My partner recently gave me promise ring, which prompted a lot of discussion about promise rings within the lesbian community and in general. Most of discussion revolved around the difference between a promise ring and an engagement ring, which I actually found to be kind of shocking.

The obligatory social media post about the new shiny piece of jewelry on my left hand clearly stated that it was not an engagement ring because people started to ask when we were getting married the moment I wore the sucker out to a group gathering of friends.

For me, I left like I was defending the purpose and validity of my promise ring, which made me start to think, are promise rings not relevant to my generation?

In this digital age, where people have become accustomed to instant gratification on just about everything, has this demand for information become the norm for every aspect of our lives? Having found myself in a situation where I not only had to refute the notion that I was engaged, but defending the choice that neither my partner nor I wanted to be married at the present moment, threw me for a loop. What happened to being content with waiting?

Many of our friends and people we talked to after explaining the concept of our promise ring (jewelry to signify our commitment to each other until we get married) still found the concept to be archaic and meaningless. The idea of waiting to get married after being together for a couple of years and also getting a piece of not-so-cheap jewelry to signify that, seemed to mystify people.

After talking more with people, it became apparent that promise rings did not seem to be in line with the average expectation of the course of a relationship, specifically for lesbians. Apparently, the order of operations was, you date for a little bit, you get engaged, then you get married all within the course of a couple of years. If you wait too long, then obviously your relationship isn’t solid enough for getting hitched. If you go too fast, then you’re viewed as impulsive (especially for women). But, what about the middle ground? There’s nothing wrong with taking the time to reflect and appreciate the enormity of a decision of getting married.

While there is the joke that lesbians move towards a monogamous committed relationship too fast, is this really the norm in our community? or are we turning myth into a so-called reality?

Personally, I’m more surprised when I meet a lesbian couple and they’re married, merely because I don’t see marriage as the end goal for every romantic relationship. But I was kind of shocked that people assumed that since I’m with a woman and it’s legal to get married where I live, why wouldn’t I just go and get married.

Luckily, I’m an understanding person and I have friends who are interested in understanding my thoughts. I patiently explained that while eventually we would get married, right now wasn’t the time because we are happy the where the relationship is at this moment. At the first party where I wore my promise ring, this explanation was shortened to “if it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it” by the end of the night.

The entire experience of having discussions about my ring has taught me to believe even more strongly in one of my many life mantras: Do you. I don’t need to justify my decision to not get married right now, but I’ll explain it to people who matter most to me in my life. But everyone else just has to deal with my pretty promise ring. Whether it’s an engagement ring or a promise ring (or something else), just rock it.

So, what do you think: Are promise rings dead?

Jenn B. holds a Master in Public Health with a focus on women’s health as well as a Bachelor’s degree in psychology.

The post Is the promise ring obsolete? first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Every married couple has issues keeping their family and friends happy on their wedding day. But let’s face it, gay couples have it so much worse. We have to deal with homophobic family members, challenging traditional customs, marriage rites and breaking gender norms. We have to do it all on a day that’s going to be both amazing, stressful and amazingly expensive.

Let’s run through some scenarios that Lesbian.com readers have inquired about and how to handle them. The goal here is to make your day as special as possible for you, while still minimizing drama where you can.

THE WEDDING PARTY
My BFF is masculine of center, but the rest of my bridal party are wearing dresses. Should I make her wear a dress too?

No. Not unless you don’t want a BFF anymore. You might have an arbitrary notion of what your wedding party needs to look like, but the people who make up your wedding party should be more important than aesthetics.

We both have femme best friends, is it OK to have two maids of honor or should one of us change?

Don’t change. It’s your wedding, you don’t want to look back on it and realize you didn’t have the right person standing up for you.

But my coworkers will freak out if they see women dressed like “men” in my wedding party.

That’s fine. They might care for about five seconds, but you can’t change important aspects of your wedding to make acquaintances feel more comfortable. If you’re worried about what your coworkers will think, tell them it’s going to be a small wedding and leave them off the guest list.

