Dear Femme,

This isn’t a dating question or anything but I hope you can help. I’ve recently moved to a new city and I fell in with a group of queer women. They have accepted me and I feel so happy to have finally found my people. Lately, a friend of one of my new friends has been coming to everything the group does. Let’s call her Karen. She’s really cool. She’s a singer and her career is taking off. She’s great looking and always the life of party. Whenever we walk into a bar everyone pays attention to us and bartenders treat her like a VIP. She’s so much fun and I enjoy being with her. I thought this was going to be the start of a great friendship. There’s one problem. She’s a Trump supporter.

She’s never mentioned this in front of the friend group. But I noticed that she commented on a celebrity’s Instagram. The celebrity (she’s queer and we both follow her) posted an anti-Trump meme and the comments were mostly people agreeing. But then I saw that Karen had commented. She was disagreeing. She said that Trump’s not racist and that people are putting words in his mouth. Then she argued with people who told her she was wrong, saying that they didn’t know him and had no proof. She came off like a bigoted idiot.

I don’t think I can be friends with someone who supports Trump. I moved away from my small town in order to get away from people like that. I’m disappointed in her and I don’t know what to do. Making the friend group choose between hanging out with her or me is petty and beneath me. And deep down I’m scared that they will choose her over me. I also don’t want to confront her over the issue and I’m not sure that there’s a third option. What should I do?

-Dump Trump

Dear Dump Trump,
What a pickle! I totally get why you wouldn’t want to hang out with this girl. She sounds terrible. It’s always surprising to me when a queer person (or a Latino person or a Muslim person) supports Trump. But they are out there! This election has made everyone go absolutely insane, the stakes are higher than ever and everything feels very personal. This has wrecked havoc on personal relationships. I feel like all advice columnists have had to deal with a “My spouse likes Trump and I hate him” question. However, your question is a little different, because this is a low-stakes friendship and not your life partner. So, yay for that, right?

Moving on- okay so you found out your new lezbro is terrible. I’m sorry, that sucks! If she wasn’t in your friend group, I would say to just pull the “slow fade” on her and just stop reaching out to her to hang out, take a long time to respond to texts and cancel plans, etc. I know that sounds terrible but sometimes it’s the kindest way to end things. I would still recommend doing something similar to this. You guys are acquaintances, so if you
don’t have her number don’t get it. Be polite but never initiate contact. There are plenty of friend groups that have members who orbit around each other. So orbit around her, be nice but standoffish. As long as she doesn’t mention Trump in front of you, don’t ruffle feathers.

That being said, if Karen does mention her support of Trump, I think you should tell her that you find his morals reprehensible, you are disappointed in her for supporting him and you aren’t interested in discussing him with her. Say it in a neutral tone, but firmly. Chances are if Karen is crazy enough to support Trump, there’s no reasonable or sane argument you could make to change her mind. She may also be looking for a fight, Trump supporters can be violent, so be sure not to give her one.

I would also mention the interaction you saw on Instagram to a few of the members of your crew. If they are anti-racist, then this may change the way they think about Karen as well. Don’t ask them to pick between you two, as they become aware of who Karen is underneath the partying and good looks, they might want to ditch her as well.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
Xoxo

The Femme
Have a question for me? Shoot me an email at askafemme@yahoo.com

photo credit: so confused via photopin (license)

The post Ask the Femme: My new friend is a Trump supporter, do I need to dump her? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Image by El coleccionista de instantes, via Wikimedia Commons

The summer is here Boo Boos and there’s nothing I love more than kicking back at the beach or the park with an entertaining book. In the summer, I don’t like anything too heavy but I also don’t want something that will make my brains leak from my ears. I assume you are the same way, so I’m going to be dishing out my fav queer summer beach reads for you every week. I wanted to start with Kushiel’s Dart by Jacqueline Carey. If the finale of Game of Thrones left a hole in your heart, Kushiel’s Dart is the book that’s going to fill that hole. Kushiel’s Dart combines the high fantasy of game of thrones (with less rape and violence) with the kind of full on erotica that would blow the minds of any 50 Shades of Gray readers. And it’s well written too.

The book takes place in a kind of post-gay world. Although straight couples are the most commonly pairing, homosexuality is no big thang. The motto of the gods is, “Love as Thou Wilt.” Kushiel’s Dart imagines a world that you’re queer studies professors dreamed about- everyone hits on who they want to hit on, loves who they love and sleeps with who they sleep with and no one bats an eyelash.

The story centers around a female protagonist, Phèdre nó Delaunay. Like many protagonists in fantasy series, Phèdre has been marked by the gods as someone special. In her case, she is marked by the god Kushiel as an anguissette, which basically means she’s super into BDSM.

