Special to Lesbian.com

Navigating the world of lesbian dating can be both exciting and daunting, especially for those new to the experience. Like any dating scenario, there are certain etiquette guidelines and unspoken rules that can help ensure a smooth and respectful experience for all parties involved. In this blog post, we’ll explore some essential DOs and DON’Ts of gay romance etiquette.

Dos You Should Consider

1. Be Authentic: Embrace your true self and don’t try to be someone you’re not. Authenticity is attractive and fosters trust and intimacy in a relationship. Share your interests, passions, and values, and encourage your partner to do the same. For example, if you are a passionate breeder of autoflower seeds, share some interesting information about your occupation/hobby with your partner.
2. Respect Boundaries: Every person has their own comfort levels and boundaries when it comes to physical and emotional intimacy. It’s crucial to respect these boundaries and never push someone beyond their limits. Communication is key, so be open and honest about your desires and expectations while also being receptive to your partner’s needs.
3. Be Mindful of Labels: Not everyone in the LGBTQ+ community feels comfortable with specific labels, and preferences can vary greatly. Avoid making assumptions about someone’s identity or orientation, and be respectful when discussing these topics. If you’re unsure, it’s always better to politely ask for clarification.
4. Embrace Diversity: The lesbian community is beautifully diverse, encompassing individuals from various backgrounds, identities, and experiences. Embrace this diversity and be open to learning about different perspectives and cultures. Avoid stereotyping or making insensitive remarks that could be perceived as offensive.
5. Practice Confidentiality: Respect your partner’s privacy and maintain confidentiality regarding personal details or the nature of your relationship, unless explicitly given permission to share. Trust is essential in any relationship, and protecting your partner’s privacy is a vital aspect of building that trust.
6. Be Supportive: Dating can be challenging, and it’s essential to be a source of support and encouragement for your partner. Offer a listening ear, provide emotional reassurance, and celebrate their successes and accomplishments, both personal and professional.

Photo by Katie Treadway on Unsplash

Don’ts You Have to Avoid

1. Don’t Make Assumptions: Avoid assumptions about gender roles, expectations, or preferences based on preconceived notions or societal stereotypes. Every person is unique, and their desires and boundaries should be respected without judgment.
2. Don’t Out Someone Without Their Consent: Outing someone without their explicit consent is a severe violation of trust and privacy. Respect your partner’s right to share or not share their identity on their own terms and in their own time.
Don’t Pressure or Rush: Dating and building a relationship should happen at a comfortable pace for both parties. Never pressure your partner into making decisions or taking steps they’re not ready for, whether it’s physical intimacy, meeting friends or family, or any other milestone.
3. Don’t Ignore Red Flags: While it’s essential to be respectful and mindful of your partner’s boundaries, it’s equally important to recognize and address any red flags or unhealthy behaviors. Trust your instincts, and don’t ignore warning signs that could potentially lead to an abusive or toxic situation.
4. Don’t Compare or Compete: Every relationship is unique, and comparing your experience to others’ or engaging in competitive behavior is counterproductive. Focus on cultivating your own connection and trust the journey you and your partner are on.
5. Don’t Be Dismissive of Experiences: The LGBTQ+ community has faced numerous challenges and discrimination throughout history. Be sensitive to these experiences and avoid dismissing or minimizing the struggles and hardships your partner or others may have faced.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and adapting the aforementioned guidelines to your specific situation with care and consideration is essential. Don’t be afraid to open up to a new person and allow yourself to get to know them with all their beauty and flaws. As you build a relationship, embrace each other’s hobbies, even the extravagant ones involving cannabis, and let platforms like Barney’s Farm USA help you nurture them!

The post Lesbian Dating Etiquette: Dos and Don’ts first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Whether you want to find single ladies from Ukraine or look for a partner in your area, there are several important aspects to consider before starting the dating journey. This guide provides essential tips for lesbians navigating the online dating scene in these four aspects:

1. Establishing a secure foundation for finding a partner online;
2. Communicating and interacting with your potential matches;
3. Organizing a safe first date;
4. Building a healthy relationship.