Help! I have a lot of friends who are really important to me and I’m worried people will feel left out if I don’t include them all.

The easiest way around this problem is to just fill the wedding party with siblings or cousins and call it a day. If this isn’t an option, maybe sit down with a few people and see if their feelings would be hurt if they were left out. Let them know that being in your bridal party is going to involve a lot of money (bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding dress) and a lot of time. Tell them that you understand if they don’t have time to commit to it.

Honestly, a lot of them will be glad you gave them a chance to opt out and it will leave you with a super committed bridal party. Um, unless they all say yes. In which case, congratulations on knowing such generous people.

FAMILY FEUDS
Help! My mom is mad that I’m going to wear a wedding tux instead of a wedding dress! How do I make her OK with this?

Chances are, if your mom knows you, she knew this was coming. Sit her down, maybe make her some fancy tea and tell her that you’re sorry your wedding won’t look like she pictured it in her head. But that you are glad she can be there for you as you declare your love for your partner and you are excited to share this special day with her. Then tell her that she really, really needs to stop talking about you wearing a dress, because it’s not going to happen and she needs to respect your choice.

My aunt, uncle, cousin, grandfather or other family member is against marriage equality. Do I have to invite them?

This is a very personal decision. Personally, I chose to invite all of my family members to my wedding, even the ones who are pretty vocal about the fact that I’m “going to hell.” For me, it boiled down to courtesy. I wouldn’t leave anyone out of something important as my wedding. In the end, the people who disagreed with my lifestyle chose not to come. I’m glad I was the bigger person.

If that tactic will work for you, I highly recommend it. If you won’t be able to sleep at night because you know aunt Mildred is going to throw biblical pamphlets at you during the ceremony and great-uncle Bob is going to start screaming about how it “ain’t right,” then don’t invite them. Don’t lie awake at night worrying someone might make a scene at the wedding. Don’t let them ruin your day. If another family member asks why cousin Eugene didn’t get his invite yet, tell them you were respecting his beliefs as he has stated he would be uncomfortable at a same-sex wedding.

THE CEREMONY
How do we find an officiant for our ceremony who doesn’t have any religious affiliations?

Ask around. Ask all your married friends, gay or straight, if they used a secular officiant. If none of them have recommendations, ask any of your current vendors if they have any recommendations. Most wedding vendors in the same location work with each other fairly often and are quick to recommend people with whom they enjoy working.

If that fails, use google. Seriously. Then meet with the officiant a few times to make sure you are comfortable with him or her.

Is it hypocritical to have a religious wedding even though most religions are quick to oppose marriage equality?

Nope! No one can dictate how you practice or express your faith. Go for it and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.

My fiancee and I can’t agree on who gets to break the glass before we kiss. How do we decide?

Um, each break a glass. Don’t let the wedding party play any tricks by putting shot glasses or another hard to break glass in there, it can go right through girly wedding shoes.

Have more wedding drama? Leave your questions in the comments and we’ll answer.

The post The queer girl’s guide to managing wedding drama first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Makeup is a loaded subject. Is it just for femmes? Can I be femme and hate makeup? Can I wear makeup if I’m masculine of center? Are all women acquiescing to a ridiculous societal standard of beauty by smearing chemicals into our pores?

Let’s not delve too deep into that today other than admitting that as humans we all have a bit of an ego and we like to look our best. On you’re wedding day, when you are going to be in about a million pictures, makeup is the best way to achieve that.

I know. You’re a boi and you don’t wear makeup. Let’s be real. Do you want to remember the horrible stress pimple that popped up the night before the big day? You don’t want that pimple in pictures, commemorated for all time. So let’s get to it.

Clear skin and defined features are the best way to give good face without getting too fussy about it. I’m going to recommend light foundation, concealer if you need it, brow gel/pencil and clear mascara. This will perfect your skin and make your eyes stand out with out anyone realizing that you’re actually, gasp, wearing makeup.