When Phèdre is taken in by political schemer Anafiel Delaunay, the stakes are high. It is through him that Phèdre meets the antagonist of the series, Melisande Shahrizai. Phèdre and Melisande love to hate each other, or hate to love each other. Either way, the emotions between the two women are at the very center of this book. Even when Phèdre is attempting to save the her homeland through intricate political maneuvering and strategic warfare, Melisande is never far from her thoughts.

Very, very few fantasy novels focus women as their main character, even more rare is the fantasy novel that balances the entire plot on two women. Although Phèdre has many straight love affairs, the main tension in the book is between two women. The love/hate relationship between the two women is satisfying and a nice change of pace if most of the books in your library focus on straight relationships.
So check it out! And let us know what you think. Kushiel’s Dart is available on Amazon or at your local library. 

The post Queer Summer Beach Reads: Kushiel’s Dart first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Jenny Block is the master of female orgasm and her latest book, “The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex: All You Need to Know About Masturbation” hit bookshelves this May. Block has made a name for herself with her previous books, “O Wow! Discovering your Ultimate Orgasm” and “Open” as a sex positive queer writer, who specializes in women’s empowerment through orgasm.

Block’s female positive sex advice has been featured on leading websites such as Huffington Post, Playboy, Bustle and many more. She has also been called to appear on TV, and has been featured on the Tyra Banks Show and The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, to name a few. Jenny I sat down to chat about her latest book and masturbation as self care.

How did you come up with the idea to write “The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex”?  

I was researching for my second book, “O Wow!” and I had interviewed about 150 women and was mesmerized by the answers. It occurred to me that part of the issue is that they were not masturbating. So I starting asking people if they were masturbating. My poor friends would like to have one brunch without me saying “pussy” out loud!

Women act as if masturbation is a mystery that we shouldn’t be talking about. They don’t make the connection that you need to do it yourself so you know what you need when you are with a partner. Women assume all orgasms should be with a partner.

What was your process for writing this book? 

I did so much research. It felt like an immersion course, it was like when you are learning a language. Read everything I could get my hands on. While I was talking to everyone [about masturbation] I did become a bit of a hermit. I was a college writing professor for about 10 years. There is a lot of writing and re-writing that goes into it. My students would freak out when I told them to throw out 2/3s of what they write.

Photo by Steph Grant – www.stephgrantphotogrpahy.com

I really loved that this book was written by a queer woman, most self-help books aren’t. But there’s a lot of value in a queer woman explaining how women get off. How did you decide how to approach this subject to make it accessible for all women? 

I live in a sex positive bubble and sometimes make assumptions that everyone is on the same wavelength. But sometimes the most well-traveled, lovely people don’t know much about how to get themselves off. It was really a matter of getting my own head out of the sand and taking the temperature of what is really going on out there with women.

Masturbation is the barometer of what’s going on in a woman’s life. Is she stressed? Is she putting herself last? When you are busy and stressed, the first thing to go is self care. Things like eating healthy, exercising and masturbating go out the window. It’s the first thing to go! And that’s terrible!

When we are stressed we give up all the things that help us take care of ourselves. It’s all the same as eating properly and working out. It’s just as important. I don’t get upset about brushing my teeth at night. Masturbation is included in self care and we aren’t taught that. Taking the time and energy to take care of yourself is so important

Don’t feel well? Masturbate! Stressed out? Masturbate!

Yes! That’s so true and so important. 

All that Brock turned shit going around. Lack of value.

If we talked about masturbation maybe we could elevate women in general. Women don’t talk about masturbation, or we don’t do it, or we don’t value it. People always say, ”Oh women can go without it,” when they talk about sex.

There was even an entire Seinfeld episode about masturbation. The men in the show thought Elaine would win, they even wanted to exclude her from the contest. But she was the first one out!

You describe intimate experiences with partners in the book- did you tell any of them they were going to be mentioned beforehand? What did they think of being included? 

That’s almost the thing I lead with! I should get a t-shirt that says, “be careful you might end up in my next book.” I’m really up front with that. People think it’s funny. Even if we are just friends, you’re warned if you hang out with me in any way, things can be very public.

My partner now is relatively conservative in that way. I told her I’m not writing erotica. If I write about how good she is in bed she will be embarrassed. But it’s better than saying she’s bad in bed!

When I was reading this book, I was thinking that it would be really beneficial to straight women. Have you been able to reach out to straight readers? 

