Special to Lesbian.com

Navigating the world of lesbian dating can be both exciting and daunting, especially for those new to the experience. Like any dating scenario, there are certain etiquette guidelines and unspoken rules that can help ensure a smooth and respectful experience for all parties involved. In this blog post, we’ll explore some essential DOs and DON’Ts of gay romance etiquette.

Dos You Should Consider

1. Be Authentic: Embrace your true self and don’t try to be someone you’re not. Authenticity is attractive and fosters trust and intimacy in a relationship. Share your interests, passions, and values, and encourage your partner to do the same. For example, if you are a passionate breeder of autoflower seeds, share some interesting information about your occupation/hobby with your partner.
2. Respect Boundaries: Every person has their own comfort levels and boundaries when it comes to physical and emotional intimacy. It’s crucial to respect these boundaries and never push someone beyond their limits. Communication is key, so be open and honest about your desires and expectations while also being receptive to your partner’s needs.
3. Be Mindful of Labels: Not everyone in the LGBTQ+ community feels comfortable with specific labels, and preferences can vary greatly. Avoid making assumptions about someone’s identity or orientation, and be respectful when discussing these topics. If you’re unsure, it’s always better to politely ask for clarification.
4. Embrace Diversity: The lesbian community is beautifully diverse, encompassing individuals from various backgrounds, identities, and experiences. Embrace this diversity and be open to learning about different perspectives and cultures. Avoid stereotyping or making insensitive remarks that could be perceived as offensive.
5. Practice Confidentiality: Respect your partner’s privacy and maintain confidentiality regarding personal details or the nature of your relationship, unless explicitly given permission to share. Trust is essential in any relationship, and protecting your partner’s privacy is a vital aspect of building that trust.
6. Be Supportive: Dating can be challenging, and it’s essential to be a source of support and encouragement for your partner. Offer a listening ear, provide emotional reassurance, and celebrate their successes and accomplishments, both personal and professional.

Photo by Katie Treadway on Unsplash

Don’ts You Have to Avoid

1. Don’t Make Assumptions: Avoid assumptions about gender roles, expectations, or preferences based on preconceived notions or societal stereotypes. Every person is unique, and their desires and boundaries should be respected without judgment.
2. Don’t Out Someone Without Their Consent: Outing someone without their explicit consent is a severe violation of trust and privacy. Respect your partner’s right to share or not share their identity on their own terms and in their own time.
Don’t Pressure or Rush: Dating and building a relationship should happen at a comfortable pace for both parties. Never pressure your partner into making decisions or taking steps they’re not ready for, whether it’s physical intimacy, meeting friends or family, or any other milestone.
3. Don’t Ignore Red Flags: While it’s essential to be respectful and mindful of your partner’s boundaries, it’s equally important to recognize and address any red flags or unhealthy behaviors. Trust your instincts, and don’t ignore warning signs that could potentially lead to an abusive or toxic situation.
4. Don’t Compare or Compete: Every relationship is unique, and comparing your experience to others’ or engaging in competitive behavior is counterproductive. Focus on cultivating your own connection and trust the journey you and your partner are on.
5. Don’t Be Dismissive of Experiences: The LGBTQ+ community has faced numerous challenges and discrimination throughout history. Be sensitive to these experiences and avoid dismissing or minimizing the struggles and hardships your partner or others may have faced.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and adapting the aforementioned guidelines to your specific situation with care and consideration is essential. Don’t be afraid to open up to a new person and allow yourself to get to know them with all their beauty and flaws. As you build a relationship, embrace each other’s hobbies, even the extravagant ones involving cannabis, and let platforms like Barney’s Farm USA help you nurture them!

The post Lesbian Dating Etiquette: Dos and Don’ts first appeared on Lesbian.com.

When we say that Tinder has flaws, we all know what they are. After a while, flicking through Tinder becomes a soulless experience. Some psychologists have even said that swiping left and right on Tinder activates the same parts of the brain that are activated when gamblers play mobile slots. The cause and effect are very similar, too – online slots players are looking for the instant gratification that comes with a win, just as Tinder users are looking for the instant gratification of a match. As all experienced users of online slots websites can tell you, though, sometimes those moments of gratification take too long to arrive and cost you too much money by the time you get them. If you’re not careful with Tinder, it can eat into your time, your money, and your soul.

