Whether you want to find single ladies from Ukraine or look for a partner in your area, there are several important aspects to consider before starting the dating journey. This guide provides essential tips for lesbians navigating the online dating scene in these four aspects:

1. Establishing a secure foundation for finding a partner online;
2. Communicating and interacting with your potential matches;
3. Organizing a safe first date;
4. Building a healthy relationship.

Are you ready to have fun or find love on a dating site? Read on!

Photo by Pratik Gupta on Unsplash

Establishing a Secure Foundation

• Choose the right platform: Research and select dating sites or apps that cater specifically to the LGBTQ+ community. There are platforms tailored for lesbians, offering a more inclusive and understanding environment. Check reviews and understand their privacy policies before signing up.
• Creating a genuine profile: Be authentic in your profile creation. Use recent photos that reflect your true self. Honesty about your interests and expectations paves the way for genuine connections. However, avoid sharing excessively personal information like your address or financial details.
• Secure your privacy: Utilize the privacy settings offered by the platform. Be cautious about sharing personal information, including your phone number, home address, or workplace details. It’s okay to keep certain things private until you feel completely comfortable.

Communication and Interaction

• Keep initial conversations simple: When starting conversations, keep it light and focused on interests and hobbies. Be wary of individuals who push for personal information early on or exhibit controlling behavior.
• Trust your instincts: If something feels off about a conversation or a profile, trust your instincts. Don’t hesitate to block or report users who make you feel uncomfortable. Remember, your safety is paramount.
• Try video calls before meeting: Consider having a video call before meeting in person. This step can ensure the person matches their profile and help you gauge your comfort level with them.

Photo by Camila Blando on Unsplash

The First Meeting: Safety First

• Choose public meeting places: For the first meeting, pick a public place like a café or a park. Public settings provide a sense of security and are conducive to relaxed and open conversations.
• Inform someone you trust: Let a friend or family member know about your plans. Share details like the location of the meeting, the time, and information about the person you’re meeting.
• Plan transportation and exit plan: Have a transportation plan that doesn’t rely on your date. It’s also wise to have an exit plan in case the date doesn’t go as expected.
• Avoid alcohol consumption: If you choose to drink, be mindful of your alcohol consumption. Staying alert and in control is crucial for your safety.

Building Healthy Connections

Conclusion: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Connection

Online dating should be an exciting journey of self-discovery and connection. While it’s important to be cautious and mindful of your safety, it’s equally important to enjoy the process and remain open to the possibilities of love and meaningful relationships. With the right approach, you can navigate the world of online dating with confidence, authenticity, and, above all, safety.

The post Lesbian Online Dating: A Guide to Safety and Authenticity first appeared on Lesbian.com.

When we say that Tinder has flaws, we all know what they are. After a while, flicking through Tinder becomes a soulless experience. Some psychologists have even said that swiping left and right on Tinder activates the same parts of the brain that are activated when gamblers play mobile slots. The cause and effect are very similar, too – online slots players are looking for the instant gratification that comes with a win, just as Tinder users are looking for the instant gratification of a match. As all experienced users of online slots websites can tell you, though, sometimes those moments of gratification take too long to arrive and cost you too much money by the time you get them. If you’re not careful with Tinder, it can eat into your time, your money, and your soul.

Most of us have heard a Tinder horror story from a friend. We enjoy reading horrendous tales of first dates gone wrong online, but we don’t relish the idea of becoming one of those tales ourselves. Unfortunately, by using the app, we’re leaving ourselves wide open to such an experience. It might come on your next date or the one after that, but if you keep dating and swiping, the law of averages says it will come along eventually. If all you’re looking for is no-strings fun, then you might be happy to play that game, but for anyone looking for something more serious, it’s a worry.

We’ll say it quietly, because we don’t want to offend the app’s many fans, but we don’t think Tinder is actually all that good for lesbians anyway. We all know that it’s full of straight men posing as women because they want to speak to us for their own amusement and wasting our time in the process. Tinder has also known about that for a long time, and yet they refuse to do anything about it. Profiles are reported and removed, but then they spring up again, and the process repeats. Tinder’s moderation is reactive rather than proactive. Someone should be making sure those profiles never appear in the first place. Nobody ever does.