I have a good straight following! I hate to be that queer girl that is like, “We do everything better than you do.” But I’ve been on both sides, and I’ve never had to tell a women it’s two inches away from where you think it is.

My book gets sequestered in the LGBT section but it’s probably more needed by straight people.

Which is crazy, because it’s a general self-help book for women. Masturbation isn’t just for gay women. Just because it was written by a queer woman, doesn’t mean it should automatically be shelved in the LGBT section. 

There was a sad comment on my second book. One woman told me we are past all this and we are all sex positive. I was like, “Oh honey, you have no idea.” She said my book about female orgasm was not necessary and that scared me even more. I feel really responsible as a lesbian with all the “secrets.” I feel like we should share them.

One time, I ended up out with three or four straight couples after a reading. The men were looking at their partners saying, “Why don’t you tell me this stuff?” And it was earth shattering for me. We [queer women] are always with our community. It’s not a conversation queer women are having. In the straight community they are saying, ““Of course you can get off in 13 seconds of penis in vagina intercourse and nothing else. That’s what they show in all the movies. That’s what’s in the magazines.”

I’m a writer who sleeps with women. I’m not a queer writer. I want people to know I’m queer, definitely, but it is confounding because this book is universal.

I like to say that I am uniquely qualified, because I did live on the other side of the fence. Theoretically I was a practicing hetero for some time- I know what it is to sleep with men. I would like more straight women to read my book. Straight women find the writing the most profound, queer women are like “right on.”

The community at large thinks of being queer as a lifestyle. But we are all people just trying to figure it out. I get asked relationship questions, it’s a little different, but it’s still two human beings trying to live. The straight community can learn a lot from the queer community meanwhile the straight community has all these rules they have to life by.

Any final thoughts for our readers?

I would like to see the fun put back in sex! If you don’t laugh once during sex you are doing it wrong. Women say they could “never tell” xyz to a partner. But sex should be fun! There’s so much pressure to be hot and have hot, crazy, wild, sex. But good sex involved being connected to another person or humans. Making sex fun again is part of my mission as well.

In the name of women’s empowerment- I want to remind women that masturbation and orgasm is both their right and their responsibility. Masturbation is part of taking care of yourself. Every average, healthy woman should be masturbating.

As I say in my book, “Your orgasm is your responsibility. No one else can make you come. Another people can help facilitate your orgasm. But they can’t make you come. If you can’t make yourself come, you can’t expect anyone else to be a part of making you come. How can your partner help you if you don’t know how it works yourself?”

You heard Jenny! Go out and masturbate! You can find Jenny at her website, www.thejennyblock.com. Purchase her books on Amazon, and like her on Facebook.

This interview has been edited and condensed. 

The post Author Jenny Block on masturbation as self care and female orgasm as empowerment first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Rainbow Fashion Week is a yearly event where LGBT designers and brands showcase their latest collections on the runway in NYC. NYC Mayor Bill DeBlasio has sanctioned the event, “An official New York City Pre-Pride Fashion Event.” In it’s third year, the event is set to take place June 17 through the 26, 2016- just in time to coincide with Pride.

Attendees at the 3rd annual Rainbow Fashion Week will be treated to events such as, “Kids who Tech,” “Fashion for the Cure,” and a pet fashion show. The event is also committed to going green and discussing important social issues alongside sick fashions.

E. Jaguard (Jag) Beckford, founder and producer of Rainbow Fashion Week. In 2013, Jag launched Jaguar and Company Clothier where she presently designs “male identified” clothing for women. We chatted with Jag to discuss how Rainbow Fashion Week came into being and what inspires her to create.

Jag- Producer of Rainbow Fashion Week

How did you come up with the idea for Rainbow Fashion Week? 

After launching my clothing line “JagandCo” in 2013 for the gender binary, gender fluid, aggressive women such as myself, I realized that most of the “talent” is hidden behind the scenes. Wouldn’t it be great to have a Fashion Week kicking off pride in New York City that highlighted all of those fashion professionals that help create the finished work of art that struts the runway.

You started out as an entertainment attorney, how did you make the leap from law to fashion with your clothing company, Jaguar and Company Clothier?

Not a leap, more like a baby step. I actually supported myself designing clothes in the 90s. I would custom design tees, jeans, denim jackets, paint leather, make cool hats and jewelry and raised enough money to drive my 1967 red mustang to law school. My wares sold like hot cakes from my table in the student union.

What is it that you love about fashion? 

The Art. Fashion is “Art.” So our tag line for Rainbow Fashion Week is “The Art of Fashion. I see artistry in the make-up composition. I watch many videos of men transforming themselves into beautiful women.  I see photos of amazing hair, wigs and weaves sewn on a head and transform into magic. I watch the lighting designer, strategically place halogen lights, against soft bulbs and create inviting mystical spaces.  I see designers breathe life into sketches.  It’s the magic of the art of fashion that has me so mesmerized.