If you are prone to oily skin, or if you have a summer wedding and you might be sweating through your tux, give yourself a quick once over with a translucent powder. Physicians Formula is available at any drug store and the price is right for anyone on a wedding budget. Finish the look off with a little of your favorite lip balm.

If you want to go crazy you can add a little guyliner, Shane style. Personally, I can’t resist a boi in guyliner.

Pro tip: If you’ve never applied makeup before, have someone else do it for you on the big day. Maybe a member of your wedding party, a sibling, cousin or BFF who is good with makeup. Don’t be shy. Whomever you choose will probably be flattered that you are trusting them with your face on the one day everyone will be looking at it.

FACEPAINT FOR ALTERNA-FEMMES
The femme community is usually painted with the same brush, which is crazy because there are as many different ways to be femme as there are stars in the sky. If you are femme and don’t usually wear makeup, follow the same advice I gave the bois and even out your skin tone and accentuate your eyes. Maybe add a touch of lip gloss in a color that will subtly enhance your lips and a swipe of blush on your cheeks to complete the blushing bride look. You’ll still look like you, only more radiant!

Normally bridal looks are heavy on neutral tones and traditional up-dos. If you are a lady with a love of stylized feminine looks, you might want to go for something more dramatic. Pick your favorite, can’t live without beauty product and build a look around it. It’s your wedding and the only rule is to look fantastic. Let’s break some rules.

Brides tend to be told to stay away from a red lip. But if you love to rock a signature red lip, wear it on your wedding day. I recommend starting the day with a quick lip exfoliation. If you are getting ready at home, mix sea salt and olive oil and gently scrub your lips with your finger. In a pinch, gently rub your toothbrush over your lips while your brushing your teeth in the morning, then moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!

Remember you are going to be doing a ton of kissing on your wedding day. So wear something that won’t rub off on your partner. I swear by Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics Lip Tar. It stays all day (sometimes even until the next morning) and won’t rub off on your partner as long as it’s dry. You can also try a lipstain, like Covergirl’s Outlast Lipstain. It won’t even feel like you are wearing lipstick and you can reapply gloss or moisturizer throughout the day without losing color. If you are going to be using a new color or product, give it a few test drives before the big day.

Brides are also usually steered away from a dark smokey eye in favor of a more natural look. But if the smokey eye is your jam, there’s no need to skip it.

For some women, neutral colors are traditional and gorg and for others they are a snoozefest. Don’t feel like you can’t express your personality by adding your fav colors or bling to your look. Check out some of my recs below.

The post Lez get married: Makeup for girls and bois first appeared on Lesbian.com.

With marriage equality making major strides across the country, the burgeoning same-sex wedding industry is attracting a wide range of companies with years of experience in the wedding business.

One of the largest family owned jewelry chains in the country, Rogers & Hollands, is expanding its demographic reach and marketing to include the LGBT community by adding a new wedding jewelry collection created to celebrate marriage and equality.

The premier jewelry chain, which operates several stores throughout the Chicagoland area and throughout the Midwest, has just announced the addition of Rony Tennenbaum’s Jewelry collection to its bridal cases in both its Woodfield Mall location in Schaumburg, and in downtown Chicago’s Water Tower Place stores.

With stores across Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota, Kentucky, Ohio, Tennessee, Missouri and Wisconsin, Rogers & Hollands believes that adding the Rony Tennenbaum collection will allow them a wider outreach and include same-sex couples as part of their all-inclusive accepted family of consumers.

Rony Tennenbaum Jewelry has been sending a strong message of inclusiveness to the LGBT community for almost a decade. As a wedding jewelry designer for over 25 years, Tennenbaum’s unique wedding and engagement ring styling is built with fashionable timeless features and driven by a strong sense of sentiment. Tennenbaum recognized the lack of attention the LGBT community was receiving in wedding jewelry and designed his brand to showcase high end designs beyond stereotypical rainbows and triangles.

More than just a designer, Tennenbaum understands the need in educating a generation of retailers as well as consumers who are facing new traditions and etiquettes. His outreach to the community on “The New Etiquettes of the Rainbow” is a step in teaching both retailers and consumers about the new options in wedding jewelry etiquette. He also consults about making educated purchases.