Are you ready to have fun or find love on a dating site? Read on!

Photo by Pratik Gupta on Unsplash

Establishing a Secure Foundation

• Choose the right platform: Research and select dating sites or apps that cater specifically to the LGBTQ+ community. There are platforms tailored for lesbians, offering a more inclusive and understanding environment. Check reviews and understand their privacy policies before signing up.
• Creating a genuine profile: Be authentic in your profile creation. Use recent photos that reflect your true self. Honesty about your interests and expectations paves the way for genuine connections. However, avoid sharing excessively personal information like your address or financial details.
• Secure your privacy: Utilize the privacy settings offered by the platform. Be cautious about sharing personal information, including your phone number, home address, or workplace details. It’s okay to keep certain things private until you feel completely comfortable.

Communication and Interaction

• Keep initial conversations simple: When starting conversations, keep it light and focused on interests and hobbies. Be wary of individuals who push for personal information early on or exhibit controlling behavior.
• Trust your instincts: If something feels off about a conversation or a profile, trust your instincts. Don’t hesitate to block or report users who make you feel uncomfortable. Remember, your safety is paramount.
• Try video calls before meeting: Consider having a video call before meeting in person. This step can ensure the person matches their profile and help you gauge your comfort level with them.

Photo by Camila Blando on Unsplash

The First Meeting: Safety First

• Choose public meeting places: For the first meeting, pick a public place like a café or a park. Public settings provide a sense of security and are conducive to relaxed and open conversations.
• Inform someone you trust: Let a friend or family member know about your plans. Share details like the location of the meeting, the time, and information about the person you’re meeting.
• Plan transportation and exit plan: Have a transportation plan that doesn’t rely on your date. It’s also wise to have an exit plan in case the date doesn’t go as expected.
• Avoid alcohol consumption: If you choose to drink, be mindful of your alcohol consumption. Staying alert and in control is crucial for your safety.

Building Healthy Connections

Conclusion: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Connection

Online dating should be an exciting journey of self-discovery and connection. While it’s important to be cautious and mindful of your safety, it’s equally important to enjoy the process and remain open to the possibilities of love and meaningful relationships. With the right approach, you can navigate the world of online dating with confidence, authenticity, and, above all, safety.

The post Lesbian Online Dating: A Guide to Safety and Authenticity first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Communicate Well
If there is one thing that can signal the death knell in any relationship, it’s a lack of communication. One partner becomes frustrated at the other for not instantly understanding what it is they want or need, despite never communicating what they want or need. Communication isn’t easy, especially if you’ve never been in a lesbian relationship before and are not sure how to communicate in a way that won’t offend or upset anyone.

The key is to be honest. If you’re unsure what to do in bed, say so – you’ll never learn otherwise. If you want your partner to do something specific, or you want to try Wet For Her sex toys, or you think it might be fun to carry out this fantasy or that one, you have to communicate that.

Communicating your feelings, your ideals, your dreams, and who you really are is crucial too, otherwise you’ll end up resenting your partner and they won’t even know why.

You Both Have Flaws
When you’re entering your first lesbian relationship, it’s easy to idolize your girlfriend. After all, she’s teaching you everything you need to know and helping you navigate this new stage. However, idolizing someone is never a good idea; it’s how problems can start in a relationship – eventually that perfect person is going to make a mistake or show some ‘weakness’ and your dreams will come crashing down.

It’s best to enter a relationship knowing that you both have flaws. No one is perfect and that includes you, so bear that in mind that you will make mistakes and so will she, and it’s how you deal with those mistakes that makes all the difference.