What inspires your work? 

Almost anything can inspire me. I once was transferring trains in New York at 14^th Street and they have Alice and Wonderland Statutes. I designed a few bowties, took then back to the station and did a mini photo shoot. I am also inspired by stories. I receive stories from a cop in Camden, New Jersey, who just wished for an opportunity to try walking a runway. She stated she felt in her 30 something years, she was at her best and just needed the world to see it. I also received a FB message from a young girl in London, who stated she was in a play called the “Young Prince” and it took her to move to the UK to be able to find herself, but she thanked us for creating spaces for the average Joe to be able to walk the runway, out and proud. I’m also inspired by a straight woman, seeing how I put my suits together, the stitching, the beautiful pattern compliments and have them ask me if I could help their husband.  All of these things inspire me.

What celebrities would you love to see wearing Jaguar and Company clothes? 

Ellen [DeGeneres]. I know I could dress and style the hell out of Ellen.

If I ran into you on a typical day in the life of Jag, what would you be wearing? 

Probably my signature Jag and Co snapback cap with gold cats and spikes, diaper pants, rockin’ my shell toe adidas with fly “lace-locks” or my paper-boi trousers, with some argyle socks and saddle buck shoes.

Tell me your favorite story from last year’s Rainbow Fashion Week.

Watching two double mastectomy breast cancer survivors, walking the runway in our show called; “Inside the Celebrity Closet” which addressed the issue of body dysmorphia. Very touching to watch that victory walk.

Rainbow Fashion Week is ‘carbon neutral’ – meaning achieving a green event having a carbon footprint of zero. Why was that an important goal for you? 

RFWNY has recently been invited to present our Fashion show in Nepal. This invitation came after attending my second meeting with the Water Keeprs Alliance where I learned that the textile industry is the 2^nd largest polluters of our global water system. I went home that night and rewrote our mission statement to do our part of making a change.  His Holiness stated that when looking to do your part, work within the industry that you do your best work in.  I felt that it was our responsibility to make whatever changes we could.

This year we will reduce our energy consumption by 1/3 through the usage of solar 12 kilowatt generators and 300-watt panels. Our Rainbow Pet Fashion Show has a petition to have the City of New York, create the very first Dog Waste Composting Bins on every other corner in the City. Because it causes disease and can be turned into fertilizer for our tree beds and parks system. We will have biodegradable serving plates and utensils, less bottled water and for many of our venue a recycling system in place, rather than the required “take everything with you in black bags and dump in the trash.”

So it is important that all of us teach one another how to “just do it.”

What cutting edge fashion trends can we expect to see at the event? 

Fashion is recycled as with everything going back in time very 20-30 years, so nothing is actually new.  Even when you look at technology fashion, ahhh it’s actually early “StarTrek” episode costuming. But, this year I am going for the plaids, stylish, bold handsome patterned plaids in my “Paper Boi” styled trouser short suits. We will also have some bold pieces made by Bravo TV Star Andre Sorriano, who is going to be working on re-purposed products donated by Delta Airlines. We are going to have some interesting works from “PrettyinPink” who has taken Hollywood by storm with her “Pussy Power” garments.

Click here for more information on Rainbow Fashion Week. To peep more of Jag’s fresh looks, click here. 

The post Behind the scenes at Rainbow Fashion Week first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Seattle Women’s Pride is back for a third gay-tastic year. Mark your calendar for Saturday, June 18, 2016. Taking place at the Q nightclub, queer ladies and bois can expect to dance, laugh and celebrate pride with members of the WNBA’s Seattle Storm and comedian Dana Goldberg. Eastside Women’s Health, which is dedicated to providing all women with a safe space to receive quality healthcare, is co-presenting the event this year. NYC’s GO Magazine will also head west to celebrate.

Sarah Toce- you might know her from the popular online newspaper, The Seattle Lesbian– is the founder and producer of Seattle Women’s Pride.

Seattle Women’s Pride Founder, Sarah Toce (Photo: Steph Brusig)

How did Seattle Women’s Pride start?

It occurred to me that there were quite a few parties for men during the Seattle Pride season, but not really anything geared specifically toward women – other than dance parties. What about the rest of us? Being the founder/publisher of The Seattle Lesbian, Seattle’s only lesbian news source, I knew I had to step up to the plate.