If you’re a single woman looking for another single woman right now, make this the year you ditch Tinder. Try one of these alternatives instead.

Fem
Amazingly, there aren’t all that many dedicated lesbian dating apps in the world. Perhaps that’s because not enough women are working in technology. Perhaps it’s because not enough gay women are single and looking for dates. There has to be a reason, but we don’t know what it is! Fem, however, is one such app — and it’s an app with a difference. Just filling out a written profile isn’t enough for Fem – users also have to upload a video to introduce themselves. You can get more out of seeing and hearing someone talk than you can from reading their words, and so you get the chance to make a better assessment of whether you’d like to date them or not before agreeing to meet. You have to be a little brave to record the video, but the rewards are there if you have the courage!

HER
We think — or at least we hope — that we’re not introducing people to HER for the first time. If we are, then congratulations — today is the day your life as a single woman changed! According to its marketing, HER is an app that was developed by gay women for gay women. It works to similar principles to Tinder, but you don’t have to swipe through an endless parade of straight or pretend-gay profiles to find what you’re looking for. More than three million people around the world currently use HER to find dates, and that community is growing all the time as more and more people find out about it. Some people like to compare HER to Grindr, but we don’t think that comparison is fair. From what we know of it, Grindr is a meat market. HER is a little more upmarket in its approach.

Hinge
This app has been available for quite a long time, but only now is it beginning to see the user levels that it deserves. Hinge is an app with a difference. You have to trust it with your data, but if you do, it will (theoretically) find you much better dating prospects than any other app would be capable of. That’s because it connects itself to your social media accounts, finds your friends, finds the friends of your friends, and draws you up a dating shortlist based on what it knows about them. It sounds a little creepy, but people will only be shown as potential matches if they also use Hinge and are therefore also looking for a date. In the good old days before the internet and dating apps existed, meeting people through friends is how most couples got together. Try to think about Hinge as being the digital equivalent of that experience!

OKCupid
No, this isn’t specifically designed for lesbians. That’s OK, though, because neither is Hinge. We wouldn’t normally recommend a ‘mainstream’ dating website, OKCupid has made a big effort to be LGBTQ+ friendly, and it shows in their approach. You can select from multiple different sexual orientations and preferred pronouns when you’re building your profile, and once you’ve done that, you’ll only ever be shown profiles that are relevant to your interests. You’ll also be shown a percentage match with those profiles, which allegedly indicates how likely you are to be compatible with the owner of the profile. While we don’t believe that love can ever be boiled down to a series of equations (how depressing would that be?), it never hurts to get an assessment of this kind – even if it is from a computer.

We suspect that most of you will have tried at least one of these apps before. If so, try the other three. Try all of them! For single women, the options in front of you are either another twelve months of getting RSI swiping through Tinder, or the chance to try something new. What do you have to lose?

The post Four alternatives to Tinder for lesbians first appeared on Lesbian.com.

A recent study shows that 69% of successful same-sex couples met online. This is because online dating platforms have improved significantly, and there are simply more people using gay and lesbian dating sites online. With algorithms that focus on user behavior to look for a real match, you have a higher chance of finding someone from a pool of more than one million other users. With algorithms that focus on user behavior to look for a real match, you have a higher chance of finding someone from a pool of more than one million other users.

What are online dating sites and apps doing right?

Online dating for lesbians are far from perfect. But many sites and apps are aiming to change the game by uniting the lesbian community and helping members find friendships, and for those who are lucky, perhaps meet their lifelong partner. Here are common characteristics of good dating sites for lesbians.

• Emphasis on friendships among users. Top lesbian dating sites focus on friendship as one of the primary goals of creating a user profile. A user does not have to feel pressured into finding a romantic partner. Instead, she can have the comfort and company of likeminded individuals in a safe environment.

• Enhanced user experience. Another notable feature of good dating sites for lesbians is how they provide users with more control over their experience.

