You know you’re not a femme when all you do before you leave the house is change your shoes, grab your vest and give the dog a treat. Okay, maybe you put on your baseball cap, but you already know whether it’s an Ace Hardware or Yankees or Xena hat day.

What with the Butch Cook Book due out this summer, I have a feeling we’re going to be asked for some definitions of butch pretty frequently. “We” being the editors, contributors, girlfriends, booksellers and anyone else in the vicinity of the book. The Pianist and the Handy Dyke and I had innumerable discussions, short and long, while driving or testing recipes or walking on the beach or sitting on the deck — and never came to any conclusions.

There is no definition, of course. Try as we might, no one with whom I have discussed the subject has been able to explain with certainty what makes a butch a butch or a femme a femme. Except one of the contributors to the Butch Cook Book, Frenchy Tonneau, a woman who personifies the arrogance associated with much of butchdom. She once commented, when I told her about a diatribe I’d read that criticized the concept of femme and butch, “Why doesn’t she go back to men if she’s so scared of real dykes?”

Frenchy has become a bit sore about the way her own people sometimes belittle her because she is proudly butch. Yet even she can’t give a list of qualities associated with the lesbian genders. I called her recently and she tried again. “You’re a butch if you’re attracted to femmes. Except wait, even I fell for another butch once. And what if a femme falls for a woman who looks butch, but thinks of herself as femme? The other thing is,” she went on, “how you act in bed. Like, who starts things. It’s always the –“ she paused. “Let’s not even go there.” She was more confident when she said, “And it sure as hell isn’t who does the cooking. My spaghetti can’t be beat. Unless you mind the burnt stuff on the bottom of the pan.”

My friend the pixie, who self-identifies as a femme, wrote me: “I can tell a butch because I never get twitterpated with femmes.”

My sweetheart and I stumbled on yet another theory one day when, she, in the South, and I, in the Northwest, were on the phone. We both needed to run out to our local supermarkets, but couldn’t bear to part. We hung up, planning to reconnect when we got home. I drove to the far side of town to find a long list of items, returned some library books, chose some others and stopped at the post office to wait in line, cursing at the delay. I wanted to get home and talk to my sweetheart forthwith! Back at the house, I donned my Bluetooth earpiece and, not to lose any time, used voice command to connect with her.

She was just getting in her car.

I didn’t say a word, I swear. She sounded appealingly, coyly, sheepish when she explained her ritual. Before leaving, she’d had to change into an unwrinkled t-shirt. Her long hair needed brushing and a hair band. She’d applied a moisturizing lipstick. Of course she needed sunglasses in the South, but first she had to hunt them down. Her nail polish had chips so she repaired those. She found her purse (I didn’t ask where) and then got some gum to put in it. Finally – almost — my sweetheart got the garbage ready and put a new bag in the can, replaced the CDs she’d taken from her car and made her bed. This was all done possibly, but not necessarily, in that order. When, back home, I called, she was leaving for the dumpster and then the store.

I couldn’t stop laughing. Neither could she. We had found the key to identifying the difference between butch and femme: how long it takes a femme to venture out into the world!

Then I remembered another relationship, another femme, and how frustrated she’d get while waiting for me to get ready to leave the house. Maybe she wasn’t really a femme? Maybe I’m not really a butch?

Copyright 2008 Lee Lynch

The post The Amazon Trail: You Know You’re Not a Femme first appeared on Lesbian.com.

The Royal Road from Wolfe Video on Vimeo.

A cinematic essay set against a contemplative backdrop of 16mm urban California landscapes, THE ROYAL ROAD offers up intimate reflections on nostalgia, the pursuit of unavailable women, butch identity and Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo alongside a primer on Junipero Serra’s Spanish colonization of California and the Mexican American War. The film world premiered at the 2015 Sundance Film Festival and has won critical attention and awards at festivals throughout the world.

Deceptively simple landscapes serve as the framework for the film’s lyrically written voiceover, which combines rigorous historical research with a stream-of consciousness personal monologue and relates these seemingly disparate stories from an intimate, colloquial perspective to tell a one-of-a-kind California tale. A fascinating and unlikely reinvention story, THE ROYAL ROAD simultaneously explores cinematic spiritual channeling, the conquest and colonization of Mexico and the American Southwest, fading historical Californian urban landscapes, and the passions found in butch identity to achieve an achingly beautiful and poetic defense of remembering. Probing roads from El Camino Real, to the Boulevard of Broken Dreams, to the road right outside the front door, Olson crafts a deeply intelligent and transcending observation of the human condition that reaches for redemption in the embrace of history, nostalgia, mindfulness, and sheer beauty.