I called on some friends – The Voice‘s Vicci Martinez, Washington State Supreme Court Justice Mary Yu, transgender activist Marsha Botzer, Seattle singer/songwriter Jack Mozie, and others – and the inaugural Seattle Women’s Pride sold out in less than a month from planning to execution. That’s when we knew there was a real thirst for this type of women’s Pride event in Seattle.

This will be The Seattle Lesbian’s third year producing Seattle Women’s Pride and it’s only getting better with each passing year. We’ve sold out each time and we have every reason to believe we’ll do it again this year.

How has the event evolved over the last few years? 

We completely outgrew our initial location and, in the second year, chose to relocate to a 12,000 sq. ft. venue in order to accommodate all of our guests. Our talented lineup keeps expanding – Vicci Martinez, Julie Goldman and now, this year, Dana Goldberg – have all headlined our event. We’ve increased staff size and are working with Eastside Women’s Health Center this year to secure sponsorship opportunities with likeminded brands and companies. Seattle Women’s Pride is quickly becoming a staple in Seattle’s Pride Month tapestry.

What surprises do you have up your sleeve to make 2016 the best pride so far? 

If I told you, they wouldn’t be surprises!

We have some wonderful sponsors this year whose aim is to make Seattle Women’s Pride 2016 the most memorable yet, so stay tuned!

The landscape of the queer community is constantly evolving. Generation Z is more likely to label as queer than any other generation, at the same time, lesbian bars and queer spaces have been closing. What role do you think Pride will play in queer people’s lives as queer becomes more mainstream? 

Pride is a celebration of who we are as a people, as a community – but also serves as a moment to stop and reflect at how far we’ve come – and how far we have yet to go. Regardless of how we identify ourselves individually, Pride is about celebrating how much we have achieved – together.

Seattle Women’s Pride takes it a step further. We’re not only celebrating our LGBTQ+ community, we’re also celebrating who we are as women in that community. This is a great moment to point out that everyone is welcome to attend Seattle Women’s Pride (as long as you’re over 21).

What is your favorite Pride memory? 

I had just come out and was living in New York City when then-Sen. Hillary Clinton was walking near Christopher Street – right in the middle of the New York City Pride Parade. I literally came out of Duane Reade and bumped into her Secret Service detail – and they allowed me to take a picture. Imagine that – completely by accident. Not sure what can top that one!

Tickets are available via Stranger Tickets at $30 General Admission and $45 VIP. The VIP Experience gets guests closer to the action with Priority Entrance, a Meet-and-Greet with Dana after the show, Swag Bags, and more. Visit seattlewomenspride or strangertickets.com/events/31940901/comedian-dana-goldberg-at-seattle-womens-pride for more information.

The post Seattle Pride’s Sarah Toce gives Lesbian.com a sneak preview of this year’s debauchery first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Anita Dolce Vita

NATASIA LANGFELDER
Lesbian.com

Anita Dolce Vita is the owner, creative director and editor-in-chief of queer fashion website dapperQ. dapperQ was created to serve as #fashioninspo for masculine of center women and trans individuals Over the past few years, dapperQ has quickly become one of the most popular websites among young fashion conscious queer people. Dolce Vita describes the site as, “a queer fashion revolution, one of the most stylish forms of protest of our generation.” dapperQ dishes more than fashion, it dishes empowerment and a sense of community.

On Friday March 11, Dolce Vita and dapperQ are set to hit a mainstream audience at SXSW– an interactive media festival and cultural phenomenon. Dolce Vita will be participating in the panel, entitled ”Queer Style: Visual Activism and Fashion’s Frontier.” The panel will feature eight prominent queer style leaders, including Sonny Oram of Qwear (Boston); Aja Aguirre of Fit for a Femme (Boston by way of The Bay); and Leon Wu of Sharpe Suiting (Los Angeles). We interviewed Dolce Vita about dapperQ, SXSW, work-life balance and fashion.

How did dapperQ come about and how did you become involve
d?

Launched in 2009, dapperQ was originally a personal blog chronicling the individual style of its founder. However, I quickly noticed that dapperQ could be much bigger than another Tumblr-esque fashion blog. There was as serious dearth of comprehensive fashion and lifestyle magazines that were similar to GQ and Vogue, but that actually served the needs of the dapperQ market. I took over the website and brought on a te
am of queer writers, photographers, videographers, designers, and stylists to start producing wide-ranging original content and events for which we have received media coverage in The New York Times, Vice, Nylon, The Daily Beast, The Huffington Post, and The Washington Post, to name a few. Our events have been showcased at world renowned cultural institutions, including Brooklyn Museum, the Institute of Contemporary Art/Boston, and the California Academy of Sciences.  This year, we will be the first ever queer style panel to present at South by Southwest during their official Sxstyle lineup.