Most of us have heard a Tinder horror story from a friend. We enjoy reading horrendous tales of first dates gone wrong online, but we don’t relish the idea of becoming one of those tales ourselves. Unfortunately, by using the app, we’re leaving ourselves wide open to such an experience. It might come on your next date or the one after that, but if you keep dating and swiping, the law of averages says it will come along eventually. If all you’re looking for is no-strings fun, then you might be happy to play that game, but for anyone looking for something more serious, it’s a worry.

We’ll say it quietly, because we don’t want to offend the app’s many fans, but we don’t think Tinder is actually all that good for lesbians anyway. We all know that it’s full of straight men posing as women because they want to speak to us for their own amusement and wasting our time in the process. Tinder has also known about that for a long time, and yet they refuse to do anything about it. Profiles are reported and removed, but then they spring up again, and the process repeats. Tinder’s moderation is reactive rather than proactive. Someone should be making sure those profiles never appear in the first place. Nobody ever does.

If you’re a single woman looking for another single woman right now, make this the year you ditch Tinder. Try one of these alternatives instead.

Fem
Amazingly, there aren’t all that many dedicated lesbian dating apps in the world. Perhaps that’s because not enough women are working in technology. Perhaps it’s because not enough gay women are single and looking for dates. There has to be a reason, but we don’t know what it is! Fem, however, is one such app — and it’s an app with a difference. Just filling out a written profile isn’t enough for Fem – users also have to upload a video to introduce themselves. You can get more out of seeing and hearing someone talk than you can from reading their words, and so you get the chance to make a better assessment of whether you’d like to date them or not before agreeing to meet. You have to be a little brave to record the video, but the rewards are there if you have the courage!

HER
We think — or at least we hope — that we’re not introducing people to HER for the first time. If we are, then congratulations — today is the day your life as a single woman changed! According to its marketing, HER is an app that was developed by gay women for gay women. It works to similar principles to Tinder, but you don’t have to swipe through an endless parade of straight or pretend-gay profiles to find what you’re looking for. More than three million people around the world currently use HER to find dates, and that community is growing all the time as more and more people find out about it. Some people like to compare HER to Grindr, but we don’t think that comparison is fair. From what we know of it, Grindr is a meat market. HER is a little more upmarket in its approach.

Hinge
This app has been available for quite a long time, but only now is it beginning to see the user levels that it deserves. Hinge is an app with a difference. You have to trust it with your data, but if you do, it will (theoretically) find you much better dating prospects than any other app would be capable of. That’s because it connects itself to your social media accounts, finds your friends, finds the friends of your friends, and draws you up a dating shortlist based on what it knows about them. It sounds a little creepy, but people will only be shown as potential matches if they also use Hinge and are therefore also looking for a date. In the good old days before the internet and dating apps existed, meeting people through friends is how most couples got together. Try to think about Hinge as being the digital equivalent of that experience!

OKCupid
No, this isn’t specifically designed for lesbians. That’s OK, though, because neither is Hinge. We wouldn’t normally recommend a ‘mainstream’ dating website, OKCupid has made a big effort to be LGBTQ+ friendly, and it shows in their approach. You can select from multiple different sexual orientations and preferred pronouns when you’re building your profile, and once you’ve done that, you’ll only ever be shown profiles that are relevant to your interests. You’ll also be shown a percentage match with those profiles, which allegedly indicates how likely you are to be compatible with the owner of the profile. While we don’t believe that love can ever be boiled down to a series of equations (how depressing would that be?), it never hurts to get an assessment of this kind – even if it is from a computer.

We suspect that most of you will have tried at least one of these apps before. If so, try the other three. Try all of them! For single women, the options in front of you are either another twelve months of getting RSI swiping through Tinder, or the chance to try something new. What do you have to lose?

The post Four alternatives to Tinder for lesbians first appeared on Lesbian.com.

A recent study shows that 69% of successful same-sex couples met online. This is because online dating platforms have improved significantly, and there are simply more people using gay and lesbian dating sites online. With algorithms that focus on user behavior to look for a real match, you have a higher chance of finding someone from a pool of more than one million other users. With algorithms that focus on user behavior to look for a real match, you have a higher chance of finding someone from a pool of more than one million other users.

What are online dating sites and apps doing right?

Online dating for lesbians are far from perfect. But many sites and apps are aiming to change the game by uniting the lesbian community and helping members find friendships, and for those who are lucky, perhaps meet their lifelong partner. Here are common characteristics of good dating sites for lesbians.

• Emphasis on friendships among users. Top lesbian dating sites focus on friendship as one of the primary goals of creating a user profile. A user does not have to feel pressured into finding a romantic partner. Instead, she can have the comfort and company of likeminded individuals in a safe environment.