Make Time For Each Other
Relationships are hard and they take work. One of the ways to do this is to make time for one another. Ideally, you should do this every day. If you live apart, make sure you talk to one another – either on the phone or via a video call – every day. Make it a ritual that you talk to each other about how your day went, and always say goodnight to one another, for example. If you live together, that doesn’t mean you automatically make time for one another, especially when you’re busy with work and other commitments, so why not try to eat together without the TV or any screens to distract you, giving you the opportunity to talk about important things or silly things or future things.

Making time for one another will ensure your relationship stays strong, and that’s important.

The post Tips For Navigating Your First Lesbian Relationship first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Prioritize healthy communication
Thriving despite the distance requires a healthy dose of communication. The good thing is that you have endless options to connect, no matter where you and your soulmate are. Conversely, going overboard with communication can cause more harm than good. Share your life but give each other adequate breathing space to maintain comfort. Discuss the frequency and timelines for communication to be on the same page.

Avoid judging each other
It is easy to judge a romantic partner when you are apart most times. What if some guy seems interested in your soulmate when you are in an all-girls relationship? You will probably feel suspicious if they seem to be engaged in social media banter. Steer clear of being judgmental and ask upfront. Maybe, he is only an old college friend trying to have fun. Trust your partner and breathe easy.

Double up on intimacy
The lack of physical intimacy is the most daunting part of a long-distance relationship. You cannot meet each other for weeks or months, and the longing can easily change into frustration. Find ways to double up on intimacy. You can indulge in steamy phone calls and even send kinky gifts to each other. A real whizzinator XXX is an excellent gift, but make sure you buy one for yourself too. You can play with it on a phone call for the most sensuous lovemaking session.

Meet each other once in a while
Being intimate on phone calls keeps the spark flying, but you must fuel the fire once in a while. Commit to meeting in person at regular intervals, depending on the distance and feasibility. If you are in a cross-continental relationship, consider holidaying somewhere midway. Choose a romantic destination to have the best time together. Shed your inhibitions, and make up for the lost time when you have a chance to hook up physically.

Deal with negative emotions
Long-distance relationships often face roadblocks with negative emotions like doubts, insecurities, and jealousy. The last thing you should do is sweep them under the rug. Giving verbal assurances to each other is the best way to minimize these negative feelings. Moreover, they reinforce the positives of your bond and bring you close. The next time you talk to them, be vocal and say how special they are to you. Maintain it as a daily habit to be in a healthy space.
Making a relationship bloom is easy, regardless of the distance. You only need to take a positive approach and be grateful for the bond you share.

The post How To Survive The Challenges Of A Long-Distance Relationship first appeared on Lesbian.com.

After overcoming your biggest obstacle of coming out and being accepted by your family, life has gotten easier. It got even better when you met the love of your life. Things are getting quite serious between you two. Both of you have become familiar with each other’s schedules, likes, dislikes, and so on.

Your friends love her, and her friends welcomed you openly with wide arms. Life is going pretty well.

Since she has become an important person in your life, it is innate to introduce your favorite person to your family. Your family can be quite overwhelming and weird, but they love you nevertheless.

You also want your significant other to be a part of this family, so you invite her to your annual family dinner this Christmas.

This is a special milestone and can be quite daunting. Take a deep breath and calm your nerves -you got this! You just need to consider a few things and keep them in check. This article will discuss various tips for bringing your girlfriend home this Christmas.

Give Your Parents and Siblings a Heads Up

If you have already started to fantasize about your gay wedding, you need to play your cards right to make it a reality. As your relationship is getting stronger and more serious, it soon becomes a necessity to introduce the apple of your eye to your family.

Before bringing her to the family Christmas dinner, give your parents a heads up, especially so if they are the hosts of the dinner. You do not want to throw your family off. They might even have that homophobic relative over for dinner, and it can be quite catastrophic if none of them are mentally prepared for this meeting.

Hence, to minimize the risk of things going south, let your mom and dad know you are bringing a special someone, and they should be cordial accordingly.