Congrats on Dapper Q hosting the first queer style panel at SxSW! Did SxSW approach you or did dapperQ take the lead on this one? 

I submitted a proposal to SxSW, which has a competitive application pool. Proposals are considered for SxSW’s annual programming based on a three tier process. Community votes comprise 30% of the final decision, and are not the only factor in the decision making process. The SXSW Programming Committee accounts for 40% of the final decision while the SXSW staff is 30%. SxSW receives over 4,600 proposals annually. We are deeply honored to have been selected by SxSW as one of the leading thought leaders in our industry.

That said, SxSW does not compensate all of their speakers, nor do they pay for a good majority of the participants’ travel costs. Therefore, some of the people I invited to be on the panel to represent a more diverse range of queer style were unable to attend. I acknowledge that participating in SxSW is a financial privilege that not everyone can afford. Luckily, The Brooklyn Historical Society has invited me to moderate a queer style panel in June
during NYC Pride month, and this panel will include voices that were not represented at SxSW due to financial constraints.

What do you hope to accomplish with the panel? 

Our panel, titled “Queer Style: Visual Activism and Fashion’s Frontier,” will feature eight prominent queer style leaders, including myself representing dapperQ (NYC); Sonny Oram of Qwear (Boston
); Aja Aguirre of Fit for a Femme (Boston by way of The Bay); and Leon Wu of Sharpe Suiting (Los Angeles). We will explore queer style as an enigmatic art form that is the new fashion frontier and examine queer style as visual activism that creates positive social change. Attendees will gain knowledge about how to succeed in this growing market using approaches that are effective and culturally competent.

We hope to start a conversation about gender identity and expression, celebrating queer style and advancing greater freedom for all people to express themselves as they so choose, regardless of how they identify. Queer style is a revolution for the people!

As a writer and editor for LGBT media, I see a ton of hateful comments and just crazy negativity. I can imagine as a website that pushes boundaries and questions gender norms, dapperQ is probably also the target of a lot of hate. How do you handle the negative comments while creating a safe space for readers? 

In the beginning, I would take unsolicited criticism personally. I would waste my time engaging with trolls, trying to defend my work. Today, I just live by the motto “haters wanna hate.” Unless, that its, someone posts hate speech, which I delete. Or, if it’s positive feedback and I can legitimately learn from it, I try to put my personal feelings aside and learn from the community.

You have a day job, a really demanding one! How do you balance all of this writing and activism with your career as a nurse? 

Sometimes I do get overwhelmed, particularly when I agree to do too much and don’t have time for self-care, such as cooking, getting a manicure, or going to the gym. But, for the most part, dapperQ gives as much to me as I give to it. After working in an emotionally trying environment all day, it’s nice to lose myself in the art of style as visual activism.

What is your absolute favorite “go to” outfit? 

Well, that depends. As a research nurse, I have the option of either wearing business casual attire with a lab coat or scrubs. To be perfectly honest, sometimes a good, comfy pair of scrubs is my go-to, especially when I know I have dapperQ-related writing or events that I have to focus on after work and don’t want to be in power heels for 12+ hours. But, even when I default to scrubs, I always try to add stylish touches, like sporting old-school Converse with a pair of super dope socks that peek out from under my pants when I cross my legs.

I do have a black, open-back jumpsuit from Club Monaco that’s my version of a go-to little black dress. I can wear a blazer over it to hide the open back for a more business-professional look, but then quickly take the jumpsuit from day-to-play by tossing off the jacket and showing off my shoulders and back for nightlife events.

What is your advice for queer people who
are trying to figure out their personal sense of style in a society with such rigid, heteronormative gender roles? 

Don’t be afraid to experiment and try a variety of looks. Document your style history, noting who your style icons are and what inspires you in your surrounding environment, such as architecture, nature, and art. And, never underestimate the importance of self-acceptance; Many will try to knock you down and discourage you. It’s all about self-love.

For more information on the panel, check out the SXSW schedule. For more on MOC/Trans/Androgynous fashion, head to dapperQ!

The post Interview with Anita Dolce Vita of dapperQ first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY FRANCESCA LEWIS
Lesbian.com

Six months ago I wrote about a group of queer small business owners in Oakland raising funds for a community space called Qulture Collective. Located in downtown Oakland, their mission was to “provide a central, devoted space for LGBTQIA folks to network, cultivate creativity, and develop and accomplish entrepreneurial goals.” Well, they did it, and they officially opened regular hours in November. With a café, shop, workspace and gallery, it has already become a key fixture of Oakland’s queer community, supporting local art and culture, and serving as a social hub for queer creative types in the Bay Area.