THE ROYAL ROAD is especially timely as one of Olson’s topics of exploration is the legacy of Spanish missionary Junipero Serra (recently canonized by the Pope amidst much controversy and objections from Native American activists) — just one of the film’s many fascinating strands of reflection.

ABOUT THE DIRECTOR
Jenni Olson is a pioneering filmmaker, journalist, curator and film historian. She is also one of the world’s leading experts on LGBT cinema history. Her debut feature film, The Joy of Life, world premiered at the 2005 Sundance Film Festival, also earning the 2005 Outfest Award for Outstanding Artistic Achievement and the 2005 NewFest Award for Best U.S. Screenplay. Jenni’s most recent short film, 575 Castro St. premiered at Sundance and the Berlin Panorama in 2009. Jenni has also written and directed the short films: Levi’s 501 Commercial (1991), Sometimes (1994), Blow-up (co-directed with Kadet Kuhne, 1997), Blue Diary (1998), Meep Meep! (2000) and Matzo Maidels (2003). Since premiering at Sundance in 2015, her innovative new feature-length essay film, The Royal Road has earned numerous awards including Best LGBTQ Film from the prestigious Ann Arbor Film Festival.

ABOUT WOLFE VIDEO
Founded in 1985 and now celebrating 30 years as the largest exclusive distributor of lesbian, gay, bi and transgender (LGBT) films, Wolfe’s release slate includes some of the most popular LGBT films of 2015, including the Swiss Oscar and Golden Globes submission The Circle; the gorgeous lesbian drama by renowned Venezuelan director Fina Torres, Liz in September; and the epic international production by Finland’s Mika Kaurasmäki, The Girl King. In 2016, Wolfe’s releases include the Thai Oscar submission How To Win at Checkers (Every Time); Henry Gamble’s Birthday Party; Naz & Maalik; Those People, Parched; and Margarita With A Straw. Wolfe’s library of beloved modern classics includes such acclaimed hits as Cloudburst, Undertow, Desert Hearts and Big Eden. Wolfe’s complete motion picture library can be found at WolfeVideo.com as well as at national retailers such as Netflix, Amazon and VOD destinations such as Comcast, Time Warner, Hulu, iTunes and WolfeOnDemand.com. Find more info online at WolfeVideo.com.

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Makeup is a loaded subject. Is it just for femmes? Can I be femme and hate makeup? Can I wear makeup if I’m masculine of center? Are all women acquiescing to a ridiculous societal standard of beauty by smearing chemicals into our pores?

Let’s not delve too deep into that today other than admitting that as humans we all have a bit of an ego and we like to look our best. On you’re wedding day, when you are going to be in about a million pictures, makeup is the best way to achieve that.

I know. You’re a boi and you don’t wear makeup. Let’s be real. Do you want to remember the horrible stress pimple that popped up the night before the big day? You don’t want that pimple in pictures, commemorated for all time. So let’s get to it.

Clear skin and defined features are the best way to give good face without getting too fussy about it. I’m going to recommend light foundation, concealer if you need it, brow gel/pencil and clear mascara. This will perfect your skin and make your eyes stand out with out anyone realizing that you’re actually, gasp, wearing makeup.

If you are prone to oily skin, or if you have a summer wedding and you might be sweating through your tux, give yourself a quick once over with a translucent powder. Physicians Formula is available at any drug store and the price is right for anyone on a wedding budget. Finish the look off with a little of your favorite lip balm.

If you want to go crazy you can add a little guyliner, Shane style. Personally, I can’t resist a boi in guyliner.

Pro tip: If you’ve never applied makeup before, have someone else do it for you on the big day. Maybe a member of your wedding party, a sibling, cousin or BFF who is good with makeup. Don’t be shy. Whomever you choose will probably be flattered that you are trusting them with your face on the one day everyone will be looking at it.

FACEPAINT FOR ALTERNA-FEMMES
The femme community is usually painted with the same brush, which is crazy because there are as many different ways to be femme as there are stars in the sky. If you are femme and don’t usually wear makeup, follow the same advice I gave the bois and even out your skin tone and accentuate your eyes. Maybe add a touch of lip gloss in a color that will subtly enhance your lips and a swipe of blush on your cheeks to complete the blushing bride look. You’ll still look like you, only more radiant!