As these etiquettes are being written by the LGBT community, visionary retailers such as Rogers & Hollands are seeking out Tennenbaum’s expert understanding in the culture, tastes and needs of the LGBT community, as well as the jewelry and diamond worlds.

Already distributed in states such as: Connecticut, New York, Illinois, Florida, Washington and Virginia, Tennenbaum is thrilled to be adding his line of wedding jewelry to the Rogers & Hollands chain. In his opinion, the stores already have a strong loyal following and the outreach to include the LGBT community will only strengthen their foothold as a bridal destination.

At the helm of his brand, Tennenbaum is not only breaking the mold with his designs, but is also using his expertise and message behind his jewelry to be in the vanguard of a new generation of jewelry consumers, and taking with him any pioneers who wish to join forces with him and his message on the journey.

The post Rogers & Hollands adds LGBT wedding jewelry first appeared on Lesbian.com.

So you want to get married to another girl. Congratulations!

Now that the feds legally recognize marriage between same-sex partners and states are slowly but surely getting on board, it’s a great time to finally get hitched to the woman or boi of your dreams. Let’s start with the most fun part, the clothes.

OUTFITS FOR BUTCHES, BOIS AND STUDS
Finding a wedding outfit for a masculine of center ladyqueer can be really hard. It’s not for the faint of heart, but neither is marriage. There are a few different routes you can go.

The first is to get a bespoke suit made, which is super expensive, but worth it if you know you will get a lot of wear out of it. If you are going to get a suit made, go do your research. Learn about the fabrics, shape and cut you want. Find a queer friendly tailor. Either ask your queer friends where they got theirs or post on a few Facebook groups and ask for recommendations.

If you’ve learned anything from reading Lesbian.com, it’s that gays love helping other gays and driving business to ally-owned businesses.

The next option is to get a man’s suit or tuxedo tailored to your body. Many starry-eyed queers just grab a man’s suit and don’t make any alterations to it. This is a big mistake. Off the rack clothing is never going to fit anyone (except the size model) perfectly. Your body isn’t mass produced. It’s unique.

The last option I’m going to suggest, is to actually find a woman’s suit and tailor it. You knew that was coming. You can either find a whole suit or mix and match a black jacket and pants.

A white suit is also really popular. The only trick here is to be careful with the mix and match. You don’t want to mix two different whites or a white and an ecru. That would be a disaster.

Pro tips to keep in mind so you don’t drive yourself (and the soon-to-be missus crazy)
• No one’s body is a perfect fit for off-the-rack clothing.
• Be patient and be kind to yourself.
• If you are marrying a femme, remember that your outfit is just as important as her dress.
• Wear the undergarments you plan to wear on the big day to all your fittings.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help, ask your queer friends if they have a tailor or have recommendations for queer-friendly vendors.
• Wear something that you feel super sexy in that is also comfortable enough to wear for hours.

ALTERNA-FEMMES
So you’re femme and you’re getting married, but you don’t want to be a traditional bride because screw tradition. You’re queer, fabulous and completely in love.

Let’s address some fun choices that aren’t exactly traditional.

Pink: Ever since Kaley Cuoco got married in a bright pink dress women have been debating over whether or not pink is appropriate for a wedding. If you like pink and it looks better on you than white or cream, go for it. Go all over pink or go for an ombre look like Gwen Stefani did at her wedding in 2002.

Rockabilly: 50s hairstyles and swooping winged cat-eyes look great on everyone as does the classic hourglass silhouettes from this time period.

Black: Black is a girl’s best friend. It’s slimming and dramatic. If you don’t want to go full black then consider adding black accents, such as lace or a sash.

Romper: J. Crew introduced a romper into their wedding line and everyone freaked out.

If you have a playful side, a romper is the perfect outfit for a beachy or woodsy wedding.

Boho: Whether you go with a long flowing boho dress or a mini, bohemian styles can help make your day feel less formal and stuffy while still allowing you to feel gorg.