• Respect. Online dating sites have always had a bad reputation because users can end up getting preyed on. These days, however, a lesbian who is looking for a friend or potential partner online can do so by highlighting specific behaviors that meet her standards. The aim is to move away from focusing on the physical appearance, but more on personality traits that match users on the site.

• It is an online community. Bringing together LGBTQ women on these sites fosters inclusion. The collective vibe with some of the best websites is to encourage users to interact with one another and learn from each other’s experiences.

Acceptance and safety are two things that some dating sites do not have, and if you are looking for the best experience, do not get hooked on superficial features but rather consider a dating site where you feel most at ease and comfortable.
There is no formula to a successful relationship. But in the digital age, lesbian couples are making the most out of these dating sites not only to find love but to build lasting friendships. Yes, relationships are hard and even harder for same-sex couples. Nonetheless, dating sites are evolving and now is the best time to take advantage of technology to meet new people and hopefully find someone you can be with for the rest of your life.

The post Does online dating lead to more successful relationships for lesbian couples? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

“We don’t fall in love with the gender – we fall in love with the person” – this incredible thought is a cross-cutting theme of all lesbian quotes and sayings. Indeed, it doesn’t matter who you love, your feelings and your needs are everything that matters. That’s why it’s so important to share them.

Don’t know how? It’s not a problem, my dear lady. Click here for more.

We’ve done a big job to pick up the most thoughtful and spicy collection of lesbian texts, lesbian kissing quotes, and relationship sayings, so just take them to take relationships with your beloved girl up to the next level.

Lesbian Relationship Quotes and Sayings
Lesbians love to talk about love and how amazing and unpredictable it can be: the best friend becoming a girlfriend, a beautiful chick that took the table next to you turns out to be a lesbian and you’re both absolutely in love, you steal a girl from some local macho – yes, lesbian relationships are so multifaceted and wonderful, and numerous lesbian quotes prove that:

• Staring at you and thinking: how did a girl like you end up with a girl like me?

• As I stare at you this very moment, I had realized you’re still the one I wanna fall for, every second from now.

• Seeing your girl undress in front of you is some other level of high.

• Being someone’s first love may be great, but to be their last is beyond perfect.

• At the end of the night, all I really want is my head on your chest with your fingers wrapped around mine.

• It will always be you, for the rest of my life and beyond.

• You may not be perfect, but with every imperfection, I find you’re more perfect for me.

• My girl, you have no idea how good it feels to wake up every morning knowing you are mine and I’m yours.

• It doesn’t matter what others say, as long as you’re here with me, it’s all that matters.

• I’m gonna marry that girl, no matter what you say.

Find the perfect quote for your sweetheart or social media feed here.

The post Cute lesbian quotes first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Dear Femme, 

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little over a year and everything is going really well. We moved in together a few months ago and it’s been great to live with my best friend and come home to her everyday. And I do come home to her, I work a little bit later than she does, so by the time i get home, she has dinner waiting for me. And that’s so nice and I’m so lucky. But the problem is that dinner is always terrible. It’s just so bad, I would rather just microwave leftovers or get takeout than eat it. I don’t understand what she does to it. She thinks she’s a really good cook and I don’t want to burst her bubble. 

How can I tell her her cooking is terrible without ruining our relationship? I’m afraid she will be hurt and resent me and I would do anything to avoid hurting her feelings, or putting our relationship in jeopardy. Please help. 

Hungry in Ohio

Dear Hungry,

Of all the problems in the world, this isn’t a bad problem to have. If you and your girlfriend have as strong of a relationship as it sounds, you should be able to talk to her about this. Talking to her about this small problem is really good practice for when you have to talk about the more important problems that will crop up if you end up spending your entire lives together.

Maybe say something like, “I really appreciate it when you make dinner for me, it’s so nice to come home to that after a long day at work. But, sometimes the food you make is too ___” Insert whatever adjective you need too. I kind of want to know how she ruins this food. Is it too salty? Burnt to a crisp? Does she put ketchup on everything?

You could also say something like, “This food needs a little something, I really like kale with garlic not kale with ketchup.” Or whatever it is she’s doing. Eventually she will start taking notice of what you like and don’t like, and incorporating that into the meals she cooks.