• Enhanced user experience. Another notable feature of good dating sites for lesbians is how they provide users with more control over their experience.

• Respect. Online dating sites have always had a bad reputation because users can end up getting preyed on. These days, however, a lesbian who is looking for a friend or potential partner online can do so by highlighting specific behaviors that meet her standards. The aim is to move away from focusing on the physical appearance, but more on personality traits that match users on the site.

• It is an online community. Bringing together LGBTQ women on these sites fosters inclusion. The collective vibe with some of the best websites is to encourage users to interact with one another and learn from each other’s experiences.

Acceptance and safety are two things that some dating sites do not have, and if you are looking for the best experience, do not get hooked on superficial features but rather consider a dating site where you feel most at ease and comfortable.
There is no formula to a successful relationship. But in the digital age, lesbian couples are making the most out of these dating sites not only to find love but to build lasting friendships. Yes, relationships are hard and even harder for same-sex couples. Nonetheless, dating sites are evolving and now is the best time to take advantage of technology to meet new people and hopefully find someone you can be with for the rest of your life.

The post Does online dating lead to more successful relationships for lesbian couples? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

In the very recent past, I lived in sunny Florida for a glorious 12-month stay while I worked at a famous tourist destination. Yeah, that one. And not having been out for very long, I was eager to live the biggest, gayest life I could while I was thousands of miles away from everyone who knew me as straight or questioning.

Being a freshly hatched baby gay, I had no idea how to find girls around me and so there was a lot of late night googling of gay bars and building up my online dating profile, hoping to find someone to guide me around the American scene.

I was shocked to discover that I didn’t need the American scene; I just needed an American girl. Her name was Valentina. She was originally from Chile, lived in Florida and had for years, spoke English perfectly and was fluent in Spanish.

If I’m honest, it was probably the Spanish thing that attracted me to her the most; I’d never heard it spoken so much as when I lived in the states and when I heard her purr it into her phone when talking to her Chilean friends, I died. The ability to flip between languages and lean over to me and whisper something sexy in Spanish was incredibly hot. There aren’t too many Spanish speakers in London, not as many as Florida anyway.

I realized Valentina wasn’t like any girl I’d ever met in England — gay or straight. She had a confidence and a level of honesty that was wholly unfamiliar and although shocking at first, it became refreshing. British people are known for skirting around issues and repressing how we feel, but I felt a great weight lifted off of me in being with someone who I felt I could be honest around and who I knew was being genuine with me.

The next few girls I dated in Florida were just the same, ballsy and open, and it made me feel like I could as brave as they were. They would do things like talk to complete strangers on the street — British people would never dream of doing that! These little cultural difference became the exciting part of dating Americans as I described the exotic landscape of London to them and answered their adorable questions like, “did they show ‘Friends’ in England?” I also enjoyed the variety of accents too, particularly Brittany from Georgia, the Southern Belle who turned out to be not only bisexual but also married — can’t win ‘em all.

On the whole, I’d say that it was their confidence and ability to be friendly to anyone they met; I became addicted to their positive outlook. The other girls I dated in the states all turned out to be very similar. All of them young, confident, sociable people but I’ll admit — the dark hair and ability to speak Spanish popped up a few more times; I definitely developed my type in America.

Dattch — The Lesbian App is out for iOS and Android. Loved by Lesbian.com, AfterEllen and Autostraddle, we are the social platform for all things gay. Free download!

The post Why British girls love American girls first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Illustration by Lee Ely

Dear Femme,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. We moved in together a few months ago and for the most part, things have been fine. My biggest problem is that whenever we have ‘down time’ after school for her (she’s still a student) and after work for me, she just zones out on her phone. Before we lived together she never did that. It’s really annoying. I don’t think she’s cheating on me or whatever. I just don’t like it. I feel like we talked more before we lived together. She will even do it when we go out to eat, which isn’t often because she’s a broke student and I have to support both of us. I feel like she’s ignoring me. Maybe not ignoring me completely, but like, I don’t keep her entertained enough or I’m boring or something. Does this happen to all couples who move in together? What should I do?

Ignored in D.C.

Dear Ignored,

Thanks for writing in! I totally get your frustration. Sometimes I look at groups of people who are all out to dinner and mindlessly scrolling through their phones and I’m like, “Stop! Enjoy each other’s company!” But I am also totally guilty of it too. Sometimes my fiancé and I will both be on our phones while we are out to dinner and become “that couple.” It happens to the best of us.