If you are having dinner at your sibling’s place, let them and their significant others know beforehand. Basically, let the host know that you are bringing your significant other and are excited for everyone to finally meet her. The host will make the necessary preparations accordingly.

Give Your Girlfriend a Short Briefing

You are elated that your girlfriend is on board with meeting your family. She is also quite nervous. It is best if you give her a short walkthrough of your family tree. Simply show her the pictures of your immediate family members so that she can have an idea of what they are like.

Show her the last family picture taken, let her know who your parents are. Recognizing your parents is crucial and can be very handy. You can also show the recent pictures shared on their social media. Do not overwhelm her with the various cousins, uncles, aunts you have.

She will jumble it all up. Just give her a run-down on your parents and siblings. You can also give her a brief regarding your grandparents if you want, but no need to add more relatives she could know about. Keep it short and simple, and it will be easier for her to remember and keep track.

Give Her a Run Down Family Christmas Traditions

Giving your girlfriend a rundown of your family Christmas traditions will reduce the likelihood of your better half being left out or being caught like a deer in headlights. This is especially true if they are unique and different.

It can be traditional, like singing carols together, or it can be something crazy like playing the grown-up version of the “The Floor is Lava” game. She will be more comfortable and prepared when she has an inkling of what she is about to step into. Also, give her a heads up of the competitive family members, that way, she will know how to beat them or stay out of their way.

If the tradition involves physical activity like playing soccer or baseball, it is mandatory to give her a heads up. She will bring the necessary sportswear and seize the day. It will also help her be alert and mentally prepared if she is someone who does not like the strenuous exercise that goes behind any outdoor sport.

Let the Host Know About Any Diet Restrictions

It is wise to let the host know what your girlfriend can or can’t eat. The last thing you want is to take your significant other to the emergency room as a result of food allergies. It is also best to let them know about her dietary choices.

For instance, if your girlfriend is vegan, request the host nicely to have one or two vegan items for her or just let them know that your guest is a vegan. No matter how traditional it is, there are always simple vegan Christmas dishes available.

If it is a potluck dinner, then both of you can bring something vegan; this also solves the issue without having an awkward conversation with the host.

Common Interests

You can talk with your girl about her interests, and there will be some subjects or opinions that are shared by both your s.o and a family member. For instance, your sister loves Harry Potter, and your girlfriend is also a die-hard fan. They can have various discussions and bond over their common fondness of the epic series.

Or your brother loves this hip new restaurant where the pasta is to die for, and it turns out your better half also loves their food. It can be any topic where both a family member and your significant other have a shared interest. It can be as mundane as a preferred choice of barbecue, or it can be something interesting like having an avid interest in football.

This is a great way to find common ground and keep the conversation going. A stimulating conversation is a key to forming new relationships and healthy communications.

What Topics to Not Bring Up

You need to tell both your family and your girlfriend about some topics to avoid at all costs. Such sore topics can bring out the differences and can ruin the entire day. Religion and politics should be avoided by both parties. These two topics are a slippery slope to disagreements and resentment towards one another.

If your girlfriend is trans, inform your family not to raise any topics regarding her body, no matter how curious they are. They can ask you about it in private, or after being close enough to her, they can ask her anything they want to know about being trans. They have to be respectful. Since it is the first meeting, it is best to keep their curiosity under wraps till they become really close.

There are also other sensitive topics in families like education and addiction. It is best to let your girlfriend know about it and advise her not to bring them up in conversations.

Hint Your Parents of Acceptable Introductions

It might take some time for them to become less awkward when stating their daughter has a girlfriend. Sometimes the parents do not know what exactly to say when introducing your better half to other members of the family. They might find it a hassle and do not know how to deal with it.

Just let them know not to introduce your lady love as a “special friend.” They can introduce her as their daughter’s special someone, girlfriend, significant other, and better half. Tell them to practice it in front of the mirror if they have to.