If you’re too scared to address the problem directly, there are more subtle steps you can take. You guys can take a cooking class together and maybe she can incorporate some of the lessons learned into her dinner repertoire. You could watch some Food Network shows together and try to recreate the recipes. Or even find some recipes you like and send them over to her to make for dinner. Give her a back rub for being so accommodating to your cravings.

Good luck, Hungry! Let us know how it goes.

Have a question for me? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

About the Artist: Lee Ely is a Brooklyn based illustrator. For more about Lee visit http://www.latewerks.com, follow on Instagram @latewerks, like on Facebook and purchase their work at https://society6.com/latewerks.

The post Ask the Femme: I love my girlfriend, but I hate her cooking! first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Dear Femme,

I love my girlfriend more than anything. We’ve been together for two years and long-distance that whole time, but we’re only a day’s drive apart, and we visit each other as often as we can. Last fall she applied for a one-year position abroad and I figured I would move there with her. But she’s just heard that she’s been assigned to work in a remote town rather than the city she thought she would be sent to. The country she’s going to is pretty homophobic and she believes it wouldn’t be safe for us to be there together without the anonymity of a city.

Needless to say, I’m devastated. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through a year without her. It’s already so painful being apart for just a few weeks at a time. The worst part is that she’s so excited about this opportunity, and I feel incredibly guilty that I can’t just be happy for her. How can I learn to cope with this and focus on all the good times we’ll have in the future rather than the terrible time I’m having now?

– Left Behind

Hi Left,

Ahh, what a problem! A year is both a long time and no time at all. I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t be upset about the prospect of their girlfriend leaving for an entire year, no matter how happy she was about the opportunity. It’s possible to be excited about a great job opportunity but also sad at the prospect of leaving you for so long.

I know you don’t want to dampen your girlfriends spirits and that’s totally a testament to your love for her, but you two have to talk about it. Isn’t she a little sad at the prospect of leaving you for a whole year? She must be, and if she’s not, there might be something deeper in the relationship you need to address. Assuming that she is excited but sad about being apart for a whole year, maybe plan for time when you can go visit her. Surely she gets some holidays off from her position and you two can meet in the nearby city. Seeing each other twice for 5-7 days seems like a reasonable compromise while she’s gone.

Also let her know that you expect some communication from her while she’s gone. You don’t want to ruin her experience abroad by making her sit in front of a screen FaceTiming with you, but she should try to call you and email you when it’s accessible and convenient. And she shouldn’t neglect you while she’s gone. Support is a two way street. You need to make sure you don’t ruin this experience for her but she also can’t leave you high and dry for a year and expect everything to resume the way it has been when she gets back.

Okay, so let’s assume you two have worked out a schedule of visits and communication so you don’t go crazy. I know this sounds nuts, but try to think of this year alone as an opportunity. You love your girlfriend more than anything, you two are probably going to be together for a long time. So use this time to work on yourself. Do things that you haven’t had time to do because you spend time traveling to see your girlfriend. See your friends more! Make new friends! Visit your grandparents, they aren’t going to live forever! Take that language class you always wanted to take. Learn to cook. Write a novel. Binge watch that TV show your girlfriend hates. Or travel abroad to places that are gay friendly. Take a girls trip with your friends. There’s so much to do, so much that can be done in life. Your girlfriend is out there living her dream. What is your dream? Figure it out and live it. The year will go by faster than you know.

Best of luck, sweetie. Let us know how it goes!

Xoxo

The Femme

Have a question for me? Shoot me an email at askafemme@yahoo.com

About the Artist: Lee Ely is a Brooklyn based illustrator. For more about Lee visit http://www.latewerks.com, follow on Instagram @latewerks, like on Facebook and purchase their work at https://society6.com/latewerks.

The post Ask the Femme: My girlfriend is moving abroad for a year and I’m devastated first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Illustration by Lee Ely

Hello there Femme!

Before tonight I had never heard of lesbian.com but I stumbled upon it after a night out with my girls and I saw your advice column. I really like how honest you are with your readers and I decided after reading like three posts to submit a question.