This month you can head on down to their Franklin Street location and check out multidisciplinary artist India Davis’ month-long residency, featuring an exhibition of photography and video work. “From A Place With No Space or Time” is the culmination of Davis’ four year collaboration with New Orleans photographer Lauren Hind. Shot in New Mexico and New Orleans, the installations show Davis, an acrobat and dancer, embodying “traditional and imagined spiritual and cultural archetypes as a means for creating new narratives that reflect queer Black femme experience and power.”

The exhibition, which will remain throughout February, is an apt choice for Black History Month.

“I want to recognize that ghosts, spirits, and supernatural entities are a very real way that people understand themselves and reality,” says Davis, “It’s about channelling, and self-determination, and creating worlds that lift up what feels true. This is especially important for queer people, people of color, trans people, who in dominant American cultural narratives aren’t given power, and may not even exist.”

Davis is a fascinating woman. A trained acrobat, aerialist and pole dancer, she teaches pole, acrobatic and aerial hoop classes for queer and trans people of color throughout the Bay Area. She is Artistic Director of Topsy Turvy Queer Circus, a circus with a difference, “highlighting artists of color, trans-identified and gender variant performers, and artists with varieties of body types and abilities”, which featured for the last three years in The National Queer Arts Festival. She is also a founding member, dancer and choreographer of Body Waves, an awesome queer Black acrobatic dance collective based in Oakland.

To learn more about Qulture Collective’s kickass space, check out their website.

Francesca Lewis is a queer feminist writer from Yorkshire, UK. She writes for Curve Magazine and The Human Experience as well as writing short fiction and working on a novel. Her ardent love of American pop culture is matched only by her passion for analyzing it completely to death.

The post Oakland’s Qulture Collective Features Queer Artist of Color India Davis first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY FRANCESCA LEWIS
Lesbian.com

An imaginative coming-of-age fantasy novella populated with diverse characters, magic and a whole lot of queerness – sound too good to be true? Well this is exactly what freelance writer J.M. Bates has created in her crowdfunded novella, Brilliant Shadows. With its beautiful cover by Asher Dumonchelle, this quick, bold read would be a worthy addition to any queer feminist shelf.

Brilliant Shadows tells the story of Nattie, an androgynous paper delivery girl living in the gloomy city of Cobalt, a place where only a chosen few have magical powers, bestowed by shoulder-dwelling sprites called Shadows. Orphaned at a young age, Nattie lives at the local church, where a cruel nun takes her hard-earned money to buy silk sheets and romance novels. Nattie’s only happiness in life is her friendship with her boss’ daughter Blake, her comic books and her love of riding her bike – fast. One night she investigates a strange light blinking atop a water tower and meets Pyro, a tiny fire faerie Shadow, who chooses Nattie as her host. Now a whole new world opens up to Nattie, as she discovers her power and travels to the Otherworld in search of a new life.

It is a simple story, almost a fairytale, with some complex and progressive themes. The story’s characters are diverse in every way, from race to body type to sexuality to gender identity. Almost every character in the novel is either explicitly, or implied to be, queer – from immortal lovers Rose and Mereida (who grace the cover) to the story’s young black protagonist, just discovering her lady feelings. Brilliant Shadows is a story set in a world where these things are non-issues, simple differences like blue eyes, never commented upon at all. What this does is create a very validating experience for the queer reader, while normalizing difference for others.

What the story has to say about power is especially interesting. The Shadows are a perfect metaphor for anything potent and dangerous, and Bates uses the various characters to explore the right and wrong ways that power can be used. When used to learn and grow, to punish the truly wicked or to help others, the power of the Shadow is a wonderful thing, but when used for personal gain or to abuse others, it is a corrupting force that can only lead to self-destruction. The key message is that unearned power is a very dangerous thing. Underpinning this is the story’s emphasis of the importance of community and its belief in the enriching power of finding belonging. The characters with strong connections, who form caring friendships and are willing to make sacrifices for others, fair much better than those who choose a selfish, solitary existence.

Brilliant Shadows is a vibrant, refreshing tale of power and community that shows how easy – and important – it is to infuse the fantasy genre with a little diversity.

Francesca Lewis is a queer feminist writer from Yorkshire, UK. She writes for Curve Magazine and The Human Experience as well as writing short fiction and working on a novel. Her ardent love of American pop culture is matched only by her passion for analyzing it completely to death.

