was one of the best times we’ve ever had together.

I decided that dating for the first time in 30 years might be worth a try. OMG! Come to find out that dating is one of the top reasons people stay in relationships! I fell hard for the first woman I went out with (and it didn’t work out) but she has become one of my dearest friends.

I started volunteering for Spectrum, the local LGBT Center in Marin. As a member of the Speaker’s Bureau, I go into the high schools to talk about being a lesbian, break down stereotypes and hopefully save lives. When they wanted me to go into my son’s class I asked him if it was OK with him. He said “Yes, do it; those kids need to hear you”. I’ve learned that giving back to the community has been incredibly satisfying and makes me feel like my life is on the right path.

Taking carfuls of teenage boys surfing up and down the California coast has been an adventure. I always have to suppress a giggle, listening to them sing a heartfelt rendition of Tim McGraw’s “I’m Amazed by You” or “In the Still of the Night” while trying to harmonize with their newly changed voices. I choked up when I watched my son drop into his first real shoulder-high open-face wave this past fall. After trying to get him out there for years, it was the peer pressure that finally got to him. He was stoked!

In a moment of weakness I allowed an adorable rescue kitten to adopt me. I’d been holding out after my ex got custody of our beloved Ziggy. Even though Clyde does his best to tear apart my house, he is my lover and I’m counting on him to keep me out of trouble with bad dating choices.

I made the wise decision to rent a cute little house across from the high school. Every Thursday during the school year I make lunch for a group of amazing boys and girls including my son. They eat everything in their path like locusts, but are always gracious, clear the table and thank me with sincerity. I love those little punks, having coached several of them in soccer and baseball since they were in kindergarten.

My life was feeling so full and good with everything coming together at last.

Then, suddenly everything changed. First an old surfing buddy my age died unexpectedly. And shortly after being diagnosed with lung cancer, my dad passed away, leaving my mom alone for the first time in 60 years.

The worst part about losing my dad was, well, losing my dad. But the best part was that I got to be there to help him through his dying process. I found out that going through the death of my best friend had taught me exactly what I needed to learn just in time to be there for my dad. I was able to tell him I loved him, and thank him for the gifts he gave me—his creativity and blue eyes, for starters. I assured him it was okay to let go and that he would always be with me, in my heart. I feel blessed and honored to have been there with him, by his side—with no regrets about things I wished I’d said or done.

My son Max carries my Mom-sized board through the jungle in Mexico

But grieving isn’t a linear process, and the other day I found myself in a deep funk, feeling sad and missing my dad. My son said “C’mon, mommy, let’s go surfing.” As usual, the kids made me laugh in the car with their silliness. I forgot about my funk. I remembered all the exciting, wonderful adventures I’d had since turning 50. I realized that the pain of all my losses is equal in measure to how much I have the capacity to feel love. I felt an immense wave of gratitude looking up into that pink and yellow sky at sunset. The iridescent water opened up a perfect drop down a steep, glassy wall and sent me flying across the face on a long, smooth ride to the beach.

The post Living the good life first appeared on Lesbian.com.