First of all, I have always identified as heterosexual. I’ve made out with a couple ladies in my teens but never been intimate with another woman. I find women attractive but I never really considered myself a bisexual or lesbian until recently.

I’m at a point now where I feel as though I am bisexual because I seek out lesbian pornography and I am extremely curious about relations with women. Not only that, there was a really hot girl working one of the concession stands tonight at the fair who told me I was “so cute.” I just melted under pressure and said thanks, tipped her and left. I thought about her the rest of the night. I’m comfortable enough to own my sexuality within myself but, I’ve been dating this guy for close to two years and that sort of complicates things.

A part of me thinks I need to tell him because I know that not everyone feels comfortable with dating a bisexual. At the same time, I’m not sure how he’ll react once he finds out and if our relationship will be secure.

I just want to know if it’s the right thing to go ahead and tell him or just keep it to myself.

-To Share or not to Share

Dear Share,

Congratulations on finding yourself! I’m really excited for you to begin this journey. But you know, talk about burying the lede! It sounds like maybe you aren’t very serious about this guy you have been dating for two years, because you don’t call him your boyfriend. Still, two years is a really long time to just date someone casually and you obviously don’t want to lose him. I vote tell him. Tell him because you need to see if he’s is someone worth keeping. I can’t say if your relationship will be secure once you tell him, because I don’t know how he will feel about dating someone who is bisexual. But if you lose him, then good riddance. Biphobia is definitely something you will encounter along your journey, Share. But there are plenty of people who will be totally cool with it and these are the people who are worth your time and affection.

On another note, it’s really unclear to me whether or not you and this guy are monogamous. If you are monogamous, then you probably shouldn’t get numbers from cute concession stand workers. Going out with women when you are in a relationship with a man is only okay if you and that man have discussed this and everyone is fine with that arrangement- including the women you want to date. Communication to all romantic partners is so important when you are dating more than one person. That holds true no matter what your orientation.

Best of luck, Share! Let us know how it goes!

xoxo

The Femme

Have a question for me? Shoot me an email at askafemme@yahoo.com

About the Artist: Lee Ely is a Brooklyn based illustrator. For more about them visit http://www.latewerks.com or purchase their work at https://society6.com/latewerks.

The post Ask the Femme: Should I tell my boyfriend I’m bisexual? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY ABBY WALLER
Lesbian.com

Meet Queer Abby, our new advice columnist, feel free to ask her anything in the comments below or write to her directly at abagailwaller@gmail.com.

Brandon writes:

Hi Abby!

My question has a bit of background to it. I’m a male straight ally, but there’s always been a connection between myself and bi women. I was friends with a lesbian couple back in college. One half of that couple started wondering if she was bi. She trusted me, So she asked that I help her test the theory. Her girlfriend seemed cool with it, but there was too much potential for drama. Consequently, I decided to wait on that for a bit.  Good thing I did, as the other half expressed some insecurity later on.  This has become a running theme in my love life. Bi girls express interest, and others in the LGBT community feel somewhat threatened by that. Is there a right way to navigate this phenomenon?

Trusted Ally Brandon

Dear T.A.B.,

The post Queer Abby: To bi or not to bi? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

photo credit: IMG_3346 via photopin (license)

Dear Femme,

I want to know what you think about a possessive gay BFF.  I started dating my girl knowing that her BFF basically lived with her.  It’s sort of a weird situation, in that she basically pays for his booze when they go out, and he manages her money- meaning she’ll hand him her $$$ and he’ll dole it out.  Correct me if I’m too traditional, but shouldn’t that be my job?

And ever since we’ve been getting more serious, he’s been less able to spend time with her, no more overnights, and no “platonic sugar mama.”  I’m also very vocal when I think anyone’s taking advantage of her, whether it’s him, her family, or any random stranger.  She says this makes her feel safe, which makes me believe I’m not overstepping my bounds.

However, I do like her BFF, and while I’ve set boundaries where he’s tried to do the same to me, she and him obviously have a different relationship.  What’s the best approach to getting she and I to be where I want us to be without burning bridges with anyone in her life?

