Comments on: Debate: So what if homosexuality were a choice?

By: Jan Lee

Jan Lee — Thu, 10 Apr 2014 09:40:58 +0000

Cindy: love this article. No “pandering to bigots ” whether it is birth or choice. love is love. I lived a straight life …always so attracted to women….before I became totally aware that I’m home with women, one in particular! Does that make lesbianism my genetic makeup or choice or both. I don’t really give a flying f….!

By: Jan Lee

Jan Lee — Thu, 10 Apr 2014 09:33:30 +0000

In reply to lol_girl. Agree!

By: lol_girl

lol_girl — Sat, 22 Jun 2013 07:54:32 +0000

In reply to Cindy Zelman.

May I add – it’s not one you hear too often for exactly the same reasons – because choice is not taught or seen as usual or acceptable. This discourages potential choosers because they now must have been biologically ‘abnormal’. This type of identity shift is too essentialist for many, (discouraging choice) or results in them reinterpreting themselves as biologically destined to make it far easier for themselves to be accepted in a world which can’t understand sexual choice that is created from social experiences. Where’s the articles, the books or the people telling us that you can choose? Well, there isn’t. Is it any surprise we grow up in a world where they are so ‘few’ choosers? Of course not.
You’re quite right as you say, the born this way argument is also a convenient and easier way to be accepted in a homophobic world. I understand that. But it’s a dangerous and damaging notion implying abnormality.

By: Cindy Zelman

Cindy Zelman — Sat, 22 Jun 2013 01:04:49 +0000

Hello LOL_girl, Thank you for taking the time to read my post and to comment. Your perspective is not one I hear too often, so I appreciate your expressing the issues here in the comments section. It’s important for us all to understand the diversity of our community. People’s experiences and their interpretations of those experiences can be quite varied. Thank you again for sharing yours! 🙂

By: lol_girl

lol_girl — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 19:57:17 +0000

What really annoys me is that while I believe some people may be ‘born’ homosexual, many MANY women CHOOSE to be homosexual. The dominant discourse of ‘born this way’ is hurtful to the many that choose. People don’t believe me now when I say i choose to be homosexual. They assert I MUST have been born this way. Placards displaying this dominant discourse of ‘born this way’ is not helpful for me and many others. Please recognise this everyone. I choose. Many others choose. Some because they realise that men aren’t compatible with what they want or lesbianism is a political choice.

Don’t drown out the ‘I am homosexual by choice’ people.

By: Cindy Zelman

Cindy Zelman — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 01:39:25 +0000

Hi Angie,

Yes, absolutely, I agree with every word you say, and it was all so very well said. Thank you.

I think it’s an important distinction for the LGBTQ community to be aware of, which I’m not always sure some of them are — the distinction you make so well between feeling validated because you are born as you are versus using “born this way” to justify one’s existence to bullies.

Several people on Huffington got very upset with me when I raised these questions. I got the sense that some members of this community are afraid to expand their argument to say “so what?” It almost felt as if they were afraid they’d have no way to justify themselves if they couldn’t rely on this argument of birth. I think that’s what bothers me, the pandering to bigots rather than telling them to “eff off…”Born this way or not, there is nothing wrong with who we are.

Thank you, too, for your very intelligent and relevant comparison to being born Black and white people assuming you’d choose to be white if you could. Ridiculous.

Thank you especially for reading and taking the time to comment. 🙂

Cindy

By: Angie

Angie — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 21:44:37 +0000

I think it all depends on your way of thinking. To me, being born any way validates who you are. We have a variety of traits that we are born with. Sexual orientation is merely one of those traits and if it’s present naturally from birth, it doesn’t mean it’s a defect. The same people who say “if it’s a choice, why wouldn’t you choose being straight” are probably the same bigots who assume all non-White people want to be White. We don’t. I like being a Black woman and if I were a lesbian, I would like being a lesbian because it’d be a part of who I am. It isn’t a flaw any more than being straight is something to be proud of. Now just to say “born this way” to justify it to bigots is silly, but to say it for yourself, I see no problem with it.