Limit Your PDA

Regardless of sexual orientation, everyone can feel uncomfortable when there is intense PDA, especially in family-friendly places. Holding your lover’s hand and a peck on the lips or cheek is fine. Just do not make out and be all over each other. Your girlfriend looks amazing and irresistible; just pounce on her in the privacy of your bedroom.

Get Your Girlfriend to Bring a Gift

As a first introduction, it is essential to make a good impression. Hence, like a commendable guest, it is wise to inform your better half to bear a gift for the family. It does not necessarily have to be extravagant.

It can be a nice bottle of wine, a tin filled with homemade cookies, an elegant box of chocolates, or a bouquet of your mom’s favorite flowers. This nice token will surely be appreciated by the family and establish a great first impression.

Plan B: an Escape Plan

Some family members can bring out the worst of us. Some may make hurtful remarks or backhanded compliments unknowingly. It is sometimes not possible for everything to go according to plan. If your family is getting too crazy, they might scare off your new love interest. No one wants their significant other to bear certain brunts.

Surely she can be an absolute champ, but there is no need to get overwhelmed. If you sense something unsavory will happen or things are getting out of hand, go for plan B. Make an escape plan beforehand just so you and your girl can avoid any unpleasant encounters when things start to go south. Formulate a legit excuse and be believable.

It can be a sudden öffice meeting” or something work-related you forgot about. Or it can be forgetting about leaving behind food for your pet, or there has been an emergency in your house, and your roommate has been calling you.

Final Words

It is an exciting journey when you find the one, and you have a feeling that it is a love that will last forever. Hence, introducing your girlfriend to your family can establish that you are all in and you mean serious business. Just remember that communication is key and give both parties the necessary heads-up.

The post Introducing Your Lesbian Girlfriend to the Family This Christmas first appeared on Lesbian.com.

If you are planning to settle down with the woman you consider your soulmate, you need to do what you can to keep the spark alive. Here are a few tips that will surely help you towards a more fulfilling path for your relationship:

1. Focus on personal development
Being in a relationship means becoming a better version of yourself. You wouldn’t want to stay the same throughout, so it’s best for both of you to learn new skills, plan your future career prospects, and develop positive attitudes both at work and at home. After all, progress starts with you.

2. Show daily affection
Sure, it becomes routine and bland, but giving your partner hugs and kisses every morning goes a long way. This and other rituals help maintain a climate of positivity. The time will come when you won’t even go a day without doing these rituals, which means you have established a commitment that’s difficult to break.

3. Be honest and true
Nothing can change a relationship more significantly than a lack of sincerity. A successful relationship is built on trust, so it’s always important to let your partner know how you feel. Don’t force yourself into making decisions you aren’t comfortable with. If you want to do something else other than watch a movie on a Friday night, be honest about it in a non-confrontational manner. The most important thing here is to have open and honest communication, so avoid putting on a facade just to appease your partner. Say your thoughts clear and say them nicely.

4. Make each sex night unique
Being adventurous when it comes to sex is a great way to keep the spark alive. For this, you can try out different positions each night or have long intimate kisses in the kinkiest of places. You can also add some spice to it by throwing in exotic toys, oils and lotions from stores like PinkCherry. Be bold enough to make every sex night a special night.

5. Set weekly moments for alone time
If you are always burnt out from work, it will find it difficult to connect with your partner. You might want to hit the breaks each week and prioritize some alone time. You can spend the whole weekend on a hiking trip out of town or check out a new attraction or restaurant in your neighborhood. If you prefer a candlelit dinner with wine and the city skyline as your backdrop, go for it!

There are no perfect relationships, but you can always perfect the way you maintain yours. Consider the tips above for a connection that truly lasts!

The post Keeping the Spark Alive: 5 Tips for a Relationship That Lasts first appeared on Lesbian.com.