I think that you should talk to your girlfriend about it. From your letter, you don’t mention talking to her about this at all. Instead you are letting yourself spiral downward when there might not actually be a problem.

When in doubt, talk it out! Tell her that you are starting to feel insecure about yourself because of all the time she spends staring at her phone. Some people have more addictive personalities than others and she might not even realize how many hours she is wasting on it. She might even thank you for pointing it out.

The next thing you should do, after you talk about it, is to ask that date nights be phone free nights. I can sense some resentment on your part about paying for dates that your gf doesn’t seem to appreciate in the way you want her too. You need to nip this in the bud now before it becomes an actual problem in your relationship. Just because you are paying for the date, doesn’t entitle you to anything from her. You chose to merge households and expenses in this relationship knowing your gf was a broke student and that there would be an imbalance in bill paying until she graduates and can contribute more. So leave the issue of who pays for what out of this conversation.

Anywho- back to phone free date night. Not phone free like, leave them at home, that’s not safe or even that practical. I mean, my phone is my mirror and my camera. I can’t have date night without it! Think phone free like, “Let’s enjoy each other’s company and keep our phones in our pockets/bags until we need to take a picture of our food or a selfie to commemorate the evening.”

Good luck, Ignored! I’m sure you and your gf will be back on track in no time!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

For more illustrations by Lee Ely, visit their Behance page or buy a print from Society 6. The illustration used on this page was based on a photo found on What Japan is Wearing. 

The post Ask the Femme: My girlfriend would rather check her phone than talk to me! first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Illustration by Lee Ely

Dear Femme,

I’ve been single for two years. It seems like every time I start dating someone, things go smoothly for one or two months and then she just disappears! I don’t get it. I don’t have sex with anyone until I think they are really interested (definitely not on the first date!) and everything always seems to be fine until the other person stops returning my calls. I’m not a needy person, I don’t call or text my dates every five minutes but I pay enough attention for them to know I am interested. What am I doing wrong? Thanks for your help!

Two Month Chump

Hi TMC,

Thanks for writing! I’m sorry to hear about your predicament, it’s a pretty tricky situation. I don’t know much about you, but I’m going to try to give you the best advice possible.  There are several different possibilities.

1)      It’s not you, it’s them: What type of women are you choosing to date? What is the common thread? Do you tend to choose women who have just gotten out of long-term relationships? Do you gravitate towards women who aren’t looking for a long term partner? Try to find out on the first or second date if your date is emotionally available or just looking for a good time. Usually you can just trust your instincts on this one. If she starts crying into her ice cream about her ex-girlfriend, she’s probably not ready to date anyone seriously. That’s your cue to cut her out or put her into the friend zone. This is the best way to ensure you don’t get your feelings hurt down the road. You have to look out for those red flags before you invest your heart into someone.

2)     It’s not them, it’s you: What signals do you send to your dates? Are you sending out “let’s just be friends” vibes? Do come across as not wanting to be in a long-term relationship? Are you so concerned with coming across as ‘needy’ that you come across as disinterested? Listen to yourself when you talk, do you talk about your ex too much? Do you talk about traveling the world with no ties or commitments to anyone or anything? These are red flags to girls who are looking to settle down with someone. If a month has passed and the girl is still around, talk about a future that applies to both of you.

3) You haven’t met the right one yet: It sucks, but dating is a numbers game. There’s a chance that the relationships you have had have faded out because she just wasn’t the right one for you. When you meet the right person, things click into place. I know that after being single for awhile, it’s hard to imagine that happening so easily, but when you meet the right person it won’t be this hard.

4) Be yourself, be spontaneous: TMC, it sounds like you have your dating game down to a science. You have rules for yourself about when to text and how often and when to have sex, etc. Is that really you? Be yourself, follow your instincts instead of going by the book. Throw the book away. Do whatever you want and ask your date if she’s in for the ride.

Good luck, TMC and let me know if it works!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

For more illustration by Lee Ely, visit their Behance page!

The post Ask the Femme: Two Month Chump first appeared on Lesbian.com.

photo credit: IMG_3346 via photopin (license)

Dear Femme,

I want to know what you think about a possessive gay BFF.  I started dating my girl knowing that her BFF basically lived with her.  It’s sort of a weird situation, in that she basically pays for his booze when they go out, and he manages her money- meaning she’ll hand him her $$$ and he’ll dole it out.  Correct me if I’m too traditional, but shouldn’t that be my job?