-The Girlfriend

Hey TG,

First of all- your girlfriend shouldn’t be giving her money to anyone else to “dole out.” Not you and not her BFF. If she is an adult with a job, then she needs to figure out her finances on her own or with an actual advisor.

As far as her relationship with her BFF changing, that tends to happen once people form serious partnerships. Usually, a couple’s social circle doubles and there just isn’t time for everyone the way there used to be. Also, once you are in a relationship, your significant other starts to occupy the majority of your time and life – which leads to other relationships evolving and changing. It sounds as if this change is already taking place in your girlfriend’s life.

So what should you do? Nothing! Let your girlfriend figure out her friendships and her life. It’s fair to gently point out when people are trying to take advantage of her, but remember not to bully her and definitely don’t alienate her from her friends and family. That is the worst thing you could possibly do. As for her BFF, just be nice to him and include him in the plans you make sometimes. And if he wants to crash on the couch after a night out or after a fun movie night in, don’t kick him out. If your girlfriend loves this guy, then there must be something there for you to love too.

Good Luck TG! Let us know how it goes.

XOXO

The Femme

Got a question for me? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com 

The post Ask the Femme: My Girlfriend’s BFF is too Possessive first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Hi Femme,

What do you do when 95% of your family is embarrassingly racist and your girlfriend is non-white? I’d like to begin a conversation about their overt racism (which they see as “jokes”, but it’s beyond offensive) without starting a war. They know not to say anything about my girlfriend’s nationality, but they insult every other group! It makes us so angry.

Sensitive in Seattle

Hey SIS, I think almost all of us can sympathize with this dilemma. It sounds to me like even though your family is calling these statements jokes, there’s a hint of truth that comes through and is making you and your girlfriend crazy. And it totally should! Even though we live in an age where everyone is telling us that political correctness is killing comedy, all too often off-color jokes are just a convenient way to disguise racism.

Here’s a quick lesson in how not to handle this. Once upon a time, a very young Hot Femme went home with her white girlfriend for Thanksgiving. At the dinner table, two family members were talking about their Latina cleaning ladies and laughing at them; their accents, their attractiveness level, everything. I totally lost it and cursed everyone out…like graphically. I also lost any sympathy anyone would have had for me by not acting like a lady, or whatever. The lesson here is to never lose your cool, because once you do no one will listen to what you are trying to say. If I was you, here’s how I would proceed:

1. Approach a few of the most emotionally intelligent members of your family one-on-one. Maybe that’s your mom, aunt, cousin, uncle- and explain to them that this is something that’s really bothering you. Don’t point fingers, but do mention some specific instances that back up your feelings. Chances are this news will travel through the family grapevine and the offending parties will soften their behavior when you’re around.

2. The next time someone says something offensive and says “just kidding” just say something along the lines of “I know that’s a joke and I don’t want to ruin everyone’s good time, but racial jokes make me uncomfortable.” If they press you just laugh and say “If you said that joke in front of a [insert targeted ethnicity] person, you would make them uncomfortable. So you need to rethink if it’s a ‘joke’ you want to tell at all.” If the person doesn’t stop, leave the gathering. It doesn’t need to be an angry dramatic exit, simply state that you aren’t comfortable participating in this conversation and you’re going home to watch The L Word. If you keep everything smiles and honey, it will be hard for people to come at you with serious vinegar. Chances are only a few of your family members really even enjoy the ‘jokes’ and the rest are just going with the flow because they don’t want to speak up and make things awkward.

While  I don’t think that will stop your family from making jokes entirely, if you stick with it eventually they will stop doing it in front of you, if for no other reason then they don’t want you to leave. Will they call you sensitive and too politically correct? Yes, but who cares! You’re being awesome. Last bit of advice, don’t even bother bringing your girlfriend into this. Make it about your feelings so no one can displace any hurt or anger onto her. I hope this helped! Let us all know how it goes.

xoxo

Hot Femme

Have a question? Email me at askafemme@yahoo.com

The post Ask the Femme: My Family Makes Racist Jokes and I Hate it! first appeared on Lesbian.com.