The post Diverse Fantasy Novella “Brilliant Shadows” Shines first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Illustration by Lee Ely

Dear Femme,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. We moved in together a few months ago and for the most part, things have been fine. My biggest problem is that whenever we have ‘down time’ after school for her (she’s still a student) and after work for me, she just zones out on her phone. Before we lived together she never did that. It’s really annoying. I don’t think she’s cheating on me or whatever. I just don’t like it. I feel like we talked more before we lived together. She will even do it when we go out to eat, which isn’t often because she’s a broke student and I have to support both of us. I feel like she’s ignoring me. Maybe not ignoring me completely, but like, I don’t keep her entertained enough or I’m boring or something. Does this happen to all couples who move in together? What should I do?

Ignored in D.C.

Dear Ignored,

Thanks for writing in! I totally get your frustration. Sometimes I look at groups of people who are all out to dinner and mindlessly scrolling through their phones and I’m like, “Stop! Enjoy each other’s company!” But I am also totally guilty of it too. Sometimes my fiancé and I will both be on our phones while we are out to dinner and become “that couple.” It happens to the best of us.

I think that you should talk to your girlfriend about it. From your letter, you don’t mention talking to her about this at all. Instead you are letting yourself spiral downward when there might not actually be a problem.

When in doubt, talk it out! Tell her that you are starting to feel insecure about yourself because of all the time she spends staring at her phone. Some people have more addictive personalities than others and she might not even realize how many hours she is wasting on it. She might even thank you for pointing it out.

The next thing you should do, after you talk about it, is to ask that date nights be phone free nights. I can sense some resentment on your part about paying for dates that your gf doesn’t seem to appreciate in the way you want her too. You need to nip this in the bud now before it becomes an actual problem in your relationship. Just because you are paying for the date, doesn’t entitle you to anything from her. You chose to merge households and expenses in this relationship knowing your gf was a broke student and that there would be an imbalance in bill paying until she graduates and can contribute more. So leave the issue of who pays for what out of this conversation.

Anywho- back to phone free date night. Not phone free like, leave them at home, that’s not safe or even that practical. I mean, my phone is my mirror and my camera. I can’t have date night without it! Think phone free like, “Let’s enjoy each other’s company and keep our phones in our pockets/bags until we need to take a picture of our food or a selfie to commemorate the evening.”

Good luck, Ignored! I’m sure you and your gf will be back on track in no time!

Have a question for me? Email askafemme@yahoo.com

For more illustrations by Lee Ely, visit their Behance page or buy a print from Society 6. The illustration used on this page was based on a photo found on What Japan is Wearing. 

The post Ask the Femme: My girlfriend would rather check her phone than talk to me! first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY ABBY WALLER

Meet Queer Abby, our new advice columnist, feel free to ask her anything in the comments below or write to her directly at abagailwaller@gmail.com.

Alexandra writes:
Hello Abby,
I am a transgender woman. I wanted some advice on how I can find a woman that would want to date a transgender woman.
Thank you,
Alexandra

Dear Alexandra,
In the LGBTQ community finding a date can seem like an overwhelmingly arduous task. As I wrote in my last column, “I went to a local lesbian dive bar on “college” night to nervously dance to Top 40’s hits while giving the eye to any cute girl that looked my way.” — meaning, as hard and as nervewracking as it was, I put myself out there.

This is truly half the battle. Really, more than half. Once I swallowed my anxiety and fear of being turned down, I started getting a few phone numbers and eventually…some super hot make-out sessions. I kind of feel like a lot of people have probably told you or would tell you to check out dating sites (and hey, this works really well for some) and I bet you’ve already done that. However, if you haven’t, go ahead and sign up on a few, but do your very best not to get your hopes up. Online dating can be so unpredictable as literally anyone can create a profile and make up a persona rather than being forthright about who they really are. Just be extremely careful.

Okay. You have your online dating profiles up. Well, don’t wait for a date. Don’t sit by your computer waiting for the right transwoman to come to you. It’s time to grab a few pals and get on out there. Do you have some queer/trans-friendly clubs or events in your area? Find a supportive friend or two to attend them or go out with you. Even if you’re apprehensive about going to a party or a social gathering because perhaps you’re afraid you won’t know a lot of people — squash that fear and go! These are the best parties to meet new people. I met my wife at the party of a friend of a friend where I hardly knew anyone. Rule #1 in dating: Put yourself out there.

Last but not least, I’m kind of a believer in that love (or just intimate encounters) will find you when you’re at your best. So, be sure you’re taking care of you. Take plenty of time to do the things you enjoy, surround yourself with good people, and in due time good things will find you.

The post Queer Abby: Don’t wait for a date first appeared on Lesbian.com.