Hi-Lo: The high-low hem trends has made it all the way to wedding attire. It’s fun and trendy.

You might have some regret when you look back on it 40 years from now, but you’ll always remember how great your gams were back in the day.

The post Lez get married: Style guide first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Congratulations! You’re engaged and now it’s time to plan that wedding. But maybe you’re someone who loves wedding traditions and wondering how to incorporate these aspects into your own wedding. Look no further as I’ve picked out some of the big traditions that are commonplace in weddings.

Full disclosure: I am not married nor have I planned a wedding before, but I have attended many. I am a self professed wedding planning addict as I absolutely love weddings and providing tips and tricks to my friends who are planning weddings is a little hobby of mine.

The entire concept of a wedding is centered around the idea of a man and a woman coming together as a couple. So, there are far more things you may have to rethink and mold to fit your wedding, but below are few of the big ones that most couples like to have in their wedding.

The key to all of these concepts is communication. You and your partner have to be open about what you absolutely do and don’t want in your wedding to make fair decisions about your big day. Also, as a couple, you need to be open with your guests and let people know that you’re having a wedding your way, traditions or not, and the purpose is to come together to celebrate a union of two people who love each other.

THE CEREMONY CONFIGURATION
Which bride should be at the altar waiting? Who should walk the other bride down the aisle? Before you start to think about these questions, start with deciding on what type of ceremony you want to have for your wedding.

You might want a traditional set up in a church or chapel. If this is the case, you have a couple of options. The traditional configuration usually has each family sitting on a particular side, the wedding party up front, one bride at the altar and the other is escorted down the aisle by a father or parent figure.

Another set up is to have both brides walk towards the center from side aisles to meet in the center together. I’ve always liked a completely opposite arrangement and have guests surround the couple in a circular fashion. First, decide on what you and your partner envision your ceremony looking like, hear each other’s ideas, and go from there.

THE WEDDING PARTY
The wedding party is very similar to the ceremony space. While having a wedding party is a traditional aspect to include in your wedding, it’s definitely not a must. A lot of people decide to have a maid of honor and best man or not have anyone at all. If you decide you want a wedding party, then ditch the labels (best man, groomsmen, etc.) because it will just place folks in certain gender boxes unwillingly. The concept is still there, so collectively as a couple decide on a number, divide it in half and go pick out your closest friends and family to be in your wedding party.

Definitely be sure to make it clear (if you decide on this) that you don’t have a maid of honor and the responsibility of the bridal shower and bachelorette will not fall on anyone in the wedding party. For some people, the anxiety of being in a same-sex wedding may lie in being unsure of what your role is in the entire wedding production. To ease this anxiety with your wedding party, be clear about what you expect and envision form your wedding party for your wedding to be perfect.

WARDROBE CHOICES
So you both want to wear wedding dresses — that’s awesome! Maybe one of you wants to wear a suit — great! Or you both want to do something in between.

Whatever your fancy, pick outfits that you’re comfortable wearing. If you decide to go the traditional wedding dress route, make sure to find one that suits your personal style and the overall theme of the wedding. Stick to a budget on the dress as well, particularly if both brides are wearing dresses as this can be a good chunk of the wedding budget.

If you decide to go the suit route, there are tons of options out there. Everything from a traditional tuxedo to a more laid-back white suit can be found for women to wear.

Regardless of what you decide to wear, the most important thing to is to buy clothes that fit you properly or plan on getting the items tailored. This makes a huge difference, as you will most likely be photographed repeatedly all day and you want to look your best. This goes for the wedding party as well. Keep in mind what your wedding party would be comfortable wearing when deciding on their clothes. When your clothes fit properly and you love what you’re wearing, you feel your best.

TOSSING THE BOUQUET
If both brides decide to have a bouquet, then you’ll have two to toss at all the eager guests hoping to catch one. My suggestion for this is either toss the bouquets together at the same time, or toss one early on in the reception and the other later.