Normally bridal looks are heavy on neutral tones and traditional up-dos. If you are a lady with a love of stylized feminine looks, you might want to go for something more dramatic. Pick your favorite, can’t live without beauty product and build a look around it. It’s your wedding and the only rule is to look fantastic. Let’s break some rules.

Brides tend to be told to stay away from a red lip. But if you love to rock a signature red lip, wear it on your wedding day. I recommend starting the day with a quick lip exfoliation. If you are getting ready at home, mix sea salt and olive oil and gently scrub your lips with your finger. In a pinch, gently rub your toothbrush over your lips while your brushing your teeth in the morning, then moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!

Remember you are going to be doing a ton of kissing on your wedding day. So wear something that won’t rub off on your partner. I swear by Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics Lip Tar. It stays all day (sometimes even until the next morning) and won’t rub off on your partner as long as it’s dry. You can also try a lipstain, like Covergirl’s Outlast Lipstain. It won’t even feel like you are wearing lipstick and you can reapply gloss or moisturizer throughout the day without losing color. If you are going to be using a new color or product, give it a few test drives before the big day.

Brides are also usually steered away from a dark smokey eye in favor of a more natural look. But if the smokey eye is your jam, there’s no need to skip it.

For some women, neutral colors are traditional and gorg and for others they are a snoozefest. Don’t feel like you can’t express your personality by adding your fav colors or bling to your look. Check out some of my recs below.

The post Lez get married: Makeup for girls and bois first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Image via Saint Harridan

“If you’re dating a woman who looks like a man, then why don’t you just date men?” We femmes hear this question far too often. Granted, most of the time we get this question it is just some jerk trying to get under our skin, but as unbelievable as it may sound, there are still some people who look us in the eye and ask because they truly wonder. The moment someone asks why I don’t just date men, they are telling me that they have no understanding or appreciation of what it means to be a woman. People with these questions are saying that their idea of a woman is based solely on physical appearance.

If we put traditional ideas of masculine and feminine on two ends of a spectrum, most of us fall somewhere in between. It is society, the  media, and the idea of “traditional roles” that put men on one side and women on the other. My spectrum does not have men. I am a lesbian, and being attracted to the more “masculine” end of the spectrum does not change that. At its core, when someone asks the question, “If you’re dating a woman who looks like a man, then why don’t you just date men?” what they’re really saying is, “You’re dating a woman and she does not fall within my limited mold. It makes me uncomfortable and so does your sexuality.”

Read more at TaggMagazine.com

Tagg Magazine is a print and online resource for LBT women in the DC Metropolitan and Rehoboth, DE areas

The post On loving butch women first appeared on Lesbian.com.

(Photo by Amos Mac)

BY BEVIN BRANLANDINGHAM
QueerFatFemme

During the Femme Family Heart Share Brunch on Femme Competition and Femme Mutual Aid, we were talking about the ways in which Femmes sometimes compete for affection from butches.

I declared to the room of ten, “I believe in Butch* abundance!”

I went on to explain that living in a scarcity mentality is damaging to community and collaboration. There is enough love to go around. There is enough sex to go around. There is enough.

I totally know what you are saying. “Oh Bevin! There’s no one in this town to date! I know them all! Wah wah wah!” Or “Oh Bevin! There are no butches for me to be friends with! Who will watch football/craft/do other butch bonding activities with me?”

I think that there are tons of butches. Openly relying on anecdata, I meet a new butch-identified person every single week. This is specifically butch, not also including the many myriad masculine-of-center folk also orbiting the queer community and are new-to-me all the time. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I am attracted to them–quite the contrary, generally I am not. I think oftentimes people who are complaining of butch scarcity are specifically referring to a lack of people who they are attracted to and are sexually available to them.

The fact that my single Femme friends are still finding new butches* we don’t know throughOK Cupid, Craig’s List and other online dating sites further reinforces my anecdata.

I keep telling the story of a fat femme friend of mine who found a really fabulous artsy late twenties butch none of us had ever met before on OK Cupid as though it is an urban legend. Because those dating sites can often seem so dried up, it still feels like an urban legend to me, even though I’ve actually met the butch and she’s foxy, smart, funny and exists in real life.

Further, I think there is a lot of butch abundance evident in the burgeoning Butchosphere. Check out the Sartorial Butch, putting a face and words to the fashionable faggy butches I often call friends. Also, check out this amazing post by amazing subversive stitcher BeeListy in response to gender policing in the Butchosphere.

Not to mention a whole conference of butches, studs and aggressives! When cruising the conference facebook photos** I didn’t recognize at least half or more of the attendees.

