Lesbian.com : Connecting lesbians worldwide | dating advice

Does online dating lead to more successful relationships for lesbian couples?

shannon — Tue, 13 Aug 2019 01:09:04 +0000

Dating for same-sex couples has always been challenging. In the past, fear of judgment from family and friends prevented them from finding meaningful and lasting relationships. When online dating became a trend, it made a lot of sense why a majority of the LGBTQ community subscribed to these platforms. For one thing, it is an excellent way to meet new partners without family members knowing, especially if there is a possibility of receiving backlash.

A recent study shows that 69% of successful same-sex couples met online. This is because online dating platforms have improved significantly, and there are simply more people using gay and lesbian dating sites online. With algorithms that focus on user behavior to look for a real match, you have a higher chance of finding someone from a pool of more than one million other users. With algorithms that focus on user behavior to look for a real match, you have a higher chance of finding someone from a pool of more than one million other users.

What are online dating sites and apps doing right?

Online dating for lesbians are far from perfect. But many sites and apps are aiming to change the game by uniting the lesbian community and helping members find friendships, and for those who are lucky, perhaps meet their lifelong partner. Here are common characteristics of good dating sites for lesbians.

• Emphasis on friendships among users. Top lesbian dating sites focus on friendship as one of the primary goals of creating a user profile. A user does not have to feel pressured into finding a romantic partner. Instead, she can have the comfort and company of likeminded individuals in a safe environment.

• Enhanced user experience. Another notable feature of good dating sites for lesbians is how they provide users with more control over their experience.

• Respect. Online dating sites have always had a bad reputation because users can end up getting preyed on. These days, however, a lesbian who is looking for a friend or potential partner online can do so by highlighting specific behaviors that meet her standards. The aim is to move away from focusing on the physical appearance, but more on personality traits that match users on the site.

• It is an online community. Bringing together LGBTQ women on these sites fosters inclusion. The collective vibe with some of the best websites is to encourage users to interact with one another and learn from each other’s experiences.

Acceptance and safety are two things that some dating sites do not have, and if you are looking for the best experience, do not get hooked on superficial features but rather consider a dating site where you feel most at ease and comfortable.
There is no formula to a successful relationship. But in the digital age, lesbian couples are making the most out of these dating sites not only to find love but to build lasting friendships. Yes, relationships are hard and even harder for same-sex couples. Nonetheless, dating sites are evolving and now is the best time to take advantage of technology to meet new people and hopefully find someone you can be with for the rest of your life.

The post Does online dating lead to more successful relationships for lesbian couples? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Queer Abby: To bi or not to bi?

Abby Waller — Sat, 09 Jan 2016 20:08:42 +0000

BY ABBY WALLER
Lesbian.com

Meet Queer Abby, our new advice columnist, feel free to ask her anything in the comments below or write to her directly at abagailwaller@gmail.com.

Brandon writes:

Hi Abby!

My question has a bit of background to it. I’m a male straight ally, but there’s always been a connection between myself and bi women. I was friends with a lesbian couple back in college. One half of that couple started wondering if she was bi. She trusted me, So she asked that I help her test the theory. Her girlfriend seemed cool with it, but there was too much potential for drama. Consequently, I decided to wait on that for a bit. Good thing I did, as the other half expressed some insecurity later on. This has become a running theme in my love life. Bi girls express interest, and others in the LGBT community feel somewhat threatened by that. Is there a right way to navigate this phenomenon?

Trusted Ally Brandon

Dear T.A.B.,

First and foremost, even though you might feel as though you have some form of connection with bi women, I tend to think there are some flaws with your way of thinking. All people are unique. We all have different emotional, physical, and intellectual needs and desires. The only thing these women you refer to have in common is that they are bi. It sounds to me like you are the one constant factor, so perhaps it is you that seeks out bi women for one reason or another.