And ever since we’ve been getting more serious, he’s been less able to spend time with her, no more overnights, and no “platonic sugar mama.”  I’m also very vocal when I think anyone’s taking advantage of her, whether it’s him, her family, or any random stranger.  She says this makes her feel safe, which makes me believe I’m not overstepping my bounds.

However, I do like her BFF, and while I’ve set boundaries where he’s tried to do the same to me, she and him obviously have a different relationship.  What’s the best approach to getting she and I to be where I want us to be without burning bridges with anyone in her life?

-The Girlfriend

Hey TG,

First of all- your girlfriend shouldn’t be giving her money to anyone else to “dole out.” Not you and not her BFF. If she is an adult with a job, then she needs to figure out her finances on her own or with an actual advisor.

As far as her relationship with her BFF changing, that tends to happen once people form serious partnerships. Usually, a couple’s social circle doubles and there just isn’t time for everyone the way there used to be. Also, once you are in a relationship, your significant other starts to occupy the majority of your time and life – which leads to other relationships evolving and changing. It sounds as if this change is already taking place in your girlfriend’s life.

So what should you do? Nothing! Let your girlfriend figure out her friendships and her life. It’s fair to gently point out when people are trying to take advantage of her, but remember not to bully her and definitely don’t alienate her from her friends and family. That is the worst thing you could possibly do. As for her BFF, just be nice to him and include him in the plans you make sometimes. And if he wants to crash on the couch after a night out or after a fun movie night in, don’t kick him out. If your girlfriend loves this guy, then there must be something there for you to love too.

Good Luck TG! Let us know how it goes.

XOXO

The Femme

Got a question for me? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com 

The post Ask the Femme: My Girlfriend’s BFF is too Possessive first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY EMILY
Team Dattch, the lesbian app

I recently moved out of my family home into a flat in London. Because I’ve been told that I’m an adult and should do that. My arrested development has lasted long enough. It’s time to have a bed I can have sex in that is not in the room next to my parents.

So I set about flat-hunting and found a great place in East London with some nice German people. Well, they seem nice; I don’t know them properly yet and they don’t know me, which means, at some point, they’ll find out that I’m gay.

Since I’m a femme, I’m unfairly afforded passing privilege and have to continually come out to most people I meet. Sometimes, this leads to a pleasant conversation with someone about how their sister is gay or they live next to a lesbian couple. This is fine with me as they’re just trying to say, “Hey, I get it. That’s OK by me,” the only way they know how, which, when you think about it, is far from being the worst response a person could get.

Other times, people like to crack a joke out of discomfort, give you a cheeky wink or ask you awkward questions. I know their brains are just exploding as they try and suppress the urge to just scream in my face, “BUT HOW DO YOU SEX?”

Again, I can handle these responses. What I’ve had almost no experience with is a truly negative reaction to my telling them I’m a lezzer; I’m completely unprepared for this event.

I’d love to think I’d have some bad-ass retort and that my brain will switch into ninja mode, conjuring up some witty, biting, life-altering sentence that just destroys and turns them into a pillar of salt that I can casually kick over and walk away from. However, I anticipate I will mostly fumble my words, leave awkwardly and cry in the toilets. Not that this isn’t a valid reaction to a homophobic, personal attack but my ego would like to believe I’m capable of the former.

So how could I tell the two strangers I’m now living with that I’m gay? It’s not like they’re casual acquaintances at a party who I can verbally obliterate then abandon; I have to live with these people, which is what stopped me just taking a deep breath and saying, “I’m a lesbian.”

I’ve never been great at breaking news to people; I blurt things out or try to cover things with humor. I admitted to my mum that I was a smoker by leaving a message on my bedroom door:

“Mum, those cigarettes you found were mine. I didn’t tell you because I’m a pussy. As you can tell from this note.”

Very mature.

In my effort to be a proper grown-up, it would probably have been a good idea to just drop something casually into conversation and see if my flatmates pickup on lesbo clues like “girlfriend,” “Candy bar,” “Tegan and Sara.” But with English not being their first language, I couldn’t bank on that working.

On my first day in my new flat, I sat in the kitchen with my flatmates, a guy and a girl, and we got to know each other a little bit. They asked me where I worked and I saw my opportunity. Dattch, a dating app that’s just for girls definitely implies lesbo, so I went with it. But then there was nothing; no conversation followed and no real acknowledgement of what I was trying to say. Maybe they didn’t get it.

I then thought of a convenient way to tell them I’m gay without actually having to tell them. I brought a friend over to the flat, introduced her to them, we had dinner and then had sex in my new room. Because that’s how grown-ups deal with things. I REGRET NOTHING!