MUSIC
Now, I’m sure most people don’t see this as a traditional wedding idea, since pretty much everyone has music played at their wedding; however, this is one way to personalize your wedding.

For me, I love the idea of an all-female band (or even better an all-female queer band) as I love supporting my fellow women musicians.

Another suggestion is include more lesbian music artists or female artists to have that female presence articulated through your musical selection. Don’t be afraid to include unknown artists or individuals that people won’t know in your musical playlist. As long as you get people dancing to a groove, no one will care that they don’t know the words.

HONEYMOON
Picking a honeymoon location is a task many forget to focus on when planning a wedding, but it is one of the most important decisions. After all the action of your wedding, you want to make sure you have a comfortable and safe place to unwind with your betrothed.

The important takeaway here is to select a location that is LGBT friendly. Sadly, there are many locations where homosexuality is a crime or frowned upon. Double check that the country you plan to travel to will be a friendly location for your and your wife to relax and unwind. If you and your partner decide to travel abroad, check out the laws regarding homosexuality and the cultural norms in the country you want to have your honeymoon.

Now that I’ve got your creative juices flowing, check out some of these resources to help plan the wedding of your dreams.

• Popular wedding sites have tons of resources for any type of couple. My favorites are The Knot and Wedding Wire.
• Websites that specifically cater to same-sex couples are great starting points for looking up local resources in your area. Check out these sites Rainbow Wedding Network or Purple Unions for lesbian wedding resources.
• For honeymoon locations, there are many websites that lists out great lesbian-friendly vacation and honeymoon spots. Here are few to check out: Travel and Leisure magazine, Purple Roofs, The Knot gay-friendly honeymoon list and Equally Wed.

Remember, at the end of the day, it’s your wedding and whatever you and your partner decide to include in your wedding should make you both happy. It’s your day of love and it should be as perfect as your union together because true love should always be celebrated.

Jenn B. holds a Master in Public Health with a focus on women’s health as well as a Bachelor’s degree in psychology.

The post Drawing on wedding traditions for your special day first appeared on Lesbian.com.

A number of lesbian couples that I’ve married have showed up in cargo shorts and sandals. I’m not a diva, but I admit I found it sad.

Crocks are less “I do” and more “I do not care.”

Even if you’ve been together for 20 years and you always wear cargo shorts and sandals, getting married is something really special. Honor yourself, each other and lesbians everywhere by putting on something thoughtful, clean and at least a little bit special.

Plan a honeymoon even if you are the two busiest people in the world. It is a gift to yourselves to take even a few days to celebrate and focus on this most amazing thing that has happened to you. If you only to go two small towns over and stay at a little B&B, make a special effort to settle into this next stage in your relationship.

If your families have not met each other, go to the trouble of having a dinner or cocktail party the day before. The wedding day itself is always a little more scattered and it is nice for families to have a day to put together the pieces of who is who and is related to whom.

Shann Carr is a comedian and wedding officiant based in Palm Springs.

The post Don’t take your wedding too casually first appeared on Lesbian.com.

The best wedding present you can give the other is to take 20-30 minutes out of independent quiet time, preferably at least two or three weeks before the wedding, to write personal vows.

Sometimes easier said than done. Each person feels the burden of how to transform those big, life-altering feelings into a coherent string words. You don’t have to be Elizabeth Bishop to write memorable, meaningful vows.

There are no right answers. There is no such thing as perfect. Fear not, your goal putting your love into words is within reach. All you need to do is write one word at a time. Surprisingly, the words usually flow beautifully.

One thing that is paramount is that each of the brides or grooms doesn’t let the other person see the vows before they hear them during the ceremony. It looks classy if the officiant formats and frames the vows. It’s certainly something you can do yourselves.

Either way, it is extra special if your betrothed hears your vows for the first time at the ceremony. Also, instead of guests seeing you read from a shaky piece of paper or an iPhone, it’s nice if you’re holding a solid frame. It looks better in pictures and relieves you of the stress of having to memorize anything. I mean, you’re going to be nervous enough.