When we say that Tinder has flaws, we all know what they are. After a while, flicking through Tinder becomes a soulless experience. Some psychologists have even said that swiping left and right on Tinder activates the same parts of the brain that are activated when gamblers play mobile slots. The cause and effect are very similar, too – online slots players are looking for the instant gratification that comes with a win, just as Tinder users are looking for the instant gratification of a match. As all experienced users of online slots websites can tell you, though, sometimes those moments of gratification take too long to arrive and cost you too much money by the time you get them. If you’re not careful with Tinder, it can eat into your time, your money, and your soul.

Most of us have heard a Tinder horror story from a friend. We enjoy reading horrendous tales of first dates gone wrong online, but we don’t relish the idea of becoming one of those tales ourselves. Unfortunately, by using the app, we’re leaving ourselves wide open to such an experience. It might come on your next date or the one after that, but if you keep dating and swiping, the law of averages says it will come along eventually. If all you’re looking for is no-strings fun, then you might be happy to play that game, but for anyone looking for something more serious, it’s a worry.

We’ll say it quietly, because we don’t want to offend the app’s many fans, but we don’t think Tinder is actually all that good for lesbians anyway. We all know that it’s full of straight men posing as women because they want to speak to us for their own amusement and wasting our time in the process. Tinder has also known about that for a long time, and yet they refuse to do anything about it. Profiles are reported and removed, but then they spring up again, and the process repeats. Tinder’s moderation is reactive rather than proactive. Someone should be making sure those profiles never appear in the first place. Nobody ever does.

If you’re a single woman looking for another single woman right now, make this the year you ditch Tinder. Try one of these alternatives instead.

Fem
Amazingly, there aren’t all that many dedicated lesbian dating apps in the world. Perhaps that’s because not enough women are working in technology. Perhaps it’s because not enough gay women are single and looking for dates. There has to be a reason, but we don’t know what it is! Fem, however, is one such app — and it’s an app with a difference. Just filling out a written profile isn’t enough for Fem – users also have to upload a video to introduce themselves. You can get more out of seeing and hearing someone talk than you can from reading their words, and so you get the chance to make a better assessment of whether you’d like to date them or not before agreeing to meet. You have to be a little brave to record the video, but the rewards are there if you have the courage!

HER
We think — or at least we hope — that we’re not introducing people to HER for the first time. If we are, then congratulations — today is the day your life as a single woman changed! According to its marketing, HER is an app that was developed by gay women for gay women. It works to similar principles to Tinder, but you don’t have to swipe through an endless parade of straight or pretend-gay profiles to find what you’re looking for. More than three million people around the world currently use HER to find dates, and that community is growing all the time as more and more people find out about it. Some people like to compare HER to Grindr, but we don’t think that comparison is fair. From what we know of it, Grindr is a meat market. HER is a little more upmarket in its approach.

Hinge
This app has been available for quite a long time, but only now is it beginning to see the user levels that it deserves. Hinge is an app with a difference. You have to trust it with your data, but if you do, it will (theoretically) find you much better dating prospects than any other app would be capable of. That’s because it connects itself to your social media accounts, finds your friends, finds the friends of your friends, and draws you up a dating shortlist based on what it knows about them. It sounds a little creepy, but people will only be shown as potential matches if they also use Hinge and are therefore also looking for a date. In the good old days before the internet and dating apps existed, meeting people through friends is how most couples got together. Try to think about Hinge as being the digital equivalent of that experience!

OKCupid
No, this isn’t specifically designed for lesbians. That’s OK, though, because neither is Hinge. We wouldn’t normally recommend a ‘mainstream’ dating website, OKCupid has made a big effort to be LGBTQ+ friendly, and it shows in their approach. You can select from multiple different sexual orientations and preferred pronouns when you’re building your profile, and once you’ve done that, you’ll only ever be shown profiles that are relevant to your interests. You’ll also be shown a percentage match with those profiles, which allegedly indicates how likely you are to be compatible with the owner of the profile. While we don’t believe that love can ever be boiled down to a series of equations (how depressing would that be?), it never hurts to get an assessment of this kind – even if it is from a computer.