People also like to argue that the “next generation” is not producing any butches. I say not so! I have a lot of fresh out of college friends who are 23 and totally rocking the Butch label proudly and who want more butch friends. Shout out to SirMaamSir, Alex, who taught me Garage Band and is helping with FemmeCast.

I think propagating the notion that butches are diminishing is dangerous.

When you get into the mindset that there are only so many butches around, it enables the excusing of bad behavior.

In the past, I have clung romantically to people who were super shitty to me because I didn’t believe that there were other cute butches out there who would treat me well. Cutting ties and sending the badly behaved back out into the water enables me to have a heart free and wide for those who are ethical.

Further, believing in a scarcity of butches propagates competition and bad behavior on the part of hoarding or horse-thieving queers. Going after a butch who is dating your friend***? Not cool at all. I have had some significant emotional violence wrought unto me by two different close Femme friends because of a sense of butch scarcity. I don’t wish that on anyone.

Okay, you know your community better than I do. But, in this day and age of people traveling all over and people moving to far flung god-knows-where, I feel that there is enough deck shuffling that there will always be someone new. You just have to be open to it.

I’ve also taken to widening my online dating search to no location parameters — I like to see who else is out there, plus I love to travel. I am not closed to the idea of a long distance romance, I love a good laycation.

So, gentle readers, when you begin the familiar butch scarcity rant, stop and challenge yourself into a different way of thinking. What if you believed in Butch* Abundance, like I do? What doors would that open up in the realm of romantic and friend possibilities?

*And queers of a more masculine gender persuasion, including but not limited to butches, genderqueers, transfabulous people, studs, AGs, and other non gender identifying foxy folks.
**Act like you didn’t do that yourself.
***Unless they are poly/non-monogs AND you’ve had those important, possibly hard/awkward conversations.

Bevin Branlandingham is your femmecee at QueerFatFemme.com where she chronicles the relentless pursuit of her joy

The post I believe in butch* abundance first appeared on Lesbian.com.

2014’s August calendar butch. (Photo: Debbie Boud)

BY JAMES NICHOLS
Huffington Post Gay Voices

“It’s All Butch” is a striking annual calendar that showcases butch lesbians in a variety of environments. The brainchild of photographer Debbie Boud, the first installment of the calendar was released in 2010. With sparse examples of lesbians in the media and entertainment industries, Boud initially found inspiration to produce “It’s All Butch” when a friend posted pictures from cult television show “The L Word” with some comments about how hot the women were. Boud found issues with the fact that not all of these women were really gay, and her friend challenged Boud to find women that were actually “gay and hot” and document them as a photography project.

With the popularity of calendars that showcase sexy and naked gay men, calendars the feature lesbians seem to be few and far between. “I think butch women are not seen as pretty by the media and lets face it pretty sells,” Boud told The Huffington Post. “I get 20 emails a day from butch/bois that want to model but can’t find any outlet to do so.”

Read more at Huffington Post Gay Voices

The post ‘It’s All Butch’ calendar shows off the beauty of butchness first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY LUCIEN MAE SAGUSTAME

The third national BUTCH Voices Conference was held August 15-18 in Oakland, California, and I had the pleasure of attending Saint Harridan’s Gala on Saturday night. Saint Harridan is the new clothing company founded by Mary Going, which makes masculine clothing for nontraditional bodies. The idea got started when Going started shopping for a suit for her own wedding ceremony, only to find that most men’s suits didn’t fit her frame, and that most men’s department workers didn’t suit her style.

The BUTCH Voices Conference featured many workshops, community dinners and performances geared towards creating community and celebrating the butch identity. Founded in 2008 in order to unite people who identity under the “Masculine of Center” spectrum, the intention is to enrich the lives of self identified butches by building community and facilitating open discussion. Judging from the excitement and energy at the Gala, I’d say they’ve achieved that, and much more.

Read more at dot429.com

The post Celebrating butch identity: BUTCH Voices Conference first appeared on Lesbian.com.

YouTube sensation HartBeat answers the perpetually annoying question posed to masculine-of-center lesbians: “If you love women so much, why don’t you dress like one?” Well, Hart has an answer to that one — and a watermelon bikini to boot.

The post A brilliant response to (silly) questions about butch fashion first appeared on Lesbian.com.

Cover of Kanithea Powell’s photobook “Butch.”