Here are four steps that will take you from blank canvas to beautiful vows.

1. Create an outline: Bulletpoint what’s important to say on that day?
2. Find your voice: What’s the overall tone? Funny? Mushy? It’s most important that it rings true for the two of you. Think of special moments from your relationship or every day life together and include snapshots of those.
3. Cut it down: Pick a length and stick to it. Try keeping it to two paragraphs. Anything longer than a minute or so will cause the audience to squirm. Once you’re done, time yourself reading it aloud and cut if necessary.
4. Put it aside: Once the phrases best capture the intended message, send them to your officiant or put them away until the day of the wedding.

   For more tips and ideas, click here.

   Shari Altmark is a secular wedding officiant, serving the GLBT community in Long Beach, California. She believes marriage was created for ALL people.

   The post Four tips for writing your wedding vows first appeared on Lesbian.com.

   ]]> https://www.lesbian.com/four-tips-for-writing-your-wedding-vows/feed/ 0 https://www.lesbian.com/in-defense-of-weddings-a-lesbian-perspective/ https://www.lesbian.com/in-defense-of-weddings-a-lesbian-perspective/#respond Fri, 18 Jan 2013 12:00:56 +0000 http://www.lesbian.com/?p=9486 Why having the big white wedding is a-ok.

   The post In defense of weddings: A lesbian perspective first appeared on Lesbian.com.

   ]]> BY MEG STREIT
   AfterEllen.com

   It is not lost on me that when I wake up the morning after my wedding, I’ll be thousands of dollars poorer, but no more legally married than I was the day before, at least in the eyes of most governments. But for me, the fact that I can’t legally get married is actually an incentive to have a wedding. If I can’t have the paperwork, I at least want a memorable party to mark this milestone in my relationship. It’s kind of like how men who aren’t particularly well endowed overcompensate with expensive cars. And I’m okay with that. 

   Read more at AfterEllen.com

   AfterEllen is the pop culture site that plays for your team.

   The post In defense of weddings: A lesbian perspective first appeared on Lesbian.com.

   ]]> https://www.lesbian.com/in-defense-of-weddings-a-lesbian-perspective/feed/ 0 https://www.lesbian.com/engagement-ring-alternatives-for-lesbians/ https://www.lesbian.com/engagement-ring-alternatives-for-lesbians/#respond Wed, 31 Oct 2012 12:47:55 +0000 http://www.lesbian.com/?p=7552 A guide to unique and inexpensive alternatives to the traditional diamond ring.

   The post Engagement ring alternatives for lesbians first appeared on Lesbian.com.

   ]]> BY BREE CLARKE
   Curve

   Numerous brides today, along with their partners, are opting for alternatives to the traditional diamond engagement ring for a multitude of reasons. Movies, like “Blood Diamond,” books and news media have brought the issue of conflict (blood) diamonds to the mainstream. Many couples do not wish to celebrate their engagement with diamonds that reached their jeweler via unethical practices. For others, several months salary can be spent in better ways, especially now during the worst recession in history. Some just want to be different and break free from tradition. As a result, they choose a ring that celebrates the individuality of their relationship and one that stands out from the norm. Ultimately, the most important thing in an engagement ring is its symbolism and what it means to you. For many, an engagement ring doesn’t have to be a diamond ring.

   There are several symbolic choices that are both unique and less expensive. A great stand-in for the diamond is a precious gemstone such as a ruby, blue sapphire or emerald. Even the English Royal Family has selected precious gemstones such as these in lieu of the diamond. The Queen Mother, Princess Diana and Princess Anne all received blue sapphire engagement rings, while Sarah Ferguson chose a ruby ring. Rubies, sapphires and emeralds, members of the gem group known as corundum, are very durable with a rating of 9 on the Mohs’ hardness scale for gemstones. The diamond is the hardest gem with a rating of 10.

   Read more at Curve

   Curve, the nation’s best-selling lesbian magazine, spotlights all that is fresh, funny, exciting, controversial and cutting-edge in our community.

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