We suspect that most of you will have tried at least one of these apps before. If so, try the other three. Try all of them! For single women, the options in front of you are either another twelve months of getting RSI swiping through Tinder, or the chance to try something new. What do you have to lose?

The post Four alternatives to Tinder for lesbians first appeared on Lesbian.com.

A recent study shows that 69% of successful same-sex couples met online. This is because online dating platforms have improved significantly, and there are simply more people using gay and lesbian dating sites online. With algorithms that focus on user behavior to look for a real match, you have a higher chance of finding someone from a pool of more than one million other users. With algorithms that focus on user behavior to look for a real match, you have a higher chance of finding someone from a pool of more than one million other users.

What are online dating sites and apps doing right?

Online dating for lesbians are far from perfect. But many sites and apps are aiming to change the game by uniting the lesbian community and helping members find friendships, and for those who are lucky, perhaps meet their lifelong partner. Here are common characteristics of good dating sites for lesbians.

• Emphasis on friendships among users. Top lesbian dating sites focus on friendship as one of the primary goals of creating a user profile. A user does not have to feel pressured into finding a romantic partner. Instead, she can have the comfort and company of likeminded individuals in a safe environment.

• Enhanced user experience. Another notable feature of good dating sites for lesbians is how they provide users with more control over their experience.

• Respect. Online dating sites have always had a bad reputation because users can end up getting preyed on. These days, however, a lesbian who is looking for a friend or potential partner online can do so by highlighting specific behaviors that meet her standards. The aim is to move away from focusing on the physical appearance, but more on personality traits that match users on the site.

• It is an online community. Bringing together LGBTQ women on these sites fosters inclusion. The collective vibe with some of the best websites is to encourage users to interact with one another and learn from each other’s experiences.

Acceptance and safety are two things that some dating sites do not have, and if you are looking for the best experience, do not get hooked on superficial features but rather consider a dating site where you feel most at ease and comfortable.
There is no formula to a successful relationship. But in the digital age, lesbian couples are making the most out of these dating sites not only to find love but to build lasting friendships. Yes, relationships are hard and even harder for same-sex couples. Nonetheless, dating sites are evolving and now is the best time to take advantage of technology to meet new people and hopefully find someone you can be with for the rest of your life.

The post Does online dating lead to more successful relationships for lesbian couples? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Illustration by Lee Ely

Hello there Femme!

Before tonight I had never heard of lesbian.com but I stumbled upon it after a night out with my girls and I saw your advice column. I really like how honest you are with your readers and I decided after reading like three posts to submit a question.

First of all, I have always identified as heterosexual. I’ve made out with a couple ladies in my teens but never been intimate with another woman. I find women attractive but I never really considered myself a bisexual or lesbian until recently.

I’m at a point now where I feel as though I am bisexual because I seek out lesbian pornography and I am extremely curious about relations with women. Not only that, there was a really hot girl working one of the concession stands tonight at the fair who told me I was “so cute.” I just melted under pressure and said thanks, tipped her and left. I thought about her the rest of the night. I’m comfortable enough to own my sexuality within myself but, I’ve been dating this guy for close to two years and that sort of complicates things.

A part of me thinks I need to tell him because I know that not everyone feels comfortable with dating a bisexual. At the same time, I’m not sure how he’ll react once he finds out and if our relationship will be secure.

I just want to know if it’s the right thing to go ahead and tell him or just keep it to myself.