BY KELSEY BRANNAN
Tagg Magazine

The definition of the term butch is an often-contested word within the LBTQ community. Kanithea Powell, the author of the photo book “Butch,” believes there is a butch spectrum. Powell and her photographer, Alford, photographed fourteen models (most of whom identify as LBTQ) in the span of two days. Powell notes that she let “everyone bring a little bit of their own flavor to the set.” It was the photographic medium that enabled her to “challenge what ‘butch’ really means” (11). The resulting photographic product, “Butch,” includes over 100 photographs of (wo)men split into four sections (i) Bois, (ii) Suits, (iii) Just the two of us, and (iv) Never judge a butch by her cover.

Seeking to open the identity box that often confines, Powell is a woman who steers clear of labels, she identifies as a woman who loves women. Similarly, she hopes her book, “Butch”, expands and/or queers the stereotypical meanings of butch. She writes, “We are all apart of each other – (wo)man, female-blended perfectly together creating one complete being.” Rather than offering a ‘butch’ spectrum, however, most of the models appear to hold similar levels of feminine and masculine traits, leaving the viewer hungry for more. Where was the stone butch? Powell’s intentions are genuine and heartfelt, but each woman seems to be contained and constructed by Powell’s words and her own subjective understanding of what makes a (wo)man ‘butch.’ Powell can offer her perspective (and Alford’s beautiful photography), but a (wo)man’s identity is individual and unique.

Read more at TaggMagazine.com

The post Queering labels: Review of photobook “Butch” first appeared on Lesbian.com.

BY BUTCH JAXON

I am working on a compendium of sorts, a listing of all things butch. Guidance for me and my beloved Butches. My hope is that we will build a primer that can be used for generations to come. Cue dramatic music. If you send me thoughts you have for good verses, I will include them in updates [editor’s note: you can leave your thoughts in the comments section for Butch to consider!]  What do you think? I will name each chapter after a famous and historical lesbian suiting the topic. Here are my first 5 entries, of a foundational nature, and so, of course, they can be named after no one but Sappho.

Note well: the Butch Bible is tongue-in-cheek. Remember that there are no real rules. In this butch’s opinion, though, if you get it right, your cheek isn’t the only place your tongue will be.

Also, note well: this butch is a confirmed atheist. I mean no disrespect to any of you who are religious and follow the better known bible (there are others). Remember, tongue-in-cheek, good fun, and all that!

Sappho, Chapter 1

In the beginning (of western civilization anyway, and by that, I mean Manhattan), there were pretty much only Butches and Femmes. Being in the closet forced many lesbians to identify this way, and any other lesbians were invisible. Obviously, this has changed, but it was very common in the 1900s. It turns out, by the way, that some of us choose to identify like this. These women were the mothers of our movement, along with their drag queen brothers. These are the people who were subjected to police raids and enforcement of laws that required them to wear three pieces of clothing belonging to their gender. Yikes. Three? I’ve got, let’s see… One. Ok, so Google Stonewall Inn Riots if you want to know more. On to the verses.

1:1 Butches are more masculine than Femmes, and are often mistaken for men by people who are not paying attention. Butches are defined (variously) as lesbians that tend toward the masculine or who are notably manly or masculine in appearance. Exception: It’s a generalization, so of course there are plenty of exceptions.

1:2 Femmes are more feminine than Butches and other lesbians. Femmes tend towards make up and dresses, but not always. Femmes are defined as being lesbians that are attracted to Butches. Exception: See above. [I note that it feels troubling that a femme is defined by her attraction to a butch; that seems unfair. Perhaps I will tackle that another time.]

1:3 Butches shall have some amount of swagger. This is key to being a butch. Plus, it makes Femmes swoon. Exception: Beware of too much swagger. This makes you an asshole. So, good luck figuring out the balance.

Get it right, rock on. Get it wrong… (Photo courtesy weheartit.com)

1:4 Butches are presumed to be tough, and most of us like that presumption – play into it as it were, but this doesn’t mean we have to be tough. Butches shall let their Femmes see their softer side.

1:5 Butches shall take care of Femmes, protect them and make them feel safe. This is our butch privilege. Exception: If your particular Femme doesn’t like this, then don’t act this way.

That’s it for the first chapter – the foundational one. More to come as you share with me or I divine them from the Butch Femme Gods. It’s butch to use a how-to guide to become a proper butch. Be Butch.

ButchOnTap is written by Butch Jaxon, a fledgling writer who has been a lesbian her whole life. Butch was raised in San Diego and is an accomplished lawyer. She loves to write, play any kind of sport or game, consume any kind of entertainment, and is frequently found drinking lattes in a bookstore or discovering new beers at local micro-breweries.

The post Butch Bible: A how-to guide for the proper butch first appeared on Lesbian.com.