Also, I cannot convey how important it is to stay out of other people’s relationships. With so many fish in the sea, why try to snag one that’s on someone else’s hook? It is almost always not a good idea to get involved with someone who is…well…involved. 99% of the time one person will feel insecure or get their feelings hurt, which proved to be the case in the situation you talked about.

You say that bi girls expressing interest in you is a recurring theme in your life, yet you only talk about one negative scenario where it did not work out in your favor. If this tends to be the theme, I’d say it’s time to change your game.

Lastly, you call yourself an ally. So, you must believe that the LGBTQ community faces constant discrimination, as well as social disadvantage. You’re likely aware that many in what can sometimes feel like a teeny community find it difficult to date because of the statistically smaller dating pool. I would say that, more than likely, this is why some feel threatened — by dating bi women, you’re making that already small pool even smaller.

What goes on between two consenting adults is the business of those individuals. You cannot help who you’re attracted to and vice versa. However, in our country rampant with straight male privilege, if you truly are an ally of the LGBTQ community I would recommend trying to handle any dating situation with a minority with the utmost compassion and sensitivity.

The post Queer Abby: To bi or not to bi? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Ask the Femme: My girlfriend would rather check her phone than talk to me!

Natasia Langfelder — Tue, 15 Dec 2015 03:28:00 +0000

BY NATASIA LANGFELDER
Lesbian.com

Illustration by Lee Ely

Dear Femme,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. We moved in together a few months ago and for the most part, things have been fine. My biggest problem is that whenever we have ‘down time’ after school for her (she’s still a student) and after work for me, she just zones out on her phone. Before we lived together she never did that. It’s really annoying. I don’t think she’s cheating on me or whatever. I just don’t like it. I feel like we talked more before we lived together. She will even do it when we go out to eat, which isn’t often because she’s a broke student and I have to support both of us. I feel like she’s ignoring me. Maybe not ignoring me completely, but like, I don’t keep her entertained enough or I’m boring or something. Does this happen to all couples who move in together? What should I do?

Ignored in D.C.

Dear Ignored,

Thanks for writing in! I totally get your frustration. Sometimes I look at groups of people who are all out to dinner and mindlessly scrolling through their phones and I’m like, “Stop! Enjoy each other’s company!” But I am also totally guilty of it too. Sometimes my fiancé and I will both be on our phones while we are out to dinner and become “that couple.” It happens to the best of us.

I think that you should talk to your girlfriend about it. From your letter, you don’t mention talking to her about this at all. Instead you are letting yourself spiral downward when there might not actually be a problem.

When in doubt, talk it out! Tell her that you are starting to feel insecure about yourself because of all the time she spends staring at her phone. Some people have more addictive personalities than others and she might not even realize how many hours she is wasting on it. She might even thank you for pointing it out.

The next thing you should do, after you talk about it, is to ask that date nights be phone free nights. I can sense some resentment on your part about paying for dates that your gf doesn’t seem to appreciate in the way you want her too. You need to nip this in the bud now before it becomes an actual problem in your relationship. Just because you are paying for the date, doesn’t entitle you to anything from her. You chose to merge households and expenses in this relationship knowing your gf was a broke student and that there would be an imbalance in bill paying until she graduates and can contribute more. So leave the issue of who pays for what out of this conversation.

Anywho- back to phone free date night. Not phone free like, leave them at home, that’s not safe or even that practical. I mean, my phone is my mirror and my camera. I can’t have date night without it! Think phone free like, “Let’s enjoy each other’s company and keep our phones in our pockets/bags until we need to take a picture of our food or a selfie to commemorate the evening.”

Good luck, Ignored! I’m sure you and your gf will be back on track in no time!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

For more illustrations by Lee Ely, visit their Behance page or buy a print from Society 6. The illustration used on this page was based on a photo found on What Japan is Wearing.

The post Ask the Femme: My girlfriend would rather check her phone than talk to me! first appeared on Lesbian.com.