-To Share or not to Share

Dear Share,

Congratulations on finding yourself! I’m really excited for you to begin this journey. But you know, talk about burying the lede! It sounds like maybe you aren’t very serious about this guy you have been dating for two years, because you don’t call him your boyfriend. Still, two years is a really long time to just date someone casually and you obviously don’t want to lose him. I vote tell him. Tell him because you need to see if he’s is someone worth keeping. I can’t say if your relationship will be secure once you tell him, because I don’t know how he will feel about dating someone who is bisexual. But if you lose him, then good riddance. Biphobia is definitely something you will encounter along your journey, Share. But there are plenty of people who will be totally cool with it and these are the people who are worth your time and affection.

On another note, it’s really unclear to me whether or not you and this guy are monogamous. If you are monogamous, then you probably shouldn’t get numbers from cute concession stand workers. Going out with women when you are in a relationship with a man is only okay if you and that man have discussed this and everyone is fine with that arrangement- including the women you want to date. Communication to all romantic partners is so important when you are dating more than one person. That holds true no matter what your orientation.

Best of luck, Share! Let us know how it goes!

xoxo

The Femme

Have a question for me? Shoot me an email at askafemme@yahoo.com

About the Artist: Lee Ely is a Brooklyn based illustrator. For more about them visit http://www.latewerks.com or purchase their work at https://society6.com/latewerks.

The post Ask the Femme: Should I tell my boyfriend I’m bisexual? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

But dating a bisexual girl isn’t always a rose garden. There are some things to avoid, and some things to always bear in mind. These tips should help to put your relationship on a firmer footing.

Avoid Falling into Stereotypes About Bisexual Women
Don’t assume that your lover is a closet lesbian or secretly straight. Things are never as simple as that. 99 percent of the time, when a bisexual girl tells you that she’s bisexual, she means just that. She is genuinely attracted to members of both sexes, and isn’t “experimenting” or “going through a phase.”

So, if you are worried about your partner choosing guys, try to put it to the back of your mind. She’s serious about you – as serious as any lesbian partner could be, and she’s not just using you to get some kicks before she gets married and starts a family.

Don’t Assume your Partner is Sexually Greedy

Another myth that lesbians sometimes fall into is to assume that their bisexual partner is somehow “greedy” and unserious about love. That’s a misreading of what bisexuality really is, and it can cripple your relationship.

The truth is that bisexuals aren’t any more sexually promiscuous or greedy than straight, trans or lesbian people. They may have more options, but this doesn’t mean that they will act on them. They’re most likely focused on who they are with and what makes them special, and aren’t playing the field.

Always Make your Bisexual Partner feel like Part of the Scene

Make your bisexual partner feel accepted and wanted. Don’t freeze them out if they don’t conform to how you feel a lesbian partner should look, act and even talk.

Sometimes, bisexual girls aren’t integrated into social circles. It’s as if they aren’t taken seriously, or seen as less authentic, or even deceptive. Always try to avoid that path, and make sure your friends get to know your lover. Freezing them out is a big no-no.

Monitor the Warning Signs to see if She’s Serious

Having said that most bisexual women really are into both sexes, some girls who appear on the scene claiming to be bi really are just looking to experiment and have a little fun on the side. That’s why you need to be careful about which bisexual women you date, and how quickly it becomes serious.

If your new partner hasn’t posted photos of you as a couple on Facebook or introduces you to her social group as a “friend,” alarm bells should start ringing.

How serious is she really about building a proper relationship if she can’t be honest and open about her sexuality? She might be coy about coming out. That’s fine. But she might also be playing with you. It’s a tough call, but it’s always worth being sensitive, at least for the first couple of months.

Be Honest About Sexual Health from the Start

STDs are another tricky subject, but it’s something you need to be honest about. Many lesbians see bisexual girls as “dirty” or somehow dangerous, as if they are trying to contaminate their community with STDs. That’s not fair, and it’s the kind of hostility that can torpedo relationships, but you do need to talk about your sexual past.

Dating a bisexual girl doesn’t have to be tough. If you’re sensible about not getting swept away by the wrong girl, take your partner’s sexuality seriously and bring them into your social scene, it all becomes much easier.

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