I’ve recently started dating someone who is absolutely amazing, sexy, stunning — all the things! The problem is that she just told me that she has herpes. I’m worried that I might get it, so we haven’t hooked up in a way that could make that a possibility. I really want her, but I’m not sure what to do. Would the risk of me getting it be lower if she takes some sort of a daily pill? Should I suggest that?

Good news! You have the tools to make it better immediately: You can calm the hell down about her herpes.

I will first answer your question, then elaborate. The simple quick and dirty answer is “no.” Do not go to your new lover and ask them to take a daily medication because you are scared. It is solely her choice and you, as a brand new human in her life, do not have the right to make any requests like that.

The only reason the herpes meds would help her would be if she is getting outbreaks frequently enough where they start to interfere with her sex life. Taking medication does not prevent transmission, but only lessens the frequency of the outbreaks. That means, you can still contract HSV, if your partner is on them. That’s why I said, “help her.”

After all is said and done, dear reader, your likelihood of contracting herpes from your partner is quite low, especially if she is thoughtful enough to let you know her status before you were put at risk. Many people will see one outbreak, then not another one for the rest of their lives. Many people who have herpes may never even pass them on to anyone else.

The solution to this dilemma does not lie in whether she should be taking medication or not, but in how you are relating to the news about her STI status. There are so many people in the world who have HSV-1 or HSV-2 and don’t know it. You happened to have found someone who is aware. It’s now up to you to either get OK with this fact about her or let her get over you.

Nia Person has been interested in how people fit together since the first time she realized that the word “sex” can mean a plethora of different things to different people. TMI? There’s no such thing — her ears perk up whenever there is a relationship or life mystery to be solved. Nia is SFSI certified sex geek and is shooting Cupid’s arrows as a matchmaker at Tawkify. Nia is currently living in the loveliest of menageries in Oakland, California. Send questions to AskMissNia@gmail.com.

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I am in a relationship with a person who is quite a bit older than I am. We’ve been together for seven years. We nearly broke up over the fact that I want a child. He feels like he is too old to be a father. After a lot of back and forth, we decided to stay together, and try to find someone with whom I can have a child.

We’ve been feeling a bit stuck as to where to look for someone who might be interested in this.

First off, I would like to say that this type of an arrangement is hardly “weird.” Parents in non-monogamous family structures have been coming out left and right in the recent past! Take out the idea that this is “weird” and it will make it much easier for you to approach people. If you think it’s weird, it will feel weird.

Think of this as a networking assignment.

Find a community of like-minded people in which you will naturally run into other poly parents. Thanks to the age of Google, which contains mystical and vast worlds of Facebook, MeetUp and oh so many more, like-minded friends are easier to find.

Don’t only focus on people who you would want to join you in your triad — make some friends. Those buddies can help keep an eye out for you as well. As with networking, tact is key.

Be out and proud.

Hopefully you are in a place where being out about wanting a polyamorous family is something that is possible. Hanging out a shingle and representing yourself to the fullest extent that you can is the best way to signal to the rest of the world you seek.

Patience.

Finally, you have to understand that it may take a bit of time. The first person who you may come across or who you invite to try this dynamic with you may not be the best match. Date around and have some fun with it.

Also, Check out Arial Clark’s blog on poly parenting, she is a phenomenal resource on all things poly parenting!

Nia Person has been interested in how people fit together since the first time she realized that the word “sex” can mean a plethora of different things to different people. TMI? There’s no such thing — her ears perk up whenever there is a relationship or life mystery to be solved. Nia is SFSI certified sex geek and is shooting Cupid’s arrows as a matchmaker at Tawkify. Nia is currently living in the loveliest of menageries in Oakland, California. Send questions to AskMissNia@gmail.com.

The post Polyamorous parenting: It takes a village first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Write in with your queries, conundrums, dyke drama, dilemmas, break-downs, freak outs, confusing three-somes, miscommunications, and sex toy questions.

Tell me about your secret crush or the torch you still hold for your ex because you just can’t get that juicy ass out of your mind.

When you know your friends are being just too nice to give you advice, I won’t shy away from the truth.

Honest Person to Person advice lickety split.

Warmly,
Nia

Nia Person has been interested in how people fit together since the first time she realized that the word “sex” can mean a plethora of different things to different people. TMI? There’s no such thing — her ears perk up whenever there is a relationship or life mystery to be solved. Nia is SFSI certified sex geek and is shooting Cupid’s arrows as a matchmaker at Tawkify. Nia is currently living in the loveliest of menageries in Oakland, California. Send questions to AskMissNia@gmail.com.

The post Person to Person: Meet our new sex advice columnist first appeared on Lesbian.com.