Dattch — The Lesbian App is out for iOS and Android. Loved by Lesbian.com, AfterEllen and Autostraddle, we are the social platform for all things gay. Free download!

The post How to (not) come out to your flatmates first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY JACKIE
Team Dattch, the lesbian app

Dark corners plus loud music plus too many drunk people to care what’s happening equals sexy club fun times. Obviously, this was reciprocated but as first experiences go, it was a pretty good one.

The night itself however was nerve-wracking. It was my first trip to a lesbian bar since coming out. Considering that was only two years ago, it was kind of a big step for me. I’m not saying that I’d never been to a gay or lesbian bar before, but I was going now with an acceptance of who I was and knew EXACTLY what I wanted (hands down trousers wasn’t exactly that, but hey, it wasn’t something I was going to turn down either).

I was a wide-eyed baby dyke who got a pretty explicit education that night, and maybe that was the thrill of it for the other girl. It’s not necessarily everyone’s idea of a good first time, but it makes one of the better first-time stories in my friend group, that’s for sure!

It also made me more aware that the scene can be really intimidating when you’re first coming out and going in. I’ve told that I can come off as a little off-putting in terms of how I act when out with friends and can come across as a little bit cold or uninterested. But ,if I’m out with friends and there is someone alone, we’re usually the first to welcome them into the fold. It’s nice to think that you may be making someone else’s first time that little bit easier and welcoming.

The lesbian club-bar scene is slowly but surely improving. Yes, there are places out there and we all know this but there is still a long way to go until the “lesbian” spaces can truly rival the “gay” ones. Luckily, I’m managing to now make friends with the lezzers in charge of these, so keeping my finger on the pulse is proving to be easier than ever!

Not so sadly, my dirty club days are over. I still engage in a cheeky snog every now and then but I’m now at the stage where a frenetic dance routine to Beyonce or Girls Aloud is enough to keep me satisfied and everyone else in the place amused.

And the next time you see two girls snogging in a dark corner, raise your glass; they’re probably having the time of their life.

Dattch — The Lesbian App is out for iOS and Android. Loved by Lesbian.com, AfterEllen and Autostraddle, we are the social platform for all things gay. Free download!

The post Lesbian bar, the maiden voyage first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY JACKIE
Team Dattch, the lesbian app

At some point in your life, you will have to go on a first date.

The usual story goes:

“You snogged a beautiful girl in a club the night before, but were probably too drunk to consider waking up with a stranger in your bed OR knew you’d have a hangover meltdown trying to get home from hers. Regardless, you’ve woken up to a text from her asking how you are, and you don’t think she seems like the Jenny Schecter type. A few texts later and you’ve agreed to meet in the cold, sober light of day. It’s first date time.”

Wherever you met them, the first date is possibly the most nerve-wracking of them all. Well, that and the “third” date when you need to do a bit of lady garden maintenance because you’ll be getting down, or should I say going down on your lady of choice.

My sister gave me one piece of advice about first dates: “Never carry on dating a person who wears bad shoes. It usually means they’re either bad in bed and if you don’t like their shoes, what else are you not going to like about them?”

My own good first dates (who wore good shoes) have resulted in ex-girlfriends, amazing sex (WHAT?! We had chemistry and booze) and friendships with some pretty awesome ladies. The bad first dates included taking a girl who didn’t like heights on a Ferris wheel, and having to wait 40 minutes for a dinner date who then decided to comment on how much the refried beans we were eating as a starter looked like poo. No joke. She, coincidentally, wore shoes I was not a fan of.

First date woes are inevitable. We’ve all been on excruciatingly bad ones, but I’ve not yet written off my life to being a crazy cat lady just yet. Activity dates are fun and, if you end up having not that much in common, you can immerse yourself in learning something new. The zoo is one place on my list, finding out someone’s favorite animal (besides unicorns) can tell you a lot about them. And if they don’t love the baby animals, MOVE ON!!

First dates are a bit Disney in one sense as you have to take chances with the frogs. But, in doing so, you may just end up finding your fairy tale princess who’s just as hot as Ariel in both mermaid and leggy form. And remember no bad shoes. Seriously, it’s a bad sign.

Dattch — The Lesbian App is out for iOS and Android. Loved by Lesbian.com, AfterEllen and Autostraddle, we are the social platform for all things gay. Free download!

The post How important are your shoes in dating? first appeared on Lesbian.com.